iheartcupcakes Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 weve been married for ten months... me and my husband have had little issues in the past... our main problem is that instead of telling me something bothers him he lets it all build up... well... now it seems hes really bitter toward me for everything wrong i have ever done... i mean... i treated him like crap for a while... because i was so stressed out.. but i would give anything to take that back and i have told him that millions of times... he said that he wanted his alone time so i went to stay with my family and he just left and went two states away for the weekend to see his family... didnt tell me or anything with our new car... then he called me from there apologizing... then when the day before he came back he told me that he wanted to take a break... when i asked him to explain to me what that meant he said that he wants to stay at the apt while i stay at my dads... and he just wants to hang out... when he came back i tried to get him to talk to me and he pretty much explained to me that he is not happy... and that marriage ruined our relationship and that he thinks that just "hanging out" will help him the situation... he is deploying in december... and hes been really stressed about work... i know hes really stressed out... but i feel like he should want to talk to me... idk... can someone give me advice on what to do.... should i not call him .... and act like its not affecting me... and act all happy when we see each other... not cry to him... i mean ive been askin people and thats what they suggest... it just hurts ooo so much
SaltLake Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Whatever you do don't over react. You mentioned he's all stressed out. He wants a break? Give it to him. DO NOT chase, be supper nice, beg or anything else like that. It will backfire. However 10 months is a very short amount of time to need a break from each other. You did not mention any big fights so it is weird. You say he is deploying, to Iraq? That alone could really mess him up. Must must try to in a calm non begging, non-attacking, non-judgemental, non-self humiliating way talk to him and see what's behind this. Just say hey something is going on lets talk about it. Also make sure he's not seeing someone else. 10 months is short.
Author iheartcupcakes Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Whatever you do don't over react. You mentioned he's all stressed out. He wants a break? Give it to him. DO NOT chase, be supper nice, beg or anything else like that. It will backfire. However 10 months is a very short amount of time to need a break from each other. You did not mention any big fights so it is weird. You say he is deploying, to Iraq? That alone could really mess him up. Must must try to in a calm non begging, non-attacking, non-judgemental, non-self humiliating way talk to him and see what's behind this. Just say hey something is going on lets talk about it. Also make sure he's not seeing someone else. 10 months is short. well... what really set it off was that there was a like 16 year old with holes all in her shirt and she looked slutty... and i was like thats really gross... shes wayy to young to be slutty... and he didnt see anything wrong wiht it.... and i said... jokingly ... thats y u had sex at fifteen... but i swear i was joking... and i joke around all the time.. so its pretty dumb... but i mean i think he used that as an excuse to get away when hes just hiding a bigger issue
inhindsight Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 10 months is very short. This sounds like a very young relationship overall. You need to be very strong and and decide if this is the man you want in your life 10 years, 20 years, 30 years down the road. What are the redeeming qualities that attratcted you to him in the first place What about his history of relationships? Is he in the habit of running away when the going gets tough? If you cannot resolve these issues sooner than later, then this will end at at some point. Do not be afraid of standing your ground and asking him if he wants this to work. You don't need to yell, or cry, or beg to make your point. State the facts: I want to fix our marriage and make it work. We need to communicate. I don't think running away will fix things. IF you don't agree, I don't know how else we will make this work."
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