SexyShay Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Im new to this but I'll try my best to do this correctly for the first time. I have a major dilmena! Me and my ex have been back and forth for three years. Everybody says that we can't never leave each other and his mom says that we know we're always going to be together but I think this is it! I have had enough! And the story goes like this: Me and my ex dated for 1 year. Remained contact on and off for two years. It was a long distance relationship. He stayed in Alabama and I stayed in Florida. He visited many times down here due to the fact that he had family down here. Alot. During one of those times he visited...I met him that summer. We talked for that summer and he moved back to Alabama without telling me. I still stayed with him. We talked for 3 months and ended up dating. I was the B.I.T.C.H in that relationship. Babe In Total Control of Herself. Sherry Argov's book Why Men Love Bitches from Doormat to Dream Girl. I didnt play games, I put him in his place, and when he didnt call I didnt care. I was the girl that showed him he couldn't put me on hold a 100% and he liked that. He likes a girl with a back bone and that puts him in his place. Fast forward to 6 months: I ended up falling in love and didnt end up staying that B.I.T.C.H. I became a doormat and let him get a way with everything. This continued till 6 months later we broke up. He said that I was too young and couldnt be with me like I wanted to. At the time, my parents didnt let me go out much. I was 16 and he was 19. He had his car, was a sophmore in college, and everything. So that ended but we still loved each other. We stopped talking that whole summer and he moved back to Alabama again. In August, he met someone but I didnt know about it. He didnt tell me until later. December, I met someone new. In December, my grandma got into an accident and it was near death for her. I turned to my ex. Who in turn stayed by my side. Me and the new guy...dated for 6 months and our relationship ended. He dated his girl for 2 years. We talked on and off. He told me how he still loved me. I told him I still loved him. Then one day me and him started talking continously. I told him somethings happened between me and the ex and that shattered his heart. He said he couldnt believe me. And he didnt see me the same. We still talked every day and he said he couldnt get over me. I did everything for him. Send him cards when his girl wouldnt and sent his mom birthday cards and valentine's day gifts. His mom and his sister loved me. His whole family loved me. His mom and sister kept nagging him and telling him I was a good girl and to be with me. Me and him kept talking for months. We kept talking about a relationship but it never came. We argued and just could never to seem to separate from each other. We argued and forgaved. Every time he came to visit down here...I would see him. March of this year, I seen my other ex (the one I dated for six months). We messed around and I told my ex...that broke his heart. He said why did I lead him on thinking I hated my ex and turned around and messed around with him? From then on, things were rocky. He still was with his girlfriend. But we didnt talk about her much. I thought he had broke up with her because he said they did. I never knew they had got back together. August of this year, he moved down here. We started talking again. Wasnt in a relationship. He said he didnt want a relationship at the moment. He said lets be friends and see where it goes. That happened. Me and him ended up kissing and from then on couldnt get enough of each other. No sex happened though. I visited my family in Gainesville with him. We enjoyed it. Came back and the next weekend got into an arguement again. We got over it. The weekend after that...my car broke down. I called him because he was the only person I knew. He came and picked me up without no hesistation. We drove to Wal-mart because I didn't want to go home and we talked. He asked me why weren't we together and said that ever since he's been down here he hasn't talk to any girls and he doesn't want me to talk to any guys. He asked me did he want to be together? I said yes. I asked him and he said yes. I asked him again and he said yes. We got together. Later on the next night, he texted me saying "This is going to hurt your feelings but Im not ready for a relationship right now". He told me how he fell in love with his ex-girl friend and she cheated on him, went to another guy, and broke his heart. He said that for poor or rich he was hers at the time. He felt that I was a good girl and I deserved more but he felt what's left of his heart was not left for anybody to have and he needed to work on his self. What??? I did everything for this guy. Everything. Before that, he told me that she had an attitude and was demanding. He likes that. A girl that's in total control of herself and I totally stopped being that and started being the nice girl. The next night, we met up twice and talked about it. I told him I needed time to think things over and he didnt believe that I would really leave. He stated that when do I ever say goodbye for real. I felt hurt by that. That night I went out and we finished talking. And after I finished from going out we met up again. We talked. I told him how I felt like he was playing with my emotions and used me as his back up plan. He told me if that was the case...he wouldnt have let me go and used me as a rebound. He loved me enough to let me go. In my mind, I felt like that's not the only way to play with people's emotion. You coming and going is playing with someone's emotion. We talked about what we wanted out of relationships and then I left his car...got in my car and went home. The next day I text him and told him he was a good guy and he deserved better. He sent me a text saying Thank you. What you said really meant alot to me. I still feel betrayed because I gave her everything and told her that too many times. Then he continued on to say...I feel so comfortable talking to you. I dont even talk to my mom, sister, or family, and friends like this. Only you. Im so glad I met you and wouldnt trade it for anything. At this point, all I could think about was how he stated he gave her everything. I gave him everything and she didnt give him everything. She cheated on him and then left him. Yet...he couldnt be with me. I ended up texting him and telling him I couldn't talk to him because this hurted my feelings to much. Im on Day 5 of NC. Me and him go to the same gym. I seen him on the 4th day of NC. We said nothing to each other. On day 5 of NC...I seen him again. I seen his aunt and she said hi and asked me how was I doing? I told her good. She asked me did I talk to my ex. I said no. And just kept it moving. I feel like being friends with him again. Not being friends friends like we use to be but being cordial and going back to being a Babe In Total Control of Herself. Should I continue sticking with NC? I wanna give up!
Lost Fish Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Wow, I read your whole story. It seems like if you want to end NC right now it may only lead to more heartache. and it you want to be a "B.I.T.C.H." then you really aren't in control if you are still this much hung-up on him. Be good to yourself. I think he will come back for you if you can keep up the NC longer - then you can decide what to do. When he starts to realize you aren't around, it will force him to really think about how he feels about you. Be strong!
Author SexyShay Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 Thank You!!! Im trying to hang on. I decided not to call him and continue NC. . It hurts so much because I love him so but I respect myself even more. Last time I went on NC...he e-mailed back two weeks later telling me he loved me. That was the 1st time ever he broked NC. Usually he doesn't. I feel so bad because he just moved down here and Im the only person he has really. But I just can't disrespect myself. I know I have disrespected myself before several times but I cant go that low on myself. He's the type of guy that is like either you talk to him or you dont. And he is also an absence makes the heart grow fonder guy. I asked him in our previous conversations and he stated that's how he is. We will see. Im trying to work on myself now. And continue NC. Like CaliGuy says in his "No Contact" guide...if the person really cared about you and wanted to work things out they would be at your front doorstep. Wish me well.
Recommended Posts