tinke Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Seems this forum is full of comments from the ones who were left behind, so it makes me wonder just how many had been the "dumpers". So many have wondered if their ex's will ever contact them, if they regret leaving, etc. My question, have any of you wanted to go back, wanted to make contact, but due to pride or fear of rejection, embarrassment, never reached out? After a substantial time frame, do you have regrets for not doing so? Just wondered about the other perspective.
playlislay Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 As the one who initiated the break up of my most major relationship, I definitely wanted to get back with him. But he had had enough. Its a long story, but I shall break it down........ 3 months into relationship, he cheated-I found out. Stayed with him, loved him to death! over the following 9 months, I would quite often (once a month?) push him away, saying that I couldn't handle it knowing that he cheated. I was too in love with him, thus too scared to lose him again. It tore me apart. On xmas day, I was the biggest b*tch you could find. Dumped him by text. Hate myself for it. He agreed, thought it was for the best. And from that day forth, I tried and tried, but he didnt want to know. And yes, I still regret it to this day but Im quite happy within myself (compared to the first 6 months-talk about HELL!!). Now I wouldnt dream of trying to get him back. It has been too long without contact etc. I might send him a birthday text, just out of respect, but that is it. I dont even expect a reply, which I would understand his reasons for not replying. The main problem is that I dont actually know how he feels about me. Not as in 'does he love me anymore', more along the lines of 'does he hate my guts?'. But life does go on, Ive had two brief relationships some months after that and now Ive got male options left, right and centre. I think it is different for everyone. Some people get in contact months or years later, and SOME reconcile, others remain good friends. It cant be easy to try and get back with someone when sooooo much time has passed. I would feel rather embarrassed and I suppose the fear of being rejected again would put me off.
4givrnt4gtr Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Depends on the relationship. Ive broke up with three guys. Two of those ive wanted to get back with, the other one I was so very very relieved i ended it. The first one I wanted him back when I saw he was moving on. I actually did get back with him but after a while I remembered why i couldnt be with him. I broke his heart and Im quite ashamed of it. He has been the only man that has actually loved me. I wish i hadnt asked him back, i did it for the wrong reasons and hurt him more than necessary. The second guy, the one I was so very glad I ended it, he didnt like me much but for some ungodly reason he kept dating me. After a while I got tired of the half assedness of it all and broke it off. I never looked back. The third guy, the guy Im here for, I ended it because...well bassically the same as the other second guy. I knew he wasnt in love with me and I needed/wanted more. He insisted he didnt want to end it, but I just couldnt keep on going with him having one foot in and the other out. Now I sometimes wonder if I was right about letting him go. I miss him like crazy and I wish i could do something to have him back but I know I cant. SO there you go....it all depends on the relationship. Sometimes dumpers do want the dumpees back, but as its my case, I know it just wouldnt be good, so I have to let him go...despite how much i love him.
Angel1111 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I have left 5 guys, but once I left I had given it so much thought by then, and tried so many times to work it out, that I knew without a doubt that things would never work and that I had no choice but to leave. So, I never second-guessed myself or wondered later if I had been too rash. I always tried to leave on good terms but I had no intention of going back. That's not to say, though, that I never went back to them. If they pursued me and gave me reason to believe that something had changed, I'd give it another shot. They never worked out, though. Not once. You know, just because a person leaves a relationship, doesn't mean that they aren't hurt, too. Their dreams have been shattered just like the other person's have been. Almost no one goes into a relationship expecting it to end, which means they had hopes and dreams, too. I felt I had been fair because I gave them every chance to fix things, and I spelled out very clearly what the problems were. Still, nothing changed or got better. From my perspective, if someone I loved told me that a particular behavior of mine was unacceptable and that if it didn't stop, they would leave - I can assure you I'd stop it. So, by not stopping it, I took that as a sign that they were more interested in getting their way than keeping the relationship together.
bluestraps Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 So if I wanted to get back togther with my EX I should just talk to her and state my case. Without saying much . My Ex and I were togther 10 years . We hit some rough spots recently, and we let our old habits resurface. Now in a wierd twist of fate she left me for my long time friend , what do I do ? I believe she is confused because I know her very well
SilverChrome Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 My question, have any of you wanted to go back, wanted to make contact, but due to pride or fear of rejection, embarrassment, never reached out? After a substantial time frame, do you have regrets for not doing so? Just wondered about the other perspective. As the dumper, I never wanted to go back. I didn't regret it either. The relationship wasn't much to be desired after I found out what had been done to me.
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