Thebeetle Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Hi guys, Posted a year ago about how my girlfriend cheated on me during a "break", obviously I was heart-broken but I took her back after she told me it was a mistake. Just the other day she calls me up like she normally does and we get into a conversation, I was tired from a big day at work. I missed something she said and asked her to repeat it, she wouldn't and she then told me I never listen to her. (Which I do, just have always had a bad short-term memory, the conversation before the fight was about her meeting up with an old friend she used to fancy). We get into a fight and she tells me she wants a "break" and "space", as soon as she says those words I told her I don't want to be with her anymore, (because of what happened last time). Before all this everything was fine, since she cheated on me I have been a bit overbearing when she says she wants to meet up with old friends (which I think is understandable, though I haven't been doing anything like stopping her go out or telling her she can't). Her situation is she is trying to get back on a college course and get a job and neither are working out, she's been umemployed since last year and one of the things she said to me was that it was my fault. My question is should I break up with her or am I just overreacting ? If she's great with me one minute and asking for a break the other what is her problem Any advice is welcome.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Well I think if she's asking for space and a break, your answer should be clear. You probably already know what you should do, but I'll reaffirm your thoughts. She cheated on you in the past. That alone is reason enough to have not gone back with her in the first place. She blames YOU for her unemployment of over 12 months, what is she 15? And now SHE wants "space" from YOU? Give me a break. That's three strikes dude, I think you've put up with enough. Dump her IMO.
Trojan John Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 She sounds like a real gem. By all means, keep dating her unemployed, cheating @ss. This situation can ONLY end well for you.
shunter Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 This is way too easy ... if you are going out of your way to post on a public forum if you should leave her or not, then the answer is YES, LEAVE. She is giving you an easy out now, "so i was thinking since you mentioned wanting a break, i want to break it off too". and just break it off. done, easy !!
ecm Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Hey thebeetle...may I just call you beetle? I hate to be the one to put a halt on this "yeah, dump her" spree, but I have an observation for you. If you were on a "break," she didn't cheat on you. Did you had your own version of a break which had specific rules & regulations? (I'm being serious, not sarcastic. )
DustySaltus Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Well I think if she's asking for space and a break, your answer should be clear. You probably already know what you should do, but I'll reaffirm your thoughts. She cheated on you in the past. That alone is reason enough to have not gone back with her in the first place. She blames YOU for her unemployment of over 12 months, what is she 15? And now SHE wants "space" from YOU? Give me a break. That's three strikes dude, I think you've put up with enough. Dump her IMO. Agreed. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Add to that the fact that her life isn't going the way she wants and she blames it on you, that's enough for me right there. You can really see a persons true colors come out when they are down and she's no exception. Let her go and take her "break". But for you it should be over and done. A year from now when she's in the same position she'll have no one to blame but herself. I'm sorry for the harshness but ANYONE with half a brain can find some kind of job somewhere. Most people are unemployed because they CHOOSE to be unemployed. You have jobs and you have careers. A JOB is what you have while you are looking for your CAREER. It's something that is bringing in money in the interim. It's all about having cash coming in. I'm sorry it's just a poor excuse. Think about these things long term and you'll understand that you made the right decision. URKILLINMESMALLS: Quick sandlot trivia question....what was squint's last name? lol
Exit Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 End it. My ex took two breaks during the relationship and came back both times, but I wish I had had the backbone to tell her "Screw you and your ultimatums".
Ronni_W Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted a year ago about how my girlfriend cheated on me during a "break", I agree with ecm -- unless you two had a specific, verbal, mutual agreement not to date, kiss or have sex with other people during the break, then there ought not have been any expectation of fidelity during the break. For many people, going on a "break" means that they are free to do what, when, how, where and with whom they please. Not that one perspective is "right" and the other "wrong". Just that it appears that you and your then-girlfriend weren't on the same page about definitions, expectations, etc. That was lack of clear communication on BOTH sides, not just yours or hers. All of that said. Yes, dump her. [because] You don't trust her, anyway.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Agreed. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Add to that the fact that her life isn't going the way she wants and she blames it on you, that's enough for me right there. You can really see a persons true colors come out when they are down and she's no exception. Let her go and take her "break". But for you it should be over and done. A year from now when she's in the same position she'll have no one to blame but herself. I'm sorry for the harshness but ANYONE with half a brain can find some kind of job somewhere. Most people are unemployed because they CHOOSE to be unemployed. You have jobs and you have careers. A JOB is what you have while you are looking for your CAREER. It's something that is bringing in money in the interim. It's all about having cash coming in. I'm sorry it's just a poor excuse. Think about these things long term and you'll understand that you made the right decision. URKILLINMESMALLS: Quick sandlot trivia question....what was squint's last name? lol Paladorus? That's the name that rings a bell to me. I'm sure I spelled it wrong though haha. Nice to see another Sandlot fan!
hoping2heal Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Hi guys, Posted a year ago about how my girlfriend cheated on me during a "break", obviously I was heart-broken but I took her back after she told me it was a mistake. Just the other day she calls me up like she normally does and we get into a conversation, I was tired from a big day at work. I missed something she said and asked her to repeat it, she wouldn't and she then told me I never listen to her. (Which I do, just have always had a bad short-term memory, the conversation before the fight was about her meeting up with an old friend she used to fancy). We get into a fight and she tells me she wants a "break" and "space", as soon as she says those words I told her I don't want to be with her anymore, (because of what happened last time). Before all this everything was fine, since she cheated on me I have been a bit overbearing when she says she wants to meet up with old friends (which I think is understandable, though I haven't been doing anything like stopping her go out or telling her she can't). Her situation is she is trying to get back on a college course and get a job and neither are working out, she's been umemployed since last year and one of the things she said to me was that it was my fault. My question is should I break up with her or am I just overreacting ? If she's great with me one minute and asking for a break the other what is her problem Any advice is welcome. Well, I don't blame you for feeling torn over staying with her. She is blaming you for not having a job and college not working out, why? Why on earth is it your fault? Second, you have a fight and she says she wants space, again why? Does space fix things? She cheated on you and it seemed to of poisoned the relationship.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Why do people keep saying she cheated? Eh, no she didn't. They were on a break, difference. So scrap that one right now. I don't know really, I don't know the situation from all sides, it doesn't sound like you are happy with her, so there you go. We all blame people for things when things are down, it's life. Anyone here who says they haven't when they are down blamed someone, they are barefaced liars. I have. Dump her if you want to, but it sounds like a mismatch. And to DustySaltus, it isn't easy to find a job, I'm currently unemployed, and have been looking for absolute months, been to interviews, nothing. It's damn hard to find a job when there are hundreds applying for the same one. In the UK, unemployment levels are the highest they've been in some time, and it's getting harder and harder to find work, especially when you're a student.
muse08 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Hey thebeetle...may I just call you beetle? I hate to be the one to put a halt on this "yeah, dump her" spree, but I have an observation for you. If you were on a "break," she didn't cheat on you. Did you had your own version of a break which had specific rules & regulations? (I'm being serious, not sarcastic. ) couldn't agree more with this. something similar happened to me and my initial reaction was a little resentment but i was the main one reminding him that we could see other people.i did that because he wouldnt stop contacting me after i asked him not to and reminded him that he hadn't changed the crucial parts of our relationship that really mattered to me.but technically either of us had the "right" to see someone else. this is why we have to tread carefully when we say we want a break or allow a break to happen.anything is possible during that time...in my case i initiated the break/breakup because i know that the flesh is weak and i dont want the messy stuff that comes with "breaks"...seriously. so i say all that to say that while she didn't technically cheat, it does say something about the person's character and the strength or weakness of the relationship that you both still have or don't have. if someone can be with someone so soon then they could be trying to avoid being alone and/or just not be in love with you anymore.either way it's a wakeup call to me. nothing happens by coincidence to me... i think you should let this chic go.she was with someone and is still talking about "break" and what not...i could see if you did something really seriously wrong to her...did you? otherwise, don't beat yourself up or wonder.just get ready to process a break up.and move on to be in a healthier situation. Edited October 5, 2009 by muse08
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