DT_81 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 ok, i'll try to keep it short and sweet... me and my roommate all of a sudden decided to take the silly friend-flirting seriously and started having sex, way too often (for a non-couple) at first, now a bit less but it's still happening. we've lived together for 8 months now. It was all fun, we said over and over "is no-commitment" and all that, but it's been going on for 6 months and things are changing. I get annoyed when he's being a man and not paying enough attention to me or he's a little cold towards me, he gets mad if he thinks i care more than i should about some other guy, but only happens if he's drunk. he's also started telling me things like "I hope you know I care a lot for you.." etc., or trying to cheer me up if i'm grumpy, and he does that when he's sober too! he's the kind of guy who doesn't care for anyone really, so.... next? i'm getting really attached to him! and i know for a fact (we always talked a lot in the past) that he doesn't want a relationship, he used to be a smothering-with-love type and his ex-fiancee killed that trait in his personality, and besides not being over that yet, he's afraid of getting hurt. I am terrified of the whole thing but i don't want to lose him at the same time, i think it could work despite us arguing etc (we always make up within an hour!) Oh, and to top it all up an old girlfriend of his (the rich dirty sl*t type) is back in town, i know he's seen her but didn't tell me himself.. i can't believe i'm jealous of my roommate, it's retarded! so, should i pursue this thing? could i have a chance even if i'm not a dirty rich sl*t and don't have huge boobs like his ex ?! or is he keeping me around to have sex and dinner ready when he gets back? i even tried to stop cooking and doing stuff for him, it doesn't bother him at all..! I hate being taken for granted just because i like to be nice to people, and i hate being confused!!! opinions folks?? cheers!!
Not the love ace Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Well, before anything else goes haywire I would recommend not doing anything more with him if you're getting attach for it will only make things more difficult and awkward especially if he's your roommate. The last thing you want is drama in your own home. If its just NSA sex you're looking for then go for that and nothing more. Simply don't drive yourself crazy.
sadintexas Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 This is just a dynamic that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around. The lines are so blurred, I can understand why you're feeling the way you're feeling. It's akward. It doesn't have a category. You're a friend, roommate, caregiver, FWB, but getting attached, yet trying to play it cool. I really don't get it. My only suggestion is this...figure out how you really feel and what you want out of this. Then talk to him about it. It doesn't seem you can do the FWB thing without becoming attached. I think it's fair to rule that out. If you want to be exclusive with him, then talk to him about it. It's either that, or back to friends only lest one of you (specifically YOU) gets in over your head and gets hurt.
sally4sara Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 How long did you know him prior to sleeping with him? You say you've lived together for 8 months and the sex has been for 6 of those months - did you know him well or for long before this living arrangement? Because to have casual sex with someone for 6 months......most women will start to develop an attachment even if the guy has no redeemable qualities beyond the ability to achieve a hard on. That's just chemistry. So if you knew him for a year or more and nothing happened between you two prior to living together - then it is likely your attachment to him is just chemical and does not indicate you'd be a good couple. But if you didn't know him much and then moved in with him - well, it could be either or both. Why on Earth did you start sleeping with yer roomie? You broke the #1 rule to having an opposite gender roomie!
Author DT_81 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 To everyone who answered, well, thanks first of all! You're right, I did break the number 1 rule, but I always had guy roommates and it never happened before! And to answer the other post, well, i can't get my head around it either! I always took care of my roomies in a mama-like way and never had any problems, I like to cook for other people and stuff like that, but I've never been very good with actual relationships so maybe that's why I'm not sure about how I feel? Yes, it's weird. I guess I'll just have to stop everything then, he's a good friend and I don't want to lose him or cause tension between us, so i better not say anything and give up... guess he's not my knight in a shiny armor then! shame...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I think he has wanted to bang you from day one of your living together... and I think you should continue to get more and more comfortable with one another, leaving all doors open.
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