jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 What is a good way to start an good e-mail conversation with an interest? I read the profiles and asked questions but they are often ignored. I must be doing something wrong here. Any pointers can the forum lend out?
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Sure, be yourself. If you're whacked, be that. Being whacked helps (with online dating) Women used to ignore me all the time when I showed a lot of interest and asked a ton of questions. Now, I just share a few tidbits of my travels around the world (and other activities in my life, excluding work) and pay some (not a lot) of interest in their day to day. Be a little sarcastic. Be a little edgy. Be a little funny (but don't think you are). But, above all, be yourself, just a more projected and 'out there' version. To get their attention, you must rise off the screen, or ride a tricycle
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Yea, re-written my profile. Made it be more funnish and non-serious. We'll see. So how would an opening e-mail like this sound? Saw your profile today. I see you like to travel. How was that trip to Aruba? Jim
Meaplus3 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'd simply start by asking her about what she likes. You know hobbies and such. Have you tried that yet? Or better yet what have you tired that did not work? Mea:)
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Tried the travel one Tried the why you became a enter job here Tried what type of hobbies you like Tried what type of restaurants you like Tried family questions All failed measurably with zero responses. E-mailed 50 or so in the last week.
Meaplus3 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Hmmmmm.. well it sounds like you've thrown out some great ones to engage a conversation. Perhaps it's in the way your presenting the topics? Can you give me an example of something you've tried and the way you put it? Mea:)
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 'I want to steal your sushi on the Shinkansen' Like I said, whacked BTW, I've done this IRL (with my stbx)... what a blast, if a bit scary
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Thought so too. A recent one was: Hi Amy, I am Jim. Saw you on Match and wanted to say hi. I enjoyed reading your profile. A bit different, but in a good way. Its nice to see someone who goes on her own path and believes in what she is doing. What made you want to start your own company in the medical field? Looking forward to your response, Jim
BobSacamento Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Eh just keep trucking dude. What you wrote seemed fine to me. I used to go weeks without responses and then suddenly get swamped.
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 OK, seriously, that sounds like a vendor trying to schmooze me. Here's the thing with women. They like a little drama. Something that shakes them up; gets them pissed off. Forget the obvious stuff, like where you are and looking forward to a response. I mean, hello, even my cat knows where you are and that you're wanting female attention Am I going to have to get on one of these sites before I'm divorced? I mean, I met my stbx on Matchmaker (predecessor to Match) 11 years ago. It really wasn't that hard. I met a bunch of women and had numerous dates and, trust me, I'm not all that. The key is don't be afraid to be yourself. Put it out there. Grit your teeth. Expectorate BTW, that train was the Nozomi, the one that does nearly 200mph on the flats.... I felt like we were flying
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 So how do you sign off from an initial e-mail? Just put your name? When there is only a few sentences you gotta start from somewhere, no?
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'd do it just like I do here on LS in nearly every PM I write. I end them "Take care!" or "Best wishes!" because it's how I feel when I write to people whom I don't know well enough or intimately enough to love. I hope the best for them and that's my generational way of sharing it. Yours may be different. As I said, be yourself, but more 'out there'. Project.
Meaplus3 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Like I said, whacked :lmao: Wacked never got me very far. Thought so too. A recent one was: Hi Amy, I am Jim. Saw you on Match and wanted to say hi. I enjoyed reading your profile. A bit different, but in a good way. Its nice to see someone who goes on her own path and believes in what she is doing. What made you want to start your own company in the medical field? Looking forward to your response, Jim Well, this sounds very nice Jim. But, How about if you give it a little more juice. For exmaple...... Hey Amy, Just noticed your match profile and it really captured my attention. I really like the fact that you put your whole heart into what your doing that is awesome. So, tell me a little more about your work.? What made you choose this field? See. Now I just made it a touch more juicy and asked a couple of questions to get her talking What do you think? Mea:)
loveslife Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 My suggestion is to open the email in a way she doesn't see a million times a day. "Hi, saw your profile..." Really? I thought you just put together a random list of member names! "Hi, liked your profile..." Really? I thought people wrote because they like my picture. You want to draw her in. Find what stands out in her profile and open with that. Show you actually read the profile. Don't ask her to answer all the same, boring questions. Ask her something she hasn't answered a million times. The above message is nice but it doesn't really draw someone in. Ya know? I could try and give an example if you can provide some details about a particular profile you like.
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 My suggestion is to open the email in a way she doesn't see a million times a day. "Hi, saw your profile..." Really? I thought you just put together a random list of member names! "Hi, liked your profile..." Really? I thought people wrote because they like my picture. You want to draw her in. Find what stands out in her profile and open with that. Show you actually read the profile. Don't ask her to answer all the same, boring questions. Ask her something she hasn't answered a million times. The above message is nice but it doesn't really draw someone in. Ya know? I could try and give an example if you can provide some details about a particular profile you like. Yep, done that. Actually went on Plenty of Sharks and opened a profile. Spend several hours emailing like 20 or so women. So far, most, over 10 have been read deleted. I have come to notice that it is probably not my e-mails, I am just not attractive enough for them. I am not over weight, but I am not ripped either. Who knows. I've deleted the profile. What's the sense in leaving it up there for no reason. I actually thought this new photo was good. Not looking for pity just making a statement.
loveslife Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Yep, done that. Actually went on Plenty of Sharks and opened a profile. Spend several hours emailing like 20 or so women. So far, most, over 10 have been read deleted. I have come to notice that it is probably not my e-mails, I am just not attractive enough for them. I am not over weight, but I am not ripped either. Who knows. I've deleted the profile. What's the sense in leaving it up there for no reason. I actually thought this new photo was good. Not looking for pity just making a statement. FWIW, I've never had great luck with online dating. I meet way more interesting men in real life.
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 It does help with online dating if you can type 90wpm
loveslife Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Although, there are some great men to be found online away from dating sites!
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Yes, I know some great single guys on the frequent flier and vintage car forums I participate in. Soon I'll be one of them. The ones I know personally haven't used dating sites, but I'm sure many have. I've found the more comfortable one is interacting with people IRL, the easier using dating sites or other online interaction is. Also, having a command of language and writing skills translates well between the two mediums. Remember, online dating is a lubricant to moving to real life interaction. It's not a replacement for it. IMO, the online part should be as brief as possible. If there appears to be mutual interest, move to real life ASAP.
loveslife Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Yes, I know some great single guys on the frequent flier and vintage car forums I participate in. Soon I'll be one of them. The ones I know personally haven't used dating sites, but I'm sure many have. I've found the more comfortable one is interacting with people IRL, the easier using dating sites or other online interaction is. Also, having a command of language and writing skills translates well between the two mediums. Remember, online dating is a lubricant to moving to real life interaction. It's not a replacement for it. IMO, the online part should be as brief as possible. If there appears to be mutual interest, move to real life ASAP. I'm on a few techie forums and the guys who know their stuff really do kind of turn me on. In reference to what you say above, a while back pre-Match, etc. there was something called love @ aol which was a dating forum like a message board. There were no photos or videos. I ended up corresponding with a guy for about 8 months before we met. It was really enjoyable. So much less pressure. We got along great but it didn't work out. I think things are too instant with online dating now but what do I know.
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Back during the period in the mid-90's when the internet was 'new', I used it as a way to meet women whom I would otherwise never have had contact with. Prior to that, I used 'phone' dating from our local newspaper. In both realms, I found that, the longer personal contact was delayed, the more likely things wouldn't work out. My successful dates came from personal introductions mostly, along with some random meetings. I met my stbx online, but we were interacting personally within a month and that delay was mainly due to distance (about 60 miles) between us. Of course, as we were dating, we used ICQ and Yahoo to keep in touch, along with the phone. I've met a lot of women online, some of which who became female friends, but I think the propensity for friendzoning and miscommunications/misunderstandings becomes greater the longer online romance goes on. My readings on LS mostly support this theory. Happy for exceptions to occur
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Who knows what the reasoning is. I had shown the pick to other people, and everyone said it looks fine. I go out with single meets and greets all the time. There was this one where she and I were around eachother the whole time. We even walked back to our cars together. Then I asked her for her phone number and she said she just started seeing someone and wanted to see how its going to work out. Keep in mind that this is a singles meet up she was at and when I asked her in the beginning she said she was looking. Brushed it off and said later. Guess I just have to face the facts that I am not as attractive as I thought I was. It is was it is and move on.
Shygirl15 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Feel free to not believe this but I recently found out that there's a LOT of other businesses going on with these dating websites (especially the major paid websites) and not everyone up there is actually looking for a date. Don't take it personal when you do not get an answer. Half of these people are on there doing their other business. People who are genuine and interested in you won't give a flying f&*k what you write in your email.
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Interesting observation BH. However, I have not been turned down in person (which is a first) and appaerently dozens of times online. Interestingly enough, I said I will give Plenty of Failure one more shot on me (mainly cause it will not let me delete my account yet) and e-mailed this other profile. Very informative so it was not hard to ask a few questions. Received an e-mail back like 20 mins. Said gee, maybe there is something here. No, alas, just a really shot down e-mail which really made my day. She said loved the e-mail and thank you for taking the time to write it. However, I must decline as there are a few other interesting guys I rather date. But good luck. Just deleted the message then attempted to delete the account, but Plenty of Failure would not let me do so yet. Freakin amazing. Can't catch a F'ckn break with anything online or offline just failure all around. Just amazin. Ok. Rant over. Just expressing myself.
Author jimbo Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Feel free to not believe this but I recently found out that there's a LOT of other businesses going on with these dating websites (especially the major paid websites) and not everyone up there is actually looking for a date. Don't take it personal when you do not get an answer. Half of these people are on there doing their other business. People who are genuine and interested in you won't give a flying f&*k what you write in your email. Yea, I know, but it would be nice to imagine something working out. Not sure what it is. Maybe I am just ugly.. Its possible. Though my brother, who has an attractive wife and has always attracted and dated attractive women had no problems in the area. I guess this is like Twins (the movie) syndrome. One brother has all the good stuff, the other one the not so good stuff. LOL
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