Juno Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 ...while waiting for him to come back. It's now been two full months of nc. It ended so strangely. Pursued me fiercely over the summer months, then when would not agree to go on vac with him, he just stopped. He texted me while on vacation, then disapppeared. Ever since, I've been sorta holding out hope that he will call again and want to see me...."the right way", and not try to live out some twisted fantasy he has in his mind. No contact has been extremely difficult, however to contact him is pointless. It will mean nothing unless he comes to me. So here I sit and wait. Not purposely, but it's just the way it is. No dates, no laughter, no intimacy. Constantly tormented by thoughts of him enjoying these things, while I do not. This ride has been long, too long...approaching the two year mark. Breakup after makeup after breakup. Time to fast forward to a new track and press play...
JaggedRoad Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'm lost here. You're waiting for him to contact you again? He tried to get back with you and you turned him down, so why are you expecting him to contact you again?
Author Juno Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 I'm lost here. You're waiting for him to contact you again? He tried to get back with you and you turned him down, so why are you expecting him to contact you again? Long story short, we broke up in April, he said he couldn't give me what I wanted then I said ok and went no contact. He started seeing someone else soon after, but later told me she wasn't his type and within a few weeks started calling me again with the whole I miss being with you and can't stop thinking about you. He got a little crazy with sending me nudie pics, so I blocked him and went nc again. Month or so go by and he contacts me to go on vac with him. When I asked about his gf, he said he didn't ask her to go on vac with him, he was asking me. Told him to f-off, but he persisted up until the day before he left, hence my statment "he needs to come back to me right. I doubt it will ever happen, but it my nc solitude, I still hope.
hoping2heal Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 ...while waiting for him to come back. It's now been two full months of nc. It ended so strangely. Pursued me fiercely over the summer months, then when would not agree to go on vac with him, he just stopped. He texted me while on vacation, then disapppeared. Ever since, I've been sorta holding out hope that he will call again and want to see me...."the right way", and not try to live out some twisted fantasy he has in his mind. No contact has been extremely difficult, however to contact him is pointless. It will mean nothing unless he comes to me. So here I sit and wait. Not purposely, but it's just the way it is. No dates, no laughter, no intimacy. Constantly tormented by thoughts of him enjoying these things, while I do not. This ride has been long, too long...approaching the two year mark. Breakup after makeup after breakup. Time to fast forward to a new track and press play... Juno, is this the same guy what was sending you vulgar texts about masturbating to yr photos and had a new lover almost immediately?
Author Juno Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Juno, is this the same guy what was sending you vulgar texts about masturbating to yr photos and had a new lover almost immediately? Umm..yeah..one in the same. He's an a-hole, (now), but wasn't always. It's something he evolved into...became as a reactionary response to cope with his life's pressures and perceived injustices. He was at one time very sweet and loving. Commented that I was the closest person to him (more than his mother & college best bud) and knew him best as the man he is today. Rather than bring him a level of comfort, this seemed to quietly distrub him. He changed, and started to chase every opportuntity presented to him when any girl smiled in his direction or someone suggested a friend to him for a blind date. At some point later in the summer, he texted me about midnight from a pub and said he wanted to be alone. He was quite happy spending his nights in a smokey bar, with a cold beer. This revelation came unprovoked as I was well into nc. I have long stopped pondering the "why". The urge to contact has diminished as I know if I inititate contact it will be unpleasant. I however cannot purge him from my daily thoughts, and can not let go of hope that one day he will reach out to me...properly. My admission I still care, and acknowlegment that he has not treated me kindly does not erradicate my longing for him. This sucks!
JaggedRoad Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Ah... this makes sense now. I thought you were just a loony psycho going by your first post. You have a very kind heart and I admire that. I hope he changes his way and finds you again. Best of luck.
Author Juno Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Ah... this makes sense now. I thought you were just a loony psycho going by your first post. You have a very kind heart and I admire that. I hope he changes his way and finds you again. Best of luck. Thank you.
hoping2heal Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Umm..yeah..one in the same. He's an a-hole, (now), but wasn't always. It's something he evolved into...became as a reactionary response to cope with his life's pressures and perceived injustices. That is life's way of seperating the gold from the plastic, with people so to speak. Gold is not refined until it faces blazing fire; people are the same way. Life's pressures and injustices will turn some into gold, and others will wither away like plastic, crumbling in form and leaving an odour in the wake of what once was. It was better in that sense, that you saw who he was underneath after the refining process, before investing into a life with him. He was at one time very sweet and loving. Commented that I was the closest person to him (more than his mother & college best bud) and knew him best as the man he is today. Rather than bring him a level of comfort, this seemed to quietly distrub him. He changed, and started to chase every opportuntity presented to him when any girl smiled in his direction or someone suggested a friend to him for a blind date. Ah well, after reading this is part it no longer surprised me, that his charachter once tested was shown to be as it is now. He had a loyal, loving woman and traded that in for cheap, meaningless ego stroking. A shame. At some point later in the summer, he texted me about midnight from a pub and said he wanted to be alone. He was quite happy spending his nights in a smokey bar, with a cold beer. This revelation came unprovoked as I was well into nc. And alone is certainly where he is heading with this atitude, but it is his choice to live life that way. I have long stopped pondering the "why". The urge to contact has diminished as I know if I inititate contact it will be unpleasant. I however cannot purge him from my daily thoughts, and can not let go of hope that one day he will reach out to me...properly. My admission I still care, and acknowlegment that he has not treated me kindly does not erradicate my longing for him. This sucks! I understand. Sometimes we realise the people we love are not who we had hoped and thought they would be. Sometimes we realise they are someone very different, but our affection for that idea of a person we have burned into our hearts and minds still haunts us. I'm sorry you've been hurt and I hope life will no longer continue to pause for him, his kind are dime a dozen; trully they are. You deserve a gem, just as you have been to him. You deserve to go find your golden piece as well.
Author Juno Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 Hoping2heal....your perspective is so on point and Thank You for your kind words. My ex declared that he is a loner, always has been and probably will always remain. He has a switch that flips into self destruct mode anytime he gets too close to someone. At the beginning of our relationship, he seemed to take great pride in telling me he had dumped plenty girls in his past...believe it or not. I found this strange to brag about, but brushed it off. It was all so baffling to me as he excels in his professional life, but flounders horribly with close interpersonal relationships. Whatever makes him tick or not...I could careless at this point. I want and wish for myself to stop feeling anything for him and to end my willingness to accept him as he is. So, until I can achieve the above, I'm stuck on pause.
hoping2heal Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Hoping2heal....your perspective is so on point and Thank You for your kind words. My ex declared that he is a loner, always has been and probably will always remain. He has a switch that flips into self destruct mode anytime he gets too close to someone. At the beginning of our relationship, he seemed to take great pride in telling me he had dumped plenty girls in his past...believe it or not. I found this strange to brag about, but brushed it off. Ah well, there you have it! I guess his true charachter really isn't all that surprising at all! You learned a good lesson here, and hopefully for your own protection you won't be so dismissive about obvious things like this and will do away with men like this before investing into poor charachter which ALWAYS will deliver poor results. It was all so baffling to me as he excels in his professional life, but flounders horribly with close interpersonal relationships. It shouldn't surprise you, there are many people who excel in their professional life and are completely clueless and awful at maintaining a personal one. Whatever makes him tick or not...I could careless at this point. I want and wish for myself to stop feeling anything for him and to end my willingness to accept him as he is. So, until I can achieve the above, I'm stuck on pause. Yes, you should definately work on ending your willingness to accept him as he is, afterall it's caused you pain and that's not the kind of person who is going to do anything great for you. He's a very weak person and a very callous one. The rhyme or reason for this does not matter, only that he will return the same useless and dissapointing results each time.
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