Sazzy Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I know how you feel.. sometimes i think it would be easier to die. sorry for not being of assistance
wondering_girl Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 it does, it does man, sometimes i'm nervous, anxious, hurting, panic attacks i don't even know why, i HATE HIM. my chest hurts too.. do you guys ever experience those? and i need to get him out of my damn head
Sazzy Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I sure do know the chest hurting thing very well. I wish there was a switch we could flick to be totally emotionless.. . I'm probably destined to be alone.. and be in and out of shallow one night stands. But once again this is just a phase of the breaking up process i guess. :(
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Yes i do experience those emotions...i felt so lost tonight, i just wanted to run...how can someone move on? i just want to forget, i just want to heal, let it go. how can i do this? how? I am in love with someone who has moved on in 3 months after 5 years. i am so damn hurt. my heart is pounding...i cant sleep, eat, talk. i cant even drink a beer. does anyone know how to help this feelings?
RunningOnFaith Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Not only are all these feelings ruling me every second, the biggest is knowing because my boyfriend let me go, he isn't experiencing this pain, he got what he wanted. The only thing that I continue reading that is supposed to help is to "keep busy" but i don't have the energy to even do anything but lay, sit, or just be. How long does this last?
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 i wish i knew how long this pain last. it has been 3 months and i still feel it like it was yesterday. but what i think broke me down today was finding out about the new relationship...it hurt...i want a red button to press and not feel or a blue pill to never come back.
RunningOnFaith Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Wow! I'm sorry to hear that, I know when i find the same thing out, it's gonna hit me so hard. Yesterday I thought about him telling somebody that we're not together anymore and my heart was in my stomach immediately. When you think or say "broken up" it's such a general thing, but when you think about the little things the everyday things, it's when I'm completely floored, I'm in denial. I literally don't know how I'm able to get up, but in all honesty I don't think it's hit me yet. I've been through this once before, but it was different, way way different. This time it's for good. The last time though I literally think I was Nuts for as long as we were apart. I mean it's embarrassing to admit, but it's true, and I'm so so so scared to become that person again. I'm so scared of what the next day brings.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 I am scared too. how long have you been apart?
RunningOnFaith Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Not even a week. It's just starting for me. I keep looking at my phone but nothing, i feel so stupid, yet it seems like the feelings and emotions are what are running me. I was in my relationship for 7 yrs. It isn't just a break-up, but my whole life needs to be adjusted, I'm different now. I'm so scared, I'm so lost, and the worst part is he seems to be ok. It seems like after all of our time, and everything we have been through he will see only the negative in me, maybe that is how he'll get over me, or has gotten over me. I wish I could do that, just be angry realized that I too can do this, but I feel so hopeless. I wish that I can accept that YES I am going to hurt, YES I will miss him, but if he isn't into it then I should move on, yet I want to hold on to whatever hope there is left, and to honestly there really isn't any Sorry to sound so dramatic, but these are my true feelings here as I stand right now.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Believe me i do understand where you are coming from...i was able to survive the break up because i started seeing someone right away "you know the rebound" and a month after our relationship ended my grandmother passed and i missed my best friend who was my ex...but i was alone so i continue to put my head on my rebounds shoulder but a month later i found the rebound was playing me and found someone else to be with and dumped me too...thank god i didnt have any feelings there. then i found myself ALONE...all empty and lonely...and just yesterday i found that my ex is in a serious relationship with someone else...that killed me inside...i thought about jumping out the window, in front of a car, drinking myself into a coma and so on...but i have to be strong...i have to let go...here its 4am and i am still up...to be in a car at 730am and yet i just cant sleep. what should we do?
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I can relate. I do sometimes have that urge to just end everything but I think its more of a comfort, like when the pain is too much, to think that you CAN end it, rather than something i'd ever actually do. Its hard because I loved him SO much and I WANTED to be in a relationship. I wasn't the one ready to be single.
Mixitup123 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Sorry to hear your pain. I can relate, although I made the decision to end the relationship with my ex, after 4 years too, not that he cared though. But i didn't want to end it, I wanted to be with him in a relationship, have his kids, get married, etc etc..but i realised that would never happened, no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn't make him want it too, I couldn't make him love me or care for me..i realised it just wasn't in him. Look at your relationship for what it was, were you really that happy? think of the bad times, this helps to overcome your pain, and you might see that the bad outwayed the good! that's what I have come to realised. Good luck.
Kaya Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Sometimes we have no control over the external circumstances of our lives, and all we can do is accept that there is a new reality now. We just have to go through the process - and it is a process - adjusting, "letting go" and "moving on" doesn't happen instantly - it takes time. Feel what you need to feel, let the emotions come, acknowledge them, realise it's normal, and then try not to dwell on it too much. Eventually we start to have those "ahah!" moments where things begin to make sense, we see things more clearly, and we realise that we're getting stronger. Just start small, one step at a time, and trust the process. It does get better and it will be okay..
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 Look at your relationship for what it was, were you really that happy? think of the bad times, this helps to overcome your pain, and you might see that the bad outwayed the good! that's what I have come to realised. Good luck. I needed someone to open my eyes and i think you just did with this comment. i so desperately needed to hear this. Thank you. mabe now i can start to put whats left of my heart together and try to move on.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 “Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.” .. This is the best quote i have seen...thank you for your help.
DustySaltus Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Babyribs, I'm real sorry that you are going through this. There are a couple of things you need to do immediately that will begin to help you in the healing process: 1. NC with him whatsoever. That means no phonecalls, emails, texts, checking his facebook or myspace page or asking anyone else about him. This is the toughest part, but also the most necessary. 2. Write down a list of things that you didn't like about the realtionship. Things you did, things that he did that will make you understand why things played out the way they did. It's an important part of the healing process as well. When you feel like calling him or are just thinking about him, read the list over and over again. 3. Look up an old friend you haven't spoke to in a while, volunteer somewhere, visit a relative......do something that makes you feel that YOU are getting back to being happy YOURSELF. In the beginning those feelings might last only a few minutes but soon the will be hours, days, weeks and months. I know you really cared about him but I promise you there IS someone out there for you. You may think your relationship was great but this person will be above and beyond what you could ever ask for.....it will happen, just have faith.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 I know you really cared about him but I promise you there IS someone out there for you. You may think your relationship was great but this person will be above and beyond what you could ever ask for.....it will happen, just have faith. Thank you so much. this has been one of the toughest 3 months of my life and i hope one day i can let it go.
Mixitup123 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 How you feeling Babyribs? Hope the advice is helping a bit on here, least you know you really aren't the only person going through this, sometimes the feeling is like you are. I've been broken up just over a month now. The hardest part is that I realise now, I lost me and who I am, and what I wanted, lost track of that completely. I supported him in what he wanted to do and I didn't do anything, and he didn't care about that (and that's not right). I stood still for 4 years. So now I am the one having to re-build my life, because I trusted in someone who wasn't what i thought, while he is still doing his thing and probably forgot about me the minute I was out of sight. Yes it hurts, bad, but I have learnt a lesson (BIG TIME) I will never lose track of who I am again, and hopefully i'll find someone who will support me as much as I will support them in our relationship, as well as love and care. Keep your chin up lovely..you're going to be okay.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 How you feeling Babyribs? Hope the advice is helping a bit on here, least you know you really aren't the only person going through this, sometimes the feeling is like you are. I've been broken up just over a month now. The hardest part is that I realise now, I lost me and who I am, and what I wanted, lost track of that completely. I supported him in what he wanted to do and I didn't do anything, and he didn't care about that (and that's not right). I stood still for 4 years. So now I am the one having to re-build my life, because I trusted in someone who wasn't what i thought, while he is still doing his thing and probably forgot about me the minute I was out of sight. Yes it hurts, bad, but I have learnt a lesson (BIG TIME) I will never lose track of who I am again, and hopefully i'll find someone who will support me as much as I will support them in our relationship, as well as love and care. Keep your chin up lovely..you're going to be okay. Thank you so much. this means a lot to me. knowing that other people are hurting for similar reasons also helps us move on...is like a BIG support system with people that can understand eachother and what they are going trough. i think what hurts me the most is that i feel so alone. i feel like i have noone. i tried writing a list of the bad things we had in our relationship and i cant seem to find any...although i know there were many...i dont know where to start or begin rebuilding...i guess i too lost myself. i am keeping busy by playing online games, chatting with people, being around my family a lot and visiting with the few friends i have left after the break up but then here it comes the night and thats when it hurst...thats when i miss the smell, the feel, the hugs and the things we used to talk about right before bed. in the mornings is even harder because i used to get a morning kiss and a I love you every day for 5 years and i dont have that anymore. i cry everytime i think about this. i know in time i will be ok because i have been hurt before and i know i made it and thats when i met the person who loved me just the way i am with all of my faults...and that is so hard to find. will i ever be able to breathe again? will i ever be able to find someone who can love me in the same way? i dont know...i dont know.
RunningOnFaith Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I have those same questions, I've been out of loop of dating and meeting people for 7 yrs. to have to do that again, it just seems like to much work. It's honestly way to early for me to even consider "meeting" someone, but the thought of it scares me. What is as equally scarey is will I ever feel what I felt for my ex? I know it won't be the same, it's impossible, but I'm talking about the passion, the loyalty, the willingness, I can't see myself EVER feeling that for anybody else. So I feel like I'm stuck, lost, to be unhappy forever and if I do somehow meet someone, it will be simply for the fact of not being alone maybe even being bored, and is a BIG IF. I don't know how to be, I don't know how to act. My friends say I give out the wrong signals, or energy and that's why it's hard for anybody to approach me, I think they're just trying to be nice. What if I'm destined to be alone? Worst of all what if my ex finds "the one" I think I may die. I wish these thoughts and feelings would let up, take a break for an hour even 10mins. I read all the things that I can find, and I keep running into don't call, that shows that you have some respect and will make your ex want to call you back. Well what if they don't? I mean does that mean I'm the exception, the loser? And of course I keep reading that only time can take this aways and while I'm sure it's true, I wish this year was over because I don't know how I can continue to feel these feelings and live my life, it's impossible. I do find some comfort in being able to write down what I'm feeling, and yes even a little comforting knowing that there are people going thru what I am at the same time. All of us have friends who have crossed this bridge, but they're done, they're on the other side, and so sometimes it's hard for me to feel the support.
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 I keep running into don't call, that shows that you have some respect and will make your ex want to call you back. Well what if they don't? believe me i ask myself that same question every day...i am not calling or emailing or anything and i know about the new relationship and it sucks...what does it mean to me? am i the loser? was i who messed up? am i not good enough?
Magnolia5 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Hi runningonfaith, it just hit me. We broke up 9 days ago and today I started feeling nauseous, dizzy and like I'm going to throw up. Plus I'm crying a lot now. For the past few days, I figured he would call so I was okay. He didn't. It's really over. We were together 4 years. I can't imagine after 7 years (I'm so sorry), but just imagine divorcing him after let's say, 25 years, and having to deal with that. That's unthinkable. I've tried so hard these past few days to show no emotion and I succeeded pretty well. But I found out it's uncontrollable. I just burst into tears today when I thought of him and now I guess I'm beginning the vicious process. It is best to accept that you will hurt and that you will miss him because it's inevitable-- all of that will happen. But we are all here for each other and are currently going through this. Feel free to vent your anger and sadness because we all understand.
RunningOnFaith Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 THOSE ARE THE EXACT SAME QUESTIONS THAT I ASK MYSELF. You know all I can say is that before my relationship, I knew exactly who I was, I stood for what i believed in and nobody challenged, or nobody made me go against who i was or what i was about. I don't know if that makes sense. Yet my boyfriend, pretty much had the most influence over me, I mean don't get me wrong he wasn't controlling, he wasn't jealous, in fact he was so NOT jealous that I secretly think I wanted him to be a little, I know that's weird. I know that I wasn't a loser, but i think what makes me have those thoughts is that I'm so far from who I was, and granted I was alot younger when we first dated, and I'm sure without him I would've done alot of evolving on my own, but to be honest my relationship put me thru some things that I would've never came upon myself and frankly alot of them really didn't do me any good. See the thing is, I know that there was alot of bad, my ex has his own issues, he's an addict. I never knew anybody who did drugs before him, I've experimented with marijuana can't lie, but I'm talking you know hard stuff, well definitely harder than weed. That's just his addiction, he's a person and people are complicated, when i met him of course i had NO idea about his drug use, and when i finally found out, I was like "whatever" that's how naive i was, i didn't know that it was a lifestyle not just something you do. I mean if I knew then what i know now....you know. By the time I started to be able to recognize what was going on as far as the mood swings not caring about things that he should've well i was already to attatched to let go. I mean most woman my age now would've ran the other way as quick as they could, but it has taken me to go through this to see what an addict faces. But to me, that's not what he is, he's him, he' my BF he's my love, I mean I know his secret but I don't see him for that, and in reality i should. With his lifestyle comes other people who are just as addicted, its like he lived two lives, he had his friends that he's known for yrs that he didnt get high with, and then he had his party buddies and they were always separate. I'm the only one who really new both sides of him and even his friends. What I'm trying to say is this, I don't know you, but you know you and I'm sure before this relationship you didn't feel this way cause you weren't hurt, your ex would've never been with a loser, so I'm pretty sure You're definitely not a loser. See, my mind tells me with all of my ex's problems the fact that he's dysfunctional, and he doesn't still love me or want me, then really who's the loser, me or the addict? I was NOT perfect in my relationship as far as between us, but never did i cheat, lie, steal or do anything for him to question the person I am, yet I'm thinking that I lost out, that its all on me if I had just done this or hadn't said that. These emotions are so strong, and they just suck
Author Babyribs Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 You are right about a lot of things on your message and to be honest i feel the same way from time to time but in the end comes the question...WHY?...so you know i walked out...i left..i packed my things and ran...it was a lot of emotions...a lot going on within a month and i couldnt take it anymore so i ran...then after i left i was lost...started seeing someone right away...slept with someone within 3 days...just to keep those emotions away...and i continued to see this person for this whole time until they too left me for someone they claim is better than me...so yes i think i'm the loser...i think all those things that made me run are not big enough now...but here i am and i must deal...i never cheated...i loved from deep within my heart..i cant watch tv because some commercials remind me of my past...and on top of that...I CANT STOP CRYING...i am with you on this and i respect you for putting up with something as hard as drug abuse...you are a much stronger person than you think because we didnt have this problem and i still ran. people say time, time, time...the more time that passes the less you feel but what do we do NOW?...NOW that we are feeling this.
Recommended Posts