carhill Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 The original issue was/is females wasting a guy's time for the mere purpose of gaining external validation and seeking attention IMO, think about the first man they loved and who validated them externally If that dynamic wasn't balanced with healthy education about the love and respect of others, or that dynamic ended up unbalanced and unhealthy (like in abuse, incest, neglect, abandonment), the emotional memories formed at that time foster a psychology of pursuit of such validation, absent significant psychological work or introspection. It becomes a primitive motivation, one which the person largely has no control over and may not realize they're behaving in such a way. As our psychologist mentioned more than a few times, if a behavior inhibits or interferes with the forming of healthy interpersonal relationships, it bears scrutiny. Those friends in my life who have looked inward and faced those demons have my respect and love, and that effort is part of why I value them as friends. They can help me in my journey, too.
carhill Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 IME, there are a fair number of women exiting 'bad' relationships and marriages in their 40's and 50's and I'm seeing widespread examples of attention whore behaviors in my peer group. I'm seeking to widen my horizons to hopefully escape their impact.
phineas Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 IME, there are a fair number of women exiting 'bad' relationships and marriages in their 40's and 50's and I'm seeing widespread examples of attention whore behaviors in my peer group. I'm seeking to widen my horizons to hopefully escape their impact. Had a woman mid 30's chase me down. ask me out. accepted 2nd date. then blew me off & texted "hi, what's up" later in the week. A week later, she texts me again to say hi. I finally asked her what the deal was & she admited she was dateing someone but it wasn't serious & she didn't want to lead me on. well, if it isn't serious why did she blow me off? The confounding thing is after she blew me off I left her alone & she texted me. I basically told her not to contact me again unless she is single. As in I'm only interested in dateing her. Not being her text buddy when she's bored. So if it's a case of attention whoreing I won't hear from her again. If it's a case of she liked the other guy better than realizes he's a jerk... I still probably won't hear from her again. LOL!
TheBigQuestion Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 As a woman I would have to say, you're kidding, right? No I'm not kidding. I didn't say it was a good thing or that it reflects a healthy amount of self-confidence, but there's plenty of posts made by women on this board alone that back that claim. A lot of women are insecure about their level of attractiveness and spend a lot of time wondering what, if anything, is wrong with them (i.e. why don't they get asked out enough, etc). Being single for a long time when it's not exactly done by choice can only reinforce this. I figured it was obvious. It's not that much of a stretch to think that saying things that might remind them of this fact would possibly make them resentful.
Skump Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 At the risk of seeming cold, dream merchant, I'll suggest you take note that you're dating girls in the narrow age range at which females have their highest relationship bargaining power. But don't worry: The game is about to change in your favor very soon, and very strongly. Right now, you should concentrate on getting the best education and job you can. If you do, once you hit your late twenties/early thirties, you will be the man, and the mid-twenties girls you'll be dating at that point will have every disadvantage in the game of love.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 At the risk of seeming cold, dream merchant, I'll suggest you take note that you're dating girls in the narrow age range at which females have their highest relationship bargaining power. But don't worry: The game is about to change in your favor very soon, and very strongly. Right now, you should concentrate on getting the best education and job you can. If you do, once you hit your late twenties/early thirties, you will be the man, and the mid-twenties girls you'll be dating at that point will have every disadvantage in the game of love. This I keep in the back of my mind alot. I'm glad someone else finally said it. Thanks =) I'm close to finishing my associate's and then its on to Pre-Med Dental. Right now I'm trying to grab a second job on the weekends, maybe accumulate some extra dough and throw it in an investment account or something instead of blowing it on flashy clothes, rims, or whatever else thinking with your dick will cause you to do. =S
phineas Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 At the risk of seeming cold, dream merchant, I'll suggest you take note that you're dating girls in the narrow age range at which females have their highest relationship bargaining power. But don't worry: The game is about to change in your favor very soon, and very strongly. Right now, you should concentrate on getting the best education and job you can. If you do, once you hit your late twenties/early thirties, you will be the man, and the mid-twenties girls you'll be dating at that point will have every disadvantage in the game of love. and after you get married & find yourself back out there in your late 30's, you have an even bigger advantage.
stillafool Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 IME, there are a fair number of women exiting 'bad' relationships and marriages in their 40's and 50's and I'm seeing widespread examples of attention whore behaviors in my peer group. I'm seeking to widen my horizons to hopefully escape their impact. I'm seeing the same thing.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 On a plus note, I made peace with Big Bertha. The Colombiana with pretty eyes just got out of a serious relationship. There's one more girl left in that class and another left in my other one. And I just met 4 in a cycling class at L.A. Fitness. They wanna take me up as a dance partner for Latin Impact Monday night. Jeah! There's this really pretty shorty working the smoothie cafe at L.A. Fitness. I had the pleasure of meeting her but I switched my style up. I just treated her like she wasn't hotter than the sun. Actually, I was pretty normal with her. Normal convo. She inquired lots of info about me. She's the kind of girl that knows all the guys in the gym, so I'm sure attention she commands. I decided to test a different method out and I think its working. By paying her no mind (treating her as a normal human being lol) she's been actually pursuing me. A couple days ago I wanted to see if it was working so I walked by the Smoothie Cafe but I didn't look over. I heard her calling out my name but I just kept walking lol. So I'm guessing I've caught her eye. Alot of big brolic guys come through all day and just try to put in mad work. I figured she's so used to and sick of it that all she probably wants is to be talked to and treated like a regular person. So I thought I'd give it a try, stand out a bit you know? It seems to be working. We'll see. Those 4 girls I met in that cycling class though, good god. So so sooo bad. Being single rocks.
lamaman3 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 All these beautiful girls I approach give me their number and end up friendzoning me. Its like, wow? Why would I approach you and ask you for your number to be your friend? Some of them flirt with me, set up dates for TWO, and the works and then tell me later on they have a boyfriend. Mind you I'm 20, and these girls are in my age range. I'm not really following the logic here...perhaps they were thinking the same thing..."All guys my age are just grimy, shallow, and only out for one thing. This guy wanted to hang out with me, but once he realized we werent going to have sex he just got upset...What you think just because I gave you my phone number you think im gonna **** you???" I dunno...I'm real close to just giving up on relationships at my age. I know it sounds ****ed up but pretty girls my age seem real shallow, grimey, and just...heartless. They immerse themselves in male attention and just eat it up. Who wrote "confessions of a rebounder?" "Vanessa. Sherri. Jenifer. Farah. Malorie. Evel. Alyssa. All steps in my moving on process...Its just sex. Empty meaningless pleasures of the flesh. Some of them like me, care for me. They know my position but still, they give their bodies to me. I trap them with my charm, its heavy. The same smile I flashed you when we first met, I flash them when we're taking shots, or body shots, or double shots...Into the room we go. Or the car. Off with the clothes. Inside of them I delve..." So its great for you to immerse yourself in female attention??? But if a girl does it shes "shallow and immature" This one girl I know, she has mad homeboys, we were this || close to dating. And I was on her facebook to find her and 3 other guys joking about them running a train on her (far after I wrote her off for other reasons). I mean...what the ****? If I were her man and I saw that would I be in the wrong for getting upset about that? Umm, but you werent "her man." She was single and you were ****ing tons of girls. So what is the problem? What does a single girl making dirty jokes have to do with anything?? At this time and age, even as a young and attractive guy, the dating game is F&*KED up and horribly unfair for guys. We get friendzoned Its unfair that you get friendzoned? Huh? Its unfair that a girl dosent want to **** you?? What is unfair about that? , and even if we do land a hot GF, we gotta sit around and get **** on by her bathing in male attention and totally encouraging it, or throwing out subliminals that scream "Available" to other men. I mean, damn, there's a point where its just disrespectful to your BF/GF. Fareal, don't give me your phone number when you know what's up. The **** I need more friends for? You don't "have to" do anything but the fact that you think you do says something. If you dont want to put up with that, don't date her seriously. Why whine that its unfair?? The situation is much worse for a woman than a man who knows how to deal with women. Imagine guys constantly hitting on you, just wanting to **** you, and then complaining that its not fair that you wont **** them. Ugh. Maybe relationships are stupid at this age. Because I'm not seeing a whole lot of morals or maturity from either side of the gender table in my age group. Maybe I just need to pick up bar/club chicks every weekend and be content with that. Bar chicks?? Have you ever considered that women who you will one day be in a relationship with also have gone to the bar? Have you ever considered getting to know one of the women you pick up at a bar better to take her out and perhaps see if there is relationship potential? Have you ever considered that all these chicks you were f*cking probably would have dated you if you sent them signals that you wanted to be more serious. But you just wanted them for sex, not relationship - so do you hear them whining that its not fair? LOL
lamaman3 Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 (edited) Those 4 girls I met in that cycling class though, good god. So so sooo bad. Being single rocks. LOL you really need a healthy dose of self awareness. You basically just spent the entire OP complaining about girls that do this and here you are indulging in it. Besides - just the other day you told a poster - "You can always text her while you're laying in the ground work with another girl fellas! I'm just sayin!" Don't be a hyppocrite - besides: This whole "sitting around with the boys complaining about women" is for losers. Edited October 15, 2009 by lamaman3
limitless Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 From what you are saying, the girls you approach are very attractive. You are not the only guy out there that approaches really attractive girls. If you don't like this then don't approach really attractive girls. You should be glad you can get a number because most guys can't. You need to find out why you are getting friendzoned. You are obviously getting friendzoned for some reason. Maybe it's your attitude or something. You also need to get over the fact that these attractive girls you like are also very outgoing. They like to talk to other people. Guys and girls. You need to get over it. Really attractive girls usually always have a boyfriend and you are in line. If you don't like that, again, you need to either keep approaching really attractive girls until you find a a girl without a boyfriend or stop approaching really attractive girls.
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