pink smartie Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I suspect this topic has been done before but here I go. I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now. When we see each other, things are great, and we both tell each other we like each other and we see a future together. He's told me he loves me. Sounds great right? The problem is, he has custody of his kids and a demanding career. This means we hardly ever see each other as he juggles all these priorities. We see each other about twice a week and contact has now dwindled to establishing the dates. He was never big on contact, I always longed for more, but there was a very brief period of time when he would call or text everyday. I used to contact him more, but this week I'm trying to step back, keep busy, and let him set the pace. Which means I haven't heard a peep from him since Monday. As we shift from the hubbub of early romance to a more settled relationship, I am longing for more connection in-between the dates. It isn't happening and it makes me feel like our relationship is stalled. I feel neglected. I told him, a few weeks ago, that I was feeling neglected and he said he understood and was going to make more of an effort. No effort has been made. I have a full life and plenty to keep me occupied, but I would just like to feel a bit more connected to him. What would you do? Is it time for me to move on? Are my expectations unrealistic?
boogieboy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 No reason to move on, thats just the way he is. He's not much on contact. Constant contact is a woman thing. He's busy. Appreciate the time you have together, and he will probably contact you more when he has the time.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It sounds like he's never really given you what you need. Why are you with him?
stace79 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 No reason to move on, thats just the way he is. He's not much on contact. Constant contact is a woman thing. He's busy. Appreciate the time you have together, and he will probably contact you more when he has the time. Contact is not just a woman thing. My fiance contacts me about as often as I do him. It's reciprocal. Some days I call him on my lunch break; some days he calls me at night before bed. He sends me text messages probably more than I send them to him. But I never feel neglected. The OP must decide if she's willing to wait for his schedule to "settle down" and for him to start reciprocating the contact. He may just be one of those guys who doesn't like to talk much, but then she has to decide if she wants to put up with that. Additionally, the roadblocks she lists to his more frequent contact -- a demanding career and children -- are probably not going to go away. It is possible he will never change. Have you been specific in your expectations? Do you expect to talk every day on the phone? Do you just expect a text saying good night or something? Maybe if you told him more specifically what would help, he'd understand what is being asked of him and he could either try to comply or tell you he's not the right guy for what you want.
Author pink smartie Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 thanks Boogieboy for your perspective. I am trying to hold back and let him come to me. This is the first few days that I'm letting him set the pace. I'm thinking of giving a few more weeks to see if I can get used to this low level of contact. But then, of course, the other side of the coin is that I wonder why I should stay with him if, as Loveslife states, he clearly doesn't quite meet my needs. Have you been specific in your expectations? Do you expect to talk every day on the phone? Do you just expect a text saying good night or something? Maybe if you told him more specifically what would help, he'd understand what is being asked of him and he could either try to comply or tell you he's not the right guy for what you want. Thanks Stace79. You made me realize that I haven't been exactly clear in my expectations. I told him I would like more contact, without saying specifically what kind. I will see what happens in the next few days and then, when I bring it up again, I'll try to be more precises about what I would like.
phineas Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Does he bring you around his kids at all or do you only get together when he doesn't have them?
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