zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hi i'm a new user, hello to everyone! Basically i was with this girl for a few months, a bit of a whirlwind romance. we're going out properly quite quickly but then she goes 'she needs to take it slower'..ie she is scared of commitment and getting hurt. Now i was cool with this, i took a step back but in my mistake i still spoke to her during the week on msn etc. Now she says it is best that we don't speak to each other for a while so i can get over her and move on with my life..since she cannot be the emotional girlfriend that i want at this moment in time. now one of her friends (whom also is my close friend) says she feels really bad and still wants to be friends with me. Now i don't about the other women on here or whatever fellas think, but seriously why do women do this? You can't be friends with someone you felt so close with because you still retain hope that you will get together! I'm so confused about this matter, a rollercoaster of emotions i've experienced this week. I still want her in my life but not as a 'friend' that reeks of bull**** as far as i'm concerned, someone to full back on when whatever it is she is doing goes pear shaped! opinions please? zimzimmer..
adamt Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 My ex said we didnt have much in common anymore, so we split up then she said she hoped we could be friends at some point but not best friends. Why be friends if you have very little in common? Basically it is just a way of keeping their concience clear and removing any guilt. If you want her as more thana friend then the only chance is to cut all contact and let her figure out if she misses you. We had a break, she said she missed me. so when we met up i was expecting to sort things out but we still split up. She has said you should move on so that is what you should do
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Lol as you well know my man it is not that easy to move on considering what happened between us. you are right though she is trying to ease her conscience for leading me on and believing we can have something good going on. but seriously women are funny, still be friends when i only see her as a girlfriend? get real!
Chiken Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It's not that amazingly uncommon for the "let's be friends" thing to actually work out. It's true, a lot of the time, it's said as a way to remove guilt. I know when I was dumped by my first major gf, she wanted to be friends, but I wanted to nothing of it. In the end, I think I was better off cutting off all contact. On the other hand, my sister's husband was married once before, and he's best friends with his ex. I met them, and you can tell that they both were mature enough to recognize that they were close, but not right for one another in that sense. So it's not unheard of to actually have a fruitful friendship with an ex.
boldjack Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OP, two very good rules to follow: 1) never,ever get back together, after you have broken up. 2) never,ever, try to be friends, with an ex. After I made them, I have never broken these rules, and have saved myself a lot of trouble.
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Despite all this i still want her back in my life as a girlfriend, im not making any effort to contact her at all, when she wants to know what im doing she can ring me
shazam Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Despite all this i still want her back in my life as a girlfriend, im not making any effort to contact her at all, when she wants to know what im doing she can ring me You either really care for her, or you dont. From what I can tell, you only care about her to the extent that she is going along with your program. Cutting off contact and refusing to be her friend, shows you want to punish her for her inability to get emotions involved. Whats the harm in riding it out? Maybe she will see you are there for her, Im sure she doesn't like that she can't have a normal and happy relationship right now. There is something wrong with her, maybe it's beyond her control. You can try to use the silent treatment to manipulate her into feeling something, best of luck with that. I wouldn't turn down friendship, if I honestly enjoyed someone's company
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Maybe but i wrote was not worded in the best possible way. I do really care for her a hell of a lot and i am just burning right now. Maybe she will miss me i don't know, i know we enjoyed sharing each others company and we never even argued about anything. My thinking is that by giving her some space will allow us to grow even closer together? When she says she wants to be friends and has told a mutual friend she feels bad about the entire situation then i think it is best for me not to be in any form of contact with her. I'm just confused as to what to do, i do want to see her again and maybe we can grow. Maybe she is scared of getting hurt i do not know; all i know is i feel really sad at this point in time
DustySaltus Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Zimzimmer, she wants to try and minimize the guilt by asking you to be friends with her. Now when you tell her that you are not interested she can feel better by saying to herself, "hey, I took the high road". On the other hand you could say "OK, let's be friends" and be as people say here, her "emotional tampon" for a while. It's a no win situation and it sucks but the best thing to do at this point is to go NC with her and let her sort herself out. You need to look out for you at this point.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 friends!!! lol that's what they all say!!! If you want more and she's not willing to give it to you, cut her off and say goodbye why torture yourself after a girl who isnt feeling you. Friends' is just a nice way of saying I love you like a brother. Find someone else to F. and keep it moving. Let her find new friends... you have enough already.
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 She does feel me just that she can't be the girl in a relationship sense lol. This is really crap, feel down as hell:(
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It's up to you. If you can handle it, then more power to you. I did that for about 1 month (maybe 3) 3 years ago when my ex broke up with me the second time, and it took a toll on me. I broke down and told her that I had enough. She came running back a few days later, but that's not happening this time.
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 So no contact it is. To be fair i need to sort myself out and get myself a job and get back onto the job market (In England the job situation is dire as i can imagine it is in the US). Give her time to see what happens and she will contact me (or not) lol!
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 She does feel me just that she can't be the girl in a relationship sense lol. This is really crap, feel down as hell:( WTF excuses , excuses, excuses why are you tolerating her stupidity for? if she cant be the female in the relationship why are you looking at her for, she's probably telling you she doesnt want you and has no other nicer way to say it. I've been there and let me tell you dont waste your time with a flake. the faster you let your logic do the driving the better, she isnt worth the time or effort. You'll be there in the friends zone for a long damn time!
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 She said in a relationship right now bro, anyway you know how it is cut me some slack here. Hey maybe me not giving any contact will let me grow anyway who knows just the first week is always crap..
boogieboy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 She is just using you for an ego trip. She wants to feel good knowing someone wants her, and she wants to use you for that. It has nothing to do with being friends. What will happen is she will contact you to check up on her wanted status, then she will ignore you after you answer a couple questions. So no matter how much she contacts you, dont reply, not even to tell her that you arent talking to her anymore. She doesnt want to feel guilty, so let her suffer. She wont care after a while anyway. This happens so much on this board its sickening. BTW she is full of shyt about not being scared of getting hurt. Its just another excuse for "i found someone that I think is a better fit for me". Prepare for her to call in a few months wanting to try again.
Author zimzimmer Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 It really is mad! It's like kicking somebody in the nuts, stamping on them, then offering to take them to hospital afterwards but you really don't want to know! This whole 'we can still be friends' thing is so confusing and reading this thread has helped me a little but has also giving me even more conflicting ideas in my head, just so she can feel better about herself. meh, no idea what to do guys, ignore the calls? contact her? bomb her flat? All madness really lol thanks people!
boogieboy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It really is mad! It's like kicking somebody in the nuts, stamping on them, then offering to take them to hospital afterwards but you really don't want to know! This whole 'we can still be friends' thing is so confusing and reading this thread has helped me a little but has also giving me even more conflicting ideas in my head, just so she can feel better about herself. meh, no idea what to do guys, ignore the calls? contact her? bomb her flat? All madness really lol thanks people! The majority says to Ignore the calls. She is deliberately doing it for her benefit only, not yours. Ignore all contact from her. It will only keep you from moving on, and feeds her ego.
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I'll tell you exactly what my ex told me when we got back together following the second break-up. "I took you for granted. I thought I could you keep you with me forever as a friend. But when I told you to go away, I realized that I really needed you. I had tears coming down my face the entire time I was at school and at home. Everyone asked me what happened, but I couldn't tell them. There was no one I could talk to and you were the only one. I knew I made a mistake." Then she dumped me three years later. Four days until the 2 month anniversary of the break-up
carhill Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 The majority says to Ignore the calls. She is deliberately doing it for her benefit only, not yours. Ignore all contact from her. It will only keep you from moving on, and feeds her ego. While I agree with this, next time she calls, engage her and tell her all about the new gal you're dating. Friends are always happy to hear about friend's new romances. Continue talking until she hangs up. She will, trust me. She's no friend, just the typical talking vagina. Next
boogieboy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 While I agree with this, next time she calls, engage her and tell her all about the new gal you're dating. Friends are always happy to hear about friend's new romances. Continue talking until she hangs up. She will, trust me. She's no friend, just the typical talking vagina. Next OMG! And then after you tell her about the new girl, tell her the new girl isnt working out too well and does she know anyone she can hook you up with......I forgot about that angle....
carhill Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I like to get the prod in there real deep, deep enough to touch the brain stem, and then turn on the voltage. It makes me real giggly and bubbly. I'm so happy for them.
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