NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 broke 9 days. idk why. so stupid. i was weak (always bad in the AM). STAY NC.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 at first it was good. i was like i didnt deserve to be treated like this. your a bitch. im finding my self respect and learning that i deserve much better. that was ok. then i got emotional. called her other bad names that she didnt deserve. wtf? i felt empowered but now im just dissapointed. then she called and was like i cant deal with this every 2 weeks. just ****ing get over it she said pretty much. she wants to be alone (she still brought up petty ****) but i just made myself look bad. i said then why do u keep giving me signs. she said she hadn;t given me any. u cant rationalize a womans thoughts or change her mind. bad,bad,bad. i dont feel any worse just not empowered at all and way back to point A. like i feel further down the whole then ive ever felt b4. it didnt accomplish anything. and now, if thats the last convo ever i look like a pycho where the one b4 was like " i love you's" maybe we can try again. **** me. better off. but still.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 JUST WROTE THIS EMAIL. i keep making it harder on myself. if i call or text please dont pick up. dont respond to this email. if u want to talk to me then your welcome to when you feel like it in time but i cant act like this anymore. im hurting you and myself more. there is no point. im cant understand where your coming from and you have to do it. just do it. ****ing pointless. u need to be happy. i have to find happiness. weve talked about it too much. its becoming stupid and we're both resenting each other even more. i gotta let go. this is not the way i want to be remebered. its selfish. its bull****. you have every right to feel how u do. i keep trying to rationalize. but i know its over. i need to get on with my life. i know i keep saying that. again, if we were made for each other we will find our way back. but for now, i need space. Im turning into something else, that i don't enjoy and makes you think your decision is correct. and in my opinion it is right now. im becoming evil and your not going to come back to that. ever. your the best. we had great times. ill think of those. i will think of the names i called you for the rest of my life. that was a horrible thing to do. its hard. live your life. no more sorry's or goodbye's. no more i love you's. thats it.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 not quite sure why i posted this in second chances...because it doesnt look like im getting one.
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Dude... you dug yourself a giant hole that you'll probably never going to get out of. I know because I've been there. It feels like crap. You have to let it go and stay NC! We all know that you're hurting, but nothing you do now is going to make things better. Maybe you can fix things several years down the line, but not now. You ex might have ruined you with the break-up, but you're just making it worse. And like you said, you're giving her reasons to justify her decision. That's not good =/ Remember these words from another poster: Hey, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I know it’s tough. It has been my experience that when a woman breaks up with you, her feelings can rapidly change in a way that is difficult for us guys to understand. You need to understand though that she really feels right now like you did something wrong somehow, not morally wrong but like you screwed things up. Maybe she feels somehow cheated that you weren’t different. Maybe she blames you for everything. These are all emotions, I’m not saying they make any sense whatsoever. But you have to deal with the fact that that’s what she feels. Again it may make absolutely no sense, it may seem monumentally unfair and irrational. It doesn’t matter. You will never convince her to feel differently with logic. It doesn’t matter how right you are. If she has broken up with you, you need to as quickly as possible accept that situation and back off from her. My feeling is you should not treat her like a queen, or hang out with her unless she is willing to be back in a relationship with you. Definitely don’t let her treat you badly and still keep hanging in there, if she sees she can get away with that all it does is make her lose respect for you. Best wishes with it, Scott
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 it just sucks because we left on a really good note. even if we never got back together it was nice to know. we hugged, kissed said lets give it time. then i woke up this morning and felt really good and like i had to rub it in her face. then when she got upset i cowered. there was no point. ill never get her back. its done.
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 At least now you can finally move on without holding onto hope.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 just found this gem on here from last night i posted. sounds about right i think i need to break NC. im freaking out right now. why would she cry? why would she say i made her so sad? i think i should contact her soon. idk wtf to do. we were contacting each other the previous week (although i was intiating all of it). she said at dinner she was confused with how my texts were making her feel (i miss you, etc.) does she know the balls in her court? i know i said i wouldnt. ****!! i feel so weak right now. this is scary. im mad at her. just needed to vent. staying NC...i think i need to take a LS break.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 when i was on the phone i was like " if this is the last conversation we ever have..." and she was like "of course this wont be the last conversation" and she wonders why im hanging on...
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hey, at least it's better than what my ex told me over msn -__- Take a look: http://jaggedroad.com/blog/?p=252#respond You might have to zoom in to read that clearly.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 i just have to get rid of my cell phone or something. it was really horrible because i could tell in her voice there is still a chance or something. she wants to so bad, she just cant be with me when im like this (for the last month+) so horrible. i regret this contact more then any other. time heals all wounds. but now its so fresh. whats wrong with me? i said some pretty mean things. "like you dont deserve someone like me" yeah, ok, thats a valid point, but what does it do? nothing. she says she doesnt want a relationship now. same convo over and over. im so pissed, i was feeling good yesterday...8 days NC my longest yet. just a momentary lapse in reason, but once you call someone a slut and bitch...they dont come back. now i feel like ****, and childish and small. Ive lost a lot of respect for myself today. I dont talk to woman like that especially ones i love. sux...
JaggedRoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Ouch... I would never call my ex those things even if she cheated on me. Yeah dude, you're done x_x It happens when your heart is broken into thousands of little pieces and you have no idea what to feel. Just improve yourself and never do what you did to her again.
Author NSW768 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 i think its this site man. im not making excuses i just have to get away. this place makes me thinkg about it more i think.... **** **** ****
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