Joie de Vivre Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 This is a bit strange for me to explain. I really hope I can get some solid advice here besides "leave him" or "get consoling." background: first off I want to be honest and say that me and my fiance have a very active and colorful sex life. You could say, we spoil each other when it comes to our sexual fetishes. Recently he arranged an exhibitionist/voyeur "game" with another participating male (we have been doing this for years) and I have never once cancelled one of these "encounters". This whole month I have been very sick (plagued by heat stroke which led by a bladder infection etc.) so we haven't had sex all month until last weekend. (we usually have sex 2-3 times a week). We live 4 hours away but I drive down to see him on the weekends. Here's what happened: This weekend, he didn't tell me he was planning one of these encounters until the day before. which is not a surprise, he has done this many times to be "spontaneous". I told him my period might come this weekend, so I have to cancel it. He was really disappointed, and kept on telling me he has been planning this for awhile, and starting saying things to make me feel guilty:( ! I know his very disappointed, I am afraid he will resent me for this. This is because in my 7 years with him, I have never refused ANYTHING sexual related, this is the first instance. How can I make things better? he hasn't spoken to me much all night. I am going down to visit him tomorrow for the weekend. How do I make it up to him? or am I just thinking too much because this is the first time this has happened? besides telling him to just "suck it up" and quit moping around about it, is there anything I can do?
giotto Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Has having sex when you have a period a "problem" before? I mean, do you usually have sex when you have a period, or is this the first time you cancel because of this? Are you cancelling because you don't want to play that type of "game" when you have your period, but without the game it would be ok?
Author Joie de Vivre Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Has having sex when you have a period a "problem" before? I mean, do you usually have sex when you have a period, or is this the first time you cancel because of this? Are you cancelling because you don't want to play that type of "game" when you have your period, but without the game it would be ok? Has having sex when you have a period a "problem" before? Nope. He has never made it a big deal. We have a pretty vibrant sex life, so if i refuse because I have my period he is ok with it. I have had sex while I have had my period before as well, it was a little bit gruesome so we don't do it often. I mean, do you usually have sex when you have a period, or is this the first time you cancel because of this? This is my first time I cancel our arranged "game" in general. I really think my period might come, but he wants to take a chance incase it doesn't (I have had times where I was late a day or two). This game involves me wearing a sexy mini dress with no underwear in public. I would be totally embarrassed if I started having my period right then and there. This game does not involve sex with an outside individual though, it's more exhibitionism on my part, and voyeur on his part and the other individual. I think I dampened his hopes for a game night. Of course we can have sex without the game, but I guess he finds our little game a very nice stimulant to our sex life. He told me he has been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks and took a lot of planning out the logistics of the game I suppose. He says it helps him get away from the stresses of work as well. I suppose I need help understanding why this would dampen his mood so much so that he is acting a bit cold. and if there's anything I can do to make up for it? what would you want your significant other to do in this case? I feel so strange and out of place posting this here, as we aren't really your typical couple with a typical sex life.
giotto Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I understand perfectly that you don't want to risk having your period coming when you are outside with a mini dress a no underware! And I am a man... And I find it quite unreasonable that he is resenting you because of this. I understand that he might be disappointed - because he was looking forward to it, but there is no point in being cold towards you. What is he trying to achieve? I'm sure you have explained your reasons to him. If he is still behaving like that, then it's his problem. What can you do? I don't know, apart from talking to him again and making sure he understands... Maybe you can promise him an even more exciting game for next time?
Author Joie de Vivre Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I understand perfectly that you don't want to risk having your period coming when you are outside with a mini dress a no underware! And I am a man... And I find it quite unreasonable that he is resenting you because of this. I understand that he might be disappointed - because he was looking forward to it, but there is no point in being cold towards you. What is he trying to achieve? I'm sure you have explained your reasons to him. If he is still behaving like that, then it's his problem. What can you do? I don't know, apart from talking to him again and making sure he understands... Maybe you can promise him an even more exciting game for next time? I have no idea what he is trying to achieve but like you said, I think he is being moody because he is disapointed. such a small thing between me and him and I just had to post this without thinking it through enough myself -- I should of let it simmer for a few days what strange response from him. hopefully when I see him tomorrow he will be back to his normal self... unless something else is bothering him -_- ! thanks for your advice though, i know this is such a miniscule of an issue -- but I like to nip things by the bud. I will be sure to promise him a more exciting time next time! lets see how it goes ~~
Star Gazer Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it's not everything. There are other necessary components. If you were to hypothetically remove sex from the relationship, what other aspects would keep you both invested? I'm afraid of being judgmental here, but I tend to think of open relationships as being not all that emotionally intimate and committed.
giotto Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I have no idea what he is trying to achieve but like you said, I think he is being moody because he is disapointed. such a small thing between me and him and I just had to post this without thinking it through enough myself -- I should of let it simmer for a few days what strange response from him. hopefully when I see him tomorrow he will be back to his normal self... unless something else is bothering him -_- ! thanks for your advice though, i know this is such a miniscule of an issue -- but I like to nip things by the bud. I will be sure to promise him a more exciting time next time! lets see how it goes ~~ good... I think it's a little hiccup in your relationship and I'm quite convinced it can easily be resolved... your sex life sounds like fun and I'm sure it will be ok... actually, I'm a bit jealous of your fab sexuals escapades!
Author Joie de Vivre Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it's not everything. There are other necessary components. If you were to hypothetically remove sex from the relationship, what other aspects would keep you both invested? I'm afraid of being judgmental here, but I tend to think of open relationships as being not all that emotionally intimate and committed. oh no, you are not being judgmental at all ! we actually aren't into swinging, just involving a third party as part of our voyeur/exhibitionist games. and if sex were to be removed from this relationship completely.. to be honest.. I don't know if I can have a sexless marriage ! our fetish is only an extension to our sex life, but it definitely makes difference since it's a tease for the both of us. kind of like foreplay ~
Author Joie de Vivre Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 good... I think it's a little hiccup in your relationship and I'm quite convinced it can easily be resolved... your sex life sounds like fun and I'm sure it will be ok... actually, I'm a bit jealous of your fab sexuals escapades! Thanks Giotto! We ended up not talking to each other (ridiculous) until I drove to his place on the weekend. I can tell he was kind of disappointed (kind of like if a wife refusing sex from a husband sort of way -_-) so I ended up just giving him a full body massage we have been doing voyeur/exhibitionist games for quite sometime, it takes a lot of planning and risk taking. if you are ever interested, you can always slowly introduce it to your wife. I wasn't into it before I met my fiance (I would probably be more SM-ish) but after he introduced it to me, I got more and more interested in exploring that fetish. I hope he doesn't pull this sort of weird behavior later on! men are so strange sometimes.
Author Joie de Vivre Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Is there any way to modify the game to use other body parts to expose and perhaps still play the other part with maybe a thong on or something? That's what I try to do...modify the game in some way. It might open even more doors for you both to experiment a little more. that's true! I guess when I am all menstruating all i feel like is wearing a big sweater and staying in I have done some exposing with other parts before.. like wearing a very low cut tee or wearing a white t-shirt without a bra. thanks for the reply though ! I am so glad people are so supportive and honest here. I always get a little paranoid when there's even the smallest negative thing within our sex life. after reading the replys, It really made me realize how I am placing a lot more importance on our sex life than I thought! not sure if that's a good thing or not. I guess I will have to see ~
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