DustySaltus Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 How long do you think you should wait after you have broken up with someone to be intimate again? It's been three months for me now and although I could've went into "part boy" mode, it's just not the way that I felt with her, it's a lot different. I guess even as much of a wackjob that she is I feel weird to sleep with other people because I know she may be doing the same thing. I don't even know why I am thinking about this, but it still hurts depsite all that has occured between us. What do you think?
silic0ntoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It will come in time man. A really good friend of mine said to me over the weekend: "My advice after a break up? Sleep with women. LOTS of women." Well, I haven't heeded his advice. You'll know when you are ready bro. I know I'm not, thus my selibacy. Doesn't really bother me though. Sex/intimacy/women are the last things I want to worry about right now.
Taucher Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 How long do you think you should wait after you have broken up with someone to be intimate again? It's been three months for me now and although I could've went into "part boy" mode, it's just not the way that I felt with her, it's a lot different. I guess even as much of a wackjob that she is I feel weird to sleep with other people because I know she may be doing the same thing. I don't even know why I am thinking about this, but it still hurts depsite all that has occured between us. What do you think? I hear you on this. I DID go into party mode but have not kissed or slept with anyone and nor have I wanted to. Also, I think I am stopping myself moving on because I am worried that if I am moving on, then so is she. Truth is, she has moved on already. If she has not moved on, she will move on when she is ready, regardless of what I do. I dont find the idea of sleeping with another woman so weird, but I find holding hands and cuddling etc with another woman much MUCH weirder. T
silic0ntoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I guess I am still at the stage of trying to get myself in complete order. I am no longer pining over the past (I have a few odds and ends to get rid of, but I'll do that when I have time) and I feel no anger, guilt, etc towards her or the breakup. But I really don't think I am ready to be intimate. I really, honestly, don't care about it. I've done stuff with people, but it didn't have any effect on my feelings at all.
Author DustySaltus Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I guess I am still at the stage of trying to get myself in complete order. I am no longer pining over the past (I have a few odds and ends to get rid of, but I'll do that when I have time) and I feel no anger, guilt, etc towards her or the breakup. But I really don't think I am ready to be intimate. I really, honestly, don't care about it. I've done stuff with people, but it didn't have any effect on my feelings at all. Whatever happened with the showerhead girl? lol
brevifolia Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Agreed with silic0ntoad that you'll know when you're ready. It's worked for me after some break-ups to get straight back into the partying/random flings, and other times it's seemed like the last thing I wanted to do. Like Taucher said I think the little 'coupley' things like hand-holding and snuggling are far weirder when you're just coming out of a break-up. If you can hack no-strings then it can be... er... theraputic. That said, if you don't know which you are then dip your toe in the water and you'll soon find out if you want to dive in... but it's more than likely that when you're ready for intimacy and/or to start searching again then you'll know.
silic0ntoad Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Whatever happened with the showerhead girl? lol Lol, nothing, haven't heard from her, and I don't play the chasing game. If it's not mutual, it's not worth my time haha.
ladymistique Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I don't think there is a set formula for these things. It's definetly whenever you're ready. If you get intimate before that, you may just feel disappointed in that it didn't make you forget your ex or you may just wind up starting something you aren't ready to start. Like brevifolia, I've had encounters immediately following a break up and that worked for me back then. Two break-ups ago (prior to these most recent one), I stayed away from intimacy for three years because I simply did not want it. Just try not to add more pressure on yourself by thinking you should be doing something that you're not doing.......unless it's NC, that is, lol. But for real, it is whenever you are ready.
jaybird1043 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I'm 2 months in and I was thinking that the other day. I feel like if I do then its really over, so I'm holding onto false hope. Anyway, I guess you know when it just feels like it. I think if you are thinking about it, then maybe you are not ready yet.
rubo Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) I'm 2 months in and I was thinking that the other day. I feel like if I do then its really over, so I'm holding onto false hope. Anyway, I guess you know when it just feels like it. I think if you are thinking about it, then maybe you are not ready yet. I'm at the same place as you are jaybird, 2 months tomorrow actually..and you're completely right. If you go have sex with someone else it will really be clear that the relationship is over... I just assume that she is out there being intimate and so on, and then the thought comes to me "why should i hold back, when she's not!" Not that I feel more ready to find a booty call..but it makes me wonder "why am I giving her so much power over me..come on..move on!!" it speeds up the proces..at least for me. Assuming that she has moved on and aren't thinking of me in that way. Its tough but a possible thought:) Edited October 4, 2009 by rubo
mickleb Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I have decided my next move is going to be 'traditional American dating'!!! In the UK we don't REALLY date. It's not like the U.S. system, anyway. I'm going to pretend I'm 16 or 17, and I'm going to date lots of guys for quite a few months and I'm not going to have sex with any of them until at least next Valentine's Day! I'm just going to get to know people and not allow things to 'get sticky' and complicate matters. I'm just going to have some fun with people and enjoy the best bits of dating, with none of the sh*te. I know this is completely different to getting laid. And I know you guys are better at separating sex from emotions, yada.. but I think it always muddles with our heads, in some capacity. It muddles with the head of our 'partner' of choice, usually, if it's doesn't ours (and that, in turn, makes our minds mixed up with guilt or responsibility, or whatever). I think what I'm trying to say is. If you don't know how you feel about it and you're still reeling / wobbling a little bit from your last relationship.. what's wrong with our faithful, five-fingered friend???!!! Honestly, I don't think it have a friend I can rely on more.. ;) Ahem. In short, all of the above are correct: when you're ready, you'll know!
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