brock9911 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 when i got kicked out of my ex's house back in april i took basically what i needed at the time. than a month later when she broke up with me i literally took every possession that was in the den and our bedroom. unfortunately i had a ton of crap up in her attic like winter clothes, old photo albums and christmas decorations (from when i was a baby). theres also a bunch of memorabilia that iv collected over time thats still up there. and now that the fall is here and winter is soon to be, i need clothes. i just dont know how to go about doing this. #1 im pretty nervous about even seeing her. and if i can arrange it with her parents that they only be there, just the sheer thought of seeing them or her just makes my anxiety go nuts. iv let this go for a while because of the anger and hatred i had built up toward my ex that i said f*ck it and i wasnt gonna get it. now some of the stuff i need. ugh...dreading this.
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 April? May? It's October!! We're talking 5 - 6 months here! Look - I know I sound harsh, but really, if you're in pain, it's not because it's clinging to you, it's because you're clinging to it! Look. It's just 'stuff'. Either get a friend to go and pick it up for you, or kiss it goodbye and get some new 'stuff'. If you really can't face going to pick it up yourself - then how the hell are you going to rise to the challenge of getting over this, buddy? You've got to man up, and start healing for yourself, get a grip and get your stuff. Or get a cold. Up to you.
Taucher Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I am in a similar position. I am into mountain bikes. I have had a Kona mountain bike for about 8 years, it cost me about £2,500 when I bought it. Anyway, a month before she left me I bought myself a brand new bike and took my old Kona back to my GF's parent's house to store it in our garage (we couldnt fit two bikes in our small flat). Anyway, at the time, I agreed to sell it to my brother (for a very cheap price - he's family). My GF leaves me and my MB is at her parents house in their garage. They live 10 or so miles away from me and I need to get it back but I don't know how to go about it. Just being in her parent's house will be weird and probably very very hard. Me and my ex used to stay there when they went away, I became very close to her family. Gah! Part of me just wants to leave the bike there. I totally understand how you feel about this brock. T
Dream Brother Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Never forget you have testicles. (not addressed to 95% of females in here)
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Guys - they're just THINGS!! Taucher, can't you get your brother to arrange to go pick up the bike? There's a way round everything if you look for it. And the only way you guys are going to heal and move on, is to just drop it. Really. It's truly that simple. You have to just understand that these things are going to keep eating at you, if you let them. You chew them over, think about them, re-think and just keep it all bubbling - and for what? To keep yourselves in limbo? Oh come on boys!! I know it hurts. I know - really I do. But you have to turn the page. Or just keep reading the same old line, over again. "Im feeling stuck 'cos' I can't let go and I'm starting to like the pain"..... believe it or not - that's what happens....
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Brock & Taucher, Send a representative of your choice to pick up your belongings. It can be anybody. Give them the phone number to call, have them call and introduce themselves (if its somebody they don't already know) and arrange a time and place for pick up. You are DONE with this. DONE! Do you hear me???
Taucher Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Unfortunately, my bro lives up north, about 300 miles away. It's not really eating away at me or anything like that BUT I want to sort my bike out and I want to maintain NC - the two things seem to be contradictory. I am possesively, obsessively guarding and maintaining my NC and I cant see a way of sorting this out without contacting her. I was hoping she would contact me and I would reply and THEN mention my bike. But, 26 days NC and no contact from her. T
Author brock9911 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 #1 its not just things...these have sentimental value from m,e my father who passed and my family. im not about to disgard those objects. #2 i dont know about you but im not rich so i cant just go and BUY new sh*t, nor do i plan on it. its my stuff, im not letting her or her family have some of my valuables that i spent money on. they can go f*ck themselves #3 i have a lot of audio equipment from my truck that i spent literally a few thousand on so im not letting that go to waste. and you say theres a way around everything...that makes you a coward and gutless if you can man up and take care of your own problems and responsibilities yourself. im not about to back down to my feelings, im just dreading them. I WILL GET MY STUFF BACK....out of principle.
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Listen, I am not trying to talk you guys out of how you feel or talk you out of getting your stuff back. You have a right to feel that way and you have a right to get your stuff back. I'm just sayin I think it is the best idea to send a rep, somebody that you trust and who wouldn't mind. If you cant find anybody I will do it for you!!!
Author brock9911 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 the reply wasnt intended to u caramel. i have been avoiding this because i was stubborn and to gutless to just man up and get it. and now that we made contact last week and i can blatantly see her lack of emotion towards us, it makes it easier to just go and do it. none of these objects are things i intend to let go. and my friends and her have a mutual hatred for each other...im saving everyone else the drama and headache and taking care of MY problem MYSELF!
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Ok, its your decision and you will do what you want.
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 #1 its not just things...these have sentimental value from m,e my father who passed and my family. im not about to disgard those objects. let me ask you a question. If you had an accident and lost the use of one arm and both legs, how much would they matter to you then? Your focus would be largely you, right? Well she ripped out your heart, and destroyed your life. I understand they're important to you, but you have to face your pain, and get a grip. I know - I know it's painful and difficult, but YOU come first. You need to do this for you, not in spite of her. That's the difference. If they're that important to you, do what you need to do. But don't agonise over this. You're what counts, so chin up and chest out - metaphorically speaking. #2 i dont know about you but im not rich so i cant just go and BUY new sh*t, nor do i plan on it. its my stuff, im not letting her or her family have some of my valuables that i spent money on. they can go f*ck themselves That's more like it. This is the kind of attitude you have to cultivate... Oh, and by the way: I haven't bought anything 'new' for 3 years. I go to charity shops and look for the best stuff I can. Sometimes, it's still got the original shop price label, and it's being sold at a fraction of the price. I look elegant and smart enough in my second-hand gear to be asked if I own the business i work in - not just run it.... So new stuff doesn't mean huge money, when push comes to shove. #3 i have a lot of audio equipment from my truck that i spent literally a few thousand on so im not letting that go to waste. So bit by bit, you're getting up the chutzpah to go get it, huh?? and you say theres a way around everything...that makes you a coward and gutless if you can man up and take care of your own problems and responsibilities yourself. im not about to back down to my feelings, im just dreading them. I WILL GET MY STUFF BACK....out of principle. Not quite sure where you're coming from - but I think you're in the picture. Now - having got you mad enough to chew my head off, do you feel more determined to get your stuff no matter what?
GrayClouds Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Look - I know I sound harsh, but really, if you're in pain, it's not because it's clinging to you, it's because you're clinging to it! You've got to man up, and start healing for yourself, get a grip and get your stuff. Brock9911, I too have had the privilege of TaraMaiden's contrarian tutelage ... So I go on LS for a bit of understanding / support. I get this woman, who appears to be a cross between a new age Buddhist Monk and Xena the Warrior Princess given me all this tuff love BS. Yes, I probably need it (and actually quite grateful for it but I wont tell her that) though I don't like it. She has me seriously thinking of shaving my hair (and I got a pinhead, not a totally unattractive pinhead but a pinhead none the less). The reason, because I looking for something to get me back to well enough until it gets better. As I gander into my tool box, I see have already used everything in this Sears Craftsman 120 piece set (if I am honest it is as manly of a set I will ever need.) So I am at wits end. I know hitting myself with hammer or screwing myself (or more actually someone else) back to a better place is not going to work. Yes it takes time but the clock is ticking. If I am not progressing I want to at least hit the snooze so I because going backwards, no matter how you look at it, is not going forward. I am no longer interested in just surviving I am looking for thriving. So where is the damn razor... I understand where you are coming from completely. Though every once and awhile a cup of hot coffee to the face, while may not be welcomed, none the less needed. I can say TaraMaiden serves up good coffee with the best of intent.
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