computersfault Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 What do you think about becoming friends first? In my past experiences, I meet someone and immediately we start dating, hanging out, calling each other...all the things of a relationship. Couple months later or not even that long, I quickly find out this person is not for me..or vice versa. Then we are like well then lets just remain friends. Well duh.....we weren't friends to begin with.. What I am saying is now, I am taking a different approach to relationships and wanting to become friends first. This guy I met is really really into me and wants to be in a relationship with me. I keep telling him that I want to have a friendship first. Besides that, I don't get that "excited" feeling when I talk to him or see him. I told him we need to get to know one another because as of right now, I am not feeling anything for this person. He is an awesome person, very nice, good manners, probably faithful...all the good traits of a good man, he possesses. Do you agree that we should take the approach of being friends first? Do you think that me taking so long, I might pass up a chance at a good guy?
BobSacamento Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You'd only be stringing him along. Don't waste his time.
boogieboy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You can work on the friendship WHILE youre dating hanging out, fooling around and calling each other. If he doesnt want to get to know you deeply during dating, then thats how you know that person isnt for you. Friends first isnt the way.
bayouboi Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You'd only be stringing him along. Don't waste his time. ^^^This^^^
Fay Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 The only reason you want to "start off being friends" is because you're really not attracted to this guy. Anyone can see you're copping out.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Yeah, I agree with everything that's been said. You'll probably never be into this guy. And he is obviously into you.
Author computersfault Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 The only reason you want to "start off being friends" is because you're really not attracted to this guy. Anyone can see you're copping out. well first thing here is no, i'm really not attracted to him. i dont get that excited feeling when i see him or talk to him. he's not bad looking or anything, i'm just not feeling him (in the relationship sense that is..). HOWEVER....i do want to learn to be friends first before another serious relationship due to the fact that i hook up with someone, find out he's not all hes cracked up to be and then im sitting here with my feelings hurt.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 well first thing here is no, i'm really not attracted to him. i dont get that excited feeling when i see him or talk to him. he's not bad looking or anything, i'm just not feeling him (in the relationship sense that is..). HOWEVER....i do want to learn to be friends first before another serious relationship due to the fact that i hook up with someone, find out he's not all hes cracked up to be and then im sitting here with my feelings hurt. That's a great and noble ambition. But don't use this guy for your own purposes. He seems into you and you'll just be leading him on. It's better "practice" to be friends with someone you are attracted to. If you want to learn to be friends with a guy you're not attracted to then find a gay guy. That way there's no chance he'll get emotionally invested. Remember, karma is a b**ch.
Author computersfault Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 That's a great and noble ambition. But don't use this guy for your own purposes. He seems into you and you'll just be leading him on. It's better "practice" to be friends with someone you are attracted to. If you want to learn to be friends with a guy you're not attracted to then find a gay guy. That way there's no chance he'll get emotionally invested. Remember, karma is a b**ch. well he already knows that i do not have that excited feeling when i see or talk to him. i told him so. (in those words, yes). i tell him look i know you like me and all but i dont get that same excited feeling. he keeps saying just give me a chance to get to know you. i tell him too (in these words) i do not want to lead you on because i do not see myself in a relationship with you. i would much rather be friends. i may just have to quit talking to him altogether if he can't get it..
bayouboi Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 well first thing here is no, i'm really not attracted to him. i dont get that excited feeling when i see him or talk to him. he's not bad looking or anything, i'm just not feeling him (in the relationship sense that is..). HOWEVER....i do want to learn to be friends first before another serious relationship due to the fact that i hook up with someone, find out he's not all hes cracked up to be and then im sitting here with my feelings hurt. Good luck with that. Most guys wouldn't want to put up with being 'just friends' if they are romantically attracted to you and the type that would will probably never be attractive to you.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 well he already knows that i do not have that excited feeling when i see or talk to him. i told him so. (in those words, yes). i tell him look i know you like me and all but i dont get that same excited feeling. he keeps saying just give me a chance to get to know you. i tell him too (in these words) i do not want to lead you on because i do not see myself in a relationship with you. i would much rather be friends. i may just have to quit talking to him altogether if he can't get it.. He's not going to get it. No matter what you say he will be holding out hope that you'll change your mind. He's even said it himself.
Author computersfault Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 i dont think so either. he's hoping i will change my mind too. im not, well i dont think i will anyway.
stace79 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 well first thing here is no, i'm really not attracted to him. i dont get that excited feeling when i see him or talk to him. he's not bad looking or anything, i'm just not feeling him (in the relationship sense that is..). HOWEVER....i do want to learn to be friends first before another serious relationship due to the fact that i hook up with someone, find out he's not all hes cracked up to be and then im sitting here with my feelings hurt. I think that you are entitled to approach Rs in the future however you see fit for your life. I do not think it is fair, though, to tell this particular guy you want to be friends first, because it doesn't sound like it will ever be more than that. It is difficult to say this to people, but you should just be honest and tell him you do not have a romantic interest in him but you'd like to be friends only. He probably won't like that idea, but you have to be honest and not string him along. Other than this case, I think if you want to take things slowly and be friends first with potential bfs, that is your right. Just understand some people may not be interested in that. You just have to do what's right for you.
Author computersfault Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 you are right. there is a BIG difference in friends "first" and friends "only", thank you for pointing that out. that is my thought for the day.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 i dont think so either. he's hoping i will change my mind too. im not, well i dont think i will anyway. None of this is a good basis for starting a relationship. I get the feeling that you're kind of hoping that one day you'll change your mind because you like this guy. The thing is, chances are you will not change your mind. And something else to consider is that if you do "string him along" by the time you change your mind he might have worked up a lot of hurt feelings. AND if you don't change your mind he will definitely have worked up a lot of hurt feelings. I think we have to look out for the feelings of ourselves first but also for others. At least as far as in our control. IMO & IME it's better all around to back off.
aerogurl87 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Well with my boyfriend the only reason we started out as being friends was because I had a boyfriend at the time. If it hadn't been for that we would've started dating right away. I don't think people who are sexually attracted to each other can be just friends unless other outside factors force them to be.
BobSacamento Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 What do you want us to say? Yeah it's cool that it's all about you and you have no feelings for him and on top of that don't care if his feelings are hurt. Bottom line, what are you bringing to the table for this dude? Don't say friendship because you already know he's not interested. You better have a line of single friends lined up for him to meet.
Recommended Posts