BeTrue Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I'm new here and I'm posting cause this topic is a little hard to talk with people about. Anyways my husband watches porn on cell phone when he's at work, or taking deliveries for his work(he's in catering) so he drives a big truck for deliveries. all the time, we've talked about it he knows it bothers said he would stop but doesn't. Is it me or is something wrong with eligidly hiding out in a cooler to wtch porn on your cell phone? He says there's nothing wrong with it but he's watching it at work and than wants to come home and complain about his job, how bad can it be if half your day your watching porn. Why would a guy do this? He says he doesn't masterbate but why else would you watch porn? I can't come to terms with this. I Don't understand. I think its wrong And whlie your driving i told him he's going to kill someone that has to as equally if not more dangerous than texting. Do you think he's masterbateing in the car or at work i just don't get why you would want your dick hard at work... Advice please i really am confused and hurt. Thank You
Enema Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I don't have any problem with a guy watching and using porn as long as it's not harming your sex life. But to be using it at work, hiding in cold rooms and watching on a dinky little cell phone screen is nearing addiction imo. Dude has crossed a line somewhere. 1
carhill Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 IDK, some guys just spread porn around for shyte's and giggles. It's like sport. I can't imagine anything remotely stimulating (to me anyway) coming off a cell phone screen. So, when you were dating, was he an over-sexed monkey? If yes, is he still that way? For some guys, with a pile of testosterone in their system, everything is about sex (or violence). Visit a prison sometime. Whoa.... My main concern here is that his job (and future employment) could be affected by his habits at work. No job, no cell phone, no wife. Cardboard box under bridge
Author BeTrue Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 So what if he is addicted What can i do about it? A little background here: We''ve only been married a year and a half, he was the perfect guy for me i thought. However, about a month into our marriage i found out he was basically having an emotional affair with his ex... I could be wrong here but after I found about them and them meeting up while i was working, them talking multiple times a day it was suppossed to stop, it slowed down i found out seen on the bill that it stopped for two weeks and then they were talking again. I left for the night and all has been pretty good in that area since. Now it was about month after all this the phone bill came in at $300. I confronted him and he admitted to looking at porn. the next noth the bill was $200. now he has unlinited internet to satisfy his needs!!! The reason i said all that is cause I think the maybe started doing this to like replace her or something.
JackJack Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 So what if he is addicted What can i do about it? A little background here: We''ve only been married a year and a half, he was the perfect guy for me i thought. However, about a month into our marriage i found out he was basically having an emotional affair with his ex... I could be wrong here but after I found about them and them meeting up while i was working, them talking multiple times a day it was suppossed to stop, it slowed down i found out seen on the bill that it stopped for two weeks and then they were talking again. I left for the night and all has been pretty good in that area since. Now it was about month after all this the phone bill came in at $300. I confronted him and he admitted to looking at porn. the next noth the bill was $200. now he has unlinited internet to satisfy his needs!!! The reason i said all that is cause I think the maybe started doing this to like replace her or something. The first thing, is, YOU can do NOTHING about HIS addiction. WHY? Because its his problem and he will have to first admit he even has a problem. Most people either never admit or it takes them a good while to even acknowledge they have a problem. If he does admit and wants help, he will need to start there. I did not say you couldn't be there for him and lend him some kind of support. However, its up to in how long you want to hold out in hopes he will change. He will have to want to, you can't make him.
hopeful1980 Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 You can't change your husband. You really have no control over whether or not he does it or not. The fact that you don't want him to do it is obviously not enough motivation for him to stop. The fact that he could crash isn't enough motivation for him to stop. If you really want him to stop, you'll have to find another way of motivating him. If I were you, I'd stop complaining about it. I'd also work harder and taking his focus off of his cell phone porn and more towards me. How about let him take some pictures of you with something sexy on? Or just take a pic of yourself in the nude and hide it somewhere your husband will find it. He may be more interested in you and less in his cell phone porn.
Stroon Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 You can't change your husband. You really have no control over whether or not he does it or not. The fact that you don't want him to do it is obviously not enough motivation for him to stop. The fact that he could crash isn't enough motivation for him to stop. If you really want him to stop, you'll have to find another way of motivating him. If I were you, I'd stop complaining about it. I'd also work harder and taking his focus off of his cell phone porn and more towards me. How about let him take some pictures of you with something sexy on? Or just take a pic of yourself in the nude and hide it somewhere your husband will find it. He may be more interested in you and less in his cell phone porn. i dont agree with this comment for two reasons. 1) if the husband is addicted to porn i really dont think seeing a pic of his wife in the nude is going to pull his attention completely away from porn (no insult to the wife, she could be the most attractive woman in the world and it wouldnt work) 2) i cant help think its a bit degrading for the wife to be made to feel she needs to change her own behaviour. its not her behaviour that is in question here. fair enough if he only looked at porn now and then, but to do it at work AND while driving, he obviously has a problem, and i dont think the wife should feel responsible for changing him (i dont believe that anyone can delibrately change another person) i think the posters husband has an addiction. and although not noticably as damaging as alcholism or drug taking, still is something that determines his behaviour and takes his attention away from the important things ie, his wife, his job etc. unless the husband is prepared to have some help from therepists or councelling, i cant see him just changing because his wife wants him to. thats not how addiction works. if he cant acknowledge he needs help then there isnt much anyone can do.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 OP, pesronally I think porn is pretty over-whelmingy degrading towards women. Women are nothing in porn but recepticals. Of course, I do understand that most men have no problem with "a little porn", because porn isn't there telling them they are worthless or setting up expecatations about men that it does about women. I also think more men use it as a scape-goat and are more addicted to it then they care to admit to themselves. Your man sounds like he has serious issues. If he is seriously looking at porn while driving, he is in serious red zone of hurting someone else by an accident. I think he needs major healp.
asireen Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 OP, pesronally I think porn is pretty over-whelmingy degrading towards women. Women are nothing in porn but recepticals. Of course, I do understand that most men have no problem with "a little porn", because porn isn't there telling them they are worthless or setting up expecatations about men that it does about women. I also think more men use it as a scape-goat and are more addicted to it then they care to admit to themselves. Your man sounds like he has serious issues. If he is seriously looking at porn while driving, he is in serious red zone of hurting someone else by an accident. I think he needs major healp. Agreed, the guy is in the danger zone when he watches porn while at work and driving. But porn being degrading to women? Sounds like one of those women's organizations trying to steamroll over the basic freedom of expression. And thank goodness for legal internet porn (I do condemn underage porn). The women don't like it when men have options.
king pin Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 some men can just watch porn and not have an affect by it ( as strange as it sounds.) Porn on a cell phone is not erotic in the slightest, IMO its not anything to worry about at all. If he is watching it whilst driving then he is going to cause an accident and some one will end up very badly injured or worse. Maybe you should make that point very clear to him, after all if he kills some one by dangerous driving then he will end up in jail!
The Midnight Rider Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Here's the scoop... Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men are visual. Men like to watch. Men like to watch a lot. Men like to watch what they cannot have at home. Think about it. Do you think that if you dressed like, flirted like and seduced your husband like one of those skanks in porn, he would continue to do it as much as he does? Try it for once and find out. Unless he has A STONE COLD ADDICTION TO PORN (http://www.no-porn.com/test.html), I gamble just paying some sexual attention to him other than "Here's my ass, let's get this over with" may do the trick. Where some perfume. Dress sexy for him (short dress, high heels, etc). Flirt with him like you did when you first met.Porn is not your enemy. Please refer to number one. Guys dig naked chick, period. We always have and always will. We'll always be vilified for it but while your complaining about it, we'll be checking out your boobs. Sorry, we're built like that. If you want a warm, sensitive man who would never check out another naked chick but only cares about your soft warm feelings, marry another woman and you can both complain men are pigs while we drink beer, play poker and watch boobs.If your husband is having an emotional affair, take a step back and see what's going on here. Good men are just not insatiable sex mutts looking to hump the next leg that comes around. Look at the basics and ask him point blank, without tears coming down your face or the lip quiver (sorry, getting emotional does nothing but make us wish we were at a bar not facing you), "What kind of draw does this woman have over you?" If you want to save your marriage, then find out what it is that makes him tick over this woman. You guessing won't help because you aren't in his skin and you don't know what really drives him. Ask him as much as you can about what it is he likes or doesn't like. Your gonna have to communicate with him. You can't guess and nobody else can tell you, only your husband. Don't wanna find out? Just keep guessing or talking to women about a probable man problem and eventually you'll get so frustrated you'll wind up talking to people on an online form. Don't like my opinions? Oh. But they are the truth, for better or for worse. Don't like it? I cry, but not really. Little girls grow up into women. Little boys grow up into bigger little boys.
asireen Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Here's the scoop... Very well said, your entire post.
Houndsoflove Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Here's the scoop... You need to read through the post. But to be using it at work, hiding in cold rooms and watching on a dinky little cell phone screen is nearing addiction imo. I agree. And while driving? that's a problem.
JackJack Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Yes, to the person who said, "Men are visual." However, thankfully, even though I'm "visual" I do not feel the need to watch porn ALOT or on my phone while driving, I think this was part of the main issue here anyway. Its not about men NOT being visual.
simplystupid Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I think it's more than that. I'm a guy and very visual. I've watched porn from time to time, but I don't need it. Most men are very visual and physical. That is how we are wired and raised, for the most part. I can't say all, but I'll use the term (and others like it) for the sake of arguments. I don't use the term to actually mean every man, that would be impossible for me to speak for all men. And, I wouldn't.... Men are taught to not "feel" as much as women. We are preceived as weak if we do. We are thought of and trained to got to war. Whether is it real war, or to work or anything else, it is conflict that is directly in the way of our goals, whatever they may be. It might be a 2 hour commute. It is an encounter. My wife feels that porn is degrading to women, she feels that one does not know what has gone on behind the scenes to MAKE a woman do that. She also feels that it is disrespectful to her. At one point in our marriage, we've watched porn together. She even stated that it was not what she thought it was going to be (whatever that was). I take this with a grain of salt as she does not know the multitude of types of porn. I don't enjoy even thinking about a woman being hurt in any way. I don't get fetishes. I personnally like to read stories rather than see anything. I can form a better movie in my head rather than sit through some campy storyline. I don't read or watch anything now. I know that I don't need it.
faithfulone Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I agree that porn is demeaning to women. What your wife and anyone that feels it is needs to remember that these women (in up-standing and LEGAL enterprises, I stress) are getting PAID to perform these acts that some people ONLY imagine doing!! I am a woman and must admit that secretly, the only porn that actually "does it" for me are the scenes that involve women only. I used to think that I had lesbian tendencies because of this but have recently realized (that, and that fact that I don't want to be in love with another woman or have a relationship with another woman) I enjoy watching women together because it gives me the sensuality that I lack in my marriage. Women together is probably the hottest thing I've ever scene in my life!! Your husband on the other hand is fooling no one but himself!! He likes watching porn and may even be addicted to it. If he is taking time out of his work day to do so....it is definitely a problem.
ADF Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm new here and I'm posting cause this topic is a little hard to talk with people about. Anyways my husband watches porn on cell phone when he's at work, or taking deliveries for his work(he's in catering) so he drives a big truck for deliveries. all the time, we've talked about it he knows it bothers said he would stop but doesn't. Is it me or is something wrong with eligidly hiding out in a cooler to wtch porn on your cell phone? He says there's nothing wrong with it but he's watching it at work and than wants to come home and complain about his job, how bad can it be if half your day your watching porn. Why would a guy do this? He says he doesn't masterbate but why else would you watch porn? I can't come to terms with this. I Don't understand. I think its wrong And whlie your driving i told him he's going to kill someone that has to as equally if not more dangerous than texting. Do you think he's masterbateing in the car or at work i just don't get why you would want your dick hard at work... Advice please i really am confused and hurt. Thank You BeTrue, it is time you realized something: ALL MEN LOOK AT PORN. The fact your husband does so proves only one thing--he's male. I suggest you do what most couples do in this situation. He needs to pretend not to look at porn out of respect for your feelings, and you need to pretend to believe him out of respect for his.
Jersey Shortie Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think alot of you guys are selling yourselves and other men short to think that the ability to view porn is what makes a man a man. Men are visual. Really, that's fine. Women are emotional. Really, that's fine. However, when women start justifying their worse behavior under the guise of "I'm emotional" and treat their partner in a manner he finds disprespectful, that is not fine. When men start to justifyin their worse behavior under the guise of "I'm visual" and treat their partner in a manner she findes disrespectful, that is not fine. It works both ways. Men and women get lazy when they begin to justify their actions based on reactionary emotion. I try not to take out all my emotions on my guy. I expect him to also use self control out of respect for me. I am not perfect and I don't expect him to be perfect. However, I do expect effort. Advising a woman that clearly has a problem with her man's porn use to ignore it or just suck it up doesn't address the problem and her needs. When there is a relationship it's about two people. If a man feels so dependent on porn to be happy in his life, then maybe that man needs to ask himself some serious questions. Alot of men do look at porn today. But is that what you guys realy want to say is what defines you as a man? I mean, that kind of sads really bad. Is that what you want your son's to define themselves as men? Their ability to be visual and look at porn? I mean, that's easy! It doesn't take any kind of of anything to switch the tv on and pull one out to a porn. If you really think that's what makes you a man, then I think you have some big parts of yourself missing. Before the internet, men didn't need to look at porn to the extent they do today. That says something. And alot of women are coming to struggle to face the issue of having to live in a world where men define themselves by their porn use and make sure she understands that she is always going to share his attention with something electonric and yes, demeaning to women. And yes, I think most men do think porn is demeaning to women. Because the women that get invovled with porn, come from backrounds where there weren't healthy men in their own lives or there were abusive men in their own lives.
hopeful1980 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 i dont agree with this comment for two reasons. 1) if the husband is addicted to porn i really dont think seeing a pic of his wife in the nude is going to pull his attention completely away from porn (no insult to the wife, she could be the most attractive woman in the world and it wouldnt work) 2) i cant help think its a bit degrading for the wife to be made to feel she needs to change her own behaviour. its not her behaviour that is in question here. fair enough if he only looked at porn now and then, but to do it at work AND while driving, he obviously has a problem, and i dont think the wife should feel responsible for changing him (i dont believe that anyone can delibrately change another person) i think the posters husband has an addiction. and although not noticably as damaging as alcholism or drug taking, still is something that determines his behaviour and takes his attention away from the important things ie, his wife, his job etc. unless the husband is prepared to have some help from therepists or councelling, i cant see him just changing because his wife wants him to. thats not how addiction works. if he cant acknowledge he needs help then there isnt much anyone can do. What else can she do? She can't change him. She can't stop him from watching porn by asking him. Even with a person who has addiction, the enabler has to stop their behavior in order for the addict to change. It's the same thing.
bank1260 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Guy's just like watching porn. Work is boring watching porn isn't. for some reason in general women don't seem to get into watching porn. Even the most sexual kinky woman I know doesn't get into watching porn. She thinks it's a big turn on to be a participant in a porn movie, but watching porn is not a turn on. having sex in a porn movie a turn on. watching a porn movie a turn off. Explain that one.
Jersey Shortie Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Omg, men like watching porn? Wow, you answered so many questions and natural concerns with that little gem. Since men love porn so much why do you men even bother having relationships. You guys seem to be all about the porn and very little about really loving and respecting and being sexually invovled with the real women in your life. It's kind of sad the amount of time men today spend looking at porn. No man wants to admit it but you all know it's true. It's plain sad that modern day men have made themselves so codependent on porn.
ADF Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 JerseyShortie, you are being presumptuous. 1) Porn has always existed in one form or another, and men have always been interested in it. This didn't start with the internet, nor even with the advent of photography. And there is nothing wrong with it! Being interested in graphic sexual imagery is, as far as anyone can tell, a normal part of male sexuality. Broadly speaking, only 2 kinds of porn exist: porn aimed at straight men, and porn aimed at gay men. That's it. And so long as male homo sapiens walk the planet there will be a market for porn. Period. 2) No one has a right to tell another person what he or she may look at, read, or think. That is outrageous. No one should allow anyone to make them feel ashamed of their sexuality. Let no one tell you your sexuality is "wrong." Let no one tell you you're a "pervert" because they don't happen to like what you like. If someone tells you, like a child, that you need to ask yourself "some serious questions," because of what you choose to look at, tell them to go f___ themselves. 3) Your "guy" looks at porn. You can count on it. Or he's just really good at hiding it, which is all he really owes you.
Remy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You're right ADF. No-one should infringe on any males right to look at what ever images of sex turn them on. I mean if men like to see women tortured (simulated) , stuck with foreign objects, urinated and defecated on, having sex with animals, taking on an entire football team or if they are little girls or pretending to be, then that is good isn't it? Men are "visual". They are entitled to sex anyway they want. It is their right. If a few (some or even many) women feel they are somehow degraded by that process then they should just get over it. Because it is for the greater world good that men get their sexual needs met whenever, wherever and however they want. Anything else, obviously, would be a great tragedy.
Sakakawea Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Porn is only a problem when it's an addiction, and the man is disrespecting his partner's feelings. Sounds like both is going on here. You might want to try and get him some help.
ADF Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 That's right, Remy. So long as the torture, pedophilia, et al is simulated and not actual, so long as no legal statute is breached, you have nothing to say about what I or anyone else gets to enjoy. Nothing. I don't care how you feel about it. Or how anyone else feels about it. If you don't like it, don't watch it. But you don't get to tell me not to watch it. That's why we have a Bill of Rights. But what the hell does this have to do with men "getting their sexual needs met whenever, wherever and however they want?" Nothing. No one is saying men should get whatever they want, least of all me. But you really can't see that, can you? Like so many anti-porn zealots, you are unable to make a distinction between fantasy and reality. To people like you, a story about rape is the same as an actual rape, fake blood is the same as real real blood, and simulated torture is the same as real torture. As your late guru Andrea Dworkin once wrote, "To say it is to do it and to do it is to say it." Now, I suspect that unlike you, real torture victims might believe there WAS a difference between a fake bruise and a real one. A real rape victim might know the difference between a story about sexual assualt and an actual sexual assualt. But what do you care, right? What matters is that if you don't like something, if you find it offensive, if you feel it is degrading, then that gives you the right to have it banned! George Orwell would be proud of you, Remy.
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