Men: Do women of superior intellect romantically interest you?

[MRA_NYC]

YES. I say this as a man whose high IQ (150s) leads to dating difficulty. That said, after about 125 (average Ivy grad) the marginal utility of intelligence is relatively low.

 

I definitely appreciate intelligence in women, and would even date a woman much smarter than I am, but warmth, compassion, and religious faith (for me) are more important.

[jamcherries]

after discussion with a female friend, a question for the OP:

Why do you want to attract men who (you think) are of inferior intellect to you?

[cognac]

I have personally never met a woman who is more intelligent than me, and it's not because I am some arrogant scumbag as I'll be the first to admit I have met plenty of men (particularly my friend jay) more intelligent than me.

 

In fact, my jaw drops if a woman even superficially knows about half of what I know about art, culture, history, cinema, etc and can have even a vague conversation about these topics. It's generally very difficult to have an intellectual conversation with women, and it's not because I am dry or boring. Even little joke references when I am with women, like after eating a huge meal I will say "it's time to visit the vomitorium and get some more" , women will say "what's a vomitorium" and "but we ate so much why would you want more" it creates a very awkward moment.

 

Intelligence is not a trait i really expect from women, but if they have anything at all resembling it I find myself in love even if they're not as attractive as i'd like. I find conversation with women very difficult because they cannot keep up and I have to constantly be explaining my references and jokes that average intelligence males generally understand.

Edited November 26, 2009 by cognac

[Lizzie60]

I have personally never met a woman who is more intelligent than me, and it's not because I am some arrogant scumbag as I'll be the first to admit I have met plenty of men (particularly my friend jay) more intelligent than me.

 

In fact, my jaw drops if a woman even superficially knows about half of what I know about art, culture, history, cinema, etc and can have even a vague conversation about these topics. It's generally very difficult to have an intellectual conversation with women, and it's not because I am dry or boring. Even little joke references when I am with women, like after eating a huge meal I will say "it's time to visit the vomitorium and get some more" , women will say "what's a vomitorium" and "but we ate so much why would you want more" it creates a very awkward moment.

 

Intelligence is not a trait i really expect from women, but if they have anything at all resembling it I find myself in love even if they're not as attractive as i'd like. I find conversation with women very difficult because they cannot keep up and I have to constantly be explaining my references and jokes that average intelligence males generally understand.

 

Wow.. I feel sorry for you.. as you only had 'bimbos' in your life.. maybe you're not looking at the right places..

[MRA_NYC]

I have personally never met a woman who is more intelligent than me, and it's not because I am some arrogant scumbag as I'll be the first to admit I have met plenty of men (particularly my friend jay) more intelligent than me.

 

In fact, my jaw drops if a woman even superficially knows about half of what I know about art, culture, history, cinema, etc and can have even a vague conversation about these topics. It's generally very difficult to have an intellectual conversation with women, and it's not because I am dry or boring. Even little joke references when I am with women, like after eating a huge meal I will say "it's time to visit the vomitorium and get some more" , women will say "what's a vomitorium" and "but we ate so much why would you want more" it creates a very awkward moment.

 

Intelligence is not a trait i really expect from women, but if they have anything at all resembling it I find myself in love even if they're not as attractive as i'd like. I find conversation with women very difficult because they cannot keep up and I have to constantly be explaining my references and jokes that average intelligence males generally understand.

 

I've met a few women smarter than me, through math competitions when I was in school, and in college. A couple were unambiguous bitches, a couple were really nice, and the rest were mostly standoffish and unapproachable, but generally good people.

 

I think a big part of the problem is that, when you're in a certain milieu, you're surrounded by intelligent men because of your high social class and level of success, and you grow to expect that. The men who got into the young professional set had to do something to get there-- sure, some of them are douchebag investment bankers of thoroughly mediocre intellect, but there are no idiots. The women, on the other hand, were not all selected for their intelligence (although some were).

[Sam Spade]

This is sort of related to Ilovecake's thread about men preferring "bimbos." However, I don't wish to imply that men are only interested in "bimbos," but I do find that the more intellectual a woman is, the less attracted most men are.

 

It's not just the men who I am friends with, but most men I talk to in general. Yes: most men ultimately prefer a woman whom they can have a conversation with, even if they may be more physically attracted to the "bimbo" type. However, I find that men still want to have an intellectual "one-up," so to speak, on the woman they're dating.

 

In other words, it seems to me that men prefer a woman whose intellect is not on par with or above theirs, but is sufficient enough to understand whatever topic they are talking about and be able to converse about said topic to some degree.

 

I find that most men are not interested in women who may be more intellectual than they are or at least have the capacity to become more intellectual--it's as though there is a limit to the degree of intellect a woman can possess and still be considered romantically attractive.

 

Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position?

 

I ask the latter, because I find that older men are more open to being with intellectual women than younger men are; but, I'm also in college, so maybe my demographic is altering the outcome.

 

 

Whi the heck ressurects old threads ? Anyway:

 

1) Intellect in women (the scholarly/literary variety) is great if it is present, but not a must. Other traits and character qualities are much more important. (emotional intelligence however is very important, and it is not strongly correlated with IQ)

 

2) Yes. Vysotsky/Marina Vlady type of romance is not for me. Maybe when I'm much older, done having kids and divorced.

Super-intelligent woman will have priorities and aspirations incompatible with mine (which are publish a few papers a year and the rest of the time play with babies or cuddle on the beach). She will also probably have much higher demands/expectations of me - both professionally and in terms of our relationship, and I ain't havin' any of that sh*t .

 

 

3) 33, college professor

 

 

I also agree with the poster who said that in the current US anti-intellectual culture what passes as "intelligent" is usually just an arrogant upper-middle class ******* who went to all the "right schools":rolleyes:. I avoid people like that like the plaque (no matter the gender) - they're as intelligent as my dog would be if I spent a few millions on it . Truly intelligent people are a rarity, so why bother . I'm blessed with 2 very smart friends and that's as good as it's gona get.

 

Finally, there is an important difference between being "smart" and "intellectual" - you can be very smart and still an anti-intellectual...

Edited November 26, 2009 by Sam Spade

[threebyfate]

Reading through some of these posts, honestly, what kind of bimbos do some of you men know? Perhaps like draws like.

[Toki]

Hell yeah I would! As long as she isn't condescending, and enjoys doing my calculus homework.

[cognac]

Wow.. I feel sorry for you.. as you only had 'bimbos' in your life.. maybe you're not looking at the right places..

 

Could you give me some tips as to where to look? All the girls I see at the book store are reading vampire novels, the girls I see at poetry places are either lesbian or with their boyfriends, there's a lot of booksmart women at school, but they're not actually smart in any practical sense. I can't really think of any other places.

[threebyfate]

Could you give me some tips as to where to look? All the girls I see at the book store are reading vampire novels, the girls I see at poetry places are either lesbian or with their boyfriends, there's a lot of booksmart women at school, but they're not actually smart in any practical sense. I can't really think of any other places.

You're still in school, right?

[threebyfate]

Weird. An intelligent woman asks cognac a simple question and he goes mum but when it comes to slandering women in general, he's really vocal.

 

If you don't talk to intelligent women, how can you possibly know what they're like?

[cognac]

You're still in school, right?

 

Yes I am a junior in college.

[threebyfate]

Yes I am a junior in college.

In what way have you applied what you've learned, towards real life, in a practical way? Have you ever 100% supported yourself? Have you experienced a full-time career, one where it falls into your field of expertise, hence challenges you, not only from a theoretical standpoint but from a people management perspective? Do you have a retirement plan, whereby you've managed to allocate a sub-portion of your income, towards investments? Do you own a home, one where you've had to maintain it, as the owner? In essence, what have you done with all this information you've gained from books?

[cognac]

In what way have you applied what you've learned, towards real life, in a practical way? Have you ever 100% supported yourself? Have you experienced a full-time career, one where it falls into your field of expertise, hence challenges you, not only from a theoretical standpoint but from a people management perspective? Do you have a retirement plan, whereby you've managed to allocate a sub-portion of your income, towards investments? Do you own a home, one where you've had to maintain it, as the owner? In essence, what have you done with all this information you've gained from books?

 

Time to psychoanalyze me eh Only women think being good with finances and having a big income means you are intelligent. It doesn't. I've met people who barely finished high school and are way more intelligent and wise than any snobby "PH.D." intellectual career woman.

 

This isn't about how much money you can store in your bank account or how popular you are with your peers, this is about the fact that it is difficult to have an intelligent and open conversation with women in general. Generally, even if you do find a woman to have an intellectual conversation with, you have to walk on eggshells because if you happen to disagree with them and their worldview they will storm out and get angry. For example a woman I would always talk to would argue to me about gay marriage.

[DenvyH22]

Yeah woman we da stupid we have periods and all we be dumb.

 

[threebyfate]

Time to psychoanalyze me eh Only women think being good with finances and having a big income means you are intelligent. It doesn't. I've met people who barely finished high school and are way more intelligent and wise than any snobby "PH.D." intellectual career woman.

 

This isn't about how much money you can store in your bank account or how popular you are with your peers, this is about the fact that it is difficult to have an intelligent and open conversation with women in general. Generally, even if you do find a woman to have an intellectual conversation with, you have to walk on eggshells because if you happen to disagree with them and their worldview they will storm out and get angry. For example a woman I would always talk to would argue to me about gay marriage.

Answer my questions. They have nothing to do with psychoanalysis. They have to do with real life and applying booksmarts to getting yourself to a place where you can afford to have meaningless theoretical discussions.

 

When I was your age, I was in University, keeping my grades up, while still partying and dating like mad. Not much sleep but it was worth the fun.

 

Relax and get off your "intellectual" high horse. What you're learning in school, are textbook perfect scenarios. When you get into real life, pretty much most of it will have to be amended, on an ongoing basis.

 

With your inflexible mind, I sincerely wonder if you're capable of surviving in the real world. As it stands, I suspect you don't have much of a social life, where this is the time of your life you should be reaching out to people on a social level, since this is the time you're going to best meet lifetime friends, business networking possibilities and also, potentially, a lifetime partner.

 

To believe so little of women, gets you nothing. That's not very intelligent, if you consider your biological drive. Or is it that since you can't score, you resent those who you can't score with? Only you know why but for whatever your reasons, it's self-defeating.

[cognac]

When I was your age, I was in University, keeping my grades up, while still partying and dating like mad. Not much sleep but it was worth the fun.[/Quote]You are probably a very attractive woman.

 

And I do party a lot but with my own group of friends not particularly in college. I don't dorm and my college isn't really a party school. Besides I find it hard to hang out with random people I don't know.

 

Relax and get off your "intellectual" high horse. What you're learning in school, are textbook perfect scenarios. When you get into real life, pretty much most of it will have to be amended, on an ongoing basis. [/Quote]I know that very well. I don't understand what your point is since that is my point. Booksmarts are irrelevant.

 

With your inflexible mind, I sincerely wonder if you're capable of surviving in the real world. As it stands, I suspect you don't have much of a social life, where this is the time of your life you should be reaching out to people on a social level, since this is the time you're going to best meet lifetime friends, business networking possibilities and also, potentially, a lifetime partner.[/Quote]I really don't give a **** about your world, what you call the "real world". It's superficial and dumb. I just need enough money to survive and I am perfectly content.

 

I have a very active social life, with my two best friends. I'm not interested in making "disposable friends" in order to get some business opportunity in the future, I don't have the patience for it. I would rather live in the now and if one day need a favor I know for sure my best friends would help me out.

 

I plan on having an active social life in another environment where people generally are more like me . I won't say where but I have a pretty good idea, places where I spiritually and intellectually fit. I just need to raise enough money and tie up some loose ends and I'll be living moving there. This life in new york ****ty is just a temporary stop and I would rather die than live here the rest of my life.

 

To believe so little of women, gets you nothing. That's not very intelligent, if you consider your biological drive. Or is it that since you can't score, you resent those who you can't score with? Only you know why but for whatever your reasons, it's self-defeating.[/Quote]I don't feel this way because I want to . I am just reporting what I witness every single day. Again you refuse to tell me where all these amazingly intelligent and easy to get along with women are at because in my every day life I do not see them.

 

Would pretending I don't see what I see help me meet them?

[lizziem]

I consider myself an intellectual woman so i'll just give my point of view, as to what I think my boyfriend sees in me =)

 

my boyfriend is a year younger than me, we've been dating for 8 months .. We're a young couple, but while i am a law graduate and has worked in a very good organization in his country, he is just barely starting university (which he gets motivated to after seeing how i am )..

 

he loves me to death (well i think so) and i never have to try to be a bimbo around him. he's dutch, i'm from an asian country, but he just goes on and on and on about how feminine i am.. (though i don't really think so)

 

but he says one of the things he love about me is that i am very modest.. his biggest turn off are women who thinks they know it all, and tries to up you every 5 seconds. he gets turned off by intellectual snobs and show offs.. but he doesn't mind intellect per se, just that it has to be enveloped with some charisma and personality.

 

i love languages too, i always drag him to random trial language classes. and sometimes my boyfriend picks me up from one of my law conferences (in a bike super adorable)

 

so i think for my boyfriend is more turned on towards quiet intelligence... he always makes a point of telling me how thoughtful i am he doesn't just tolerate my intelligence, it really is ONE of the things he love about me.

 

but the dutch are known to have very strong women, and is one of the most gender balanced countries i know, so this may be part of the reason.

[Vertex]

I'd consider myself a pretty smart cookie (perfect SATs, great grades at a good college, self-supporting financially, strong finance/tech background, etc), but by no means would I say I'm the smartest, nor would I even say those "external gauges" can possibly imply that a person is necessarily good with people. I think if you're the type to assume you're the smartest and that no women can be intellectually superior to you, you're honestly not making a very intelligent observation.

 

I think if you're constantly trying to "test" a girl by dropping obscure references, that will turn most people off. It's not like I'm going to say "Damn, way to misjudge your mother's volatility, Ms. Straddle Option!" or something. If you're quick to put people in the "Idiot" category, you're cutting most of your options away from you. It really is about learning to connect with people.

 

I can have the most heated arguments about religion or gay marriage with someone and remain just as close at the end of the day. The key is, again, to not judge or berate. Respect others for their views and see it as an exchange -- not a "Let's see who's right!" contest.

[Sam Spade]

There aren't very many true intellectuals in the world. Intellectual is not someone who is smart (just try talking to laywers, doctors or bankers ).

Intellectual is someone who not just enjoys, but is actually devoted to the exploration of ideas for discourse's sake, and the ideas in question are usually globally relevant (i.e. transcend particular policy issues). Also, such person is typically is good enough in this to do it for a living (i.e. at least maybe make some money out of it on the side, rather than just blabber in their free time). Plato is an intellectual, Sartre is an intellectual, Popper is an intellectual, Paul Krugman is an intellectual etc. etc. etc. The point is that the run of the mill smart person in the professions is not an intellectual.

 

Per this definition, intellectuals are exceedingly rare, and the few little that exist are generally obscure since the mainstream doesn't care about ideas (unless there is some apparent usefulness to them).

 

So, if anybody really wants to date an intellectual, they probably need to be a proven one themselves, simply because otherwise their paths will never intersect.

[Slainte]

This is sort of related to Ilovecake's thread about men preferring "bimbos." However, I don't wish to imply that men are only interested in "bimbos," but I do find that the more intellectual a woman is, the less attracted most men are.

 

It's not just the men who I am friends with, but most men I talk to in general. Yes: most men ultimately prefer a woman whom they can have a conversation with, even if they may be more physically attracted to the "bimbo" type. However, I find that men still want to have an intellectual "one-up," so to speak, on the woman they're dating.

 

In other words, it seems to me that men prefer a woman whose intellect is not on par with or above theirs, but is sufficient enough to understand whatever topic they are talking about and be able to converse about said topic to some degree.

 

I find that most men are not interested in women who may be more intellectual than they are or at least have the capacity to become more intellectual--it's as though there is a limit to the degree of intellect a woman can possess and still be considered romantically attractive.

 

Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position?

 

I ask the latter, because I find that older men are more open to being with intellectual women than younger men are; but, I'm also in college, so maybe my demographic is altering the outcome.

 

1. I'm generally not attracted to intellectual girls, as the majority are too serious/intellectual for my tastes and a long term relationship wouldn't last.

 

2. I like smart girls but not know-it-all, professional types as has already been said, they're too like the men and can't switch off (like myself) so a relationship would be constantly argumentative.

 

3. 18, Law student.

[always_searching]

Haha, I'm surprised that this thread is still getting responses. That's great. I'm glad it was/is of interest.

 

First of all, thank you all so much for your responses, no matter how disheartening some--though, gladly not all--of them have been viz. Cognac (I know what a vomitorium is, by the way. LOL, but I also know Latin, so...). I have to ask, Cognac, where do you get these women?

 

For those of you who are interested in intelligent women: where the H are you all? Come visit the Midwest!

 

after discussion with a female friend, a question for the OP:

Why do you want to attract men who (you think) are of inferior intellect to you?

 

Oh, I certainly never meant to imply that! I know this thread is long, but if you look through some of the earlier pages, or even any of my other threads on men in authoritative positions, or on my professor: you'll notice that I've specified that I am only interested in men of a higher intellect than myself. I enjoy scholarly learning in any and every aspect of my life...especially in romance.

[runner]

 

Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position?

 

(1) fantastic; if she can keep up in the conversation, all the better.

(2) no; i can segregate the bedroom action from the coffee talk.

(3) thirties. intelligentia.

[mem11363]

1. Intellectual women are great

2. There is absolutely no upper bound on intellect beyond which a woman becomes less attractive. HOWEVER - We all have to recognize that even a secure male will react adversely to a woman if he believes she perceives him as clearly less intelligent or uneducated.

3. I am 46, have an undergraduate degree in computer science, a lifelong interest in math and many areas of science including biology, physics, chemistry and human behavior. I was a senior software executive at a large company for many years. Now I do software consulting.

 

As for point 2 above, I once worked with a very well educated woman who was also highly intelligent and aggressive. She was fun in many ways however she had one really serious flaw which was that she would often remark to her professional colleagues "I cannot believe you don't know that."

 

I personally thought her standards regarding factual knowledge were absurdly high. I mostly found her behavior amusing since I noticed that she never attacked any of her colleague's analysis or assessment of a situation, only their occasional lack of factual information. She wasn't smarter, maybe not even as smart as most of the rest of us. But in an effort to seem that she was, she would claim that any fact she knew, no matter how esoteric was part of a basic education and if you did not know it you were mentally deficient.

 

I have been around women smarter then I am. I found them to be delightful and sexy. But they didn't make an effort to make me look or feel inferior or stupid when we discussed subject areas where they had great expertise and I had none.

 

 

 

There aren't very many true intellectuals in the world. Intellectual is not someone who is smart (just try talking to laywers, doctors or bankers ).

Intellectual is someone who not just enjoys, but is actually devoted to the exploration of ideas for discourse's sake, and the ideas in question are usually globally relevant (i.e. transcend particular policy issues). Also, such person is typically is good enough in this to do it for a living (i.e. at least maybe make some money out of it on the side, rather than just blabber in their free time). Plato is an intellectual, Sartre is an intellectual, Popper is an intellectual, Paul Krugman is an intellectual etc. etc. etc. The point is that the run of the mill smart person in the professions is not an intellectual.

 

Per this definition, intellectuals are exceedingly rare, and the few little that exist are generally obscure since the mainstream doesn't care about ideas (unless there is some apparent usefulness to them).

 

So, if anybody really wants to date an intellectual, they probably need to be a proven one themselves, simply because otherwise their paths will never intersect.

[runner]

There aren't very many true intellectuals in the world. Intellectual is not someone who is smart (just try talking to laywers, doctors or bankers ).

Intellectual is someone who not just enjoys, but is actually devoted to the exploration of ideas for discourse's sake, and the ideas in question are usually globally relevant (i.e. transcend particular policy issues). Also, such person is typically is good enough in this to do it for a living (i.e. at least maybe make some money out of it on the side, rather than just blabber in their free time). Plato is an intellectual, Sartre is an intellectual, Popper is an intellectual, Paul Krugman is an intellectual etc. etc. etc. The point is that the run of the mill smart person in the professions is not an intellectual.

 

Per this definition, intellectuals are exceedingly rare, and the few little that exist are generally obscure since the mainstream doesn't care about ideas (unless there is some apparent usefulness to them).

 

So, if anybody really wants to date an intellectual, they probably need to be a proven one themselves, simply because otherwise their paths will never intersect.

 

very well said.