SadandConfusedWA Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Always_searching, Sorry to go off topic again but... you mentioned that you are a grad student, what field are you in?
mem11363 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 1. They are the best 2. No limit - smart is good - brilliant is great - I married someone smart who is a voracious reader with a lot of interests. I am very happily married and have been for 20 years. If I got to go redo my college experience I think I would have tried a little harder to find the wiz kids in my class. 3. I turn 47 in January What is a social position? This is sort of related to Ilovecake's thread about men preferring "bimbos." However, I don't wish to imply that men are only interested in "bimbos," but I do find that the more intellectual a woman is, the less attracted most men are. It's not just the men who I am friends with, but most men I talk to in general. Yes: most men ultimately prefer a woman whom they can have a conversation with, even if they may be more physically attracted to the "bimbo" type. However, I find that men still want to have an intellectual "one-up," so to speak, on the woman they're dating. In other words, it seems to me that men prefer a woman whose intellect is not on par with or above theirs, but is sufficient enough to understand whatever topic they are talking about and be able to converse about said topic to some degree. I find that most men are not interested in women who may be more intellectual than they are or at least have the capacity to become more intellectual--it's as though there is a limit to the degree of intellect a woman can possess and still be considered romantically attractive. Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position? I ask the latter, because I find that older men are more open to being with intellectual women than younger men are; but, I'm also in college, so maybe my demographic is altering the outcome.
Author always_searching Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Always_searching, Sorry to go off topic again but... you mentioned that you are a grad student, what field are you in? That would be philosophy, SadandConfusedWA. Why do you ask? LOL, don't tell me that you recognize me! That could be slightly awkward... I want to apologize if I came off at all condescending in my original response to your post--again, I wasn't replying to your post alone. Your advice is very good, but I origianlly had asked as more of a male census.
Author always_searching Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Why didn't women like you exist 15 years ago?? I think the two biggest things to take from this thread are what TBF said about vibes and what Grogster and I said about how intellect has a hard time standing by itself but can REALLY enhance an entire package. Vibing right is BIG -- it may mean different things for different men, but for me it means that senses of humor really sync. If the vibing is there, then intellect can really be a turn on. I'm not surprised you're into older men. Getting to know who you are and what you like is a result of time and experience. Chances are that many men who would really dig your intellect may not have gotten a lot of experience when younger -- hence the time factor. LOL, aww, but I did! I was just 9 years old, at the time.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 That would be philosophy, SadandConfusedWA. Why do you ask? LOL, don't tell me that you recognize me! That could be slightly awkward... I want to apologize if I came off at all condescending in my original response to your post--again, I wasn't replying to your post alone. Your advice is very good, but I origianlly had asked as more of a male census. Nah, I don't recognize you at all. I am a hard science grad student myself and I thought you sounded more like a humanities student, just wanted to see if I am right
Author always_searching Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Nah, I don't recognize you at all. I am a hard science grad student myself and I thought you sounded more like a humanities student, just wanted to see if I am right Hard science grad? Oooo...them's fight'n words! Metaphysics is the hardest of the hard sciences! Boy-yah! Just kidding. Not go go even further off topic, but what the heck: what area of science are you studying?
DWill Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 An intelligent woman is very attractive to me. The only case I would consider it a problem is if she is supercilious about her intelligence. I mean she can be proud that she is intelligent but if she starts putting down others because of their comparative lack of intelligence then its the end of the road as far as I'm concerned. Then again the damsel in distress also stokes my interest, so maybe I'm just full of it. I'm 22 in college.
Neutrino Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 i don't date anyone who can beat me up or is smarter than me If you are so aware of it - I guess neither would be too hard.... LOL (sorry, I couldn't let this post go...)
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Actually, I get off on a man intellectually trumping me in an argument: bringing up the etymology of words, the element of historicity that must to be taken into account in order to comprehend the intentionality of the author, and quoting obscure texts in order to prove his point...oh, I just... Ah-hum, yeah, but that's just me. To each their own.... I find an intelligent woman attractive because of her ability to plan, make critical decisions and treat people well (me). I think your wires are crossed.
Neutrino Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) Here's my simplistic view : 1. Many men are turned off by intelligent women because they have low self-esteem and they are afraid they will simply not measure up. IMO for the same reasons some men want a housewife for a partner - they go for dependence rather than free will because they suspect that any woman who had her free will - will use it to not even look in their direction.... (often these are also men who treat their women like ****, so you can see why they want their women to depend on them) 2. Being argumentative has nothing to do with being intelligent - many idiots possess this property. Often female assertiveness is mistaken for being argumentative (see point 1) but some of the truly argumentative people are female. 3. A friend of mine said he wanted to marry a woman who was more intelligent than him and who could also make money (he married my best friend and achieved his wishes because she is really bright). He said he then had a companion in life he could depend on (not in a submissive way), rather than have someone he had to take care off... 4. It is a good filtering mechanism : I can say I'm intelligent but I won't brag (for people who know me, my achievements speak for themselves). My bigger half (he is heavier) needs to have a decent amount of brains, confidence and a solid character - but this works for me because I would not be interested in anything less. Edited October 4, 2009 by Neutrino
Author always_searching Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 I think your wires are crossed. Sorry, You'reasian, but I'm not very good with metaphors. What do you mean?
Pedigree Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position? 1. They're hot. Honestly. I dated a girl who's doing an economics degree once. I'll be lying if I didn't get an inflation from her explaining how the global financial crisis came to be. Who'd ever thought listening about sub-prime mortgage and toxic loans could be that interesting? It was a short term thing unfortunately because she moved to a uni overseas. 2. No. I'm just hoping that the gap between brains and appearance aren't too big. 3. 21, university student.
Vertex Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position? I ask the latter, because I find that older men are more open to being with intellectual women than younger men are; but, I'm also in college, so maybe my demographic is altering the outcome. 1. I absolutely have no interest in anyone if they aren't intelligent. I'm a bit pickier than most people because I love it when a woman is brilliant. When a woman is observant, empathetic, well-versed, articulate, a quick learner, good with critical decisions, has good judgment, can think logically and quickly, and can verbally spar/has a sense of humor and knows how to have fun, I think it's the sexiest thing in the world (sorry if that list was long -- they're just the general traits I tend to see in very intelligent women). I've dated "hotter" women who weren't very bright, and I just had no connection or interest... it was really difficult for me to feel much at all. I've really only had stronger interests for women I could connect with, where I could appreciate their personality and mind. 2. No limit 3. 23, recent college grad. Edited October 5, 2009 by Vertex
Vertex Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) I should elaborate on a point though brought up earlier -- I know many men do prefer to be an intellectual superior (be it for decision making advantages, control, establishment of a masculinity/femininity duality, utility, etc), but the way I see it, I prefer someone who is a team player, if that makes sense. My ideal woman is someone who I can consider an equal... I think of a good relationship as a two-person team, because then both people are on the same page, can make the same decisions, and yet still supplement each other in terms of strengths/weaknesses. Besides, being smart doesn't mean a girl can't still be extremely cute Haha Also, not to freak out the OP, but girls in glasses make for a very happy Vertex. Edited October 5, 2009 by Vertex
lino Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Yes they interest me. So long as I also find her physically attractive and she's a kind and respectful woman. If intellect is all she has going for her, no. If she acts like a know-it-all around myself and others and considers herself to be above others because of her academic credentials/achievements then definitely NO! Men, my questions for you are: (1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women, (2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive, and, finally, (3) what is your current age and social position? 1) Same as the thoughts I have for other women of differing intellectual capacity. 2) Not in my opinion 3) almost 28. Not sure what social position is.
Author always_searching Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Also, not to freak out the OP, but girls in glasses make for a very happy Vertex. Some of these more recent posts by men have made me very happy! It's refreshing to know that men who appreciate intellectual women are out there! It seems as though most of the guys I know are entirely superficial and are only into girls who look like Monica Belluci--no, not even Monica Belluci, as she is a beautiful, curvy, and intellectual woman; more like they are into women who aren't developed physically or mentally. It's like these men want women who look like and act like children. Not to suggest there is anything wrong with a physically and mentally underdeveloped woman, but I question the men who are only interested in those women... So, again, I am very pleased to read some of these responses. Thanks for taking the time to post!
Vertex Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 The problem, unfortunately, is that truly smart women are hard to find.
lino Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 That's true. Many think they are smart and have done a good job convincing themselves of it but really, they're just acting as a know-it-all
Author always_searching Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 That's true. Many think they are smart and have done a good job convincing themselves of it but really, they're just acting as a know-it-all But see, that's getting into the psychology of women. My original question is referring to men who think a woman is intelligent, regardless of what her opinion of her intellect is. Still, I wouldn't call an "intellectual woman" someone who is a know-it-all. That's what I would call an "arrogant woman."
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 The problem, unfortunately, is that truly smart women are hard to find. I've found that the people who are hard to find are the ones who are simultaneously: (1) intelligent (2) well-adjusted (3) capable of functioning in social situations (4) not completely full of themselves (5) secure enough not to have to rattle off what they know and purposely try to sound as intelligent as possible, all the freaking time ...but they're out there. I've even met a bunch.
Author always_searching Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 The problem, unfortunately, is that truly smart women are hard to find. Well, finding someone who is truly [insert any good quality] is hard to find.
Els Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) I honestly think you're not going to get very accurate responses to this, based on all the male posters I've seen claiming to have never seen a woman smarter than them. I guess it's good, in a way - they automatically see a smart woman as 'less smart than them' due to that good ol' male ego that refuses to admit otherwise, so it doesn't really put intelligent women at a grave disadvantage, save for having themselves underestimated. Like, seriously? You've never MET/KNOWN a woman smarter than you, or you've never DATED one smarter than you? Huge difference, that. If you assert the former, I don't believe you, unless you: 1) meet VERY few women, or 2) have an IQ of, like, 160. The MENSA tests I've taken to date put me at around 148, and I've met/known quite a few people, both men and women, who are smarter than me. Based on the writing styles/posts of many of you men who are going around happily claiming that you've never met a woman smarter than you, I'm pretty darn sure you've an IQ lower than that. Go take a credible test if you want to prove me wrong. Of course, this only pertains to 'traditional intelligence' - plenty of other types exist, and that kinda complicates matters even further. As a woman, I should add that based on my observation, most guys do prefer to be intellectually superior to their girl, or at least prefer to THINK that they are. Not really much of a problem to me, since I've no interest in men who are less intelligent than me, frankly. Yes, I'm a bad, arrogant elitist. Edited October 24, 2009 by Elswyth
torranceshipman Posted October 24, 2009 Posted October 24, 2009 This is too hard to answer...there are too many variables present that should really be considered alongside the intellectualism/intelligence. For example, I am extremely attracted to intelligent/intellectual men, but there are also other qualities that I would need to see in him in order to be attracted to him as a romantic partner.
jamcherries Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 "(1) what are your thoughts on intellectual women" - Always approve. I understand by the term, though, a kind of predisposition to certain kinds of preferences, acts, wishes - a liking to engage with the thoughts of others, whether in person, or in an essay, a novel, an instant message... A precondition for that is a sense of humility, of wonder at the new. And, from the post above by Neutrino, re their friend's desire for an intellectual woman: "He said he then had a companion in life he could depend on (not in a submissive way), rather than have someone he had to take care off..." - I agree with this. You don't want to have to parent your partner. "(2) is there a limit to how intellectual a woman can be and still be considered romantically attractive" I don't think so. My postgrad supervisor was a specialist French translator, and author of books on psychoanalytic and critical theory: I found nothing 'unfeminine' about that at all, but then she was French-Canadian - British women's intellectualism has a quite different character. Here women often have too high a self-belief in their intelligence, made possible by the UK's evasive and sarcastically anti-intellectual culture. "(3) what is your current age and social position?" 33, and my social position... low - freelance work, tutoring psychoanalysts and executives. (re, your 'guys dont like smart girls' line, the opposite is just as true. My male-model friend who was very involved in his studies had trouble finding women too. There's a feeling that intelligent people -men or women- are not going to be 'fun'. Odd, given that they're more likely to be witty and fun.)
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