hoping2heal Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You are lucky to have him, but, then again you never actually broke up with him for him to have suffered through THAT pain. No he didn't suffer through that pain, but he suffered through plenty other pain regardless. There was still a time when he wanted me to step up the plate and give him something I wouldn't. What he went through was not easy at all, and it would of been understandable had he said "Okay enough with you now." Again, had we been very far into things I don't doubt that WOULD of been his response and understandbly so. It's one thing to decieve someone when they are getting to know you and show them that you are a mess, that was hard enough on him and stressful and confusing enough. It's another thing, to deceive someone for several months or years of your life, I don't think we would have made it through that. He never put up with my crap though (that was part of it!) he called me on everything and I had the choice to either become accountable for my actions; or just go find some other guy who would tolerate it. Again, realising this guy was special I chose to just cut it out and be a good partner to him instead. I didn't want to lose him and I didn't want to keep running scared all of my life.
hoping2heal Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 That is so wonderful, I'm very happy for you. God bless you both! Thankyou for the well wishes towards us both God Bless you as well!
Serena2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 ecm -- I think it really depends on where you are in the process as to advice on what to do if they come back, and CPs often do. Surfer Girl is right, Georgia Girl is the only poster who is experiencing a successful reconciliation with a CP partner. I think the key is to do everything you can to focus on yourself and what you want and deserve from a relationship. In other words, get yourself strong and healthy so if and when he does come back, you're emotionally grounded and able to set appropriate boundaries in order to enter into a healthy relationship. By doing this, if he comes back and he's still unhealthy, you'll be able to detect it and you won't settle. It's only by getting yourself healthy that you can accomplish this. I know that some of the advice on LS is to disallow contact unless they're knocking your door down to get back together. This may be appropriate in the early stages of a break-up while your emotions are still raw but may not be appropriate for all situations at all points in time. My guy was/is classic CP and my story is scattered in other threads. Right now, we're in the beginning stages of re-establishing our relationship and I'm not really sure what I want from this relationship anymore. So, I'm at a point where I'm not saying either you're all in or you're out because I'm not ready to go all in. I don't hate him and I truly feel sorry for him that he has this issue. I'll always care about him but I don't feel so head over heels anymore. I'm taking it slow and observing. I don't know where this will go and I don't know where I want it to go until I see more. One thing is for certain, I will not re-establish a relationship with him that parallels the way it was before. Both Georgia Girl and I are mid-forties and this may make a difference with CP men of this age because they get to a point where they really want to settle down. As I remember, Steven Carter brings up the age factor in at least one of his books. I guess the only hard and fast rule that I can think of is don't re-engage in a relationship of any kind until you get your own emotions stabilized enough to you know what you truly want and deserve in a relationship. Sometimes you have to completely disconnect (NC) in order to reconnect in a healthy way. Hang in there.
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 No he didn't suffer through that pain, but he suffered through plenty other pain regardless. There was still a time when he wanted me to step up the plate and give him something I wouldn't. What he went through was not easy at all, and it would of been understandable had he said "Okay enough with you now." Again, had we been very far into things I don't doubt that WOULD of been his response and understandbly so. It's one thing to decieve someone when they are getting to know you and show them that you are a mess, that was hard enough on him and stressful and confusing enough. It's another thing, to deceive someone for several months or years of your life, I don't think we would have made it through that. He never put up with my crap though (that was part of it!) he called me on everything and I had the choice to either become accountable for my actions; or just go find some other guy who would tolerate it. Again, realising this guy was special I chose to just cut it out and be a good partner to him instead. I didn't want to lose him and I didn't want to keep running scared all of my life. Thank goodness you came to your senses. I guess it took HIM, to get the best YOU.
hoping2heal Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Thank goodness you came to your senses. I guess it took HIM, to get the best YOU. That is a perfect way to describe it. He trully brings the best out of me and I have grown tremendously since knowing him. I have seen him grow a lot as well and I've seen him accomplish some trully amazing things. We're a lucky bunch .
bluewolf17 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Honestly, When my ex came back I didn't buy it. I wasn't sure. I thought he was just lonely. Just reaching out again like he had over the last 7 months. I was indiffrent. I had moved on. I had let go. And I didn't realy care. But he kept coming back, each time stronger than before. I finally agreed to meet up with him. When we met up, I could feel it. I knew that this time, it wasn't just him missing me, it wasn't him "feeling me out". When someone wants you and loves you, very often they make it VERY CLEAR. This time he did. I took it slow, and let him prove it to me. He's still proving it to me, as I am to him. When they come back, you just have to figure out if you want them back, and you have to figure out what went wrong and be able to correct it. Accept that the relationship will be diffrent. Being with my ex now is diffrent. IT'S BETTER. It feels much more mature, more loving, more important. If they come back, it has to be 100% on both sides. Both wanting it. This is why you don't see a lot of make up's on LS.
Beeotch Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Only you can tell.... The disclaimer on this site should be that at the end of the day, you and only you can decide for yourself about your ex, your relationship, what feels right etc. We can share our 2 cents and our own experiences but NO ONE on the forum knows the intricacies of a situation like you do and the fullness of most scenarios cannot be ascertained through explaining it on a forum. So the final judge has to be you. Be smart about it is what I would say. Give yourself time and space to grow and to also figure out what the problem was not only with the ex but with you, figure out what you want and do not want and take things SLOWLY is what I would say. Test the waters....hang out as friends first and communicate, communicate, communicate openly about all your concerns. Do not dive head first back into a relationship and make sure you are not still so desperate and hurt that you just want the person back and are so blinded that you can't see what is in front of your face.
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