Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 But you DO see my point, right? I mean he could be married, and have a whole clutch of muchachos. You don't know. After neighbor guy, I just don't want you to get hurt again. It's cause your a fellow Texan, and I like you. Oh, yes, I definitely see your point! We have not yet discussed our relationship status. All he said is he would love to continue the conversation -- even a married guy could say that in total honesty. I would, however, find it slimy to invite me out, if that were the case. I have decided to call him tonight and accept the coffee date invite, for sometime next week. Fellow Texan! No wonder we get along so well.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 ...but the truth is each one of us as individuals no matter what trends there are in psychology, each of our experiences in life is unique unto itself so we all have our own distinct stuff to deal with which affects the way we treat people and the way we treat ourselves, so in truth you can make educated guesses but you never know exactly what to expect... I was kinda sleepy when I read your post last night, but I wanted to say that I think it was really thoughtful and full of good ideas. I slept on it and listened to his message again this morning, and he sounds sweet and excited to see me. And y'all are right -- IT'S JUST COFFEE. Worst case scenario, I'll get my datin' feet wet and talk to a cool guy for half an hour. No matter how I may have flubbed up in the past, I trust myself to make good decisions now.
Rudderless Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 10 days is a lot and he should know it. If he mentioned "sorry I haven;t been in touch" that would suggest it's ok, otherwise I'd just roll my eyes at his lameness.
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Oh, yes, I definitely see your point! We have not yet discussed our relationship status. All he said is he would love to continue the conversation -- even a married guy could say that in total honesty. I would, however, find it slimy to invite me out, if that were the case. Of course you would -- and in my experience it is really rare for a guy that asks me out to be married. It has happened but for the most part they've all been single so odds are in your favor as far as that goes. I have decided to call him tonight and accept the coffee date invite, for sometime next week. YAY. Good for you and just enjoy yourself. Now we'll definitely expect an update RS. Bunny luv hun! :bunny:
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 10 days is a lot and he should know it. If he mentioned "sorry I haven;t been in touch" that would suggest it's ok, otherwise I'd just roll my eyes at his lameness. He said he sent me an e-mail a while back but may not have gotten my response since he's having Internet trouble. If I did get an e-mail from him, I didn't recognize the name and deleted it as spam. The e-mailing first makes sense, given my impression of him being slightly shy. And his message sounded pretty earnest and sincere. We'll see. It's just coffee!
boldjack Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I guess if it's just coffee, and in a public place, then it should be OK. I have complete faith in you Ruby, and know that you will be careful. Have fun!!:D
Star Gazer Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Eh, now I am leaning toward not going. 10 days is too long. Phones are not that hard to find these days. I don't want to bother unless the dude is excited about me. 10 days does not equal excited. He just met you though. Keep that in mind. Go, have fun! If anything, just chalk it up to practice!
Awesome Username Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 I can't wait to hear the date results!
boldjack Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 AU, I don't know about the rest of you, but that's a pretty good-looking eye.:D
Awesome Username Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 AU, I don't know about the rest of you, but that's a pretty good-looking eye.:D D'awwwww what a sweet thing to say! Thank you!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 We set a date for Wednesday early evening. He suggested one of my three favorite coffee shops in the whole city, which he said is his favorite. Nice. He also just happens to live right on my transit line. He told me he was going to try to e-mail me again, and said to watch for a message from his address, which came today. The message is funny and intelligent, and he quotes a short passage from his favorite book and says if I can name the book, he'll buy my coffee. He says he might buy it anyway, but that will depend on his mood. Being quite a book worm and a professional writer, the literary touch definitely scores some points with me. It's a very good book, too -- a classic. This will be my first date after a whole year single!! I'm excited. Wish me luck, y'all.
Island Girl Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 We set a date for Wednesday early evening. He suggested one of my three favorite coffee shops in the whole city, which he said is his favorite. Nice. He also just happens to live right on my transit line. He told me he was going to try to e-mail me again, and said to watch for a message from his address, which came today. The message is funny and intelligent, and he quotes a short passage from his favorite book and says if I can name the book, he'll buy my coffee. He says he might buy it anyway, but that will depend on his mood. Being quite a book worm and a professional writer, the literary touch definitely scores some points with me. It's a very good book, too -- a classic. This will be my first date after a whole year single!! I'm excited. Wish me luck, y'all. IT SOUNDS GREAT!! I am so happy you didn't write him off. He sounds intelligent and funny which is a great mix! I am so looking forward to the next update on this RS I'm having fuzzy feelings about it! I hope it is FUN!!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 I will totally report back! I'm excited. You know, this is only the second "cold call" date I've ever gone on in my life. The last one turned into a 3 1/2-year relationship. I almost always date men I've gotten to know for a while. It's kind of exciting to know almost nothing about him upfront. I'm loving the mystery and suspense. (Though I confess that once he e-mailed me, I Googled his name, found his Facebook, and discovered that he's even cuter than I remembered. ) I realize it could be a no-go, but I am having fun with it for now.
Kamille Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) The book thing is adorable! So glad you gave him a chance. But please, can I take advantage of your thread to rant? I mean it in a good way: I like you, I like your posts here and I'm sure you'll get it. So please just indulge me . Girls, I think y'all are doing the wishful thinking thing. I am chatting with two male friends right now, and both of them said, "10 days? Sounds like he's not that interested." Of course, both of these guys have tried to get me to go out with them, so maybe I can't trust them. What's with us girl expecting a guy to be so 100% committed to us even before the first date? As has been pointed out, there could be a million reason why he didn't call, the main one being: he doesn't know you! How can he possibly have a high interest level at this point? My advice is the same for everyone: give a guy a chance to get to know you before you expect him to show high interest. Yes you do want him to show interest (to call and set up dates, which he's already done), but high interest comes with time. I've had guys be crazy about me from the first get-go. Those relationships had less staying power then the ones where each of us had some room to breathe and stay balanced at the beginning. Edited October 4, 2009 by Kamille
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 But please, can I take advantage of your thread to rant? I mean it in a good way: I like you, I like your posts here and I'm sure you'll get it. So please just indulge me . Of course! I respect and admire honesty. And I like you, too. What's with us girl expecting a guy to be so 100% committed to us even before the first date? As has been pointed out, there could be a million reason why he didn't call, the main one being: he doesn't know you! How can he possibly have a high interest level at this point? Honestly, I think I have been slightly and temporarily brainwashed by reading this forum and pop dating books on the subject. Also, even though I ended it a year ago, I am still nursing deep wounds from my last crash and burn relationship with a commitment phobe, so I am being more wary upfront. I'm going to try not to let this show with him -- but I can tell y'all all the embarrassing little things I'm thinking and worrying about. Lucky you. I've had guys be crazy about me from the first get-go. Those relationships had less staying power then the ones where each of us had some room to breathe and stay balanced at the beginning. Wise words! And I agree. I do appreciate the no-pressure atmosphere that has already been established. I think everything has played out fine so far. And I'm prepared to happily accept things progressing or not. I appreciate all the different opinions offered here, so thanks!
Isolde Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 RS, all I can say about dating is you have to be prepared for it not making any sense, and not knowing all the answers behind the other person's behavior. And you have to relax. That's really all there is to it. It's difficult for me and I don't particularly like it, but the alternative is not dating. LOL.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I just got home from a six-hour date!! It was pretty darn great, especially for a first date. First phase was coffee at a great place, with good, ever-flowing conversation. Turns out we both studied abroad a semester in the same European country, which is not one many study abroaders end up in! After an hour and a half or two, I was making the move to wrap up -- so as not to unfold all the mystery in one evening -- but at that moment, he asked me if I was hungry and wanted to take a walk and get a bite to eat. I was honestly having a great time, and hadn't had dinner, so I said yes. We were only a block away from the lake, it was a beautiful crisp autumn night, and a big amazing moon was out, so he asked me if I wanted to walk down by the lakefront. I loooove the lake, and the moon, so I was all for it. We strolled to the lake, sat on the bank for a bit, had great conversation about deeper subjects, walked leisurely along the lakefront, and admired the luminous spotlight of a moon dancing on the gentle waves. Gorgeous!! And then... he kissed me. He got behind me and wrapped his arms around me and we watched the moon and the water. We planned our next move (back into the city for dinner), and he kissed me some more, this time touching my face (I love that!!) and wrapping his arms around me. Then he gave me a big, great hug (which gave me a chance to feel his sexy bod a little better -- yum). And this part was adorable: he was facing the moon at that point, but he rotated us around so I would have the view. And off we went. We found this fabulous pizza joint with about 20 different kinds of amazing pizza, got slices, and talked while Michael Jackson blared. It was fun. Then he walked me to my bus stop -- on the way, we walked past the shooting of Little ****ers with Robert De Niro -- I think they were filming a train scene! He waited there with me, and he ruminated on what other fun things we might do together. We have a lot of common interests and loves, so this won't be hard. He hugged me goodbye, and here I am. Pretty freaking awesome for first time back to bat, huh?!?!?!?!!
boldjack Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Ruby, you little Texican love muffin, I'm really happy for you:D It sounds like a wonderful first date. Coffee, moonlight, romance AND pizza, jackpot!!!:laugh: This has been exactly what you needed. A great first date, with a good guy, is just the kind of confidence builder you were hoping for. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!!:laugh:
Island Girl Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 What a wonderful date! Simply amazing! How remarkable that you have so much in common - even the studies in that European country. It really sounds perfect and I am so happy for you RS!! I'm glad you didn't write him off because of the whole wait to call thing. SIX HOURS!! WOW. :bunny::bunny::bunny: YAY!!!!!!!!!!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) Let this be a lesson to us all that we shouldn't get so wrapped up in the "rules" and assumed implied messages by what a person does or doesn't do according to the "book". I agree. I am a little disappointed in myself that I have drifted from my free-thinking ways and let a lot of the propaganda and negative, defeatist thinking on this forum and in moneymaker dating books make me doubt myself and worry about things that deserve no worry. I have learned some valuable lessons from both of these sources of information, but I still need to strengthen my filters and BS detectors. Work in progress, work in progress! Thanks for the good wishes, y'all. Honestly, I don't care if we have 100 more dates or none -- I'm just happy the first date back out there was so promising and FUN! Edited October 8, 2009 by Ruby Slippers
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 Coffee, moonlight, romance AND pizza, jackpot!!!:laugh: I KNOW, RIGHT?! He comes across as pretty stoic and unemotional (truth be told, this is a bit of a warning sign for me against anything serious with him), but somehow, the romantic throwdown was most definitely brought.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 :bunny::bunny::bunny: Thank you, sweetheart!! :bunny:
Kamille Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I am a little disappointed in myself that I have drifted from my free-thinking ways and let a lot of the propaganda and negative, defeatist thinking on this forum and in moneymaker dating books make me doubt myself and worry about things that deserve no worry. Word! I'm glad you had a great time RS. It does sound like a fabulous date. I was swooning at the moon thing. Hurray for good times! :bunny:
Island Girl Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 Thank you, sweetheart!! :bunny: You are welcome but I should really be thanking you for sharing! I had needed a great romance moment and real life is always best, right? The world is full of possibilities!!
moman Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 aren't you glad that you listened to my advice that 'it was just coffee' ? congrats.
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