Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OK, I have been in relationships for almost my entire adult life, but I decided to take a single year after my last relationship, and this single year ended just a few weeks ago. So, last Saturday, on the way home from hanging out with friends, this guy starts talking to me on the train, and we actually had a good conversation. I've been approached a few times recently, but this is the first guy who didn't give off the player vibe and who seemed interesting and attractive to me at all. He just so happens to have the name of my first crush ever, a name which I love. He happened to be getting off the train when I was switching to the bus home, and he talked to me at the stop while I waited, then said he'd love to continue the conversation and got my number. So, I just got a call from him -- he left a message. I am basically a total newbie at the dating thing (I have generally chosen to pursue relationships with guys I got to know as friends first in the past), and I'm wondering if the amount of time he waited to call (10 days) is an indication of low interest or something. I am pretty ignorant about all the timelines and rules that everyone's always talking about. I know that in the past, when I have been in a cold first meeting situation, the guy always called within a couple of days. Opinions?
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Possibly. But he also could have had relatives in from out of town, been sick, had too much going on to think about investing in dating someone, etc. If he had too much going on and put off calling until he had time to really get to know you -- that is the opposite - it means he is VERY interested. I wouldn't do do much guessing about it at this point. Call him back and let him ask you out. - He should suggest a meet up when you do speak with him. Even if he has low interest all that could change when you get to spend some time together. Congrats on meeting someone who is a possibility RS!! Call him back!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I gave him my biz card when we met, and he says he e-mailed me a while back but his ISP has been acting up, so maybe I didn't get it. I feel all excited and rusty and DORKY!!! How long do I wait to call? I don't know this ****!! Help!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I wouldn't do do much guessing about it at this point. Call him back and let him ask you out. - He should suggest a meet up when you do speak with him. Oh, and he also said on the message that he was hoping we could continue our conversation, he wants to "learn more about my interesting background", and he wants to "get together for a cup of coffee and keep on talking." So, he's already invited me to do something. Now I just have to call and accept, if I want to.
Javelin Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Now I just have to call and accept, if I want to. Well, make some arrangements already!! You know that you want to..
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Oh, and he also said on the message that he was hoping we could continue our conversation, he wants to "learn more about my interesting background", and he wants to "get together for a cup of coffee and keep on talking." So, he's already invited me to do something. Now I just have to call and accept, if I want to. It is appropriate to return a call when you are able to. That said it shouldn't be that very second. But you have already waited enough time. If you didn't call him already then call him tomorrow and simply say you'd love to have coffee with him. You'll be just fine!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Honestly, I am turned off by the fact that he waited 10 days to call. Is that silly, or good instincts at work? I think if he really liked me, he wouldn't have waited so long. And I don't want to waste my time with someone who is lukewarm about me.
Roxanna Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Well if you're not interested, don't go. However, you've only met once, so I imagine it would have been difficult for either of you to determine the true extent of your interest in the other at that time. Meaning, there would be no harm in meeting once for coffee and seeing how it goes.
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Oh RS! You are inexperienced in dating and need to get your feet wet so to speak. It is like a job interview - the more you do them the better you are at them and the better you feel about them. You liked him when you met. And we have no idea why he waited 10 days but he could have been at a spot where he simply couldn't devote time to getting to know someone. Meeting over coffee to see if it is indeed something you'd like to pursue would be the way to go on this one. You get all the benefit. You get to have a no pressure no expectation date and a bit more experience in that arena. You also get to chat with a guy and see if what you initially thought - your initial impression was on target or not. Don't talk yourself out of it. It is just coffee and chatting a bit.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Uggghhhh. OK, Island Girl and Roxanna. You've convinced me to have coffee with him. If I wind up gettin' serious with this joker, I'm never gonna let him live down the 10 days thing, though.
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Uggghhhh. OK, Island Girl and Roxanna. You've convinced me to have coffee with him. If I wind up gettin' serious with this joker, I'm never gonna let him live down the 10 days thing, though. Ahh well, you have ammo from the beginning - something to hold over his head. All girls should be so lucky to start things off that way! Okay. Just Kidding. :bunny: Hope you have a good time. Just enjoy yourself.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Right! "You owe me big for that one, buster!" haha I like that I am having fun with this, if also torturing myself slightly. I am scared because he is the same zodiac sign as my stupid ex (I know, kick me!), and seems every bit as charming, though less like a salesman. I bet I am gonna be coming to y'all with a LOT of dating questions in the near future. I am counting on you to help me machete my way through the jungle out there!
ReturnToSender Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I gave my "bf" my number when we met..he left me a message the next day and it took me over a month to get back to him. That very night, my phone was stolen...it was a couple weeks before I could buy a new phone, and when I went to check my messages, I had a gazillion of them. I put off listening to them cause of that, and when I finally did..when I got his message I called him that very second. You just never know....it could be something wacky like that..or maybe he was putting closure to a realtionship first, or something happened that put his whole mood off and it wasnt a good time to talk...could be anythng. Sounds like hes interested in meeting up....at least do that, and get to know him...if you like then all is good, if you get a bad vibe and never want to see him again, then at least you gave it a shot and got some dating practice in
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Girls, I think y'all are doing the wishful thinking thing. I am chatting with two male friends right now, and both of them said, "10 days? Sounds like he's not that interested." Of course, both of these guys have tried to get me to go out with them, so maybe I can't trust them. Bah. I need male opinions, too, please!
ReturnToSender Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Well..thing is not everyone thinks alike....or follows "the rules" or what have you. The only way you can know for sure is to talk to him...I wouldnt grill him about it either...just in getting to know him, it might come out that somethings been going on recently, he may apologize for it (I know I did..I mean a month is crazy...but had no reflection on my interest), he may say nothing as it may be a personal matter, but he ends up being a really great guy making the 10 days seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things.... or he may be a game playing jerk Hes the only one who knows why it took 10 days to call you. Everything else is hypothesis.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Eh, now I am leaning toward not going. 10 days is too long. Phones are not that hard to find these days. I don't want to bother unless the dude is excited about me. 10 days does not equal excited.
moman Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 RS, 10 days isn't a big deal. He might have tried to email you and then waited a few more days to call after no response. Give him a call tomorrow, don't let it wait. The worst you can do is agree to meet for coffee and chat for two hours and go home and never talk again. At least you won't be on here writing in 5 years about that "guy you met on the train you wish you had called"
ReturnToSender Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 If you dont want to go...dont go. Of course then youll never know what happened...or what kind of guy he is, or what might have been...
EarthGirl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aN4w2AfkEY&feature=related
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Now another chat dude is telling me he waits to call sometimes when he is unsure -- says he is kinda shy. This guy did seem a little shy at first, and surprised that I seemed interested. I guess the only way I will know is to go out with him. hehe I know I am being silly. I just don't want to mess up this time.
EarthGirl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 no, you are not being silly. If a guy waits that long to call, it could mean he is not that excited about you, it could mean that he is SUPER excited about you (things in life are weird like that sometimes) OR it could mean that he does like you but has "issues"...as we are all so fond of saying, but seriously either "issues" in his own psyche (a lot of people talk about intimacy issues in men and emotional abuse and the "bad boy" syndrome, but the truth is each one of us as individuals no matter what trends there are in psychology, each of our experiences in life is unique unto itself so we all have our own distinct stuff to deal with which affects the way we treat people and the way we treat ourselves, so in truth you can make educated guesses but you never know exactly what to expect-but hey I'm not like a profiler on Criminal minds, lol, so what do I know)... or life issues with work, or family issues...I know right now my grandma is dying and even though we have been expecting it for so long, it is a very difficult time for my family..and everyone is just on edge and other things are being put on the back burner... Anyway even if he does like you a lot, it says nothing about the danger your heart is in...or at least very little. So you're not being silly, you have a right to be careful with your own heart, just that in the end there is not all that much you can do, I am convinced besides just jump in if it's something you really want...or at least it MIGHT be to the point that if you don't take the chance you'll "regret it for the rest of your life"...but seriously. : )
boldjack Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Ruby, Maybe his wife was home or the kids were sick and he couldn't get to you until 10 days had passed............I'm not trying to be an ******* here, but you've only met him once, you know nothing about him except on train conversation. You should find out wayyyy more about him, BEFORE you go on a date, and that includes coffee! Phone him, converse, get to know at least SOMETHING about him, THEN go out. IMO.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, EarthGirl. Anyway even if he does like you a lot, it says nothing about the danger your heart is in...or at least very little. So you're not being silly, you have a right to be careful with your own heart... Thank you! You're right! It is scary, being the first time back out there and all. I'll sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Ruby, Maybe his wife was home or the kids were sick and he couldn't get to you until 10 days had passed............I'm not trying to be an ******* here, but you've only met him once, you know nothing about him except on train conversation. You should find out wayyyy more about him, BEFORE you go on a date, and that includes coffee! Phone him, converse, get to know at least SOMETHING about him, THEN go out. IMO. Hmmm, well, I would MEET him there, during the day. I feel totally safe with that. My biz card only has my name, cell #, and e-mail address... no physical address.
boldjack Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 But you DO see my point, right? I mean he could be married, and have a whole clutch of muchachos. You don't know. After neighbor guy, I just don't want you to get hurt again. It's cause your a fellow Texan, and I like you.
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