wierdmunky Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 So I dated an old hs friend of mine this month, and things were so great while it lasted. He said he could no longer continue to do this with me because he was falling behind in school (last year of law) and everything he had worked for up until now comes down to this year and that test. I barely had any words to say, and I almost feel totally played. He did all these things to get me to this point, and he just leaves? He said if this was a year from now that there would be noooooooooo problem at all, and I only asked him 2 questions, is this the only reason, and did it mean anything to him. I got alright answers, the ones that I wanted to hear at least. He said, "I hope you can realize that eventually we can be friends, and I didn't come to this decision lightly it's just something I have to do." This is just taking over my thoughts all day, and I'm wondering if I'm missing anything. He's pretty honest and sincere. My friends tell me I'm being a little selfish feeling this way because it's not a one time shot, and they don't see any reason why he wouldn't go for me again, but what if he's not telling me something. Any comments right now help
BCCA Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Honestly, he's trying to soften the blow, but there is a very easy way to see through the fog. He didnt ask for time, space, and understanding. He just ended things. On top of that, he gave you this little dousy: I hope you can realize that eventually we can be friends Yikes. Not maybe we can try again, not I just need some time, we can be friends someday. and they don't see any reason why he wouldn't go for me again How often do these friends walk away from guys with potential, and expect to try things again? Id say like, 0.0% of the time, that about right? People generally dont walk away from a good thing, and like I said, he didnt ask for time, he broke up, and then mentioned being friends. Im sorry, he's just not interested in keeping this going between you two.
Author wierdmunky Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Honestly, he's trying to soften the blow, but there is a very easy way to see through the fog. He didnt ask for time, space, and understanding. He just ended things. On top of that, he gave you this little dousy: I hope you can realize that eventually we can be friends Yikes. Not maybe we can try again, not I just need some time, we can be friends someday. and they don't see any reason why he wouldn't go for me again How often do these friends walk away from guys with potential, and expect to try things again? Id say like, 0.0% of the time, that about right? People generally dont walk away from a good thing, and like I said, he didnt ask for time, he broke up, and then mentioned being friends. Im sorry, he's just not interested in keeping this going between you two. Well actually they are guys not girls, and doesn't "maybe we can be friends someday" kind of mean the same as "eventually we can be friends" ?? So I'm having a hard time decifering EXACTLY what he means, is it too desperate to ask or clarification? I hate not KNOWING. And we swore to be honest, truthfull and not jealous over eachother because we were friends since we were 16. I want to ask for clarification!
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 The point is, he said something along the lines of "maybe we can be friends some day." The meaning is clear: I'm not interested in dating you. Period. I might consider being friends with you, when and if you stop having feelings for me. Or, possibly, that was his consolation prize to alleviate his guilt, soften the blow, make it easier for him to dump you. But again, the point is, he doesn't want to be with you or he would be.
BCCA Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 and doesn't "maybe we can be friends someday" kind of mean the same as "eventually we can be friends" ?? So I'm having a hard time decifering EXACTLY what he means, is it too desperate to ask or clarification? I hate not KNOWING. And we swore to be honest, truthfull and not jealous over eachother because we were friends since we were 16. I want to ask for clarification! There really isnt anything to clarify, youre kind of grasping at straws. Its like the difference between someone saying 'we're done' and we're through'...do you really need to know the exact definition behind either? The underlying message remains the same. The point is, he said something along the lines of "maybe we can be friends some day." The meaning is clear: I'm not interested in dating you. Period. I might consider being friends with you, when and if you stop having feelings for me. Or, possibly, that was his consolation prize to alleviate his guilt, soften the blow, make it easier for him to dump you. But again, the point is, he doesn't want to be with you or he would be. This is exactly it, we all get FAR too caught up in the whys, and explinations of every noun, but at the end of the day - he just doesnt want to be with you. The idea that in a year time he would totally be all over you is ridiculous if you think about it, because if that was the case he wouldnt risk losing you if he just needed time and space. I think youre looking for something thats not there. No clarifcation is going to make it any better, unfortunately he broke up with you. Why or what he said is meaningless at this point.
Author wierdmunky Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 He also said, "I can just see us getting more and more serious and it's just going to get worse and worse and it would be better to cut it off now. This is ****ty but can you imagine what it will be like a month from now?? ..... I kind of take that as everything is going so great, but I do get how if he does want me around he would make better effort. I guess I'm just really bummed to having one of my best hs relationships get kind of ruined by this..
Roxanna Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You need to stop listening to his words and pay attention to his actions. Honestly, who cares what he says; the end result is still the same isn't it? His actions (the important thing) says: I don't want to be with you that way. His words say: Blah blah blah I'm just trying to make this easier for myself by not telling you "I'm not interested in dating you."
Author wierdmunky Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 True, true but I just don't understand how one day everything can be great and the next it's not. He was saying some really really meaningful stuff and even planning events with friends till the end of the year. Is it not good to ask or even bring up if there is hope for the future or does that sound too desperate. He really was one of the best friendships that I've had, If it's too much to text it to him than ok I'll leave it a lone, but I feel like I need closure.
Roxanna Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 True, true but I just don't understand how one day everything can be great and the next it's not. He was saying some really really meaningful stuff and even planning events with friends till the end of the year. Is it not good to ask or even bring up if there is hope for the future or does that sound too desperate. He really was one of the best friendships that I've had, If it's too much to text it to him than ok I'll leave it a lone, but I feel like I need closure. Well obviously you have to do what you have to do. However, you came here asking for advice (and I'm beginning to think for hope, not advice). TO YOU everything was just fine and dandy. Obviously not for him, regardless of if he was making plans and whatnot.
Author wierdmunky Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Well obviously you have to do what you have to do. However, you came here asking for advice (and I'm beginning to think for hope, not advice). TO YOU everything was just fine and dandy. Obviously not for him, regardless of if he was making plans and whatnot. I feel like I have to do/say something, but if things weren't right for him besides timing, like something I missed than I won't even bother. I did come to get insight, and hope if there was any, and I wonder what is going on thru his head. Meanwhile his Face book is cluttered with congratulations from all his girly friends
Scarlett513 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I know you're sad about losing someone you care about, and I'm really sorry to hear you're having to go through that. I think regardless of the circumstances of the breakup, my advice would be the same. Don't EVER wait for ANY guy. Go about your life, have fun, date, see who else is out there, and don't sit around hoping for this one guy to come around. If at some point in the future he does come back hoping for a relationship with you, that would be the time to evaluate your situation and see where you stand. But don't miss out on other possibilities because this relationship ended. If it's meant to be, it will be.
Author wierdmunky Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Well thank you, I jus wasn't sure. I wouldn't mind taking a year of dating and just focusing on myself anyway, but me and a friend were talking and he said if he (friend) was into someone that waited for that long, he would so go a girl like that, and that there is another option for me, and if he said his reason is as simple as that, and given his character than yeah he wouldn't see why he wouldn't go for me again and he has no reason to lie to me. I am re-thinking waiting "for him" though most definitly. I'd like to leave doors open for this situation but I'm not sure if it's my job to do the persuing. He hasn't made it clear, as everyone has said, that he wants to be together later, he's purposely ambiguously said words to end this situation, and I don't know how to feel about that. I wish he was more clear.
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