ReturnToSender Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Okay, from the "dating" forum and back into "breaking up" We had a blow out argument last night and I walked out on him...I dont think its going to work. I truly have loved this guy...god I still do. But last night looking at him, hearing the things he was saying, the thought really struck me...love doesnt talk like that, love doesnt look like that, love doesnt feel like this. And I thought to myself...what am I doing here...Im trying to save *this?!* I want to marry this and subject myself to this for the rest my life? Seriously? Ive been putting so much of myself into it..and into him, and in return hes always asking me to please be patient, things will get better...whether its sexually or the time we spend together or anything to do with us becoming more serious. I havnt gotten a single thing out of this relationship that I need. I dont wanna be put on a pedestal or have someones world revolve around me, I just want someone who is willing to give back what I give out. Thats all Im asking for... Id love to be able to just be a great girlfriend...I know that I would make an amazing wife...Im honest, devoted, loyal, genuine and have so much love to give...but its ridiculous to keep giving that to someone who doesnt want or appreciate it...who is going to make me feel the way I did last night...who tells me everything about me is perfect then ends up in bed with someone else. If its not him, and now isnt the time for me to have that, the least I can do put my all into myself, and into my daughter, and into my home...my life deserves what Im willing to put into a relationship. Theres so much I want to do, and if I put the same amount of thought and drive into being there for me, as I did in being there for my relationship...who knows what I would have achieved by now. Im not happy with my job situation, Ive been wanting to get back to my goal weight, I want to save up to have a house of my own one day...in these past 2 years, if I had put even half as much thought and effort into myself as I did into a relationship he hasnt put much thought in, maybe I wouldnt be sitting here going...wow, not only am I not any further along, Ive backtracked since being with him...and Im less happy to boot! I got the idea from someone else on this forum (Im sorry, I forget your name!!!) who made a list of personal goals and worked to complete them... I made a list like that for myself, and Im going to really put effort into me for a change. It feels so selfish, but I always put myself behind everything else and I dont think thats fair, cause no one is there for me, to put me ahead of anything... So Im taking it upon myself to accomplish something that actually benefits me in a concrete way. Im still so heartbroken. I cant believe what our relationship has come to...whats happened to it. But if I say to myself "I really thought he was different" one more time...Im going to scream. I can so see why people become bitter and cynical, but I dont want to go there. I still believe theres more to this somewhere out there...and I still want to believe Ill find it... eventually.
boldjack Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 RTS, there comes a time, when you realize that nothing you can do, nothing you can say, is ever going to change the basic problems you have in a relationship. You have gone as far as you can, and everything that happens after, will be just a repeat of what has gone on before. You can be patient, loving, supportive, whatever, but he isn't going to be the man you need or want. I've been thru this myself. It's one of the hardest lessons to learn about love. My advice would be to end it, now. Live for your child, and for yourself. Learn, what you need to learn, do, what you need to do, and live, how you need to live, until you find a person , who will love and appreciate you for who and what you are.
Mixitup123 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Waw..you have just described me and my relationship perectly, it's like I was reading something I had wrote! Waw. I have just broken up from my bf of 4 years. I made the decision 1 night that I had to walk away from him, otherwise I would feel like this forever, sure we had some few and far between nice times together, but I knew deep down for a long, long time that he didn't really love me or care for me, not like i did him, not like I deserved to be. I was away in a foreign country with him, living out his dream, I didn't have anything. The night I decided to leave we had gone out (3 weeks ago), with people we'd just met that day, he didn't give a crap about me, he even started to say remarks (under his breath) in front of people we had only just met, about the the way I spoke and the things I said, he made me feel so low and completely stupid in front of these people, like he thought they were more important than me..his partner of 4 years. That was quite a small thing, (but not, as you don't expect that treatment from your parnter) in comparison to what else had happened in the relationship. But you know when things build up and build up and then it only takes another thing to happen to BANG the penny finally drops. I cried my heart out all night, while he lie there next to me passed out..there was no point in talking to him anymore anyway..he only used to say "you starting your s**t again" or "shout up" in a really disregarding way. Only because by now he knew how much i loved him. NO that is NOT the BIG love we are wanting in our lives..not even that..just as long as the person loves, and cares for you. I can relate..i'd look at him and think "who are you?", and that night I looked at him and thought "i don't really like you", even if I loved him. For your sake and everybody around you, make the break..it was so hard for me to walk away the next morning from him..but if I didn't I was in for a whole lot more and probably worse in the future, and the only person you'll be able to blame is you..because your head is telling you what your heart doesn't want to hear now and will carry on telling you..but please listen to your head..it knows best. I am now trying to sort my life out and start to think of me..4 years with him and we have nothing more now then what we had the first day we met. We never moved forward. I want to move forward now..and I will. Good luck and please do the right thing..it's the hardest thing but the right thing, you know that.
Author ReturnToSender Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Youre right BoldJack...these past couple years have proven it, that it doesnt matter what I put into this relationship, hes not going to be what I want or need...and in all fairness, Id have to guess Im not what he wants or needs either, else he wouldnt have risked what we have....hed be securing our relationship, or at least taking the steps to. You said something that really hit home MixItUp.... we have nothing more now than we had the first day we met. If we continue this relationship, it would be unrealistic of me to think that statement will be any less true in a year or two or indefinitely. Only difference is between right now and some time in the unforeseeable future is...the longer I wait, the more painful it will be when it ends.
Kaya Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 ...and have so much love to give...but its ridiculous to keep giving that to someone who doesnt want or appreciate it... Yip, I know the feeling. Time to start giving this love to yourself now.. I still believe theres more to this somewhere out there...and I still want to believe Ill find it... eventually. Believe it, you will find someone worthy of your love. All the best to you, you sound wise and will make the right decision.
Author ReturnToSender Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 He sent me a note apologizing for how last night went down and I responded, telling him much of what I wrote here. This is so painful...I dont feel very wise right now, I feel like I failed, I feel so deflated.
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Shame. "Thanks, but no thanks" would have sufficed...... I think...... Good luck. Be well.
Kaya Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 So Im taking it upon myself to accomplish something that actually benefits me in a concrete way. This is wise! It's totally normal to feel like a failure when a relationship doesn't work out - but try not to beat yourself up.. you've been doing the best that you could do. Now it's time to grow, which always hurts, but worth it in the end.
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