dell2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 So my X calls me and says she wants to be honest with me, and her X is going to be in town visiting his sibling and wanted to stop by. She says she kinda wants to see him just to see how hes doing and such. she said there's no competition between us but she hoped i'd be okay with it. of course i was not okay with it, i told her that. she said she was bothered because it seemed like i dont trust her. she also said it would only deepend her love for me because he was such an ******* to her. then she said somethig like part of her things he wants something more in the future which will NEVER happen. well apparently she had him come over anyway and hung out with her and her roomates for like an hour or 2 watching tv and doing homework. I'm furious. I told her that if she did, she would be disrespecting me and my feelings. she didnt think him coming over would put me in a possible situation of breaking up with her. she said she would be okay with me hanging out with my X cuz she trusts me. i told her if i had a girl over watching a movie, she said the same, she would trust me. but isn;t it the whole concept if u are in a relatinship u don't call someone over the opposite sex to "watch a movie". i mean jesus. what is this an open relationship ? i think she just said she is okay with it just to avoid argument, but the moment i did it, there would be turmoil. So what do you guys think about her hanging out with her X. she said it wouldnt happen again. but i really dont like the feeling i am having right now.
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Regardless of how people outside your relationship feel about SOs hanging out with ex's, I think the real issue here is that you're not okay with it, you discussed the issue with her, and she went ahead and did it anyway, only telling you she did it after the fact. She totally disregarded your feelings and disrespected you. I suggest you two have a talk about that, assuming you didn't already break up with her. It's unclear from your post what the relationship status is, or if you're asking this question to have people agree with you and make you "right" or if you're asking because you want to work it out with this girl.
New Again Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I'm so tired of the "ex-factor." My bf and I have had this discussion, and if he did what your gf did, I would break up with him, for disrespecting me, my feelings and my input, as well as for lying (yup, your gf lied by omission to get her way with as little resistance from you as possible, until after she got her way). And I don't understand why, if she wanted to see this guy so badly (who has seen her naked and who has apparently let her know he wants her back), you weren't invited to meet him also? I'm curious how you found out she hung out with her ex? Did she tell you herself, did you ask her, did her roommmate tell you....? I wouldn't pay any attention to the "it won't happen again" part. She already knew how you felt about the situation before it happened, yet she did it anyway. That's why you have a bad feeling about it. Don't let her manipulate you with her "oh I had no idea it was such a big deal and you would be so hurt" crap. She's lying. She did know. So go ahead and talk to her about this if you want; however I'm in a pretty cynical mood and I'm really leaning toward the "you just have to leave her" option, because she obviously doesn't respect you, so this issue won't go away. You let her know how you felt; she did it anyway; she has lied to you and just in general shown her disrespect for you. If you don't break up with her you're pretty much letting her know she can walk all over you and get away with it. Sorry dude.
Author dell2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Ah sorry in the moment i mistyped. she said he's going to come over for a bit...but yeah after i told her i'm not cool with it. she thinks i dont trust her since i said that. i want to work it out with this girl but just 2 days ago i saw a text with her calling this guy she slept with boo, and she said she didnt realize she was texting that (i have another post on thatm which people said to disregard). Then 2 weeks ago she broke up not knowing what she wants so that's why im stubborn because it's been rollercoaster yes we are LDR, and if we were closer she said she would have had me there too but im not there but i told her straight out if she hung out with him, she would be disrespecting my feelings.
New Again Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 None of this new info changes my opinion of the situation. If anything, more nails in the coffin. Sorry, but I don't have any magic words that will make you feel better about your gf and your relationship, and I don't think anyone here does. Did you read what I said? Besides, if she really just wanted to "see how he was doing" she should've just asked when he called her up and wanted to hang out. They could've talked for 2 minutes, she'd find out how he was doing, and that would be the end of it. Obviously she wanted to see him, not just find out how he was doing or what he's up to.
Author dell2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 whoops we muist have posted same time as i just saw your first post
hannie_1988 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I think it was wrong of her doing it to you. I mean why would we wanna go and see our exes when we are already moved on with someone elses? It's like they are playing mind games or whatsoever. If you found someone else who deserves you so much better and treat you like a princess, why bother going back to see an ex who never deserves you in your life? That's what I don't really understand. Unless, if he was a very good ex but didn't work out at the end and wanted to catch up. I suggest it's always good to bring your partner closer and hang out in a group rather than alone because it's odd. Anything could happen between them.. Ex shouldn't be involved in someone's new life and their relationship with someone elses. If she continue to be like this, then you gotta confront her how you feel and work it out for the better otherwise she's better off without you. Relationship isn't easy and needs a lot of work and balance. Try not to get envious too much otherwise things will get worse eventually.. Leave it as what it's happening right now, and hope things will work out between you too
boldjack Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Delll old Pal, You need to leave this girl. She has lied to you and disrespected you. You need to tell her that you would have trusted her , if she had shown that she CAN be trusted. All she has shown so far, is that she will lie, and she will go behind your back and she will go against your wishes. What more info, do you need? BTW, Her argument that she would be OK with this, is bullsh*t.
Not the love ace Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Sorry man but BREAK UP WITH HER. Simple as that. Don't mind the title, I am using that for a thread.
Author dell2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 she said like he was part of her life for 2 years and just wanted to see how he was doing. things are not the same between us. i mean for me. she sadi she can tell i am acting different, especially by the tone of voice. i'm supposed to drive up and see her this weekend. i dont know how i feel right now. i love her but now i'm feeling insecure about things. and i dont want to torture myself feeling this way. i'm hoping when i go see her tomorrow things will fall into place again, if not, then i'm going to tell her that because she disrespected me, i can't trust her 100% and i just think i can love her like i did before. knowing, hey, what is she going to do next to screw it up. oh, and she called me and said she wanted to talk to me abou tit, that her ex was coming to town, and she wanted to be honest with me. i told her i dont liek that. and she said she didnt know what she was going to do. then an hour later i texted her and she said yeah he just arrived.
Author dell2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 So my GIRLFRIEND calls me and says she wants... whoops its my GIRLFRIEND not my x who called me typo
boldjack Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Dude, this girl is totally dissing you. She cares nothing for your feelings and has shown that she cannot be trusted. If I were you, I wouldn't even drive up to see her. Tell her you need some time to think about your relationship, and that you should go NC. Then find a good woman, who will be trustworthy.
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