davo1224 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Lately I've run into this situation THREE times. I'll start talking to a guy. He'll compliment me a lot. We have a great convo. He tells me he wants to talk again. We do. We talk again. He still compliments me. I *never* end up getting asked out though. The first time I got frustrated and straight up asked him why? He apologized and asked me out. He ended up cancelling. The second one I talked to about dating lives just in casual manner and he talked very little about it. I slipped in "It's no problem. I guess you're just not that type of guy". He responded with, "I haven't been on a date in three years." Ok.... So with this last guy, he just keeps telling me how attractive I am. I gave him my number and nothing. I say, "Hey if you're not interested in dating. Let's be friends." His response to that was, "No I want to date you. Do you like me?" I said that he seemed like a nice guy and he was attractive. I haven't heard anything since about Friday. Am *I* doing anything wrong or do I just have a string of bad luck?
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Some guys just give ladies compliments. You should be able to take them without expecting a commitment for a date. Just two days ago I gave a compliment to a girl I barely know about her new hair cut. I told her she looked cute with it like that. Does that mean I'm trying to date her? No. They could be interested but just shy, or they might just be being nice and have no interest in you. When a guy sees something he wants bad enough, he'll go for it. Just take the compliment and stop assuming they're 'pussies'. They probably just arent attracted to you. If you're that frustrated, ASK a guy out for a try. Otherwise don't complain.
Author davo1224 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 I should probably explain the context. These aren't just events out in public. This is on a personals website. In the case of Person 1, he had contacted me numerous times. I made first contact with Person 2 so I can definitely see the explanation of him just giving innocuous compliments being the case. Person 3 I suppose just frustrates me the most though with such blatant shyness and hesitation even though I've already confirmed my returned interest in him. I do appreciate the advice of dropping my expectations of getting something from compliments though. Expecting less in general makes you more grateful I think. Generally, the same thing usually happens to me though in ANY setting. I end up asking out guys who don't approach me so I end up feeling an imbalance in the interest coming from both sides. There are very few who approach me. I'm not a knockout or anything either so there shouldn't be any intimidation. I have average to cute looks. What I find happens most often is when talking to someone who has seen me out a bunch, they'll say, "Oh I've always thought you were so hot." I'm flattered but I always want to ask, "Then why not say something?" I'm not unapproachable (in my mind anyway). I do again appreciate your advice. I feel it'll help me out a lot.
loveslife Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Just two days ago I gave a compliment to a girl I barely know about her new hair cut. I told her she looked cute with it like that. Does that mean I'm trying to date her? No. So you were just toying with then, huh. Didn't you read the manual? Complimenting a girl on her haircut is secret-speak for "I want to marry you and give you expensive jewelry." Sheesh!
loveslife Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 davo, it's really hard for us to know why these men aren't asking you out. Maybe you come on too strong. Maybe it's in your body language. Unless you say something telling I don't think we can figure it out. At least I can't. My one advice though is to just relax. Be open and live a full life.
loveslife Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 why would a straight woman need to be that aggressive ? Sounds weird to me. Yeah, now that you mention it it does seem that way.
Author davo1224 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Yeah, now that you mention it it does seem that way. What? Are we still talking about me or something else haha?
Hkizzle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Lately I've run into this situation THREE times. I'll start talking to a guy. He'll compliment me a lot. We have a great convo. He tells me he wants to talk again. We do. We talk again. He still compliments me. I *never* end up getting asked out though. The first time I got frustrated and straight up asked him why? He apologized and asked me out. He ended up cancelling. The second one I talked to about dating lives just in casual manner and he talked very little about it. I slipped in "It's no problem. I guess you're just not that type of guy". He responded with, "I haven't been on a date in three years." Ok.... So with this last guy, he just keeps telling me how attractive I am. I gave him my number and nothing. I say, "Hey if you're not interested in dating. Let's be friends." His response to that was, "No I want to date you. Do you like me?" I said that he seemed like a nice guy and he was attractive. I haven't heard anything since about Friday. Am *I* doing anything wrong or do I just have a string of bad luck? Stop eating men alive, lol......... Unfortunately most men like to chase. You're totally destroying the illusion and scaring the crap out of these guys.
Author davo1224 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Stop eating men alive, lol......... Unfortunately most men like to chase. You're totally destroying the illusion and scaring the crap out of these guys. Yes that is true. I can see where that's happening. The unfortunate part is that I'm also a male that likes to chase. What a conundrum.
Hkizzle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Yes that is true. I can see where that's happening. The unfortunate part is that I'm also a male that likes to chase. What a conundrum. Oh, you're gay? I assumed you were a woman.
loveslife Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Oh, you're gay? I assumed you were a woman. Me too. Yes, I was talking about you. in the other post. Hmmm I don't know much about the male-male dating dynamic but I assume that being too aggressive could be detrimental then, too. Maybe try a more laid-back "chase" approach?
Author davo1224 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 I think the dynamic is what puts it into a bit of a funk, although I admit my attitude is probably in the majority to blame. I've alternated chasing before but I've found what really works for me is equal chasing or me being aggressively chased. I never actually chase usually. I just sorta get pissed off as to why guys don't. I feel these issues will work themselves out eventually with me when I am able to chill out. I'm in a high stress situation at home right now more or less babysitting an elderly mother and it wears out my patience heavily. I definitely can see that coming through at times. I'll also have a place I can be chased back to
loveslife Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I think the dynamic is what puts it into a bit of a funk, although I admit my attitude is probably in the majority to blame. I've alternated chasing before but I've found what really works for me is equal chasing or me being aggressively chased. I never actually chase usually. I just sorta get pissed off as to why guys don't. I feel these issues will work themselves out eventually with me when I am able to chill out. I'm in a high stress situation at home right now more or less babysitting an elderly mother and it wears out my patience heavily. I definitely can see that coming through at times. I'll also have a place I can be chased back to It sounds like time and practice (for lack of a better word) will help you evolve your dating and interpersonal techniques. I find I'm learning a lot about myself these days. Look inside yourself. Look for someone who will accept you just as you are. That will help you develop into the best you possible. Good luck with your mom.
boogieboy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Im sure the dating dynamics between two guys are totally different than with a man and woman. Guys like to chase, and sometimes not be chased. Then youre doing it on a dating website where everyone has A.D.D. Once the next nice thing comes along, you run for that if no one else makes a great impression. So dont get attached to anything these guys say until one sticks with you. Keep putting out the feelers.
sumdude Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Yes that is true. I can see where that's happening. The unfortunate part is that I'm also a male that likes to chase. What a conundrum. Figured as much, a woman would have worded your thread title differently.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Lately I've run into this situation THREE times. I'll start talking to a guy. He'll compliment me a lot. We have a great convo. He tells me he wants to talk again. We do. We talk again. He still compliments me. I *never* end up getting asked out though. The first time I got frustrated and straight up asked him why? He apologized and asked me out. He ended up cancelling. The second one I talked to about dating lives just in casual manner and he talked very little about it. I slipped in "It's no problem. I guess you're just not that type of guy". He responded with, "I haven't been on a date in three years." Ok.... So with this last guy, he just keeps telling me how attractive I am. I gave him my number and nothing. I say, "Hey if you're not interested in dating. Let's be friends." His response to that was, "No I want to date you. Do you like me?" I said that he seemed like a nice guy and he was attractive. I haven't heard anything since about Friday. Am *I* doing anything wrong or do I just have a string of bad luck? This isn't random enough to relate to "luck"... and I am NOT at all suggesting you have any sort of a pre-ordained cause. YOU are merely analyzing too small a sample size of real human beings, who are perfectly likely to have their own, independent, random reasons for going in other directions. Clearly you have the self-confidence and boldness to inquire as to reasons why men who are attracted to you are not asking you out, so you must have enough of same to play-through 3 random male connections without sensing that some flaw in yourself has caused you to not to be able to add them to your dating pool. Men who are complimenting you a lot ARE truly drawn to you, and even so, many of those same men just might not feel qualified in whatever way to have true romantic designs on you. It kinda sucks for guys, in a similar way, in that societal norms assure that most any guy who goes out of his way to express an attraction to a woman is seen as someone trying to *get* something from that woman... ... which, in turn, makes it less likely for random males to offer sincere compliments to random females, and that in turn makes it more and more probable that the males who DO compliment you ARE trying to *get* something from you. If a 50-year-old man were allowed by this society to give sincere compliments and inspiration to his 20-year-old waitress without the waitress and anyone within earshot sensing a vision of "Old Farts and Young Tarts" in his mind, the world would be a better place... (right now I'm just hopeful that you can understand how this all connects)
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