Dakota72 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Hey I'm new here...interesting forum! If I can learn to tolerate all the ads, I think I'll stick around for a while... I am wondering, does anyone have links to some (true) stories about men who pretend to be gay as a way to get a divorce? I'm thinking of doing this. My wife has more gay friends than straight friends, so this is something she would be sympathetic to. I'm not attracted to her anymore and we rarely have sex...Instead of telling her this reason, I may tell her it's not her but ALL women that I don't find sexually attractive. Long story short, I didn't know she was on so many meds when we married...50gm of Paxil...I'm a victim of a multi-layered bait and switch marriage and if I just dump her like I want to, she will start a war with me like she did her previous husband. She'll get all OCD on my ass and never leave me alone, unless I can find a way to...pardon the pun...slip out the back door.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 dude why lie to the woman you are married to??? just be honest, it's gonna be painful but i couldnt pretend to be gay to get out the marriage, I have to be true to my self. And I so understand that bait and switch crap. it sucks but many people on these boards dont believe it exists where the man and or woman puts up a good front to get married and then when you do, the true colors start shining through.
MrMayI Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 dude, tell her the truth. it's going to be a lot easier on you in the long run if you do. what if she whips out a dildo and tells you to prove it?
Auroracoladybug Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 ROFLMAO! MR! lol Okay so I agree with everyone...tell her the truth...I understand that you are no longer attracted to her...why? I think you are bothered by her medication useage as well as how she treats her ex (could you elaborate?)...there has got to be more to this that you haven't said... I'm interested so keep posting
Trimmer Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Long story short, I didn't know she was on so many meds when we married...50gm of Paxil...I'm a victim of a multi-layered bait and switch marriage... So you want to pull a bait-and-switch on her in return? Do you think you will be able to keep up the illusion of being gay for the rest of your life? Because at some point, you're going to want to lead a normal life, and there's NO WAY that she's not going to eventually discover your deception. And then, don't you think your situation would be even worse (you leaving her, plus doing it deceptively) than if you just bite the bullet and tell her the difficult truth now?
Thornton Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I think what the OP is saying is that if his wife thought he was gay she would agree to the divorce and everything would be peaceful and amicable. By the time she finds out he's not gay, the divorce will be over with and there's very little she can do. Whereas if he's truthful and just dumps her, she will go crazy and make the divorce as difficult and painful as possible. OP, do you really think your wife would make the divorce extremely painful if you told her your real reasons for wanting it? Is this assumption based on how she behaved with her ex? My advice is to be truthful with her - if you really don't love her any more, just tell her so, end the relationship and initiate divorce proceedings. Having said that, I know that many people would engage in a little deception if it would ease the path towards ending a relationship... especially if the other person would otherwise be a pain in the ass about it. I guess in the end it's up to you - how much easier do you think the whole process would be if she thought you were gay, and how difficult would it be otherwise? Sometimes the end justifies the means...
Author Dakota72 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 I think what the OP is saying is that if his wife thought he was gay she would agree to the divorce and everything would be peaceful and amicable. By the time she finds out he's not gay, the divorce will be over with and there's very little she can do. Whereas if he's truthful and just dumps her, she will go crazy and make the divorce as difficult and painful as possible. OP, do you really think your wife would make the divorce extremely painful if you told her your real reasons for wanting it? Is this assumption based on how she behaved with her ex? My advice is to be truthful with her - if you really don't love her any more, just tell her so, end the relationship and initiate divorce proceedings. Having said that, I know that many people would engage in a little deception if it would ease the path towards ending a relationship... especially if the other person would otherwise be a pain in the ass about it. I guess in the end it's up to you - how much easier do you think the whole process would be if she thought you were gay, and how difficult would it be otherwise? Sometimes the end justifies the means... It would be hell on earth if I told her the truth. A little argument about where to put a bookshelf sent her to bed for the whole day, scream-crying for at least an hour and having to eat Xanax to calm her down. Her anxiety and panic attacks make things hard enough on a day to day basis; telling her I don't love her but I love the person she pretended to be while we were dating would spin her out to the point of wanting to hurt me or herself. It's not an illusion that I'd have to maintain past the divorce. She would move 1000 miles away to live by her mom (rent free). If she thought I was gay, the divorce would be so easy, it would almost seem like her idea. And no, i wouldn't really feel guilt from this because she has lied to me over and over about her true self...when someone pisses her off, she starts a flame war...online and in real life. Oh and not every gay man likes to put things in his butt...that was really funny though!! That is a far leap from saying that I may be attracted to men instead of women.
mark982 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 if she's going to move over 1000 miles away to live rent free,why you so damn scared of her? if you want out that bad,alittle hells worth it.
Athena Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hey I'm new here...interesting forum! If I can learn to tolerate all the ads, I think I'll stick around for a while... I am wondering, does anyone have links to some (true) stories about men who pretend to be gay as a way to get a divorce? I'm thinking of doing this. My wife has more gay friends than straight friends, so this is something she would be sympathetic to. I'm not attracted to her anymore and we rarely have sex...Instead of telling her this reason, I may tell her it's not her but ALL women that I don't find sexually attractive. Long story short, I didn't know she was on so many meds when we married...50gm of Paxil...I'm a victim of a multi-layered bait and switch marriage and if I just dump her like I want to, she will start a war with me like she did her previous husband. She'll get all OCD on my ass and never leave me alone, unless I can find a way to...pardon the pun...slip out the back door. You're no better than her then, if you are disappointed by her lying about being on a medication (for depression?) then why would you do exactly the same and lie to her? Stop trying to take the easy way out just tell her the truth in a kind manner.
sadhubby Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 man i disagree sounds like shes a bit mental!! if this will make it easier do it. trust me when they pull **** on you its an avalanch of crap at least your not cheating on her . shes on meds for happiness hell you never know her thinking your gay may just make her happy. i mean just becuase you tell her your gay doesnt mean when you might see her in the future you have to act like a flamer to cover your ass. i knew a lady who left her husband for a women her husband was heart broken but not devistated like for another man , two years later she remarried to another man i think it was just a easy let down for er exhusband to go with a girl for ahwile they are freinds now..
dead-dyke Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 My wife has more gay friends than straight friends, so this is something she would be sympathetic to. I'm not attracted to her anymore and we rarely have sex...Instead of telling her this reason, I may tell her it's not her but ALL women that I don't find sexually attractive. unless I can find a way to...pardon the pun...slip out the back door. Just a quick thought - What would you do if she wants you to 'prove' it to her by her setting you up w/ one of her 'friends'? That would be a little......... awkward... This reminds me of something Larry David would do on Curb Your Enthusiasm. In case you're unaware ~ George Costanza.
Gunny376 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Which would you prefer? Explaining to others for the rest of your life that you unknowingly married a 'nutcase' or that your really not gay? To future potential friends, family, employers. Once the precedent and reputation has been set? It will be hard to live it down. There are still large parts of the country where being gay is a serious liability just finding employment. IHMO this would be a short term decision with long term consequences that the OP isn't taking into consideration. In most states 'mental defect' is grounds for divorce. Move without her knowing, to an undisclosed location, put double dead bolts on the door, install a security system, get a restraining order, get an unlisted telephone number ~ whatever. But do not come out as a being Gay. Unless you want to have the same conversation with every friend and family member you have in convincing them your not Gay. And even if your successful in doing so? They're most certainly are going to be convinced your some sort of dumb @zz for having done so? I mean really if you were my son? I would have to ask ~ "What were you thinking?" I mean really? You could ruin your reputation for years and years. And a lot of times its your reputation that saves your butt. And it takes years and years to build one. I can see it now! Finally got the divorce and free of Helter-Skelter. Your out one night and meet a HB10 (Hot Bade X 10) You and she's got chemistry, your clicking, and her best friend goes to the bathroom with her just as your about to close. She comes back, she's turned cold on you, looks you in the eye and asks? "Are you gay! Because my friends who has a friend, who has a friend says that you got out of your last marriage because you told her you were gay!" Then the rumors get started! "I heard your not only Gay? But you also like to have sex with clowns and dancing bears while wearing a tutu?" And who started all this? You that's who! I'm not saying I'm homophobic. God knows I've tried to make it work with two different women. I'm just saying unless you live in a major city ~ life can still be hard in the rural parts of the country if your gay ~ or perceived as such. Dakota sounds like one to me.
Gunny376 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Just a quick thought - What would you do if she wants you to 'prove' it to her by her setting you up w/ one of her 'friends'? That would be a little......... awkward... This reminds me of something Larry David would do on Curb Your Enthusiasm. In case you're unaware ~ George Costanza. I've experience with this type of situation! I had two recurits come to me just before taps while on the drill field. They had enlisted on the "Buddy Plan" The came to me an requested to speak! "Speak!" They then enformed me they were "Gay" I told them to face one another. I told the one on the left to get on his knees and 'prove it' "SIR! THIS PRIVATE'S NOT GAY SIR!" Then I told the other to do the same! "SIR! THIS PRIVATE'S NOT GAY SIR! :laugh: :laugh: "Oh, oh, oh you want to lie to me! Push ups begin! Mountain Climbers, Leg Lifts! BEGIN!" :mad: :mad:
dgiirl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I would not tell her you are gay. If it's a shock to her, she might tell the whole world, and then you'll have to deal with everyone thinking you are gay when really you are not. I ALSO would not tell her you dont find her sexually attractive anymore either. That would be a huge hit to her ego and would make her all pissed off. Dont give any excuses where it will attack her self esteem. Could you simply tell her the truth? Her medications, anxiety attacks, and depression are taking a tole on you and you can no longer live with it? At least then, when she does go all psycho on you, she'll know this is exactly the reason why you left? It might curb her behavior to more reasonable levels.
lovehurting Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 wow something i was trying to do with my wife but not gay lol I want her to leave me
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