breaker Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Hey everyone, so my SO and I have a very deep love for one another and she's recently moved away to school for the 2nd year in a row causing us to go LDR. To get to the point and make a long story short, I feel like a jelous wreck everytime she's with her guy friends I feel like my stomach drops and I keep asking what if in my head. I'm not usually like this at all. Tonight she was with her guy friend for a few hours and I end up getting a phone call at 2 in the morning like we never skipped a beat. Is it just me being too insecure? She's not the kind of girl to ever cheat and she does a good job letting me know I'm number 1 in her heart and that I'm special to her. Id like to say I trust her 100% but that'd be a contridiction due to that fact I wouldn't be jelous if I trusted her 100%. I just really miss her and I think I'm being stupid
D-Lish Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 She's not the kind of girl to ever cheat Id like to say I trust her 100% but that'd be a contridiction due to that fact I wouldn't be jelous if I trusted her 100%. I just really miss her and I think I'm being stupid Actually, the contradiction lies in the two bolded statements above. On one hand you say you trust her not to cheat, but on the other hand you claim that you may not trust her. Those statements don't mesh. Either you trust her because she's shown you that you can trust her- or you don't trust her because she's given you reason not to.
Author breaker Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 You're right, I didn't mean to have out like that completely. She has never given me reason not to trust her, but idk why I get so jelous when she hangs out with her guy friends, especially 1 on 1. What would u do in this situation
D-Lish Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Well, I wouldn't like it. What I am getting at is that I don't really think you trust her.
Island Girl Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 All kinds of insecurities get played up in an LDR. Rational and irrational it doesn't matter. Have you talked to her about this? Even though you know she wouldn't do anything this could be jealousy over other people with her when you can't be. It happens. It happens a lot. Other people are there laughing with her sharing things with her and you aren't. That is probably all it is. It used to happen to me especially if he was with friends and I was by myself. I'd just be angry in general. He hadn't done anything and in fact was with cousins - male cousins - and I'd be irritated and, yes, jealous.
tryagaintoday Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 never judge a book by its cover. it is usually those that don't look like they will cheat, cheat, and those that look like they will cheat, will not. all our close common friends were shocked and refused to believe when i told them my ex-fiancee has been cheating for almost half a year. my family didn't believe initially as well. i need to show them evidence before they believe. sad thing is, they will believe that i will cheat in a heartbeat. breaker, all you need to do is ask yourself if you truly love her. if so, show it to her. you answer to yourself alone. if you have done everything you could and things still happen, you just walk away with your head held high.
Hkizzle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 To cure irrational insecurities you have to do it Pavlov's dog style. So, next time you feel insecure, get a fork and ram it into your hand. You're stop feeling insecure pretty darn quick.
Island Girl Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 To cure irrational insecurities you have to do it Pavlov's dog style. So, next time you feel insecure, get a fork and ram it into your hand. You're stop feeling insecure pretty darn quick. So true and I have the mangled hand to prove it! Soooooo kidding of course. Anyone in an LDR would know what this feels like. It is so very common. But for those that have not been in a devoted LDR - they just won't.
Author breaker Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Thanks everyone for your insight, i really appreciate it all. and yeah, i have talked about it to her before. i told her I get a little jelous when she's with her guy friends in the way that I just wish I could be them at that moment, she would just reassure they're just friends and I have nothing to worry about. One thing that's really bothering me though, She's done this before but lastnight she was at one of her guy friends dorm just them two from like 11 to 1. I acted like I didn't really care and I asked a few basic questions, like what'd you do, bla bla. Its been bugging me all day and idk what to do
Island Girl Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Thanks everyone for your insight, i really appreciate it all. and yeah, i have talked about it to her before. i told her I get a little jelous when she's with her guy friends in the way that I just wish I could be them at that moment, she would just reassure they're just friends and I have nothing to worry about. One thing that's really bothering me though, She's done this before but lastnight she was at one of her guy friends dorm just them two from like 11 to 1. I acted like I didn't really care and I asked a few basic questions, like what'd you do, bla bla. Its been bugging me all day and idk what to do My husband and I always had a rule - no being out all night or being in what would seem like inappropriate situations like those that could flame insecurities (being alone in a guy's dorm room, etc.). Both of us have a hard time with the distance but we both understood that certainly situations like the one you describe would only serve to make things harder for the person who isn't there. Hanging out with some guy would never be more important than my SOs feelings.
stace79 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Hey everyone, so my SO and I have a very deep love for one another and she's recently moved away to school for the 2nd year in a row causing us to go LDR. To get to the point and make a long story short, I feel like a jelous wreck everytime she's with her guy friends I feel like my stomach drops and I keep asking what if in my head. I'm not usually like this at all. Tonight she was with her guy friend for a few hours and I end up getting a phone call at 2 in the morning like we never skipped a beat. Is it just me being too insecure? She's not the kind of girl to ever cheat and she does a good job letting me know I'm number 1 in her heart and that I'm special to her. Id like to say I trust her 100% but that'd be a contridiction due to that fact I wouldn't be jelous if I trusted her 100%. I just really miss her and I think I'm being stupid My fiance and I are in a LDR too. I know how you feel. I used to be insanely jealous, and for awhile I actually did have a reason. He never cheated, but he did carry on a "friendship" with his former ex for a long time. Anyway I finally realized that getting upset over it didn't do me any good at all. It just made me miserable and stressed out, and it frustrated him as he wasn't do anything wrong but I always gave him the third degree if he mentioned talking to another girl or that he was out with guys at a bar. I think what I finally realized was that: 1. If he did do something wrong, it was a sign we were not meant for each other. 2. Yes, it would hurt if he cheated on me or met someone else and broke up with me, but I can't be on him 24/7 to make sure he doesn't, so I had to stop worrying about it all the time. Have you talked to her about it? My fiance was very supportive when I explained to him how I felt. I just said "Look, I know you've done nothing to break my trust, but I just have all these 'what ifs' playing in my head. Do you ever worry? How do you deal with it?" She might be pleased that you understand your fears are irrational at the moment and that you want to improve your feelings about her. On the other hand, though, I will say that my fiance and I have an understanding that we don't do one-on-one visits with people of the opposite sex, within reason. I have lunch with my boss who's a man sometimes, and he's met with women for his job, too. But on a personal, social level, he would not invite a female friend over to watch a movie alone and vice versa.
SummerLady Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 To cure irrational insecurities you have to do it Pavlov's dog style. So, next time you feel insecure, get a fork and ram it into your hand. You're stop feeling insecure pretty darn quick. That is pretty funny.....But seriously how do you manage irrational insecurities?? This for me is tough. I for no reason make irrational judgments sometimes, based off past experience and not present situation. When you have been burned its hard to trust again. I know trust is earned but still hard to get to sometimes......
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