espec10001 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 No! People are able of raising beautiful children. Don't let the dark side win! I'm trying to make a point that while I do activities that keep me from feeling dead all the time, we in our 20's and 30's have a lot of work to do to make this world a better place for our children, because I hope that I am not the only one who sees how messed up this world is becoming...positive thinking and rose-colored glasses only work for so long until reality slaps you in the face that this is place, at least where I live, is harsh and unforgiving. We can't live in fantasy world pretending everything is okay forever...
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I'm trying to make a point that while I do activities that keep me from feeling dead all the time, we in our 20's and 30's have a lot of work to do to make this world a better place for our children, because I hope that I am not the only one who sees how messed up this world is becoming...positive thinking and rose-colored glasses only work for so long until reality slaps you in the face that this is place, at least where I live, is harsh and unforgiving. We can't live in fantasy world pretending everything is okay forever... It's not a fantasy to think that you can raise decent children and/or help others get what they need to have a better life. That is reality, that is something we can all do. This world IS messed up, that is also reality. But instead of kicking back cursing it all we can do something about it, even if only a few people benefit from it.
deux ex machina Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OP, I think it takes a certain personality type to end up alone. It's usually people who are not able to hold down a relationship or are not able to get any people interested in them in the first place. There are people who simply do not know how to build intimacy and relationships and refuse to learn from their mistakes. There is also another category of people that I will call "delusional". They tend to want really high standards in a potential mate, be it looks or intelligence and are unable to see that they themselves are not able to offer the same in return. They then grow bitter and delude themselves further with thoughts such as "I am too intelligent". "Men are scared of me because I am TOO together" etc etc. No one ever doesn't get a relationship because they are "TOO" anything. It's rather that they are not enough of something. But I digress... Interesting points. Wouldn't the implication of this mean, though, that those who end up "not alone" - have it together when it comes to intimacy, ect? Or...they aren't as delusional? I cannot say I really agree with that. Wouldn't this kind of thinking from someone, make someone with certain tendencies perhaps feel a bit smug if they were in a romantic relationship? Then feel like a failure if they were not? Mmm...well, looking around it would appear to me, personally, that how much someone may be evolved or not has little to do with relationship status. A relationship could very well go up in smoke tomorrow. Any one of ours can.
davo1224 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OP, They then grow bitter and delude themselves further with thoughts such as "I am too intelligent". "Men are scared of me because I am TOO together" etc etc. No one ever doesn't get a relationship because they are "TOO" anything. It's rather that they are not enough of something. But I digress. While I wanted to comment on your post, I also just realized that I'm making strides toward a positive outlook. Normally I would have agreed but it's moreso with your framing of the statements. Lacking something can also mean you have too much of something else. It's kinda like a see-saw. Too much weight on one side means nothing on the other. I do honestly believe there is such a thing as men not being interested in someone who is "too together". The corollary is that the person lacks the ability to be vulnerable and human which puts people off.
espec10001 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 It's not a fantasy to think that you can raise decent children and/or help others get what they need to have a better life. That is reality, that is something we can all do. This world IS messed up, that is also reality. But instead of kicking back cursing it all we can do something about it, even if only a few people benefit from it. You are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not cursing the world, it is what it is. What I'm saying is that for those of us who are still single, we have work to do to make this world a better place for future generations. We can't just go day to day forever just hoping things will get better, we have to make them better. I believe that this should take precedence over romantic relationships which produce children.
caramel c Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not cursing the world, it is what it is. What I'm saying is that for those of us who are still single, we have work to do to make this world a better place for future generations. We can't just go day to day forever just hoping things will get better, we have to make them better. I believe that this should take precedence over romantic relationships which produce children. Sorry for the misunderstanding, I completely agree with this.
carhill Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OP, IMO, you're never truly 'alone'. The kitty hug is evidence of that. It's that you 'feel' alone. There's a difference, and it lies within your perspective. BTW, a couple weeks ago, I hugged an old friend (not the one in my journals) and realized that, amongst a host of other human imperfections, she really didn't have any boobs. I had never thought of it before simply because it didn't matter to me. I love her the way she is (and, boy, is she a handful). I'm sure her husband feels the same way, though I might have scared him a bit when I hugged him Your destiny lies within you. It's not outside. You're in complete control. Well, except for the cat. You know who's in charge there..
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Interesting points. Wouldn't the implication of this mean, though, that those who end up "not alone" - have it together when it comes to intimacy, ect? Or...they aren't as delusional? . Not necessarily. But it does imply that they have necessary skills to build intimacy IF they are capable of having a functioning LTR (I am not talking here about a train-wreck abusive LTRs). They can however be "not together" in other areas of their lives. Conversely, if someone is 35 and never had a LTR even though they badly desire one, they are either not capable of building intimacy OR they have completly unrealistic standards. I am just saying that there is something wrong there. To sum it up, if you are in a LTR, you can still have intimacy issues and thus dysfunctional LTR. If you single at the certain age and never had a LTR, despite numerous attempts at dating, there is something wrong with YOU.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 While I wanted to comment on your post, I also just realized that I'm making strides toward a positive outlook. Normally I would have agreed but it's moreso with your framing of the statements. Lacking something can also mean you have too much of something else. It's kinda like a see-saw. Too much weight on one side means nothing on the other. I do honestly believe there is such a thing as men not being interested in someone who is "too together". The corollary is that the person lacks the ability to be vulnerable and human which puts people off. Yes, but it's the lack that really puts people off rather then too-muchness.
deux ex machina Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 ...Conversely, if someone is 35 and never had a LTR even though they badly desire one, they are either not capable of building intimacy OR they have completly unrealistic standards. I am just saying that there is something wrong there... That is where I needed more information. Thank you. I have a lovely friend who never in her life had a long term relationship, I don't think. I have no idea if she badly desires one or not, it never came up, so I don't imagine so. I admire the way she's lived her life, she's hardly someone rife with issues. It was the first sentence in your prior post, which said you think people with a certain personality type end up alone, that got me thinking. There are many reasons people end up "alone", that is certain. Must be careful not to make assumptions.
sumdude Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not cursing the world, it is what it is. What I'm saying is that for those of us who are still single, we have work to do to make this world a better place for future generations. We can't just go day to day forever just hoping things will get better, we have to make them better. I believe that this should take precedence over romantic relationships which produce children. I agree with some of this.. but here's some reality for ya. The world has ALWAYS been in many ways an effed up place. It's all relative. Give me any moment in human history when it would have been a better time to raise children? War, disease, natural disaster, exploitation have always been with us. Making it a better place is a great thing.. bu you also have to make peace with the fact that the world and people are what they are. Human nature hasn't changed in millions of years. Carrying resentment and negativity about it are not going to help.
carhill Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 As someone who's been 'alone' (in the LTR sense) most of his life, I can say, for myself, it's because I'm comfortable with myself and being alone. I love sharing myself with other people but am also happy to live within my own skin. Others are <not> required for that happiness. Bonus, surely, but not imperative.
davo1224 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Yes, but it's the lack that really puts people off rather then too-muchness. I would suggest changing your point of view. Focusing on lack produces a disappointing life because it is based on expectations that are impossible to meet 100%. It can be a motivator for a change but you need to look at situations which have duality. I was raised around the poverty line so I needed to get a better job if I lacked money and wanted to change that. That makes sense though as you can't "use" poverty. You can also say that a skinny person lacks many things a fat person has, but which would people rather be? When I decide I am not interested in someone it's because there is too much of something wrong rather than what they're lacking. A guy can lack common sense but I'll only be offended when he makes too many stupid decisions or isn't proactive because of it. Similarly, you wouldn't say people should steer clear of floods because there's a lack of dry ground but thinking about it that way gives you an interesting perspective. It's a corollary situation for sure.
espec10001 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I agree with some of this.. but here's some reality for ya. The world has ALWAYS been in many ways an effed up place. It's all relative. Give me any moment in human history when it would have been a better time to raise children? War, disease, natural disaster, exploitation have always been with us. Making it a better place is a great thing.. bu you also have to make peace with the fact that the world and people are what they are. Human nature hasn't changed in millions of years. Carrying resentment and negativity about it are not going to help. If the world has always been messed up, then why do humans continue to produce offspring to perpetuate the cycle?
C-i-C-u Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 If the world has always been messed up, then why do humans continue to produce offspring to perpetuate the cycle? He just told you! Its human to be that way.
espec10001 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 He just told you! Its human to be that way. So humans are nothing more than animals would you say?
Chubbi Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Carhill, you´re the best and right!! I´ve been single 20 years, seeing how I am 20 yrs old, and I never felt like I needed a boyfriend. Some of the young at my school to me act like they have to be in a relationship for life to go on, and it´s really all for show. There is nothing cool there. I´ve learned not to envy people my age in relationships. It could be, and probably is, just a lot of useless, trite drama. As I have said before, most of my friends at school are like me, with few or no opposite sex contact in their life, and it´s all up in the air if we find a mate. Who knows, who cares, who has the time when there so much to doo!!!!!!!!
sumdude Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 So humans are nothing more than animals would you say? Clearly we're not. We have the ability to change in a way no animal can. But this is way OT...
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 If the world has always been messed up, then why do humans continue to produce offspring to perpetuate the cycle? I think bearing offspring should be banned until a couple have been vetted for suitability. If people try to adopt a child, they go through the hoops of hell to prove they will be suitable and appropriate parents to the child they wish to have and call their own. Hell's bells, if people want to 'adopt' an animal from a bona fide animal shelter, they have to have home visits and suitability assessments.... Yet people can pop kids any time they want - and we all know how successful spontaneous parenting is for some....! Not everyone who wants kids should have them...... And if free handouts were curtailed, that would sort some of the wheat from the chaff..... THAT'S where things are messing up. Very broadly speaking..... (This is hugely OT, isn't it.......? )
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Sanandconfuse thank you so much for your vote of confidence! And those of you who said that it really is depending on perspective, i agree. I think i might be stuck on one of those low points...
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 You just have to realize that the chance of being alone is smaller than being with someone..but its out there. I have come to realize that i may meet someone..i may not..if i don't meet someone..i will be completely fine
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