EricaH329 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 So i've been doing a very good job of remaining NC with my ex. Even though it's only been 2 1/2 weeks, I still stand very firm in NC. However, I have recieved a couple of comments on myspace from his step sister asking me what's going on between the two of us. I know this has nothing to do with him, because her and I talk more than he and her do. Also, I just got done talking with his dad, who also asked me what was going on. I tried to keep all of my answers short and to the point. "There is no more me and him." "I'm doing great, very happy with the way things are going for me right now." "I appreciate the concern, but i'm very happy." Etc. His dad did give up some information about my ex that I could have gone without knowing. I know everything he said to me had good intentions, his dad is a little dense, but you figure that after getting out of a relationship you wouldn't want to talk about the other person. Both him and his step sister stated that they wanted to remain in good graces with me and would like to check in on me from time to time. I love them both. They have been nothing but great to me and I cannot cut them out of my life just because someone they are related to was an @$$ to me. I have been taking this break up very mature, and i've been remaining strong. I actually surprise myself every single day. I never thought I had this amount of strength and respect for myself. But the contact with his family does make it hard. I'm very respectful to them, but I feel as if it may be holding me back a little bit. Maybe i'm over reacting? Maybe I just need to see them as people outside of the relationship that I had with my ex... but it's hard. I know I will get continued contact from them, which I don't necessarily mind, I don't know... it's just hard. I guess i'm just ranting. I have no intentions on breaking NC with him.
logitech Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I absolutely agree that it does make things hard. I have been in contact with my ex's mum and sister since everything happened. Now i expect the contact with her mum won't continue as things have finished up there. But I will see her sister a bit since her fiancee is now a good friend of mine. To compound matters I will be going to their wedding in Nov. Obviously this means I will be breaking NC since she will be there as a bridesmaid (I was going to be a groomsman but was relegated to guest due to the politics). I know some people will tell me I should go etc, but I want to make this about my friend getting married, not my own little dilemma. Anyway, I commend you for being able to go 2 1/2 weeks despite the links that you still have. It will always be hard to see them just as people you know outside of a relationship simply due to the way you got to know these people. As much as I am able to stop talking to the old in-laws I will forever feel I lost a whole family. You're doing great Erica, you're much stronger than me.
Author EricaH329 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 I absolutely agree that it does make things hard. I have been in contact with my ex's mum and sister since everything happened. Now i expect the contact with her mum won't continue as things have finished up there. But I will see her sister a bit since her fiancee is now a good friend of mine. To compound matters I will be going to their wedding in Nov. Obviously this means I will be breaking NC since she will be there as a bridesmaid (I was going to be a groomsman but was relegated to guest due to the politics). I know some people will tell me I should go etc, but I want to make this about my friend getting married, not my own little dilemma. I definitely agree that you should go. Your ex is no longer a priority, nor a deal breaker in the choices you make. I say go and have fun! Anyway, I commend you for being able to go 2 1/2 weeks despite the links that you still have. It will always be hard to see them just as people you know outside of a relationship simply due to the way you got to know these people. As much as I am able to stop talking to the old in-laws I will forever feel I lost a whole family. You're doing great Erica, you're much stronger than me. I know the feeling. These people were great to me, and did things for me when I needed help that I couldn't be more appreciative for. It's tough keeping in contact with them, but i'm going to remain strong. My ex will not keep me from talking to the people that care about me, and that I care about. Not fair to anyone involved. Thank you for your kind words! I really appreciate it!
boogieboy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Youre not over-reacting Erica. Talking to your ex's family is the same as keeping a connection with them. It does delay your healing, and you will have to let them go too.
Author EricaH329 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Youre not over-reacting Erica. Talking to your ex's family is the same as keeping a connection with them. It does delay your healing, and you will have to let them go too. Well, we don't talk every day. This is actually the first time since we broke up that i've heard from either of them. Even when me and my ex were together, we would talk mayyybe once a week. I know this won't be an every day thing. It sucks, but it doesn't change my mind about anything. I think that's the biggest issue. Remaining faithful to my decisions. I still feel as strong as ever.
feelrealempty Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I might be out of line here but here goes and just IMO I have children with him so these plp are forever going to in contact with me (yicks) but it does hurt really bad to hear from them.... so I feel for you..... His (ex) father called me at work last week to tell me not to be a stranger and they all love me blah blah all it did was make me cry at my desk and I told him so.. When you have to stay connected its one thing if you dont then dont...... If I had followed that advice yrs back then maybe I wouldve moved on yrs ago... They have a way of keeping you in the picture which is not always the best for you (who u need to be concerned about right now).... I was in love with one of my brothers exes she would have been perfect for him I still think so but I wasnt hurt and I did understand that when she broke up with him it was a family breakup also.. It made it easier for her and that I understood and respected... I still her time and again but we never talk about him only us.... Do it for yourself they should understand it will be easier for you... Later on down the road if these were important relationships to you they will still be there. But for now the family should understand. ther farther the better.. Good luck...............
fabulous_chk Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I feel you. My ex's mom calls me everyday and refers to herself as my "Mommy" as well as his brother who talks to me for hours. I have recently cut contact with them. It's for my own sanity. Their expectations that me and my ex are just playing games and would get back together drives me nuts. But I know that's just because they love me and want me to stay in their lives. You might try saying goodbye to them for now. Don't be afraid to show a little bit of emotion and say that you just want to forget and move on and that you will cease contact with them for now. In the future when you are ready you will contact them again. Ask them to give you time to process your grief. They will understand this. If they really care for you, they would not want to delay your healing. It might be a good idea for you to close down your myspace account so that there's no way for them to contact you. Also, try changing your phone number. I'm glad that you have maintained dignity throughout all this. I was a wreck and did all the things you should never do lol! (((hugs)))
CaliGuy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 You need to break off the relationship with his family as well. It's just not good for you. It's an unfortunate, but necessary part of moving on with your life. Remove them from your social web sites. It's for your own good.
Author EricaH329 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Yeah, you all are right. I do need to stop talking to them, for now at least. Until i'm completely over him. I'm in the process of getting my number changed, and i'm taking them off of whatever sites or instant messaging applications I use. This sucks. It feels like I didn't only break up with him, but I broke up with them also. It's for the best though, I know. Thank you everyone for your advice and taking the time of day to reply to my thread. It's much appreciated!!
bayouboi Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 It's definitely complicated. I saw my ex's parents shortly after d-day while I was out one day. They asked me how I was doing. I gave a one-liner and then ignored them because what I WANTED to say was 'okay considering your daughter was a lying, cheating, whorebag'. Nowadays I'm over what happened and moved on with my life, but if I were to see them, I would still ignore them because it's almost as if they endorsed her behavior, and I'd rather not associate myself with people of that moral fiber.
Author EricaH329 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Bayouboi -- I totally know what you mean. I wanted to do that same thing ! But it wouldn't have done any good. His father is just like he is. Same mentality. At the end of our conversation, he told me how glad he was to hear I was doing good, and that i'm a great girl and I deserve to be happy. I know all of this already. That's why I broke up with him in the first place. Talking with his family though, did effect me on an unconcious level. I had a dream about it last night and woke up a little... off. I guess i've been trying to block him out for so long that it caught up to me once something was triggered. I'm doing alright though. Just a little bump to get over.
DustySaltus Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Hey Erica. I was treating my ex's nephew like my nephew when we were engaged. I would go shoot pool with him almost everyday after school (he's 14), help him with his homework and english and basically just do whatever I could do for him and his family. Her mother and I had a great relationship. When I told her we were engaged she told me she loved me....something that she very rarely EVER said to anyone according to my EX. Her sisters loved me as well. I was like one of the family over there.....and now it's all over. I had a GREAT relationship with everyone in her family and I know whatever lies she is telling them about me now are being taken with a grain of salt. With all of this being said, I had to cut ALL of them off. It's just too painful at this point and I don't really want them to go tell my EX what is going on wlith me either. The hardest person to cutoff obviously was my "future" nephew. Me and him had a special bond. I know how it is but you have to do what's best for yourself. I wouldn't cut the family off right away, but I would slowly phase things out. They deserve that much.
Author EricaH329 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Dusty, I know how you feel. I was really attached to my ex's neice and nephew. His neice is only about 6 or so, and when I moved out of his house she kept asking me where I was going and when I would be back. I told her I was just going on a vacation, and i'll see her again. It broke my heart. I hated to have to lie to her, but I didn't want to cause her any pain. I'm only hoping she's forgotten about me by now. It sucks having to go through a break up with an ex, you are leaving someone you care about, and it's a million times worse when family you care about is involved. You aren't only leaving that one person anymore, you are leaving a group of people. Not only do I now have to grieve the loss of a relationship, but a family as well. It's tough, but there has to be something more to all of this. I'm convinced that it will make me a much stronger person in the end. I have to hang onto my optimism, it's the only thing left.
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