RachLIVE Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 =( I was an idiot. Thinking we could be friends. I was ok for a while, i'd convinced myself i was happy & for 9 months have just lived with the fact that i love him but he wont love me but we can still be mates, right? No. His feelings started to come back (with drunken texts at first) but i confronted him & he admitted his feelings werent as strong as before (but were there) & that, no, we woudlnt work out (which i knew we wouldnt but just couldnt accept). & im at least respectful that he answered me honestly, im thankful for that. I cut ties there & then. For the split second that i knew i had the strength, i said goodbye, deleted every message, deleted all connections on facebook etc..(god i hate technology). But now i feel like I did on day one. I guess i just need to start over. Im so angry at myself too, i shouldve just listened to everyone when they said "dont try be friends" but i had to see for myself. Please tell me ive done the right thing
Angel1111 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Sometimes people can be friends but it's usually years later when all the emotion has died away. But don't beat yourself up. If you hadn't of tried it, you would've never known. And sometimes it's just our way of hanging on because we're not really ready to let go. It's kind of like a buffer between one ending and the other. It served a purpose, you're just not seeing it right now. I'm sorry you're hurting.
Lost Fish Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Angel is right. You weren't totally ready to let go the first time, but now you know. Ya know? One thing that I'm learning and observing in people who break NC is that we are MUCH too hard on ourselves for slipping and sending that one text or email - or in your case trying to be friends for a month (wow, that must have been hard). Be good to yourself Rach. You're doing just fine. I'm on day 11 of NC now - and yes I slipped. She really challenged me, emailing and texting...and I replied once. And now it's almost like she gave up. And that reality of getting nothing from her is setting in - and it's hard. But I still have that feeling deep down, that this is the right thing. As much as it hurts, I still feel that each day the pain goes out a little bit and acceptance comes in. You're ok.
gavinus Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 If there is one thing I have learned grieving for somebody is a cycle. You feel sad, mad, hurt, guilty, hopeful, glad then back to sad. You have now got closure! Some people take years to get it if ever, others get it on day one. There are no rules, just do whats best for you and best strong and forgive yourself. It seems to me most of the people on this site post because they have remorse, have a conscience and have real feelings. That says a lot! best wishes, stay strong
chrisng2 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Sorry to hear about your situation, I have been through a similar experience and it's really heartbreaking, as Angel1111 said, it is possible to be friends but usually not until several years later when the emotions have died down. At least you tried, better to regret doing something than to regret doing nothing! Now you know and are ready to move on with your life, remember when one door closes another door opens!
Author RachLIVE Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Cheers guys Im take back what I said about feeling like back to day one, i feel crap still but its like this giant wieght has been lifted & i can breath again & just live my life (all this relaisation in one day lol =o), I also know now & actually beleive, that ill be happy again (: Still ive never cut anyone out my life before & I dont ever want to have to do it again (hopefully i wont), got a bit of a way to go still but ill just keep plodding along
Lost Fish Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 You're doing great Rach. I'm glad today is easier - it's a little easier for me too, but yes that ache is still there - it's how we grow....
ecm Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Maybe you had to have this closure because there is someone fabulous on the horizon. And maybe if you hadn't tried, you would have let this other person pass you by...
Author RachLIVE Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 as it happens one person did get passed by & im regretting that a bit now, but ahwell i've learnt not to let that happen again ^^
Star Gazer Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I know it hurts right now, but remember this: You were fine before him, and you'll be fine after him. You just have to heal.
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