Mixitup123 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Any advice would be appreciated from you guys. My relationship has finished after over 4 years together with my boyfriend. I am coping about the same as everyone on here who has recently broken up with someone. The trouble is I gave up a lot for him (although he would never say that) I did. I gave up my apartment, my job, my cat, I even gave up wanting a family with him, and getting married and having a home, he said he wants that too, but not now, so I even respected that and said I'd wait a few years. Bearing in mind we'd already been together 4 years. We left where we lived to follow his 'dream', not mine, his, but I supported him as I loved/love him. Anyway, long story short, it ended, pretty badly, and he really showed me that he didn't give a toss about me, and didn't really love me, or care about me because of the way he treated me, the usual I suppose (you just know ). I'd known for quite sometime now but didn't want to face up to the truth, kept on trying to make it work, so I suppose you'd say I was stupid for going with him and giving up things for him, but after 4 years I thought I knew him. Anyway, I am now back at home with my parents, who have been a god send, and supported me so much (they saw it coming - tried to tell me but I didnt listen), and now I have no idea what to do with my life, for the last 4 years he is all I've known. I am really scared about it all, as I am on my own now, alone, and I have to go back out there and do something. I just feel so lost and thinking about going anywhere new without him is so horrible at the moment. I live abroad and don't want to go back to where I am originally from, although this is where my friends are, I would see that as going backwards. Before I met him I was really independant and just finished my degree, but now I have low self confidence, and have no idea where to go from here? Does anyone have any ideas on jobs, places to go, have you been in this situation? I would value any ideas. I would like to do something different, start to earn good money, I have qualifications and lots of work experience and I would like to start getting my own things around me, start to think about ME now, instead of him and what he wanted..which in reality is nothing. So please any ideas? Thanks.
wondering_girl Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 hi mixitup... how are you doing babe? i know, when people ask me that question i said i'd rather not answer..... i know you wrote me on my thread too, thank you for listening..... just to let you know, you're not alone we're in the same boat, my bf of 4 years left me too and i feel so rejected by him, he didn't even say anything (wth, i can't believe he was that disrespectful) and like you said, the whole 4 years i focused on HIM, when he left, i didn't even know who the heck i was anymore....we didn't live together but if we weren't together i would've relocated..... but i was with him ya know and wanted to be. how's the healing process are you NC? did you get a proper closure from him? as far as going forward, i'm not gonna lie everyone is telling me there's a light at the end of the tunnel but i haven't seen it just YET and time is mentioned all the time but i can't see it YET either...... i'm trying to find out WHO am i now, i don't even know WHO am i anymore have you thought about applying for jobs or going back for more school? *hugs girl, this CRAP hurts*
Author Mixitup123 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Thanks for your reply wondering girl. How's it going? Feeling any better? I know, I have days when I'm okay then days when I wake up and I'm so not okay, and it lingers in to the whole day. We should try not to let it. I have had NC with him for 1 month tomorrow. To be very honest I am actually finding that part easy - NOT to contact him, before I have always contacted him, but this time it is different, he treated me really badly and I know this time it is really over. God typing that felt really bad..but it's true, there's no going back, not for me or him. There is still a big part of me who still wants him, but i know he is not a very nice person, not deep down, on the surface yes, he comes across as this lovely guy, soft, quiet, a gentle giant, but when you scratch under the surface there is nothing there but a shallow, empty shell. Just woke up and I feel terrible (mornings are definitely the worst by the way, evenings aren't so bad as the day is over). Had a really bad night last night and actually dreamed of someone dying, and being at the funeral (no one I know) but that can't be good can it, must be a reflextion on how I'm feeling inside. When i wake up he is the first thing on my mind, I don't want him to be, but he is, and I get lost in thought about him for about half an hour, before I snap out if it, and get up. Earlier was thinking of him with someone else, that is the worse feeling about all this, that he could already be doing that. I couldn't even think about that at the moment, or not for a long time. I am just going through each day, 1 come and goes, and I think come on, get it together, start doing productive things to get your life back on track. You see I moved abroad with him, so now I'm abroad with only my parents, don't really know anyone here, and it's only a small, quietish place, I know I don't wnt to stay here long term, but i would till I get over this. Going off in to the world on my own at the moment, just freaks me out. Yes I am going to start applying for jobs, but I have no idea what or where to go, thought about doing something drastic, like the army or police, trying to join up. I don't know the thought of anything scares me to death, as nothing I do will be with him. After 4 years of being with him..i júst feel like it is going to be so lonely and difficult. Although I know I don't want to be with him anymore, as he is just not a good guy, not deep down.
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