DolceVenganza Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I am 29. My gf is 25. We have been dating since she was 21 and she a senior in college and I was 25. Our relationship has transitioned much over the years. I would like to think that we have remained together because at the core of who we are, we are good people and genuinely love each other, but it seems the 'snowball' that began eons ago is now rolling out of control and isn't slowing down. At some point, our first occurred over what would amount to stupid, insignificant bs. If I remember correctly it revolved around visiting my divorced aunt, her 4 kids, bringing a pizza, and my gf's desire NOT to go because she 'felt uncomfortable' showing up with a pizza at 9pm. (She felt I should bring more pizzas and/or that it was too late to go - even though it was my family, I knew the situation, and we would have been welcomed with open arms.) I told her I would go alone if she didn't 'go along with the plans,' as I'd promised my family I'd see them. Needless to say, we didn't end up going or getting pizza. In between the fights have always been wonderful, vivid, and passionate moments. Langerie, fine dinners, day and weekend trips, fun surprises, beaches, camping, sporting events, and family events. If I had to describe 'us', it is that we ride the highest highs and the lowest lows, the full spectrum of passion. At some point though, our fighting became a common occurrence, where treating one another disrespectfully became easier than treating each other respectfully. Oh sure, we would write cards, send flowers, or exchange emails of phone calls about 'not doing that again', but such things always occurred over and over and over, to the point it has been almost a weekly occurrence. For much of 2009, for instance, we have waffled between 'not having a status title' and lack of communication. Deep down, I feel my gf (if she can be called that) is into playing games, lacks the ability to apologize and accept responsibility, and consciously act on change. We went into XMAS talking about breaking up, but never went through with it. Instead, at some point in '09 she took a break, basically not communicating with me at all. She said it was mutual, even though I never recall such a thing occurring and during the whole escapade I tried getting in touch to put things back together or end it once and for all. That never happened. We opened up communication and began talking openly, behaving as 'if we were together.' I just get the feeling that it is too broken to fix. I'd like to think that I am smart enough and dedicated enough and caring enough to turn around all the bad episodes that have occurred. However, she might be willing to accept that, she is not wiling nor capable of accepting she has done wrong, too. At one point I found a match.com profile of her's on her own computer. I happened to be fixing it with her permission and in the drop down box was match.com. Because IE saves your login info and PWD, I checked it out right in front of her. She freaked, obviously, but it was a legit profile. A few days later, she brought that back up and said it was fake, showed me the profile, and I noticed much of it was changed. She made the excuse that she was trying to 'scare me', saying that she would date other guys if we didn't work out and that I 'told her to date other guys,' so that was her taking action on my statement. ----------------------------------------- As loving, caring, sweet, funny and beautiful as my GF is she is also very immature about handling relationships. If she freaks out at me for no reason, and I actually have a good basis for my position, she immediately resorts to heavy crying, telling me I am a jerk, and trying to reverse the situation on me (do girls take classes in this?). As another example, I have been doing my office over for sometime now and since we can't be said to 'be official,' I have not worked hard to make plans long in advance with her. This past Saturday I had to paint and ended up doing so alone from 11 to about 730. She lives 30 minutes away, so i texted her in the evening that I would go home, pack a bag, and shoot over to take her to dinner. I never made plans in advance because I had no clue what time I would get done and didn't want to hold her back from doing other things with friends earlier in the evening. I arrived at about 9pm as planned and went to a restaurant nearby. She tweaked about not ordering an appetizer, about me not making plans, about not ordering more than 1 drink, and how 'we always go to my places.' Mind you, I am paying, but I don't care where we go - it was just close and good food given the time. She did all this tweaking IN this restaurant between moments that our server would appear. I was ticked and did my best to handle my anger without runing the evening, but we ended having words and leaving on bad terms. I slept on the couch for an hour or so and sauntered into bed after I knew she had passed out. --------------------------------- I genuinely 'want' to make things work, to right the wrongs, and heal the wounds. In 5 years, we haven't been with anyone else, but this has been one hell of a ride. Most days I feel like a healthy relationship would never have to deal with this, so I feel as if I should be moving on. Other times I remember the holidays, the cute things she did (and still does) that keep me loving her. But I feel as if the whole world is on me here to fix it. As a random point of note, I checked out Emotional Manipulation on google, bringing up a list of 8 characteristics that EM's exhibit and she fits all 8. http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/emotional_manipulation.htm Thanks, DV.
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