Jmina Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I'm going to post this here... because sometimes you might think you are somewhere that you are not... ready for something you are not... I was reading all my old posts from 07 ... didn't even get close to the 08 ones, but as i was reading through them i noticed a pattern... I wanted to believe that what my ex and i had was something really special and amazing. You know, more unique than the next. more special and amazing that my readers realised... i felt that if they understood that, then somehow their advice would confirm what i wanted to believe... but only now am i starting to see, that these special and amazing connections may or may not last forever, but nothing is big or special enough to hold onto no matter how great, if that is what is holding you back. My beliefs contributed to my thoughts and my thoughts contributed to my feelings. Maybe i learnt and wanted to believe so bad in happy endings. Either way i went through a very clear process of grief and loss - over a 2 year process(and counting) but every moment of it was there for a reason, i learnt new things a long the way I wanted to have a fairy tale, i wanted to prove everyone wrong that she IS the love of my life, she DOES love me, she WILL be back, we were MADE for each other... this strong belief really toyed with my emotions... i don't know where it developed and grew but 2 years later i know that, this time, i wasn't destined with my true love... and that is just A ok. Only tonight after really seeing this in much more perspective and acknowledging i have this belief, i decided Is this where i stop living the life i planned and start living the life i was meant to? It does sound much more freeing... thinking of that gave me goosebumps... it is clear that havn't let go of an outcome i thought up and believed in... is it time to wipe the slate clean and only dictate my own actions and plans from now one, noone elses. Loveshack you've done it again. Just for trivial purposes, maybe you could check yours out too... but here are the titles of my previous posts in order... what a rollar coaster!! - we broke up may 07, you dont have to read below, but its interesting to see the pattern! June 07 Denial, sadness, desperate Tourn apart Soul mates contacting ex? a terrible idea i think i'm going crazy Done the right thing or not? barley coping and worried about future i think i am finally letting her go July 07 denial - but some acceptance of the situation, sadness has anyone been through the same? I can't let go Karma and Fate I want to contact her First love Vent Listen to my heart or not? August 07 situation is sinking in. ANGER! Bitterness and grief I don't want to live my life without her Loss Whats the point? Coping with an open heart September07 Bargaining Crying for her The dumpee trying to fix things I need some support and guidance Are you angry? Is she who i think she is? will she come back? what do i do if she contacts me? want to cry my heart out October 07 continued anger and then sadness stuff the ex! am i done yet? torture to lifting myself up I got what i prayed for in a ironic way forget your ex fallen over again deystroyed beauty November07 acceptance feeling my loss love and attraction didn't go hand in hand October07 acceptance and growth click for some hope, help and guidance December 07 still working on growth and focusing on myself have i met her all over again? self love is the miracle cure having touble letting go? January 08 in the new year, back to sadness... this is where i thought i might have heard from her by now... investing into a predicted outcome. DON'T DO IT! lol Sad soul contact ex trying to bring some peace finally the pain like no other personal growth a reflection on loss without fail writing keeps me right on track feb 08 frustration more thoughts on ex so why do i want my ex back? am i wasting my youth? i want a life again may 08 a year later i am starting to see the relationship and break up for what it really was -acceptance girlfriend left me for a guy the 'year ago game' Red flags August 08 reflection, sadness, growth is it a tragedy? flow or force? June 09 continued healing and acceptance and again some sadness after first contact in two years... and again more growth Healing new love interests 2 years ago So you see i was sort of stuck between sadness and acceptance and i still am to this day, but i am SO much more closer to being totally free, including baggage free because i am allowing myself to feel. Also you can clearly see that i really went through a downright paramount example process of grief... (which i had NO idea of!!!) Denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance a lot of the time sadness creeped in between these stages but you will also notice, where there was sadness it was followed shortly by growth.. this seems to take you along to the next stage. this proves that no matter how much of a rollarcoaster you feel you are on, and no matter how 'bottomless' your grief and recovery may feel... if you realise that on much bigger scale and perspective just like me, you will go through a very natural process of these feelings that come and go, come and go, linger and disappear and come and go. so let it happen. what youre feeling is there for a reason, it is no different to if something or someone is present in your life, you honor them/that. You drink to it! or drown your sorrows! (well maybe avoid the liquer this time) Just don't ignore it, what could possibly be so bad about 'FEELING' a certain way. The bad stuff happens when you act on it... so just feel. (and usually when we act on it, that is because we are ignoring it - go figure) for example. If you accept youre angry, then allow yourself to express it, by working out, punching pillows, driving your car and screaming, finding anywhere to scream really loud, somewhere safe to release your emotion. If you let yourself, you'll find a place - the shower, into a pillow with loud music, in the car, go drive an hour till your in the middle of nowhere out on some cliffs, or a beach and scream out all your pain to the sky above and let the universe have it! instead of getting revenge or messing things up with others...that isn't allowing yourself to feel angry, that is going on a rampage. it is unsafe, out of control and at the end of the day you didnt honour your feelings, you lowered yourself to get revenge. So basically if you havnt caught on The most important thing is to feel what you are feeling and accept if your sad, angry, or inspired, lost, and i don't mean just within the first 6 months or year, do this FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE . feelings are there to be heard. talk about them, write about them break plates about them, post about them. Thankyou Loveshack... you've done it again! Jmina =)
Broseph Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Great advice and I was just looking back at your threads and what a history. Let me tell its a shame for all boys around the world that you likegirls, man your good looking
Author Jmina Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Hey Broseph, thanks for the feedback & yeah i have one hell of a history there... Oh and i like some boys too
Island Girl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Amazing post. Inspiring. Truly inspiring. I am so glad you are here.
Author Jmina Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Thank you Island girl.. i'm always here to help as much as i can
mundane mind Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Thank you...very good read! I broke up with my boyfriend in July this year. It's my second serious relationship. I thought it's gonna be easier since I already went through a painful break up with my first but i guess i was wrong. You're right, you have to acknowledge each feeling or emotion and find ways to deal with it otherwise you will be stuck in the denial stage and never move on. Thanks again...
Author Jmina Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 That is something lots of people are hard on themselves about. but the thing is.... your not in another relationship with your ex, your in anohter relationship with a new person. so you have new feelings. its different to your ex. every relationship is new and different with different qualities, dynamics, you love him for different reasons that your ex. so why would it be any easier? if it was easier you would think that you didnt invest your whole heart into the relationship. if you fall in love and break up its hard. no matter how many times it happens. .....
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