moimeme Posted December 30, 2003 Posted December 30, 2003 She and I have talked a great deal and we both decided it would be best not to spend time alone together. Not because we are afraid of we might 'do' together, but because we are both afraid of what feelings may arise. VERY wise of you both! Congratulations on dodging this bullet as well as on the improvements in your marriage. I am really happy for you and wish you and yours all the best. It is so great to hear this sort of news!
JustBeinBlonde Posted December 30, 2003 Posted December 30, 2003 "Secondly, I want to say that I am not going through a mid-life crisis. I do not believe in such things." Me thinks you doth protest too much! "Yes, I was wrong to ever have such thoughts in my head about this lady. I do not blame it on anything but a lack of self control on my part." Um you blamed this whole situation on "God," read below: "I was told that I should be proud of myself for not acting on impulse. Also, I truly believe that this girl was a test from God. Not just a test, but a wake up call. " Obviously you are one who needs lots of stroking from outside sources, which is why you in your time of "crisis," not mid-life of course , would turn to such a young lady for comfort. And could you please give me a scriptural reference where God dangles a young female as a "test" for a man going through a mid-life crisis. I mean crisis. I thought it was the other guy, the man in the red suit, Santa....dosen't he send the Ho's?
VivianLee Posted December 31, 2003 Posted December 31, 2003 Brokeneli, Thanks for updating us! It sounds like things are going great for y'all and it's so exciting to see someone's marriage is working out. It is also exciting to see that doing the right thing paid off for you. I admire you for getting the help you needed and not giving into temptation. You are a good example to all of us, men and women alike! Continue the hard work (I'm learning from this forum that hard work is what is required for a good marriage) and enjoy your new and improved marriage!!
lipglossboost Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 I don't believe leaving your wife is the answer, simply because your first choice would obviously be to work things out with her. This other woman is a band-aid, nothing more. You need to try to find a way to get through to your wife. It sounds as if she is unhappy, perhaps not with you, but with her life. You need to chisel a way in and force her to face up to her demons. She may be having a difficult time, however, she is hurting you, and that is unacceptable. You, as her husband, deserve to be involved, to be able to help her through this. She is shutting you out, and that is unfair. You don't have to tell her there is a pretty young thing at work. But, you do need to tell her she is hurting you, and you are lonely and confused by her behavior. Don't cheat. Focus your energy on trying to figure out whether you can get back in to your wife's life, or whether it is time to leave. After you've made that decision, you can ask the questions regarding the other woman.
kkat Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Hi there Hope things are continuing to improve for you. I just found your post and wanted to say three things I hope you'll consider. 1. PLEASE do not get involved with the girl/woman at your work. PLEASE. Read my other posts and those of other women here to get some insight into the pain you will cause this girl if you take things ANY further with her because she'll end up with a broken heart. Please don't lead her on, please don't give her any hope, please don't do anything to make her think you are available to her because you aren't. 2. I think you already recognize this but clearly your wife is suffering from depression. You mentioned that things are better and she's on medication for depression - but most medications take a while to kick in - sometimes up to six weeks or so - so keep that in mind. And she will likely have ups and downs, like everyone does, but just more so, even after the meds kick in. 3. Most anti-depressants have sexual side effects in many people, and you should be prepared for that. I mention this since in your original post you had mentioned that your wife had not had interest in sex before for a while, and that this was an issue for you. It could get worse on the medications - but remember, once she gets better, she may be able to go off the medication - and maybe she will not have this side effect at all. You sound like you really love your wife and family and I hope you'll continue to work to make it better. Good luck.
gebhart Posted January 21, 2004 Posted January 21, 2004 When I read your original post, I almost could put myself in your place. At this moment I can tell you that I'm getting closer to that step -- cheating. One of the responses was "how does this pop in your head, you just don't do it". It's easier said than done, especially if you have not lived in a situation as yours and mine. I've been with my husband for 5 years (married for 4). He has lost interest in being intimate in every since of the word. It's been like this for 3 years. I feel like his roommate, not his wife. I have tried to talk to him, even written notes -- but the last time his response was "haven't we already had this conversation". To me that was shutting the door on the conversation. Now I sit and watch my marriage fall apart. I don't know what else to do. I've sit at home behind the computer to avoid going out on my own. I've avoided getting in a situation where I've set myself up for the opportunity. But it's getting harder and harder. I play a game and chat online and the temptations are getting harder to deny. The need is getting harder to ignore. I've thought about counseling, but not sure we can afford it or would he be willing to talk. He doesn't like talking about sex in the first place. Every day I think more and more about leaving. Not sure which way to turn.
roberto007 Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 I would like to help in any way I can. I offer: free services,background check-ups on man/woman, spy to see if someone you love is cheating on you, have great e-books on how to keep away from cheaters, how to find the right person, how to spice up your love/sex life and so much more. If you are interested in my help please feel free to e-mail me at: I will be more than glad to help you out. No one deserves to be treated badly, end up brocken hearted or be confused and not know what is happening at the time. Regards
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 It is shocking how obtuse some guys can be. Sit him down and tell him that the lack of intimacy is a deal-breaker and could lead to the end of your marriage. Tell him you both need to find some solutions now. Then follow through. Cheating is not the answer; divorce is.
gaia Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 roberto007 LOL. Sounds like you can sell me the perfect life! (How much???)
Chrissy21 Posted March 3, 2004 Posted March 3, 2004 Here's what I think: First of all, when things such as sex and general happiness are lacking in a marriage, it is easy to find comfort in an attractive young woman giving you attention in the office. Actually, by human nature it's almost inevitable. And being that I'm 21 myself I know that it's an age where older men just seem so attractive to us. And we like to test our boundaries-sometimes just for fun. It is easy to want to pursue a relationship that makes you feel some sort of self-worth. Your wife isn't trying to work at having a healthy marriage-or at least that is the way it seems. And I can almost hear the pain in what you write. It's obvious that you want to make the right choice. I wouldn't jump into any affair with the 22 year old-it's just too complicated-believe me. Talk to your wife, and tell her all the things you feel-what you need in a relationship/marriage. It's only fair that she is given the chance to change her habits-or if she even wants to. I know that it must feel good to have the attention of a young woman-it probably kinda makes you feel young again. But with the things you said about how she seems to have been abused in the past-I just don't think it would be a good idea. Try to make your marriage work-talk to your wife, tell her how much you love her and how much it hurts you to feel like you're being pushed away. Ask her what she wants. And after all that make a mutual descision about what would be the best. Best wishes
unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Brokeneli - I commend you for your honesty. I understand your feelings of wanting to cheat, but being a girl with a background similar to that of the "young lady" in your office...please, please, please DO NOT cheat with THIS GIRL. Please, dear God, find someone else. She is especially vulnerable, and I promise you, that if you cheat with her, you will absolutely destroy two women - your wife and this girl. Please.
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