leap83 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 So, I've been seeing a psychologist and trying to work through my issues for a couple of weeks now. Today, we started talking about my relationship with my now ex. Talking it out today made me feel better because I had to be very objective - I had to tell the psychologist EXACTLY what happened and what was said and done (by both of us). When I got to the eharmony closing, I said to my psychologist "So, he closed off eharmony communication" and she gave me this look and said "What else is he supposed to do? You asked him for time. He's giving it to you." Now, we went through everything that happened and she helped me realize that really, he was being honest. He was telling the truth and she even said that he seems like he really cares about me and that him leaving me was probably the most unselfish thing he did in the last month. Then I asked her why he left me and what caused this whole situation to happen and she just gave me a look, smiled and went "Isn't it obvious? Think about everything he said and did. He gave to you everything he could give at this point in time. He gave his whole self. He fell for you. Well, at least he was starting to fall for you and it hurt him a lot because he knew he was still not over his ex. He didn't want to hurt you like that. He was being emotionally mature. He did the right thing." So, here I am, sitting and thinking about everything she said and everything we went through to determine this and I feel like an utter idiot for not believing him and being such a dumbass. I cried when I realized this... bawled my eyes out because I miss him. In fact, I felt like calling him and apologizing for my stupidity. But I didn't. He's not dating anyone. He didn't leave me because I wasn't good enough. He left me because he was unable to give me everything I deserve and he knows how much I deserve. Bad timing. Sad realization. And I don't hate him. In fact, realizing this, made me feel closer to him.
Ronni_W Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Hugs, leap. Good work with your therapist...you do deserve a 'congrats' for that! IMO, it's not that you were a "dumb ass" -- you were doing the best you could with the insights, knowledge and wisdom that you had at the time. (Same as your ex was doing.) Wishing you continued success in therapy.
Serena2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Hey Leap, It's wonderful that you've gained this perspective on why things couldn't currently move forward in your relationship. It's difficult sometimes to understand the motivations of a partner while concurrently trying to mend from the sting of rejection. It sounds like you're working with an excellent therapist and coming to understand things very quickly. Thank you for sharing your experience so others can gain insight. Take care and keep your chin up.
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