Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Yes. For me, it's had to do with a lack of boundaries and sense of self. and of knowing the value I bring to relationships. Actually, I think all of that is at the root of a lot of insecurities. You could be right. I do think it is rooted in self esteem. For some reason not seeing their own time, energy, effort, heart, etc. as a huge gift they are giving to another person and evaluating if it is worthwhile to do so but willing to walk if that answer comes up "try back later" or any kind of "no". We often fall in love with potential. I'm trying to change that now and look at what the person offers right now. It's not about getting someone, it's about getting the right person. And I think when it's right there are not a lot of questions. I agree about the potential. Often I see people (women having greater numbers) falling in love with who they think their SO is capable of being instead of who he actually is. That is such a set up for heartache and defeat I can't figure out why for the life of me that they'll do that or do it again and again.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 You could be right. I do think it is rooted in self esteem. For some reason not seeing their own time, energy, effort, heart, etc. as a huge gift they are giving to another person and evaluating if it is worthwhile to do so but willing to walk if that answer comes up "try back later" or any kind of "no". My thoughts exactly. I agree about the potential. Often I see people (women having greater numbers) falling in love with who they think their SO is capable of being instead of who he actually is. That is such a set up for heartache and defeat I can't figure out why for the life of me that they'll do that or do it again and again. My theory is that people see a few characteristics or feel a connection before they truly know the person and then fill in the empty spaces of who the other person is based on their dreams. Then, when they realize the other person is not the person they imagined they get resentful but have invested so much already that they "give it time." This then sets up a dynamic of high expectations and broken dreams. And then people come here and say things like, I love him so much why doesn't he want me or why isn't he nicer to me. Haha at least that's my theory.
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