paxchris Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 If someone that you were started flirting with brought up in a conversation with you a few days later that they wanted to steer clear of dating forever because it stressed them out, is that clearly a sign of disinterest in you, or is it unclear? It was casually mentioned in a conversation when we were talking about running into exes. Also how would you feel towards them afterward?
littlewhiterose Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 In my experience it was not a good sign. I did have a guy say the same thing to me. Then he disappeared & tried to re-enter my life a year later. I wrote him off. Naturally I wasn't pleased.
Confusedalways Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Had this happen! A guy was casually telling me how this psycho wanted to date him but he 'didn't want to date right now.' Needless to say, I let that one go. I asked his friend who told me it was definitely a hint... I hope its different for you! Good luck
carhill Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 LOL, she got her situational ego feed and you served your purpose. Next
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 If I ever used such a thing as a "hint" of interest, it was in HS, before I knew WTF was going on. Most recently, I was NOT interested in dating after breaking up with my xbf in July. New guy came on the scene and I told myself I didn't want to date anybody. But he was interesting and I wanted to find out more about him before writing him off completely. I didn't say the "no dating" thing to him - that's a good way to push someone away. Funny thing - we actually BOTH were in the, "I'm not sure I want to date anyone right now" boat when we met. So I'd say depending on her maturity level - most likely a hint of non-interest.
EricaH329 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I actually very recently told a guy something along those lines. I told him that i'm not ready to date yet because me and my ex just broke up. It was completely true. I'm not ready to date yet. Buttttt... I also wasn't interested in him. I wouldn't totally put off a guy that I was interested in right now, but i'd have to be reallllyyyy into him. So in short, yes, she isn't interested.
lofi_tokyo Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 LOL, she got her situational ego feed and you served your purpose. Next Pretty much. Or she just wants you as a friend and needs you to realize that. Her comment was definately a "I don't want to date you" one.
carhill Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 LOL, if she wanted him as a friend, she'd have been asking him about the girls he's been dating or interested in and going 'cool, she's hot' and stuff like that. She just wanted some warmth in her loins and, if he's amenable, a repeat performance now and again. It's all pleasant and touchy feely and kinda intoxicating, isn't it OP? That's called the seduction of your mind
thelipless Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 its harsh but true. 95% of the time an excuse to not want to date at this current point in time is just an easy way of saying "I'm not that into you, I'm not interested"
ebab83 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I would disagree slightly. I once told someone 'I don't want anything with anyone'. He had said the same. This was said when I first met him and within a few weeks I had definitely changed my mind. I guess when I said it, i didn't know just how into him I'd get, but I definitely meant it when i said it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I would disagree slightly. I once told someone 'I don't want anything with anyone'. He had said the same. This was said when I first met him and within a few weeks I had definitely changed my mind. I guess when I said it, i didn't know just how into him I'd get, but I definitely meant it when i said it. You weren't into him when you said it, though. Once you WERE into him, you didn't say it to him again, did you?
ebab83 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I WAS into him when I said it ( sorry for the caps there, it comes across as aggresive, which wasn't the aim). I really did like him, I just didn't feel ready to be in a relationship, it had been a very long time since I had done that and it scared me. Neither of us ever said we had changed our minds outright. I did try to show it however. My own thread shows just where this got me! People can not want a relationship, but it doesn't mean they don't want you. Some of us just need time to adjust.
phineas Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I had a woman that asked me to hang out tell me Men can be nags & told me about a guy at her gym that was pestering her to go to lunch with him & it turned her off. Hence i've taken that hint & not asked her out again. That's a no-brainer to me.
BlueHarvest Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I would disagree slightly. I once told someone 'I don't want anything with anyone'. He had said the same. This was said when I first met him and within a few weeks I had definitely changed my mind. I guess when I said it, i didn't know just how into him I'd get, but I definitely meant it when i said it. I WAS into him when I said it ( sorry for the caps there, it comes across as aggresive, which wasn't the aim). I really did like him, I just didn't feel ready to be in a relationship, it had been a very long time since I had done that and it scared me. Neither of us ever said we had changed our minds outright. I did try to show it however. My own thread shows just where this got me! People can not want a relationship, but it doesn't mean they don't want you. Some of us just need time to adjust. See this is the **** I HATE. Very wishy-washy hypocritical bull**** statements here. You come off completely flakey...at best you make yourself look like you don't know what you want and it's a HUGE turn off. I've had girls say that **** to me, quite recently actually. Then turn around and say that "they liked me, liked hanging out with me, and we might just go with the flow...etc etc". Point is with a guy you can't say "I don't want a relationship with anyone right now" because most guys will construe it as "I'm just not that into you" (Which mind you I could go into a WHOLE ****-storm of a thread about that becuase...if you like someone...even marginally then why write them off so early?) And when you give that vibe to them, the smart ones will just write your flakey ass off. You want time to adjust, then go adjust. Don't say that then hang out with the guy and give him mixed signals....
donnamaybe Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Now just because this person isn't into a relationship now doesn't mean it has anything to do with you personally. Several years ago I was on relationship hiatus. In fact, I had written off relationships and was just casually amusing myself going out with my girlfriends and going on dates with guys who didn't mind that I wasn't interested in anything concrete. My, how things change! Just remain friends with this person on a casual level. Maybe they'll clear their own head and find they are interested in more.
ebab83 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 See this is the **** I HATE. Very wishy-washy hypocritical bull**** statements here. You come off completely flakey...at best you make yourself look like you don't know what you want and it's a HUGE turn off. I've had girls say that **** to me, quite recently actually. Then turn around and say that "they liked me, liked hanging out with me, and we might just go with the flow...etc etc". Point is with a guy you can't say "I don't want a relationship with anyone right now" because most guys will construe it as "I'm just not that into you" (Which mind you I could go into a WHOLE ****-storm of a thread about that becuase...if you like someone...even marginally then why write them off so early?) And when you give that vibe to them, the smart ones will just write your flakey ass off. You want time to adjust, then go adjust. Don't say that then hang out with the guy and give him mixed signals.... Woah, wait a minute. I am far from wishy-washy. I did want him, just not ready for anything heavy. He had also said the same to me, him first might I add!! I can't just meet someone and become their partner...that's insanity to me. I need to know them, to be friends with them first. I need to be 100% certain this is what I want.... I didn't say I'd NEVER want him. I said 'i didn't want anything' at that time when I met him!!! He has never had mixed signals from me either. I have always said (other than the first time we went out, which was as friends might I add), that how wonderful I think he is. Once it was obvious there was more going on, on BOTH our parts I told him how great he was. HE was the one who didn't know what he wanted.
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 There are so many out there I would take it as that person is not into me and move on. I just think it is that person is not into you OR if they are they aren't sure and may be either putting you on a shelf for later or they want to evaluate you a bit more before they make up their minds. Either one of those I have never had time for and I certainly am not going to spend ANY time to figure out which choice of those is correct. I just don't waste my time on anyone like that.
ebab83 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 There are so many out there I would take it as that person is not into me and move on. I just think it is that person is not into you OR if they are they aren't sure and may be either putting you on a shelf for later or they want to evaluate you a bit more before they make up their minds. Either one of those I have never had time for and I certainly am not going to spend ANY time to figure out which choice of those is correct. I just don't waste my time on anyone like that. I understand that. I think it's great to have the strength to walk off if someone doesn't meet your needs . What I am trying to say is, when I first met this guy to talk to face to face for the first time properly. I wasn't pining/craving a relationship. I was happy being single. This is what i stated. I am OK being single....I don't feel lonely or needy and i do enjoy freedom. This was in a general conversation that wasn't about 'us' having a relationship together. Why should this mean, on a first time 'date' so to speak that I should then be written off, because i'm not sad i'm single? Why walk away, just because this person stated not 'NEEDING' a relationship. That by far doesn't mean they don't want you, or that they aren't sure you are good enough. To me this is better, at least you know that they want you for you, and not because they have to have a relationship, feel wanted, like having the status of being taken etc. I know so many of these!
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I understand that. I think it's great to have the strength to walk off if someone doesn't meet your needs . What I am trying to say is, when I first met this guy to talk to face to face for the first time properly. I wasn't pining/craving a relationship. I was happy being single. This is what i stated. I am OK being single....I don't feel lonely or needy and i do enjoy freedom. This was in a general conversation that wasn't about 'us' having a relationship together. Why should this mean, on a first time 'date' so to speak that I should then be written off, because i'm not sad i'm single? Why walk away, just because this person stated not 'NEEDING' a relationship. That by far doesn't mean they don't want you, or that they aren't sure you are good enough. To me this is better, at least you know that they want you for you, and not because they have to have a relationship, feel wanted, like having the status of being taken etc. I know so many of these! Okay let me put it this way. If I am single and available and crushing on a guy then I feel like he should very much appreciate the opportunity and the possibility - I am a fantastic catch. If a guy is crushing on me - he WILL feel like that. If he has lukewarm feelings that warm up later he better hope I haven't moved on to greener pastures. And he'll have to put in a hell of a lot of effort to get me back to the point where I'm willing to buy in. Wishy washy just isn't attractive. And wishy washy about me? He might be a little "touched in the head". There are too many men out there to waste my time on someone who isn't sure they want me or sure they want a relationship, etc. That could mean commitment phobe, residual feelings for their ex, lower attraction level, etc. All of which I DON'T want to figure out or deal with. "Happy being single" then he should continue to be happy being single because I'm not going to try to convince him otherwise. With all those possible negatives and the ONLY positive is that he might be into me later on or warm up to the idea it's simply not worth it to put any of my eggs in that particular basket. I was never prowling for a relationship. But I definitely always focused on the men who were wide open to the possibility of we're attracted, let's see how we get along, and where this goes. I would never even waste a moment on someone who puts up a yellow caution flag from the beginning.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I think it's a clear sign of disinterest, but it's nothing personal. I was single by choice for the last year, and I told several very cool and attractive men that I was not interested in dating at the time. For the ones I really liked, I added that if they were single in September, give me a call.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Why would you want someone who says they never want a relationship again, whether or not it specifically means disinterest in you? If they're so messed up about relationships to say and/or feel that, even if it's temporary, now is not the time to pin any hopes on them. Ya know?
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Why would you want someone who says they never want a relationship again, whether or not it specifically means disinterest in you? If they're so messed up about relationships to say and/or feel that, even if it's temporary, now is not the time to pin any hopes on them. Ya know? That was the point of my post also. Obviously this person isn't in a place for a relationship with ANYONE, so why would you assume it has anything to do with you personally?
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 That was the point of my post also. Obviously this person isn't in a place for a relationship with ANYONE, so why would you assume it has anything to do with you personally? A lot of times people seem to spend a lot of time and energy wondering about this same question of "does this person want me or not" instead of "do I want them?". I think it has to do with people focusing more on what the other person feels and wants. The feeling of wanting to be wanted. It feels good to be wanted and bad to be rejected. But, in the midst of that I think a lot of people forget to focus on what they need and deserve. It's not just about someone wanting us, it's about them being good FOR us.
Island Girl Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 A lot of times people seem to spend a lot of time and energy wondering about this same question of "does this person want me or not" instead of "do I want them?". I think it has to do with people focusing more on what the other person feels and wants. So very very true. When people get so stuck on another within the first few dates or contact I really think they are focusing on the grocery list of "requires" than truly who the person is and if that person is really a good match.
loveslife Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 So very very true. When people get so stuck on another within the first few dates or contact I really think they are focusing on the grocery list of "requires" than truly who the person is and if that person is really a good match. Yes. For me, it's had to do with a lack of boundaries and sense of self. and of knowing the value I bring to relationships. Actually, I think all of that is at the root of a lot of insecurities. We often fall in love with potential. I'm trying to change that now and look at what the person offers right now. It's not about getting someone, it's about getting the right person. And I think when it's right there are not a lot of questions. Ya know?
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