When does the crying stop?

[CarbonCopy]

It's been one month since my MM broke it off with me. I thought I was getting better and doing ok, but recently I've just been crying a lot, either from hearing a song or passing by a place that reminds me of him.

 

I know it hasn't been long, but I don't want to burst into tears over someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep busy and even have some dates coming up soon, but I sill cry. I don't understand why? I have a great life, wonderful family and friends, I go out and have fun, I'm young, intelligent, attractive, etc. Why am I still crying, sometimes sobbing, over this fool?

[Lucky_One]

There's a lot of hidden grief you have to get through, especially if you can't confide in anyone about the break-up. As well, the death of all that hope takes a while to process, too.

 

A month isn't all that long. Give youself time, and be gentle to your heart.

[movingforward]

It's been one month since my MM broke it off with me. I thought I was getting better and doing ok, but recently I've just been crying a lot, either from hearing a song or passing by a place that reminds me of him.

 

I know it hasn't been long, but I don't want to burst into tears over someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep busy and even have some dates coming up soon, but I sill cry. I don't understand why? I have a great life, wonderful family and friends, I go out and have fun, I'm young, intelligent, attractive, etc. Why am I still crying, sometimes sobbing, over this fool?

 

 

Oh, CC. I feel your pain.

 

You are addicted. Plain and simple. You are literally detoxing from a drug. You are coming down from all of the chemicals that were produced in your brain from the affair. It's a cliche, but it really is going to take time. Time and NC (which I haven't been great at). If you could have seen me six months ago, I was a mess. But I am SO much better now. I have so much more perspective on what I'm worth, what my issues are that led me to my affair, and on what's truly important in life.

 

I would highly suggest that you find a therapist and talk through some of your feelings. It will help more than you know. Once you start to understand yourself better, you'll be able to view your AP in a "non-fantasy" light and you will heal.

 

Take care of yourself, my friend.

[moaningmyrtle]

It's been one month since my MM broke it off with me. I thought I was getting better and doing ok, but recently I've just been crying a lot, either from hearing a song or passing by a place that reminds me of him.

 

I know it hasn't been long, but I don't want to burst into tears over someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep busy and even have some dates coming up soon, but I sill cry. I don't understand why? I have a great life, wonderful family and friends, I go out and have fun, I'm young, intelligent, attractive, etc. Why am I still crying, sometimes sobbing, over this fool?

 

I'm a BW whose d-day came out of the blue several months ago. I would guess the pain, sense of abandonment and feeling that I was not worth much to him is the same for a BW or an OW.

 

I cried every day for the first few months. Now it's less but I am sad all the time.

[blinded]

I don't know when. It's almost 3 weeks for me. Someone posted it takes about 1 week for every month together. ugh! After 2 years together, I have a loooonnngg way to go. It's hard moving on, I feel like I'm a roller coaster-a bad one. Unfortunately for me, I truly can't move on officially because things were left in the air. I know I should, but I need to hear those words, "it's over" or "I don't want to see you anymore". But my MM told me he needed time and he didn't know what he wanted. I'm sorry, I never took the class on reading between the lines. I'm more of a rip the band aid off type person.

[CarbonCopy]

There's a lot of hidden grief you have to get through, especially if you can't confide in anyone about the break-up.

 

My best friend knows everything (heck, she even hung out with me and MM a few times) and she's been so amazing. I've also found a lot of support online through this forum and others, so I have been able to talk about it and it's definitely helped.

 

I'm a BW whose d-day came out of the blue several months ago. I would guess the pain, sense of abandonment and feeling that I was not worth much to him is the same for a BW or an OW.

 

Yes, I think that's one of the things that hurts the most -- that I probably meant little to nothing to him, although he always said he "cared" for me and was emotionally attached. Right. He cared SO much and was SO attached that he ended it over the phone out of the blue one night. What a great guy.

 

Oh, CC. I feel your pain.

 

You are addicted. Plain and simple. You are literally detoxing from a drug. You are coming down from all of the chemicals that were produced in your brain from the affair. It's a cliche, but it really is going to take time. Time and NC (which I haven't been great at). If you could have seen me six months ago, I was a mess. But I am SO much better now. I have so much more perspective on what I'm worth, what my issues are that led me to my affair, and on what's truly important in life.

 

I would highly suggest that you find a therapist and talk through some of your feelings. It will help more than you know. Once you start to understand yourself better, you'll be able to view your AP in a "non-fantasy" light and you will heal.

 

Take care of yourself, my friend

 

Thank you, movingforward. Both he and I have been excellent at NC, but what I wouldn't give sometimes to just hear his voice and talk to him. I haven't spoken a word to him since it ended (we go to church together which adds another level of awkwardness). It's just SO hard because I miss him so much.

[Athena]

But my MM told me he needed time and he didn't know what he wanted. I'm sorry, I never took the class on reading between the lines.

 

He says this to keep the door open to picking up where he left off, anytime he may want to, in the future...

[Devil Inside]

You have a broken heart. Whether he was a fool or not...you love him...you opened yourself up to him...and now he is gone...and it hurts.

 

Be gentle with yourself...a month is like a second when it comes to a broken heart...just know it will get better.

[Impudent Oyster]

It's been one month since my MM broke it off with me. I thought I was getting better and doing ok, but recently I've just been crying a lot, either from hearing a song or passing by a place that reminds me of him.

 

I know it hasn't been long, but I don't want to burst into tears over someone who doesn't deserve it. I keep busy and even have some dates coming up soon, but I sill cry. I don't understand why? I have a great life, wonderful family and friends, I go out and have fun, I'm young, intelligent, attractive, etc. Why am I still crying, sometimes sobbing, over this fool?

 

This is why I really wish the thread asking WHY someone would get involved with a MP was not locked. I think it's an important question that all OP should ask themselves.

 

What did you expect? Please don't take this the wrong way, I just cannot wrap my mind around the logic of getting involved with someone who you KNOW is a liar, then being surprised or upset when they don't follow through on their bullsh*t.

 

You should be glad that you didn't waste more time on the "fool". Be happy about that.

[Sanafa]

This is why I really wish the thread asking WHY someone would get involved with a MP was not locked. I think it's an important question that all OP should ask themselves.

 

What did you expect? Please don't take this the wrong way, I just cannot wrap my mind around the logic of getting involved with someone who you KNOW is a liar, then being surprised or upset when they don't follow through on their bullsh*t.

 

You should be glad that you didn't waste more time on the "fool". Be happy about that.

 

I get what you are saying IO, but really ... if it was that easy no one would need places like LS.

 

Life is never that simple, and as humans we are able to give a great deal of love to those that may not fully appreciated - that isn't only in these situations.

 

I will answer your question as best I can. I wasn't looking for love or anything more than what we had in the beginning, we had a true chemistry from the physical side and thought ( I know) that was what it was. By the time both of use came to realize just how deep we had got, it was too late - we were in it and too selfish to end it.

 

I don't regret a moment I spent with him, I do regret the way we did it and the pain it caused ever one of us - but as selfish as it sounds, I would not take a moment back now.

 

Carbon Copy - I am sorry sorry and wish I could tell you there won't be many more tears. Just wait until the anger hits ( it can be unbearable and it will hit) Once you start to work through that ( it is anger with yourself as much as the intense pain of the hurt from him) then the tears will start to ease up.

 

I don't cry nearly as often ( however I was crying for hours on end at the beginning). I do still cry though. I said on Sat I was simply driving and fell apart, I so badly wanted to ask him how he is doing it, how does he get through it... I didn't and it did ease up)

 

It's better now than it was in July ( 100 times better) and I imagine in another 3 months it will again double in ease..... but it will be along time before there are no tears.

 

It's a good thing... please don't forget that. When you cry, scream, vent you are getting it out and that is SO important in working through it, regardless of what the final outcome is

[Athena]

I just cannot wrap my mind around the logic of getting involved with someone who you KNOW is a liar, then being surprised or upset when they don't follow through on their bullsh*t.

 

Probably because she's a basically honest person who says what she means, and means what she says. She therefore assumes MM is the same as her, and only found himself in a 'difficult' marital situation, but is so overwhelmed by his feelings for her (OP) that he will NOT act the same way as he has in his M, by cheating on, and lying to, his W.

[Impudent Oyster]

I get what you are saying IO, but really ... if it was that easy no one would need places like LS.

 

.

 

EXACTLY!

 

You know, any woman considering getting involved with a MM should read here BEFORE they take the plunge.

 

It's too bad that they don't.

 

And despite that, there are other forums loaded with supposedly "happy" OW.

 

I'm not buying it.

[Impudent Oyster]

Probably because she's a basically honest person who says what she means, and means what she says. She therefore assumes MM is the same as her, and only found himself in a 'difficult' marital situation, but is so overwhelmed by his feelings for her (OP) that he will NOT act the same way as he has in his M, by cheating on, and lying to, his W.

 

That is the epitome of denial and delusion.

 

Unfortunately, some people need to learn the hard way.

[Sanafa]

EXACTLY!

 

You know, any woman considering getting involved with a MM should read here BEFORE they take the plunge.

 

It's too bad that they don't.

 

And despite that, there are other forums loaded with supposedly "happy" OW.

 

I'm not buying it.

 

Oh, don't get me wrong --- IF only I knew then what I know now!

 

No dispute of that, all I am saying is once your in it, and feelings are deep on both sides, all bets are off and its a whole new game that most often neither party has played before.

[CarbonCopy]

Whoa, ok. My relationship with my MM was different than most in that it was NEVER about him leaving his wife for me. I'm young (24) and not thinking about marriage/children right now, not to mention that he wouldn't leave his family for me anyway. It wasn't about us being together in the end and there were never any broken promises. I don't know what it was. I don't want to say "a fling" because I feel that that would cheapen it, but maybe that's what it was. But I ended up falling for him and now it's over and I'm hurt and in pain. I guess I should have known better.

[Devil Inside]

Thing is...no matter what you should have known...it still hurts. Sorry for your pain.

[ContemplatingTheEnd]

CC -- I am sorry things have been difficult for you lately. I see many parallels between us and our affairs. Except, perhaps most importantly, you are one step ahead in that you've gone NC.

 

That said, once you get to 50 posts, you can PM me if you'd want to talk more about working through this. I think seeing a therapist would be a good idea, but I'm guessing you don't want to spend the $$ on one? That would be my thought anyway, being a 24-year-old and all. Ha.

 

Anyways, I look forward to talking more if that'd be something you're interested in.

 

In the meantime, at the risk of sounding like a broken record: stay busy and realize that your pain won't last forever. And, also realizing that this is really the best thing for you, regardless of how you feel now. Something that I've told my MM (which he said hurt him, but who cares, we're all getting hurt here) is this: To him, you're a break from life. But, to you, he's an interruption to life. You can't continue seeing someone who interrupts your life. See it as very painful blessing in disguise.

 

I know I will once I muster up the courage to end it...or he ends it...or his wife finds out...

[Impudent Oyster]

Whoa, ok. My relationship with my MM was different than most in that it was NEVER about him leaving his wife for me. I'm young (24) and not thinking about marriage/children right now, not to mention that he wouldn't leave his family for me anyway. It wasn't about us being together in the end and there were never any broken promises..

 

So what was it about then? If you knew it was only a fling and was never going to be a lasting relationship, why so upset about it ending?

 

Sounds to me as though you two were just FB's?

[CarbonCopy]

So what was it about then? If you knew it was only a fling and was never going to be a lasting relationship, why so upset about it ending?

 

Sounds to me as though you two were just FB's?

 

We barely had sex, so it wasn't about that. For me, I loved the attention and affection, both giving and receiving. I liked having a "sort-of" boyfriend. Not sure what his reasons were, but I can only guess he was bored and his wife was being neglectful. But I really don't know.

 

I guess I'm upset at myself for participating in something so foolish. I'm upset that I gave up my morals and values for this person. I don't know. There are many reasons why I'm upset.

[Impudent Oyster]

We barely had sex, so it wasn't about that. For me, I loved the attention and affection, both giving and receiving. I liked having a "sort-of" boyfriend. Not sure what his reasons were, but I can only guess he was bored and his wife was being neglectful. But I really don't know.

 

I guess I'm upset at myself for participating in something so foolish. I'm upset that I gave up my morals and values for this person. I don't know. There are many reasons why I'm upset.

 

So now we're getting somewhere....you aren't crying because the "relationship" ended, you're crying because you realize what you did, and that it was wrong and stupid and caused you to lose all self-respect.

 

Good for you, you're young, chalk it up to a lesson learned, now you know better. Be glad there was no d-day and that no one (hopefully) knows about it.

[NowhereToHide]

We barely had sex, so it wasn't about that. For me, I loved the attention and affection, both giving and receiving. I liked having a "sort-of" boyfriend. Not sure what his reasons were, but I can only guess he was bored and his wife was being neglectful. But I really don't know.

 

I guess I'm upset at myself for participating in something so foolish. I'm upset that I gave up my morals and values for this person. I don't know. There are many reasons why I'm upset.

 

 

CC.. the attention and affection is addicting. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

The sadness is mixed with regret. It will get better.

[CarbonCopy]

So now we're getting somewhere....you aren't crying because the "relationship" ended, you're crying because you realize what you did, and that it was wrong and stupid and caused you to lose all self-respect.

 

Good for you, you're young, chalk it up to a lesson learned, now you know better. Be glad there was no d-day and that no one (hopefully) knows about it.

 

Well, I AM sad that it ended. I guess I wasn't prepared to let him go yet. It was so unexpected and sudden and I didn't see it coming. I thought it would be more amicable and mutual, but it didn't happen that way. Lesson learned, for sure!

[howcouldInotknow]

It will eventually get better day by day. For me it ended on August 30th and I am finished crying. If you can step outside of yourself and look at the situation for what it really is it will be a tremendous help. Try not to dwell on what was so good about the relationship.