JL911 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I cant help but feel that I am responsible for my breakup...I hate it...I just feel like this is all my fault...I keep wishing I could have done things differently... Still so heartbroken...
JaggedRoad Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 We're all on the same boat, JL. Hang in there; you'll make it through. At times like these, I wish we all lived in the same city so we could go out for drinks and karaoke =/ I'll post something that I read from another member that may help you out a little: Hey, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I know it’s tough. It has been my experience that when a woman breaks up with you, her feelings can rapidly change in a way that is difficult for us guys to understand. You need to understand though that she really feels right now like you did something wrong somehow, not morally wrong but like you screwed things up. Maybe she feels somehow cheated that you weren’t different. Maybe she blames you for everything. These are all emotions, I’m not saying they make any sense whatsoever. But you have to deal with the fact that that’s what she feels. Again it may make absolutely no sense, it may seem monumentally unfair and irrational. It doesn’t matter. You will never convince her to feel differently with logic. It doesn’t matter how right you are. If she has broken up with you, you need to as quickly as possible accept that situation and back off from her. My feeling is you should not treat her like a queen, or hang out with her unless she is willing to be back in a relationship with you. Definitely don’t let her treat you badly and still keep hanging in there, if she sees she can get away with that all it does is make her lose respect for you. Best wishes with it, Scott
splintered thing Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I cant help but feel that I am responsible for my breakup...I hate it...I just feel like this is all my fault...I keep wishing I could have done things differently... Yeah, me too. And in my case, my ex would agree completely (that it was all my fault). But...somewhere deep down in all of this...there's a learning experience, right?
EricaH329 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I think everyone has those doubts at some point. The object, though, is to not let it overwhelm you. Whenever I get those doubts, and feel as though it was my fault that the relationship didn't work... I think about alllll the bad things, the things I absolutely couldn't stand, about him. That makes me feel better. It's so easy to fall into self-doubt. And once you open yourself up to it, you fall fast, hard, and deep. It's a hard rut to get out of. But if you try, you can pull yourself out of it and realize that it takes effort on both sides to make a relationship work. I don't know what your story is, but unless she treated you like a God and you walked all over her... chances are... it wasn't all your fault. Plus... why are you wondering whose fault it is?? That just harbors bitterness and doubt. Take the relationship for what it was and try to learn from it. Don't let it hold you back.
SierraMarie Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Wow, I can't believe I just read your other post and this is the same person. What happened to the strong secure person who wrote that? It is NOT your fault. Heck, you almost convinced me. But just be happy that you aren't me because it really IS MY fault. When I was reading your other post I was almost convinced that the whole thing was not my fault uunnttilll I read the part that said...unless you cheated lied etc. I definitely cheated on my ex and so therefore I feel like it's my fault. All my fault. I know how you feel. But that's me. I'm sure that you did not do anything wrong. It's not your fault.
Author JL911 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I know what you mean about this post being very depressing and weak....These things kinda creep into my mind from time to time and start to hurt me so much. At the time of my break up, I was trying to move closer to my ex and was ready to throw away my job, and my life here, to get closer to her and pop the question. I applied for about 200 jobs in the area and never got one call back. She lives in a rather depressed part of our state...Her father is currently unemployed and her mom clings to a job as well. I have a fairly good career here and it continues to grow and I keep making more money. I started my own business 2 years ago and am still developing that as well. I bought a boat, a new truck, and I guess next is a house... When she broke up with me she wrote me a 4 page single spaced letter of everything that was wrong with me...From the type of music I like, to how I spend money, how I leave socks on the floor, or how sometimes I dont feel like cleaning up dishes after I cooked a meal, and how I say sex instead of making love, even busted in on attacking the way my parents are (if you read my other post you'll get more specifics)...She completely took all of my self confidence and flushed it down the toilet...It was so wrong and so very hurtful from a person I trusted with my heart...She threw so much BS in my face...A lot of it was things I felt were already known about what kinda music I like, ect...Yet she stayed with me for almost 4 years... I know I am not perfect...I just think about all that was said at the end...After almost 4 years of loving this person, it was as if I never mattered, it was as if she just hated who I was....I just feel like maybe if I would have done things differently this wouldnt have happened....
Bobby2010 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I know what you mean about this post being very depressing and weak....These things kinda creep into my mind from time to time and start to hurt me so much. At the time of my break up, I was trying to move closer to my ex and was ready to throw away my job, and my life here, to get closer to her and pop the question. I applied for about 200 jobs in the area and never got one call back. She lives in a rather depressed part of our state...Her father is currently unemployed and her mom clings to a job as well. I have a fairly good career here and it continues to grow and I keep making more money. I started my own business 2 years ago and am still developing that as well. I bought a boat, a new truck, and I guess next is a house... When she broke up with me she wrote me a 4 page single spaced letter of everything that was wrong with me...From the type of music I like, to how I spend money, how I leave socks on the floor, or how sometimes I dont feel like cleaning up dishes after I cooked a meal, and how I say sex instead of making love, even busted in on attacking the way my parents are (if you read my other post you'll get more specifics)...She completely took all of my self confidence and flushed it down the toilet...It was so wrong and so very hurtful from a person I trusted with my heart...She threw so much BS in my face...A lot of it was things I felt were already known about what kinda music I like, ect...Yet she stayed with me for almost 4 years... I know I am not perfect...I just think about all that was said at the end...After almost 4 years of loving this person, it was as if I never mattered, it was as if she just hated who I was....I just feel like maybe if I would have done things differently this wouldnt have happened.... Welcome to the club bro. That letter she wrote you was garbage, no matter how much of it was true or not. You were the same person a year ago, with the same faults, and I bet she LOVED you a year ago. Finding fault in you (in my experience) means she is/was comparing you to someone else. Is she with someone now?
Exit Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Yeah I'm surprised to see this post from you as well after how good you were doing, but we all have our bad moments. I just woke up from a very vivid dream of her, even though last night I went out with friends and had a ton of fun and sat there reminding myself that I wouldn't even be there if I was still in a relationship. I blame myself a lot for my breakup too but have to force myself to remember all the things she did wrong. My only mission is to keep improving myself.
Jmina Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 You do what you can with the knowledge you have. If you have different knowledge then you act differently. at the time you acted the only way you knew how, to get you were you wanted to be. whats wrong with that??? so your not where you want to be now... but you didnt know that with your past knowledge. so stop beating yourself up for it. you cant change what others do, what others think and say, but you can do something about what you do, think and say. instead of blaming yourself just let yourself feel the sadness.... i expect you have been doing well am i right? and now you have come to a point where its sort of stopped or youve been overwhelmed with sadness, if you read my post 'if i can do it, you can too' you will see that with sadness comes growth. youre in a grief process, and you will be able to find your way out if you let yourself feel what you have to feel, instead of pushing it away and blaming yourself. so your angry then feel it so your sad then feel it if you dont know what your angry about start laying into your bed or a pillow sooner or later you will know what it is, it will come to you. keep punching until your exhausted. or if your sad, and you dont know what about then just sit there on your chair and breath. dont think anything thoughts to fuel the pain, just breath and let the feelings come and go. with your blaming and feeling sorry foryourself, you sound liek your punishing yourself. dude, you did what you could at the time. let yourself free. and just feel what you have to feel keep posting jmina keep posting jmina
Author JL911 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I know...I do keep posting...I realize how much wrong she did to me...I realize how terrible this all is, but some days the pain and feeling alone really get to me. Sleep is horrible and lately the dreams are all about her...I wake up and feel like I am in a fit of rage almost shaking with anger and fear...I feel like i could tear my whole world apart and it still not be enough....I almost have a blood lust.... I know I put up some very good information. It is so much easier to tell other people how they should be acting....Its so much easier to give advice to others....Living through this is terrible....I can do nothing about it...I know what I am...I know I am a great guy...I just am having trouble taking my own advice some days... "New American Classic" - Taking Back Sunday you've got to get better, said, it's all in your head, we could live through these letters or forget it altogether, see the months they dont matter its the days i can't take when the hours move to minutes and i'm seconds away, just ask the question come untie the knot say you won't care, say you won't care, retrace the steps, as if we forgot, say you won't care, say you won't care, you try to avoid it, but there's not a doubt and there's one thing i can do nothing about...
JaggedRoad Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Things are always easier said than done. Great song btw.
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