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[brock9911]

there is something seriously wrong with this ****ing country (usa for those not in the usa). iv had the worst anxiety iv had since i broke up with my ex. well she of coarse was the reason im having the anxiety right now cuz the ********* i am had to break no contact. back to y this country is garbage and if it doesnt change im moving... lets see, why is it possible that my car payment is cheaper than my ****ing medication to try to make me feel normal. hmmmm anti anxiety medication-lexapro $88. sleeping aid seroquil $131. another anti anxiety klonopin $15 wow not bad right. 2 inhalers for asthma $35 a piece. all to keep me healthy and sane right...wrong it gives me anxiety thinking about it...f*ck f*ck f*ck. shoot me in the head, put me in a hefty garbage bag and throw me in the f*cking ocean. i hate relationships and medication..they both suck......

 

sorry i needed a rant and im very bitter right now!!! im popping klonopin #3 on the day and some nyquil. what a cocktail

[JaggedRoad]

Have you tried St. John's Wort? I heard it works rather well for depression and they go for about $12 a bottle.

[brock9911]

nah i didnt, iv bounced around to medications and so far lexapro seems to work great, but the prices are mind boggling. the fact that we are overwhelmed and swamped with immigrants who have no green card, visa, license, social security card, or even a real name can go into any given hospital and get treated and not pay a dime, but me joe shmuck gets fist f*cked with no greese...its honestly so frustrating, my mind is going to explode right now.

[GrayClouds]

Have you thought about using a Canadian Pharmacy? The legitimate ones will require you to jump through a few hoops but can save you some pretty good $

[Surfer Girl]

What really sucks is when you need the meds... and can't afford it.... my medical bills sucked me dry... to the point.... the meds I need I can't afford anymore.... What choice do you have???

[brock9911]

its absolutely f*cking rediculous. and the fact of trying different means of getting medication isnt exactly an easy thing for me to do when i work about 60 hours a week. and this country wonders why people turn to illegal drugs and alcohol to cope with problems...its because their a bunch of crooks who can give a f*ck about us or the well being of the country...just there to line their own f*cking pockets.

[caramel c]

You have some very good points, Brock. These things are frustrating to think about!

 

Hang in there buddy, and from me to you lets put up our shot glasses and toast to our misery, because it won't be here for long and it WON'T BE MISSED when its gone.

 

Alright?

[brock9911]

cheers to that. i flipped on my boss for changing my medical plan. woo hoo, now i get to buy generic medication....none of my medication is generic!! iv checked. a total of what im finding out now is going to cost me $437 a month...hmmm how bout i buy my xanex off the street and chase that with a beer or shot....its cheaper and gets the job done...im so sick of everything in life right now im seriously going to snap.

[brock9911]

correction i have snapped...living in new york, paying these taxes, dealing with health care, own a home or rent an appartment and trying to basically live....sux a$$

[northstar1]

correction i have snapped...living in new york, paying these taxes, dealing with health care, own a home or rent an appartment and trying to basically live....sux a$$

 

Are you currently working out or doing any exercise?

[brock9911]

yeah, i work out, run, play handball, racquetball, hockey and bowl. i think im pretty active.its not like i do these on occasion. if its nice out i play handball and if its sh*tty out i play racquetball about 3 to 4 times a week. and hockey is once a week and bowling is also once a week. the running and work out i do when i need a break from sports so my elbow and knee can take a break from the constant wear and tear

[northstar1]

yeah, i work out, run, play handball, racquetball, hockey and bowl. i think im pretty active.its not like i do these on occasion. if its nice out i play handball and if its sh*tty out i play racquetball about 3 to 4 times a week. and hockey is once a week and bowling is also once a week. the running and work out i do when i need a break from sports so my elbow and knee can take a break from the constant wear and tear

 

Does the post cardio 'high' help you at all with stress/sleeping?

Do you think that all the anti-ax drugs you are on are actually helping, or do you think some of it is psychosomatic and you THINK you need all the meds?

[brock9911]

Well it helps me calm down for the time being. once i go home and i try to go to bed, i literally stare at the ceiling for hours. if i dont take anything to sleep, ill get very little sleep and than im a zombie for the rest of the day. as for the anxiety medication, i hate taking it. i hate being dependent on anything or anyone. i havent taken my medication in about 2-3 months because i was feeling fine. no attacks, so i figured i was ok and id try to not take them. i have found myself in the hospital 3 times. once when i was first diagnosed and i thought i was having a heart attack. the other 2 times when i decided i didnt need the meds anymore.

[GrayClouds]

Well it helps me calm down for the time being. once i go home and i try to go to bed, i literally stare at the ceiling for hours. if i dont take anything to sleep, ill get very little sleep and than im a zombie for the rest of the day. as for the anxiety medication, i hate taking it. i hate being dependent on anything or anyone. i havent taken my medication in about 2-3 months because i was feeling fine. no attacks, so i figured i was ok and id try to not take them. i have found myself in the hospital 3 times. once when i was first diagnosed and i thought i was having a heart attack. the other 2 times when i decided i didnt need the meds anymore.

 

Are you working with a counselor?

[brock9911]

i have a psychiatrist. im supposed to be looking into a therapist now. but now that my coverage changed i have to check to see what my coverage offers. its absolutely ridiculous that my company changed my health plan around...

 

i just got into a screaming match with my boss. he went on to say who do you think your talking to ect.

i told him i dont care who the **** he is, my health is more important than the job or him saving a few f*cking pennies and i told him to find another manager.

[caramel c]

cheers to that. i flipped on my boss for changing my medical plan. woo hoo, now i get to buy generic medication....none of my medication is generic!! iv checked. a total of what im finding out now is going to cost me $437 a month...hmmm how bout i buy my xanex off the street and chase that with a beer or shot....its cheaper and gets the job done...im so sick of everything in life right now im seriously going to snap.

 

have you considered an herbal remedy...?

[GrayClouds]

I know it is hard not to do, I done it myself, but there may be a better way handling this then given in to the anger. I could be reading way to much into your posts but it sounds like it is snowballing and effecting you to much.

 

Hang in there. Take a deep breath and find that therapist.

[brock9911]

caramel-herbal remedy...pot is about it haha. my grandmother is one of those herbal, never go to the doctor kinda people...but shes insane. i think she needs medication. i just never really trusted that stuff.

 

gray-you have no idea

[Jmina]

Brock....

 

You sound like youre having a really tough time. I too had anxiety after my ex left, i was in the ER 3 times, ive had a heart moniter for 24 hours, as we too thought i had heart problems. i couldnt watch ANYTHING on tv or have any converstations about heart attacks or open heart surgery without feeling anxious and triggering an anxiety attack.

 

What are your triggers? what thoughts, images, conversations, situations trigger your anxiety?

 

I used to think i could watch an ER show and be okay feeling a slight raise in anxiety but it wasnt till later that night or even 3am in the morning i would wake up with an anxiety attack. So i stopped watching it all together.

 

No trigger

 

no anxiety.

 

Of course it's taken time, about 2 years to get it under control, and i would say that it pretty much has disappeard now.

 

There are two things that SAVED MY LIFE in terms of anxiety attacks.

 

its gonna sound gay. but it just worked for me. it stopped an attack in it steps and i learnt to control them by using these things. until it just dissolved away.

 

First CHAMOMILE TEA

 

this stuff gets into your nerves system that is all out of wack when your anxious and it BALANCES it. all i have to do is breath the tea bag in, or breath in the steam from the tea and it starts to work.

 

I would get up in the middle of the night or wake up with panic attacks and the tea would just work. it taught me, that i wasn't dying. it taught me that the herb stopped my chest tightness, the unsetteled feeling i had, even calmed my thoughts, the jitters, all of it.

 

second LAVENDER!

 

bags of lavender. lavender soap. lavender body wash.

i was constantly sniffing this stuff to keep the panic attacks at bay. and it also worked combined with the tea.

 

 

If your not willing to try this stuff then what are you waiting for??? its not gonna hurt you, it wont mess you up, you might feel like a punce but its better than feeling like your heart is going to stop!

 

It sounds like you are mighty angry with the world, you have some good points about your meds, and i can see it snowballing with your anxiety, but this anger your expressing in your posts sounds like its been repressed for sometime. Its all sort of coming out like rain. its good. let it come.

the sport your doing for yourself is great too, do you release your anger during these times?

 

if not, find a way to release it safely.

 

do you feel that noone is giving you a break? its almost like you feel like a victim. you cant afford your meds, or your being ripped off, your gf left you, your boss is a jerk, everything is turning against you yeh? how can you dissolve anxiety when youre feeling this way??

 

sounds like a big challenge. id say for now... try to get the anger released in a healthy way. and DEF try the lavender and chamomile tea if it doesnt work... it's okay, there will be another way.

 

 

we can hear you buddy, youre not alone, keep posting.

 

Jmina

[brock9911]

thanx jmina. honestly iv had anxiety and ocd (not cleaning, obsessing over thoughts) for about 4-5 years now. all of which has been triggered when i was with my ex. unfortunately my anxiety was from irrational thoughts. things that wouldnt make any sence. someone would say something to me or id see or hear something that would cause a trigger and i couldnt stop thinking about it. andthe only way it would go away was from the consolation of others telling me what i was thinking was basically nuts. this was really the first attack i had since i broke up with my ex. and i think its just the let down of knowing she didnt care to see or ask how i was doing. it just seemed she didnt give a sh*t.

 

i knew my anxiety and depression was starting to come back and thats y i decided to see my psychiatrist. but going and filling the perscriptions and seeing what it cost almost sent me to the looney bin. i went berserk.

 

i have to stop being so close minded and try different methods of self control and relaxing. im gonna give myself a heart attack at an early age.

 

 

 

ps. one more splended thing is im having to file for my fathers death certificate so i can take care of his estate, get his insurance money and pay for the funeral charges....oh joy, just a few more things to make me think.

[JaggedRoad]

I just bought a bottle of St. John's Wort and the label says to avoid taking the pills if you are allergic to ragweed--I am. It would have been a fml situation if I didn't look at the label and took a pill anyway x_x