brokenhearted4243 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 My gf of 7 months broke up with me because she still thinks about the ex and still cares for him. They dated for 4 years. They have broke up a few times (always him) and the last time he broke up with her after she found out that he cheated on her. Not only that but he started dating the girl that he cheated with. Then after we started dating he wanted her back and tried to show that he had changed. She told him that she loved me and that he needed to move on. That was a few months ago. It the last 5 or so weeks he has slowly tried to contact her. She has talked to him a few times and saw him at a birthday party. She felt extremely guilty about talking to him behind my back. They have a lot of the same friends and for the last month they have been telling her how much he has changed. The feelings for him have started to come back so she broke up. She still calls and says that she can't imagine he life without me in it. I know she really cares about me. She is a very kind person. I don't know what I can do to give me the best chance of trying with her again. A side note this happened 2 days ago and we are supposed to go to a cubs game next weekend and stay in a hotel together for the weekend. She still wants to go and is worried about not being able to not cuddle hold hands etc. I don't know what to do.
hoping2heal Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 My gf of 7 months broke up with me because she still thinks about the ex and still cares for him. They dated for 4 years. They have broke up a few times (always him) and the last time he broke up with her after she found out that he cheated on her. Not only that but he started dating the girl that he cheated with. Then after we started dating he wanted her back and tried to show that he had changed. She told him that she loved me and that he needed to move on. That was a few months ago. It the last 5 or so weeks he has slowly tried to contact her. She has talked to him a few times and saw him at a birthday party. She felt extremely guilty about talking to him behind my back. They have a lot of the same friends and for the last month they have been telling her how much he has changed. The feelings for him have started to come back so she broke up. She still calls and says that she can't imagine he life without me in it. I know she really cares about me. She is a very kind person. I don't know what I can do to give me the best chance of trying with her again. A side note this happened 2 days ago and we are supposed to go to a cubs game next weekend and stay in a hotel together for the weekend. She still wants to go and is worried about not being able to not cuddle hold hands etc. I don't know what to do. You know she really cares about you. She is a very a kind person. Really? Is that what they call being selfish, indecisive, and needing to grow up these days? I just squirmed reading how she had the GALL to tell you she can't imagine her life without you in it. If she really has feelings for her ex, then it is only for the best that she goes with him, as you don't need someone who's still in love with someone else. However, for her to hurt you and then expect you to be the old faithful comfort cushion because that is what is good for her; COMPLETELY neglecting what pain and anguish it will cause to you; I was like oh give me a break. I don't really know what you're looking for here. Just like her, you seem to have no concern or care for your own feelings or what kind of hurt and damage this arrangement is causing/willl cause to you. I don't know, what are you looking for here exactly?
Author brokenhearted4243 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I guess I'm looking for advice if I'm not ready to give up on her
hoping2heal Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Okay so, she just wants to use you. She doesn't care about your feelings as shown clearly by her actions..and you're perfectly fine with all of this?
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 She has already given up on you. If you want any semblence of a chance at making her come back to you in the future, you have to cut her off completely. Tell her your out, of everything. Do not go to the cubs game and do not stay with her at the hotel all weekend. Tell her it's over for you and you're cutting your losses. Your infatuation with her is blinding you to the fact that she is treating you like an object. You love her and care for her so much, I know, but you will NEVER, EVER be with her again if you don't show some guts here and cut her off. You can NOT allow her to have her cake and eat it too, or it is what she will come to expect. Cut her off now, before it's too late. Tell her it's over and try your best to move on. The WEAKER you come accross to her, the FARTHER you will be from her. Don't be a jerk, but she needs to know you're strong enough of a man, and smart enough, to realise how DUMB she is being for letting you go for a (3rd? 4th?) chance with a guy that treats her like garbage. Cut her off. Or I GUARANTEE you, she will never want you again. Have some respect for yourself. Grow a pair of balls. This is realistic advice from a guy who's been there. Take it.
Author brokenhearted4243 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 She has already given up on you. If you want any semblence of a chance at making her come back to you in the future, you have to cut her off completely. Tell her your out, of everything. Do not go to the cubs game and do not stay with her at the hotel all weekend. Tell her it's over for you and you're cutting your losses Your infatuation with her is blinding you to the fact that she is treating you like an object. You love her and care for her so much, I know, but you will NEVER, EVER be with her again if you don't show some guts here and cut her off. You can NOT allow her to have her cake and eat it too, or it is what she will come to expect. Cut her off now, before it's too late. Tell her it's over and try your best to move on. The WEAKER you come accross to her, the FARTHER you will be from her. Don't be a jerk, but she needs to know you're strong enough of a man, and smart enough, to realise how DUMB she is being for letting you go for a (3rd? 4th?) chance with a guy that treats her like garbage. Cut her off. Or I GUARANTEE you, she will never want you again. Have some respect for yourself. Grow a pair of balls. This is realistic advice from a guy who's been there. Take it. I understand what you are telling me. And it seems like good advise. It seems like it's going to be really hard to do that. I do need to grow a set of balls
hoping2heal Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Yes, Listen to URKILLINMESMALLS. He's right, and the ironic thing? Once you DO have some respect? You won't even want her.
gavinus Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Go NC , stay strong, take the advice from someone who did the opposite. She won't respect a doormat. If you keep in contact with her how can she miss you? Go NC it won't be easy but you will be better off in the long run, that's a promise! good luck
Author brokenhearted4243 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Go NC , stay strong, take the advice from someone who did the opposite. She won't respect a doormat. If you keep in contact with her how can she miss you? Go NC it won't be easy but you will be better off in the long run, that's a promise! good luck thanks gavinus
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 as long as the so called ex is still in the picture you wont be. What kind of woman likes the abuse and willingly accepts a man who abuses her and she has feelings for him. Did she not learn the hard way that she is pining after an idiot. While you may be a better deal. until she gets rid of this ex in her head and heart you wont accomplish anything. He'll be the invisible ghost that will haunt your relationship on account of her. My advice dont take her to the game, scalp the tickets and buy something nice for yourself. she isnt worth the price of admission. How hard is it for her to pick the better choice. Dont put up with any females crap that has so much baggage, trust me you waste your time like that. I've been there done that and got the t-shirt to prove it. leave her alone. When she's ready to be a real woman and be with a real man like yourself tell her to step up, until then if she cant tell her to step off!
gavinus Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 "When she's ready to be a real woman and be with a real man like yourself tell her to step up, until then if she cant tell her to step off" Great advice Chrome, great advice
WiseOne1 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 It's true, your going to go through times when you want to call her and spill all your feeling, however don't! In this situation you have to be and care only about yourself, and not about anyone else. I went through the exact same thing with a former ex GF, she was with the JERK for 4 years also, and he always broke up and cheated on her, sooner or later he came back in between the middle of our relationship we were dating for (9 Months) and she freaked out, she all of a sudden thought about him 24/7 and did not know who she wanted. I tried the pleading, and everything possible, so I left her with the jerk and she cried and pleaded for weeks, sooner or later she came back saying that she had choose me over him, "I personally think that he kicked her to the curve again" and think that she was to ashamed to admit it. Either way, your going to have to become very strict, and she's going to resent you for it, she's even going to throw fits. Imagine she’s a new GF that pulls that crap, would you stand for it?? Heck No, treat her just like you would in that case....lose her.
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