Lishy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Classic. Has anybody looked at some of so_gutted's previous threads? Fascinating stuff. Yes I just looked:confused: OK SG you carry on with him. You will be fine (but will he? haha)
CaliGuy Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 its amazing but true - its an emotional pull coz i am a human being with a need to be mated... Everyone has that need/desire. The difference is that most people who find success do so without disrespecting themselves. Yes, you have a need which isn't going to be met by the right guy as long as you're making it a priority. Take care of yourself first. Get happy. Stop worrying about 'finding' someone. The right guy will come along eventually. But letting your needs direct your life (instead of your wisdom and intelligence) will put you into a perpetual cycle of bad relationships. Are you following me here?
Author so gutted Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Classic. Has anybody looked at some of so_gutted's previous threads? Fascinating stuff. I am glad you are fascinated by my problem - remind me to return the favour. For anyone else that can offer advice - he has now proposed marraige - well told me he wants to meet to propose. I said no i cannot meet. He is now using emotional blackmail and how he has had a very bad stressfull weekend as an excuse to get met to meet for some coffee at least - if i cannot make dinner. His desperation scares me. Maybe he sees me as a meal ticket????
Kamille Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Maybe he sees me as a meal ticket???? Meal ticket to what? Any chance he might he looking to marry into citizenship? Then RUN don't walk away from this one. So gutted, his desperation and attempts at blackmail are his issues. Refuse, block and delete. Tell him you don't want to hear from him again.
Author so gutted Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Meal ticket to what? Any chance he might he looking to marry into citizenship? Then RUN don't walk away from this one. So gutted, his desperation and attempts at blackmail are his issues. Refuse, block and delete. Tell him you don't want to hear from him again. No he has citizenship....I think that I earn a third more then him. He is keen to know where I work, what I spend, where I live. I feel tortured. He tried to pick me up from my house. Parked in the general area ( I told him one town away anyway) and then called and siad I thought I would come closer to you so you wouldnt have to walk far.....I did not ask for this. I am scared that he will find out where I live work, from information I may have given him in conversation. I have tried to keep it amicable rather then my disappearing act because I fear he may harm me. His desperation to see me when I told him to back off worries me.
seoa Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 For anyone else that can offer advice Honey, we're all offering the same advice, and you're just not listening!!!!! This guy is not as great as you think he is... Stop answering his calls... Stop replying to his texts... He's pushy, and scary, and causing you to feel way too much stress... These are bad things in a potential boyfriend... Bad... BAD... Stop answering his calls... Stop replying to his texts... You do not owe him anything. You do not have to date him. You do not have to talk to him on the phone. You do not have to text him. Stop answering his calls... Stop replying to his texts...
seoa Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I am scared that he will find out where I live work, from information I may have given him in conversation. I have tried to keep it amicable rather then my disappearing act because I fear he may harm me. His desperation to see me when I told him to back off worries me. Things will only get worse. If you think he's 'desperate' now, how much worse will it be when you've strung him along for another week or 2 or 3... Do it now. If it doesn't work, have a male friend take his calls, and do it for you. If that doesn't work (and after you have been really clear that you do not want his calls) then involve the police. Do you understand that you should have stopped this earlier, when your gut first told you he was trouble (even when you were posting that he was mostly-fabulous-with-one-minor-issue)...?
Kamille Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 So Gutted, end it. Kindly tell him that you are not interested. Over the phone. Then when he starts pushing and arguing, tell him it's precisely because he pushes and argues that you're not interested. Then hang up and never take his calls again. Block him if you can. Do you have any friends or family that you can talk to about your fears? Do so. it will help you feel safer.
seoa Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I am scared that he will find out where I live work, from information I may have given him in conversation. And every time you now talk to him, you may let slip something more. So: Stop answering his calls... Stop replying to his texts...
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 No he has citizenship....I think that I earn a third more then him. He is keen to know where I work, what I spend, where I live. I feel tortured. He tried to pick me up from my house. Parked in the general area ( I told him one town away anyway) and then called and siad I thought I would come closer to you so you wouldnt have to walk far.....I did not ask for this. I am scared that he will find out where I live work, from information I may have given him in conversation. I have tried to keep it amicable rather then my disappearing act because I fear he may harm me. His desperation to see me when I told him to back off worries me. Tell him (in better words) to f-off. If he persists, keep track of his attempt at contact - document his attempts to reach you after the fact. Be prepaired to report his activities to law enforcement. PS -regarding your posts - have you considered spell checK?
boogieboy Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I have been on 2 dates with a guy. He is attractive, tall, attentive and witty. Problem is he is very cheery and happy to the extreme of cringe. He rings me first thing and wants kisses down the phone. By the time I have woken up I have 6/7 missed calls from him. He wants to speak at lunchtime and also after work, to the point the phone is glued to my ear. I have seen him twice in one week. Now he has spent a lot of money on a date for fri, and we are meeting midweek. I am feeling really really irritated by this. He has asked me where I live a few times and also asked for my postcode, pretending he didnt know the route for the navigation. I really do not like this at all. He has paid for everything so far, but i wonder what he is after. I have tried to get him to stop calling so much. I liked him before he completly overbeared me. I am not used to this and i NEED MY SPACE. I dont know how to say stop making elaborate plans without asking first ( I cannot afford all of this and I hope he is not expecting me to pay half etc... I feel ill and starined with all this, he keeps me on the phone - doesnt let me get of and i feel totally drained through lack of sleep and thinking why the fk he wants my postcode. WOW! Introduce this guy to WritersGal, she loves that kind of attention.
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) You mentioned the guy wants your 'postcode'. Definitely a non-standard American word 99.9% of us use a different word....where did you learn English? Edited October 4, 2009 by You'reasian
Jilly Bean Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 So Gutted - this is not a new problem for you, as you have come on here many times in the past telling pretty much the same story. I know there was a time when you had another guy you didn't want to see anymore and couldn't get rid of him, and not sure if it was you, but I remember someone on here talking about not knowing a man well and having his propose. You have ZERO boundaries, and therefore, you allow predatory men into your life. 99% of women would have dumped him immediately, but instead, you continue to encourage these men and their advances. Sadly, until the day you stand up for yourself and exert some personal power, you will continue to invite these men and just these situations into your life. People advise you over and over to get rid of these guys, and you don't, so I'm not sure how anyone can really help you if you chose to ignore common sense.
You'reasian Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Sadly, until the day you stand up for yourself and exert some personal power, you will continue to invite these men and just these situations into your life. People advise you over and over to get rid of these guys, and you don't, so I'm not sure how anyone can really help you if you chose to ignore common sense. We don't know her motivations. Maybe she likes the attention initially, gets bored and wants the guy to just leave but can't exert herself?
Lishy Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 SG I have come to the conclusion that you love the attention that these mentally unhealthy men pour upon you Why else would you still be taking his calls? He is a freak and you are an enabler and you will come to a sticky end with all of this
danny75 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I have to agree , this guy is off his rocker, do yourself a favour and change your number.
Author so gutted Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 So Gutted - this is not a new problem for you, as you have come on here many times in the past telling pretty much the same story. I know there was a time when you had another guy you didn't want to see anymore and couldn't get rid of him, and not sure if it was you, but I remember someone on here talking about not knowing a man well and having his propose. You have ZERO boundaries, and therefore, you allow predatory men into your life. 99% of women would have dumped him immediately, but instead, you continue to encourage these men and their advances. Sadly, until the day you stand up for yourself and exert some personal power, you will continue to invite these men and just these situations into your life. People advise you over and over to get rid of these guys, and you don't, so I'm not sure how anyone can really help you if you chose to ignore common sense. thanks. I do not think i am a weakling and cannot exert power, I think I get involved too quickly and then back out just as quickly. I wrote a list of why I do not like this guy - apart from the mauling. I think the real issue is that he earns about half of what I do, and that bugs me a lot. I think I have guilt issues - I think that if someone that ticks 6 out of 10 boxes comes along I should LEARN to settle. Isnt that what the rest of the world does? I have had no contact with him for about one day. Just received a voicemail again with the cheery voice asking me how I was etc. He hasnt got the message.
Author so gutted Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Tell him (in better words) to f-off. If he persists, keep track of his attempt at contact - document his attempts to reach you after the fact. Be prepaired to report his activities to law enforcement. PS -regarding your posts - have you considered spell checK? When I am at work I may use spellcheck, when I am distressed at being stalked and killed - no spellcheck is not my concern. Thank you for taking the time out to be serious about a serious issue.
Lishy Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I wrote a list of why I do not like this guy - apart from the mauling. I think the real issue is that he earns about half of what I do, and that bugs me a lot. Followed closely by .... When I am at work I may use spellcheck, when I am distressed at being stalked and killed - no spellcheck is not my concern. Thank you for taking the time out to be serious about a serious issue. The question is ..... Do you realise just how serious this is? I am really finding you puzzling ... One minute I feel sorry for you and the next I think you love it all and know exactly what you are doing. You are contradicting yourself the whole way through and so it is hard to help you. You are ignoring what we are all saying and we are repeating ourselves time after time in the hope that you will wake up and smell the coffee or stop playing the game with him that you are as you will be the loser here one way or another. This is a very frustrating thread ... I want to shake you lol
Author so gutted Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Followed closely by .... The question is ..... Do you realise just how serious this is? I am really finding you puzzling ... One minute I feel sorry for you and the next I think you love it all and know exactly what you are doing. You are contradicting yourself the whole way through and so it is hard to help you. You are ignoring what we are all saying and we are repeating ourselves time after time in the hope that you will wake up and smell the coffee or stop playing the game with him that you are as you will be the loser here one way or another. This is a very frustrating thread ... I want to shake you lol I want to slap me hard. I want to get rid of him and not feel guilty. I have not contacted him - he contacted me again just now. A very small part of me feels like maybe I should be nice and give him a try again after all he has more good points then the previous 10 or so men I have met but a bigger part of me feels like he cannot change and does not listen, things that are part of his makeup. I came on here to be told what to do and I have listened. I cannot confide in any mates as they are all likely to tell me to settle for him and work on it.
Author so gutted Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 SG I have come to the conclusion that you love the attention that these mentally unhealthy men pour upon you Why else would you still be taking his calls? He is a freak and you are an enabler and you will come to a sticky end with all of this I do not like attention from someone who wants to know where I live. I took his calls because I wanted to learn to SETTLE.
Lishy Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I do not like attention from someone who wants to know where I live. I took his calls because I wanted to learn to SETTLE. So you want to learn to settle? why????????????? The man is a weirdo!!!!!!!!
Lucky_One Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Oh come ON. This is incredibly STUPID and juvenile. "I'm so afraid of being stalked and killed. Waa, waa, waa." Bull. You are loving the attention. If you were REALLY afraid of him, then you wouldn't be wishy-washy on setting and being nice and giving more chances and acting more desperate than you already are. There is no back and forth. Either you are deathly afraid of him - which you claim - or you are not. There's no in-between here. Settle for 6 out of 10? You must be joking, right, if you think most people settle for that.
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