Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I couldnt back out as he didnt allow me too. Whatever. The way to "back out" is to say "NO" and then don't talk to him, don't meet him, nothing. It's pretty simple. Take responsibility for yourself.
Author so gutted Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 he made me so scared i thought he was following me. why can you not understand that battering can be emotional too.
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 he made me so scared i thought he was following me. why can you not understand that battering can be emotional too. Were you in a public place? With other people around? Get help. Call attention to yourself. And it really doesn't matter if the situation is emotional or not. You're scared and upset so you're going to put yourself in an even worse situation? That's not smart.
Author so gutted Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 yes public - but he may have followed me home - it wasnt nice. Should I tell the police?
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 yes public - but he may have followed me home - it wasnt nice. Should I tell the police? I'm having a hard time believing this is real. In case it is: I have no idea if you should tell the police. Only you know what the situation is and what is really going on. From what you've posted here, you keep voluntarily seeing this guy, you haven't told him in any way shape or form to leave you alone, stop contacting you, etc., and he hasn't actually done anything threatening, besides being clingy. And he may have followed you home? As far as I can tell, he hasn't done anything wrong, so I don't know how much the police could do for you. But, if you want to call them, or it would make you feel safer, go for it. I think you should tell this guy to leave you the f alone and then ignore him and stop seeing him. I think you should make sure your friends and/or family knows who he is and what he looks like. I think, in order to feel safe, you should let someone you're close to and trust know your schedule and movements and have them check in with you, if you feel so threatened by this guy. Then if something happens, someone will know. And of course there are many other ways to be safe. But first you have to stop seeing and speaking to this guy
Author so gutted Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 IT IS real. I could not make this up. The worst part is noone knew of my movements today. I am so scared I am getting ill. He has put me under so much pressure that I feel ill and tired but cannot get to sleep without taking medication. He also told me to buy a swimming costume - and kept going on about it. I find this sleazy - after one week...he thinks he is doing me a favour by moving fast.
sumdude Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Start carrying mace or pepper spray. Like others have said, call everyone you trust and let them know what's going on, this situation is not right. Stay at a friends or better a family member's place for a few days after you tell this man to go away now! As far as the Police, I wouldn't call 911 as an emergency but you can always call the non emergency and talk to someone.. say you're being stalked and you're afraid. They may not have much they can do legally at this point but you can get advice and you'll be on their radar. You pay taxes and they are there to serve and protect.
Author so gutted Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Start carrying mace or pepper spray. As far as the Police, I wouldn't call 911 as an emergency but you can always call the non emergency and talk to someone.. say you're being stalked and you're afraid. They may not have much they can do legally at this point but you can get advice and you'll be on their radar. You pay taxes and they are there to serve and protect. thanks - it may sound silly to some of you but emotional blackmail should be a crime too....his whole demeaner changed when i said i was uncomfortable with it all, he then went on about it so much that i ended up silient. If i want a bunk up in a hotel i wouldnt go on dates with taht guy i would just go for it. This guy has not stopped when i have told him too - and thats in public. I think i wil go to the police as he knows my car registartion and something tells me he will not walk away quietly.
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 The worst part is noone knew of my movements today. . My very first or maybe second post also said this Please, start being smart and taking responsibility for yourself if you're so scared.
sumdude Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 thanks - it may sound silly to some of you but emotional blackmail should be a crime too....his whole demeaner changed when i said i was uncomfortable with it all, he then went on about it so much that i ended up silient. If i want a bunk up in a hotel i wouldnt go on dates with taht guy i would just go for it. This guy has not stopped when i have told him too - and thats in public. I think i wil go to the police as he knows my car registartion and something tells me he will not walk away quietly. You're doing the right thing.. better safe than sorry. Call friends and family too.. right after you talk with the police. All the best, this guys sounds like he doesn't know or respect boundaries.
bean1 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 so gutted, I work as a police dispatcher and have taken calls from girls like you MANY times. "What do I do?" TELL HIM THAT YOU DO NOT WISH TO HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM! Seriously. Tell him to stop. If he continues, then contact the police. However, the police are not in the business of having to tell boys to go away when the girl keeps meeting him for dates and making plans with him. And no.. she won't be on any radar.. there is nothing to this yet. There is no criminal offense at this point. It is only criminal harassment if the person is actually advised that further contact is unwanted. What on earth is he to expect when she doesn't tell him to stop? Before assuming that a man is a psycho or creep, assume that he is just thick in the head since she keeps making contact. I think most women who complain about "psychos" and "creeps" don't even make the basic step to tell them to leave her alone.
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 so gutted, i work as a police dispatcher and have taken calls from girls like you many times. "what do i do?" tell him that you do not wish to have any contact with him! seriously. Tell him to stop. If he continues, then contact the police. However, the police are not in the business of having to tell boys to go away when the girl keeps meeting him for dates and making plans with him. And no.. She won't be on any radar.. There is nothing to this yet. There is no criminal offense at this point. It is only criminal harassment if the person is actually advised that further contact is unwanted. What on earth is he to expect when she doesn't tell him to stop? Before assuming that a man is a psycho or creep, assume that he is just thick in the head since she keeps making contact. I think most women who complain about "psychos" and "creeps" don't even make the basic step to tell them to leave her alone. thank you.
sumdude Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 so gutted, I work as a police dispatcher and have taken calls from girls like you MANY times. "What do I do?" TELL HIM THAT YOU DO NOT WISH TO HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM! Seriously. Tell him to stop. If he continues, then contact the police. However, the police are not in the business of having to tell boys to go away when the girl keeps meeting him for dates and making plans with him. And no.. she won't be on any radar.. there is nothing to this yet. There is no criminal offense at this point. It is only criminal harassment if the person is actually advised that further contact is unwanted. What on earth is he to expect when she doesn't tell him to stop? Before assuming that a man is a psycho or creep, assume that he is just thick in the head since she keeps making contact. I think most women who complain about "psychos" and "creeps" don't even make the basic step to tell them to leave her alone. Well I suppose you know being in the business but I do not want her dissuaded from ever calling if she feels the need! I didn't recommend calling 911. At the least there will be a recorded message and phone number in the system and a contact. This guy has already mauled her publicly a couple times even when she said no. When do we assume that he won't go farther? Hello, should she call after something has happened?!
bean1 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Well I suppose you know being in the business but I do not want her dissuaded from ever calling if she feels the need! I didn't recommend calling 911. At the least there will be a recoded message and phone number in the system and a contact. She can call the police if she wants, but at this stage, there won't be a record of her call or any report/contact. Most police agencies do not have those records (because it is costly to keep) and those that do, well, don't bother to. The problem is that they recieve 100-1000's of calls per day of random stuff that doesn't justify a report. She can call - the dispatcher will tell her the same thing that I did. If she ***truly*** fears for her safety (which I actually doubt because she keeps making contact with him), she could request an officer stand by to keep the peace when she tells him in person. I'd just do it by phone myself if I were her. OP needs to learn to stand up for herself. Criminal harassment does not exist if the "victim" refuses to tell the "subject of complaint" to stop. That's right in any criminal code. This is certainly not criminal stalking yet either.
bean1 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 This guy has already mauled her publicly a couple times even when she said no. When do we assume that he won't go farther? Hello, should she call after something has happened?! I've been in this business long enough to see that a lot of girls complain about things like this but keep meeting or talking to the guy. If it really bothers her, she should tell him to stop and stop speaking to him. She has to tell him to stop contacting her before we can assume he is a killer. There are always 3 sides to a story: her version, his version, and the truth. There is clearly some steps the OP needs to take here before assuming a killer stalker.
Roxanna Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 She said he mauled her in public. In the context of how she used the word I can only assume she was referring to a PDA, and not an actual mauling. Nowhere did she say, "he mauled me in public, I said "No! Stop!", but he didn't, so I screamed for help/called the police/ran away and there wasn't a second chance for it to happen." Rather, she said "he mauled me in public twice." Meaning, she didn't say no, and she put herself in the same freaking situation AGAIN.
aerogurl87 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 OP I've been following this thread and you need to learn to stand up for yourself. I had been in your position once before except the guy didn't live in my city (thank god!) He lived several states away and was a crazy as I later found out. Everything was fine for the first two months and then he started talking about wanting to meet me, which led to him saying he wanted to impregnate me and how I would have to marry him and he'd have me forever then, blah blah blah. Well that was enough to scare the crap out of me and I told him to never contact me again, as I never contacted him again. If you feel scared and uncomfortable about being with this guy, you have the right to stand up for yourself. You owe him nothing, but you do owe yourself something and that's the right to feel safe and secure with any man you choose to be with.
JustLooking123 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 OP, quit being a doormat. It, in this case, may lead to serious danger. TELL THIS MAN NO, that you are no longer interseted. IF if his behavior keeps up, go to the police. It is pointless to go to the police at this point because you keep going along with his dates/suggestions. Do not be an idiot. Trust your gut. And seriously, do not go to a hotel room alone with this man. You will regret it. He is scary.
Lishy Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Hey why do you come here asking for advice and then ignore everything being offered to you? Why go and meet him for dinner when you know in your heart he is a crazy mutt? Why go and not tell a soul when you know he is weird? Why not just tell him you wont be going to any hotel? Why call the police at the moment, he has done nothing wrong YET ... Give him some time and with your subseriance he will get worse and worse! You are not a doormat so why are you acting like one SG? Call or text him and tell him that you are back with your 6'4" basketball playing ex and to leave you alone. This man is a freak and we all said that to you before you went out with him. He is only doing what you are allowing him to do and I know I am being stern but that is solely because I am actually worried about you! STOP putting yourself in danger and stop talking to him or meeting him! Please?
Author so gutted Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 i met him yesterday because part of me wanted this to work, bearing in mind I have met so many unattentive not very nice men and i have little patience - I thought I should try and compromise if i do want to settle down at some point with ANYONE.....im at that critical age for a woman... anyway - i today told him in a blunt text message that i would not be going to the hotel. I had about 7 missed calls even before this. After my text he sent one saying how he had cancelled it anyway but hadnt got round to telling me. I then got a further 6 calls. He asked that I call him for just one minute - one minute turned into 10 where he DOES NOT ALLOW ME OFF THE PHONE.... He pretended he was ok with wasting this money BUT still talked about meeting up anyway (minus the hotel)> He does not get it - I have no intention of meeting him with ALL THIS HANGING. I think I just want him out of my life... he does not allow me to breathe. he wants me to call him at least 6 times a day and its the same old smut - the same old pretend smutty talk....sexual but not overtly...he knows i do not like this and tries to make me feel weird. somehow he gets me to call him (guilt) and then doesnt allow me to leave the call....its this emotional guilt trip. he mauled me by kissing me one date one and i told him in no uncertain terms noooooooooooooooooo he siad he cant help it then did it again..... i did say stop and he backed off. i feel awful because a man that was previosuly my template man has come along (with chocolates) and I hate him.
JustLooking123 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 He doesn't care about you; he is targetting you because he can. Jeez louise. Why is it so difficult to tell him not to contact you, then don't take his calls? Have his number blocked, do whatever you need to do.
Roxanna Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Just to clue you in, the way to get off the phone is to hit the END or OFF button. No one can make you remain on the phone against your wishes.
Author so gutted Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Just to clue you in, the way to get off the phone is to hit the END or OFF button. No one can make you remain on the phone against your wishes. its amazing but true - its an emotional pull coz i am a human being with a need to be mated...
GorillaTheater Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 its amazing but true - its an emotional pull coz i am a human being with a need to be mated... Classic. Has anybody looked at some of so_gutted's previous threads? Fascinating stuff.
Roxanna Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Classic. Has anybody looked at some of so_gutted's previous threads? Fascinating stuff. I did yesterday. It was entertaining. This is how I alleviate my stress though - by being blunt and aggressive.
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