so gutted Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I have been on 2 dates with a guy. He is attractive, tall, attentive and witty. Problem is he is very cheery and happy to the extreme of cringe. He rings me first thing and wants kisses down the phone. By the time I have woken up I have 6/7 missed calls from him. He wants to speak at lunchtime and also after work, to the point the phone is glued to my ear. I have seen him twice in one week. Now he has spent a lot of money on a date for fri, and we are meeting midweek. I am feeling really really irritated by this. He has asked me where I live a few times and also asked for my postcode, pretending he didnt know the route for the navigation. I really do not like this at all. He has paid for everything so far, but i wonder what he is after. I have tried to get him to stop calling so much. I liked him before he completly overbeared me. I am not used to this and i NEED MY SPACE. HE IS MAKING ME RUN AWAY......I AM LOOKING FOR EXCUSES.... I dont know how to say stop making elaborate plans without asking first ( I cannot afford all of this and I hope he is not expecting me to pay half etc...I have been unemployed for months and am just starting to pay of debts). I feel ill and starined with all this, he keeps me on the phone - doesnt let me get of and i feel totally drained through lack of sleep and thinking why the fk he wants my postcode. Also, he has booked a hotel - and promised not to have sex - i have known him one week...spoken to him for 2...now he has paid.....I really do not know what to do.....I wich he had consulted me first. He says that he will exercise self control - and not have sex just spend time with me. The most we have done is kissed...this is too much.
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Give someone his name, address, photo, contact information and your exact plans and when you plan on returning etc. if you go out with him again. That's a little scary. If you don't want to see him again, tell him so. If you do want to see him again, simply tell him he's moving way too fast and he needs to slow down.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 what is scary? what about the hotel?? i know that this is what people do in relationships, they go to dinner etc and at some point they sleep together, BUT one week later? and what if his self control slips? why did he book such an expensive hotel. I have a headache because i cannot work out if I am about to let the good one slip. when i first met him i was sooo happy and couldnt wait to see him again. He just doesnt get that I do not want to go to the hotel. in fact he did mention it, and i said yes...sort off...as i couldnt say no on the spot....one morning later he has already booked it??isnt that a bit presumptious?
Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hey babe, just dont go! Just because he is nice and cheery does NOT mean you have to do what he wants and booking a hotel room before he has even asked you if you want to is just plain creepy!!! Defo dont go, turn your phone off in the mornings until you are ready to hear from him and stop stressing! Dating should be fun for gods sake! Tell him he is running before he can walk!
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 also i am not sexually experienced - he doesnt know this...
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 All of it is scary. The hotel is scary and bizarre. Most normal people offer to cook dinner at their place, not get a hotel room. As Lishy said, don't go, but if you do, please leave as much info as possible with someone you trust.
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 yes we did i know what you mean - but he hasnt done the normal thing - made it obvious from day one....also why would he pay so much and wait 2 dates for something he can get one date on the adult websites?
Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Honey just walk away! He is not the guy for you and his behaviour is not emotionally healthy! Trust me you are falling into a trap here so just walk away and get off the dating sites, they are full of predators!
Author so gutted Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 It's really simple. You know what you are and what you aren't comfortable with. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Establish boundaries for yourself. You can convey them to him with tact and grace, at first. If he pushes, then all bets are off. If it's too soon to spend a night in a hotel for you then tell him you're flattered at the attention but it's moving too fast for you. Same for phone calls, etc. Now for you, you mentioned that you told him yes first (about the hotel). That's something you need to work on. Saying what you mean and being true to yourself. I tried the boundries - pushed him away with he first kissed me and then he did it again. and again. saying its my fault for being so pretty!!!ha ha if i push him away now he will walk...i am not sure i want him right out but at the same time if this is his pace then it wont change. Also he mentioned getting married secretly.
Lishy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 OK the bloke is a freakin weirdo! You know it, I know it and he knows it so why the hell are you still humouring him? When he forces you to sleep with him will he say its your fault for being so pretty? MARRIAGE!?!?!?!?! WTF Walk away! no wait .... RUN away!! Seriously!
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Walk away! no wait .... RUN away!! I'm a man who loves women and I approve this message
sweetjasmine Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I tried the boundries - pushed him away with he first kissed me and then he did it again. and again. saying its my fault for being so pretty!!!ha ha Wow. Please don't go to the hotel room with him. If he kept trying to kiss you when you pushed him away the first time, how can you trust him when you're in a hotel room all alone with him? Also he mentioned getting married secretly. That's another big red flag. You're already feeling uncomfortable and smothered. If I were you, I'd RUN far away and fast.
CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Just goes to prove that even if they are tall and attractive and witty does not mean they are CONFIDENT. Without confidence, you can look like freaking Brad Pitt and not keep a woman.
sweetjasmine Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Just goes to prove that even if they are tall and attractive and witty does not mean they are CONFIDENT. Without confidence, you can look like freaking Brad Pitt and not keep a woman. I think this guy has more problems than just lack of confidence. Sounds like a nut, to be honest.
CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I think this guy has more problems than just lack of confidence. Sounds like a nut, to be honest. Well -- take the advice of your fellow LS'ers. RUN (don't walk) away from this guy. Every red flag you've noticed you should heed.
JustLooking123 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Your gut feeling is telling you something very important here. This man's actions just are not right; sounds like too much, too soon (WAY too much, WAY too soon). Tell him asap that you don't want to see him anymore. You owe him nothing else, regardless of how much money he spent.
Lucky_One Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Is he married? What in the world would he need a hotel room for?
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 I told him he is moving too fast. he backed off a bit. (got 10 missed calls today - AFTER he said that he understands when i am but at work). He then said shall i cancel the hotel - i siad no you have paid for it - in a tone that clearly showed i did not like it - he said lets have seperate beds - as its booked. I know i will cancel meeting him friday - but he is making it hard for me.
JustLooking123 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I told him he is moving too fast. he backed off a bit. (got 10 missed calls today - AFTER he said that he understands when i am but at work). He then said shall i cancel the hotel - i siad no you have paid for it - in a tone that clearly showed i did not like it - he said lets have seperate beds - as its booked. I know i will cancel meeting him friday - but he is making it hard for me. Sounds like you're making it hard for yourself. When he asked if he should cancel the hotel, your answer should have been a resounding YES! Do you plan on continuing to see him at all? If not, tell him so. If so, proceed with great caution. Dude's crazy.
CaliGuy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I told him he is moving too fast. he backed off a bit. (got 10 missed calls today - AFTER he said that he understands when i am but at work). Doesn't sound like he understands at all. He then said shall i cancel the hotel - i siad no you have paid for it - in a tone that clearly showed i did not like it - he said lets have seperate beds - as its booked. I know i will cancel meeting him friday - but he is making it hard for me. No need to delay the obvious. Cancel now, tell him thanks but you're not interested in him anymore.
seoa Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 He then said shall i cancel the hotel - i siad no you have paid for it - in a tone that clearly showed i did not like it - he said lets have seperate beds - as its booked. What...? Are you saying it's more important that he doesn't waste the money on the room, than that you get to choose the first time you have sex, and who with...? If you go to this hotel, you will have sex with him... You have shown that you cannot say "no" (because you don't want to upset him) - and you have shown that he will push for what he wants... Is this how you want your first time to be - with someone who does NOT want what is best for you...? End it now! I know i will cancel meeting him friday - but he is making it hard for me. Sorry honey, but you are making it hard on yourself... You find it difficult to say "no", and you've (unsurprisingly) managed to attract a guy who finds it hard to hear "no"... Please, stay safe, stop seeing this guy (for now, at least) and work on your ability to stand up for yourself... It will improve your life in so many ways... (Also - how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?)
Hkizzle Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I told him he is moving too fast. he backed off a bit. (got 10 missed calls today - AFTER he said that he understands when i am but at work). He then said shall i cancel the hotel - i siad no you have paid for it - in a tone that clearly showed i did not like it - he said lets have seperate beds - as its booked. I know i will cancel meeting him friday - but he is making it hard for me. 10 missed calls......... WTF, you're dealing with a really insecure ****ed up guy. You do know what Chris Brown did to Rihanna right? Chris Brown is good looking too......Stay the hell away from possessive, potentially abusive men.
Lishy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Oh for goodness sake! You should not be on dating sites if you have no experience a and cannot assert yourself! It makes no sense at all! You told him not to cancel it and then said you wont be going???????? Make your mind up and tell him how it is The man is a freak, do you want to find out the hard way???
Author so gutted Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 THIS GETS WORSE - i think i may have to get the police involved. I met him for dinner, asking him beforehand whether there was a 48 hour cancellation policy. All evening he went on and on about the hotel, do i trust him, do i want things to move on or not, he did my head in so badly, i told him that i was not comfortable with it, he asked for specific reasons why, i said it wasnt specific, it was a general discomfort.He also mauled me publically twice before so I am not prepared for a repeat behind closed doors. He doesnt get it - i dont like public and i dont like his general affectionate ways. it irritates me. He more or less siad that we should cancel the whole thing as he would rather walk away from the headache. As I have not revealed my correct area to him ( i never do for safety) he has now caught on to the fact that I do not live where I sadi I did...he tried to take my storecard out of muy purse to see my full name! I am truly sacred. I tried and failed. He mentioned marraige again. The connotation was that if i spent the night at the hotel with him he would be sure i could trust him and then would marry me quicker. He also kept saying i could find out where u live. I am worried heknows my car registration. Do I go to the police? I couldnt back out as he didnt allow me too.
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