New Again Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I'm really curious about this - I realize that I have very high standards and expectations, so while I don't make a huge deal out of every thing that bugs me to my SO, I might mention it to a girl friend if we're talking about that sort of thing. Invariably, she thinks I'm totally ridiculous for being irritated by such a small thing (and of course she doesn't see any of the things that bug her as tiny, insignificant and ridiculous ). For example, it bugs me if my SO asks what time I'll be there, because he wants to know if he has time to shower, and I say in an hour, and when I get there an hour later, he literally JUST got in the shower. It bugs me to have him say "hey what's up" but never ask me what I've been up to when we haven't spoken much all weekend. Other people post threads on here about being upset or irritated because their SO hasn't changed their relationship status on FB/MS, or because their SO calls other guys the same pet name. And it seems that the majority of the people on here say: you're being ridiculous, who cares? I don't think any of these things are the end of the world, and so maybe people are just trying to put things into perspective for those of us that complain about stuff like that. On the other hand, every person I know IRL has their own "things" that bug them. So, what are some of yours? I want perspective!! (And, how do you deal with it, assuming it's not something you talk about, or have mentioned and hasn't changed.)
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 "Hon, do you see that car we're going to crash into?" No response...... "Hon, I found these really good seats for the concert" No response..... We later found out it is non-purposeful ignoral due to environmental issues from childhood. Sensory detachment. I'll never be with anyone like that again. I overlooked it in the beginning but it became a major emotional issue for me in our M and one of the reasons for our D from my perspective. I simply hate being ignored.
WTRanger Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 "Hon, do you see that car we're going to crash into?" No response...... "Hon, I found these really good seats for the concert" No response..... We later found out it is non-purposeful ignoral due to environmental issues from childhood. Sensory detachment. I'll never be with anyone like that again. I overlooked it in the beginning but it became a major emotional issue for me in our M and one of the reasons for our D from my perspective. I simply hate being ignored. Ditto on that! I hate the damn silent mode! Bury your head in the sand, yes, that works so well on every issue of your life! It might be a rough session, but after it's over it's OVER! The issue will not keep popping up every 3-4 months.
stace79 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 My fiance chews with his mouth open a lot. It drives me nuts, and I have started giving him a look when he does it, because I think good table manners are very important! Also, the noise his chewing makes grosses me out. I am guessing one thing he would change about me is that I can't stand any dirty dishes in the sink -- not even one.
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Ditto on that! I hate the damn silent mode!This is different from what you're talking about, which I believe is 'the silent treatment'. In our case it was a delay, sometimes 30 seconds and sometimes literal mintues, before my voice would register and my W would process and respond. It was worse when she was otherwise engaged, like reading or driving. Sometimes she never responded. I do not (and our psychologist agreed) believe it was purposeful. She learned it as a coping method in a difficult childhood. With therapy, it did improve but there were so many other issues in play by then the improvement was superfluous. I hope the therapy helps her with her next R/M.
sally4sara Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I hated how every time we would be hanging out, if I happened to get up to do ANYTHING he would ask me for more coffee or beverage or something - even when I wasn't going to the kitchen. If I am going to the kitchen, I don't care so much, but I finally got very pissed at him over this and told him to stop it as I am not his effin waitress. So now? If we are just hanging out and watching TV or something and I stand up for any reason, I get asked "Where are you going?" as though I'm going to run out the door and take off. It literally sounds like he is distressed. He insists all he is trying to figure out is if he has a shot at getting more coffee. But he will still ask me where I'm going even if I'm heading down the hall and my only options are one of the bedrooms or the bathroom. He loves picking this fight! Its like he can't get through week without creating some scenario in which I tell him to get it his own damn self. Somehow my telling him off but still sticking around reassures him in some way.........it must be a guy thing.
sally4sara Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I hope the therapy helps her with her next R/M. At least you're still able to be optimistic.
Author New Again Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Something that bugs the crap out of bf about me is my sometimes inappropriate sarcasm. If he says something that's half-serious, but joking in its over-the-top romanticism, I sometimes will respond in a lightly sarcastic (but to my mind, realistic) way instead of playing along. However, I (mostly) stopped when I realized that was his way of trying to be nice/romantic to me.
Sam Spade Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 "Hon, do you see that car we're going to crash into?" No response...... "Hon, I found these really good seats for the concert" No response..... We later found out it is non-purposeful ignoral due to environmental issues from childhood. Sensory detachment. I'll never be with anyone like that again. I overlooked it in the beginning but it became a major emotional issue for me in our M and one of the reasons for our D from my perspective. I simply hate being ignored. Same here, my gf isn't that bad, but i'm pretty sure there is a similar issue there. For now I'm in a standby mode and (voice) point out that I don't like it when it happens.
Author New Again Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I hated how every time we would be hanging out, if I happened to get up to do ANYTHING he would ask me for more coffee or beverage or something - even when I wasn't going to the kitchen. If I am going to the kitchen, I don't care so much, but I finally got very pissed at him over this and told him to stop it as I am not his effin waitress. So now? If we are just hanging out and watching TV or something and I stand up for any reason, I get asked "Where are you going?" as though I'm going to run out the door and take off. It literally sounds like he is distressed. He insists all he is trying to figure out is if he has a shot at getting more coffee. But he will still ask me where I'm going even if I'm heading down the hall and my only options are one of the bedrooms or the bathroom. He loves picking this fight! Its like he can't get through week without creating some scenario in which I tell him to get it his own damn self. Somehow my telling him off but still sticking around reassures him in some way.........it must be a guy thing. It's so cute when you put it that way
Author New Again Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Oh, and I don't always say "I love you" at the end of a phone conversation. That bugs him too.
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It bugs me that he texts when we're out eating. Depending on the situation, I'll text him, or make a joke about it. And it bugs me that it bugs him that I put too much ice in his glass. If you don't like it, stop asking me to get it for you instead of getting annoyed that I didn't do it right.
prettybaby Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I gotta be honest, there really isn't anything that bothers me about my guy. We're very similar about a lot of things, and I guess some people would say that's boring, but it actually turns out to work amazingly well. Couldn't be happier! My ex, on the other hand, had a whole collection of things that annoyed me to no end. - when handing me something without even looking at me, and that I wouldn't grab it fast enough, he would like, jerk his arm back and forth in a really annoying way. - driving all stressed and honking at people on the road. - starting arguments with cashiers in stores - the way he would blow his nose with his bare hands under the shower ... GROSS - when he'd play video games from 10PM to 7AM, leaving me to sleep alone, which -at the end- I was pretty happy about. - not celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Never got a card or flowers. - walking too fast and usually not waiting for me. And then in other ways he babied me and took care of stuff for me, and made sure I was always okay. Which I feel hasn't done me much good. It took a while after we broke up for me to grab myself together and start handling all the responsibilities that come in life.
GorillaTheater Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Her defensiveness. Which I suppose is justified at times but not nearly as often as I get hit with it. But this may be a bad day to ask me this.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It irritates me when he snores. His snoring is inconsistent, so I never know if I'm going to have a sh*tty night's sleep or not. But he literally *tries* not to snore by using this mouth guard thing, so I can't really get upset... It also irritates me when he hovers over me when I'm trying to cook him dinner. When we're cooking together, I obviously like having him there. But when I'm doing something special just for him, I don't like him standing there watching me with eager, hungry eyes. Those are my complaints. Literally, that's it. It irritates him when I throw things in the kitchen sink, and don't bother rinsing it out/pushing the sh*t into the garbage disposal. There are two big sinks in the kitchen, and sometimes I forget to clean that one.
seoa Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 How he got bothered by our minor differences and decided it meant we weren't right for each other, and broke up with me over it... Perfect isn't possible, or even desirable, sweetie... If we were exactly the same, we wouldn't need two of us... Grrrrr.....
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 At least you're still able to be optimistic. Absolutely. With a 'normal' guy, she probably would've been fine (and likely will). They'd ignore each other equally I overlooked all the nit-picky things like snoring, shoes in the hall, dishes in the sink, cleaning the passenger seat of the car of food items so I could sit down, etc. Those were all minor irritations that I could live with, except maybe tripping over shoes....
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 My fiance is OCD about cleaning. It used to be a HUGE complaint of mine, however it is interesting because the tables have turned. Since I have been out of work I've been more or less a "housewife" and have been doing the dishes, cooking, cleaning, ect. It's crazy!! So now I actually have to bug HIM about it!!! I think the most annoying thing is when he starts getting anxious and nitpicking if he feels things are out of control. I have learned to deal with it by not making a huge deal and just telling him to calm down and relax. It seems to deflate him. He also leaves the dishes in the sink and does not wash them off (same with the pots and pans on the stove). Food gets stuck then and the kitchen starts to sink. It's funny though that someone with OCD would do that!
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 My fiance is OCD about cleaning. It used to be a HUGE complaint of mine, however it is interesting because the tables have turned. Since I have been out of work I've been more or less a "housewife" and have been doing the dishes, cooking, cleaning, ect. It's crazy!! So now I actually have to bug HIM about it!!! I think the most annoying thing is when he starts getting anxious and nitpicking if he feels things are out of control. I have learned to deal with it by not making a huge deal and just telling him to calm down and relax. It seems to deflate him. He also leaves the dishes in the sink and does not wash them off (same with the pots and pans on the stove). Food gets stuck then and the kitchen starts to sink. It's funny though that someone with OCD would do that! Cuz he expects you to now!
Lauriebell82 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Cuz he expects you to now! Haha, well he always did that, even before I started cooking more and lost my job.
carhill Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 There's nothing keeping his hands out of the dishwater. And that dumping of fooded plates and stuff into the sink. Horrible. I think he was a pig in the anal-retentive closet
sweetjasmine Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 He has a hard time relaxing and taking it easy, and it sometimes gets on my nerves. It bugs me that when he wants to do something, it's "let's gogogogogogogogogo" but when I want to do something, he's sometimes laid back about it and takes his time. That's about it.
AlektraClementine Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 When my dude does the dishes (I know I know, what's there to complain about), he never really does them. There's always something he says "needed to soak a little longer" and thus leaves extra stuff in the sink that should go in the dishwasher. Those things are NEVER subsequently washed and the dishwasher is never started. Ugh. This is why I race to the sink to get to the dishes first. Also, he can't just calmly sift through items in a drawer to find the tshirt he wants. He has to root around and shovel items around like some sort of forest animal. Refolding laundry is my groundhog day. On a more serious note, He never addresses a relationship issue first. Never's a strong word. He will every once in a while about 6 minutes from our destination or 10 minutes before he's about to go off and watch a football game with his brother. He did this today. We had ALL day to talk about my dissatisfaction in the bedroom.
zilverenvlinder Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 He smokes a lot of maryjaywana, which doesn't bother me until it comes time for us to do the deed. During this time he is able to keep it up for approximately 1 and a half minutes, then it droops dead and doesn't come back for air. -_-
Lauriebell82 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 There's nothing keeping his hands out of the dishwater. And that dumping of fooded plates and stuff into the sink. Horrible. I think he was a pig in the anal-retentive closet Yeah, the garbage disposal gets clogged a lot!!! I am realizing that he has "selective anal-retentivism" (if that's a word!) as he is anal about one thing and then loosy goosey about another. The boy is unpredictable, let me tell you. The other irratating thing: he spends hundreds of dollars on orks but then complains that I left the lights on when I went to take out the garbage!
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