brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Some of you may have seen my post about the footballer I dated for a few months who turned out to have a girlfriend the entire time.. (although he claims they only just got back together towards the end of me and him) We were never exclusively together but we were sleeping with each other and seeing each other regularly.. We ended things on a bad bad note we had a massive argument over the phone.. he also lives in the same neighbourhood and a lot of people had a massive go at him for his behaviour.. I am not the kind of girl who likes to leave things permantly on a bad note with people, i do not like having enemies so a few weeks after our falling out i messaged him to say he was out of order but that lets just forget about everything and good luck to him and his girlfriend no hard feelings.. That was that or so i thought.. This was a couple of months ago, last week i randomly got a message from him asking me how i was and if i wanted to meet up or have a game of tennis.. I texted bk but did not give him a definite answer about meeting up. Over the weekend he came into where i work (a shop) looking for something to buy he was openly flirting with me and stroking my hand but left empty handed.. He was then texting me after asking me to give him a good deal on something he had seen.. but no deal i gave seemed to be good enough.. My boss commented that he thinks he was never planning to buy anyhting he just wnated an excuse to see me.. I am now just really confused.. Is this guy playing the friend card.Does he just genuinly want to be friends.. Or is he coming back for what he now regrets letting go? I have no idea if he is with the girlfriend or not now
Rudderless Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 He wants sex. Tell him to go elsewhere for the deal he wants.
loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Ugh. He has already proven himself untrustworthy and disrespectful. Don't go there.
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 but after everything... why would he think that was even a possibility.. and do we think the gf is no more?
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 so he is not tring to be friends?? he was calling me mate but at the same time touching me??
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It doesn't matter if the girlfriend is or no more. That should NOT be your concern. This man has proven to you that he is sketchy at best, and you are still wondering about being friends with him?!? Come on now. A person who pulled that kind of idiotic move will write you, call you or come by to formally apologize for leading you on. Not randomly watlz into your shop flirting, stroking your hand and asking for a discount. People will only respect you if you respect yourself. Cut this one lose. please.
CaliGuy Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 1. Guy is having sex with you and his ex. 2. Guy doesn't tell you until he breaks up with you. 3. Guy comes around a few months later all kissing up to you. Guy wants sex. Let's see, he treated you badly before and you're considering taking him back? Do you need me to smack you?! Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on ME. Get it?
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 No, he's not trying to be friends. He's after sex. A booty call. Another chance to disrespect you. Why? Because you gave him a free pass on his past bad behavior. You told him it was ok for him to treat you like that (multiple times as I recall), and so he is taking you up on the implied offer to treat you badly again. He knows that if he treats you badly, you will let him do it again. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 im not thinking about giving him anything.. i am just curious as to what his game is.....???? seeking friendship? sex? wants me back but is using the friend card to get me as he knows he messed up too badly to merely invite me on a date again.. I think the gf must be out the picture.. it seems random he would contact me out the blue
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 but why does he need sex, or a booty call if he has a gf
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Why would you assume anything about a GF? You assumed before that she was out of the picture, and you were dead wrong. You know what the man is like. YOU KNOW THIS. Why would you even BEG for trouble like this in your life? Are you that caught up on his hype and that he is a footballer? Is it all about the status of getting your name on his wikipedia page or something?
Island Girl Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 but after everything... why would he think that was even a possibility.. and do we think the gf is no more? Why? Do you want to take her place? Do you want to become the one he cheats on instead of cheats with? This guy is no prize. You have been treated badly by him and you didn't slam the door in his face. He sends a text to you about a tennis game and you didn't tell him "no way" so to him the door to him is still open - even if it is just a crack. And that door that is still not shut and locked is the door to having sex with you.
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I know.. Its just when we had the argument he made such an emphasis on the fact he didnt have a gf when he was with me and how he would never cheat on her ever ever.. so it just seems to me like either he is a massive liar and is now trying to start sleeping with me and her again (if he was with her the whole time wen were sleeping together) or he got back together with her it didnt work out and now he wants me bk.. i just dont know what is true...
loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I think the idea of him regretting his past behavior enough to have changed for you is a validating idea for you after he disrespected you so much. But that's just not the case here.
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 but why does he need sex, or a booty call if he has a gf are you serious??? Why does a man need sex or a booty call if he has a girlfriend? that's like asking why would a person want more money if they have $20. Men always need more sex, and a variety of it. I believe it's called testosterone.
Lucky_One Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 but why does he need sex, or a booty call if he has a gf To get some strange. To see if he still has the power to make every girl's panties wet even though he is a prick. To see if all women are stupid. To get past the hump while his GF's having her period. To bang her in the morning and bang you in the afternoon after tennis and bang her in the evening, so that he can feel REALLY studly.
Island Girl Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 but why does he need sex, or a booty call if he has a gf Because SOME men like this one have no boundaries or respect for women. To him, having a girlfriend is no barrier to having sex with other women. He is such a winner! I am still wondering why you would waste a thought on him -- and why you didn't text him back to leave you alone when you know he is a scum bag.
Mixitup123 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Why would you want to even waste your time on a guy who cheated on his girlfriend with you..could you really see yourself getting into a relationship with this guy? or want to? because he would only do the same to you after a while..obviously he is that type of person. He is obviously trying it on with you..tell him to leave you alone. Find someone worth your while and time.
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 that was a great line loves life... I will never take him bk.. I am having this discussion because i think he is an interesting and complex character and i am trying to work out his motives here..if he is so desperate for sex why try to get it from the one girl who made it clear she was not to be used and disrespected (and i made it clear trust me i made his life hell around the neighborhood, he couldnt even show his face...) surely he could get it from another girl who knew nothing about what an ******* he really is and might fall for the footballer charm and amex card..but he comes to me..
Island Girl Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 that was a great line loves life... I will never take him bk.. I am having this discussion because i think he is an interesting and complex character and i am trying to work out his motives here..if he is so desperate for sex why try to get it from the one girl who made it clear she was not to be used and disrespected (and i made it clear trust me i made his life hell around the neighborhood, he couldnt even show his face...) surely he could get it from another girl who knew nothing about what an ******* he really is and might fall for the footballer charm and amex card..but he comes to me.. Some girl who would just be impressed by his footballer job and amex card wouldn't provide much of a challenge at all. Well now - the ultimate challenge would be to flip you and get you back in the sack. His motive is he wants to have sex with you again. That is his motive. He isn't interesting or complex. In fact he is quite ordinary and has one focus. Sex. That is it.
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You're analyzing it waaaayyyy to much. It doesn't matter if you had set his house on fire. It wouldn't stop him from seeing if he can still score with you. Because to people like him, it's not nearly that deep and the sex door is never closed. What would it cost him to chat you up again? Nothing!, the worst you'll do is say no and he'll move on to the next girl. But there is *always* the chance that you'll say yes. So you see, he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. You may not always get what you want, but if you don't ask for it, how will you ever know if you can get it or not? Personally, I admire his guts.
Author brenda collins Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 You are all so right.. I just cant help thinking that maybe he is being honest.I have no prrof he had a gf the entire time.. only a wikipedia entry.. Although as soon as i confronted him he admitted he was back with her and he had been texting me the week before and we had slept together a week before that... He claims he did not though and sticks by that... i just dont know what is true and what isnt and if im honest with myself and with u guys the worst part is i am still crazy about him even though i know i shouldnt be.. Iv been fighting these feelings for months and they wont go away
Trialbyfire Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You want to believe that he wants you first, that he's changed. Okay, then go for it. Try it and see what happens. I think you're headed for a boatload of pain, if you go for it. Something's telling you to question his motivations on LS. Otherwise, you'd already be banging him.
Agoraphobianebula Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 You want to believe that he wants you first, that he's changed. Okay, then go for it. Try it and see what happens. I think you're headed for a boatload of pain, if you go for it. Something's telling you to question his motivations on LS. Otherwise, you'd already be banging him. Trialbyfire is so right. I know it's an irresistible ego stroke to think that he wants you back and you want to rationalize his motives and actions just to fit in with that thought. But you have to realize that a person who genuinely wants you back will approach you in a more honorable way, not random texts and showing up at your store. Don't fall for the b.s., you will just end up getting burned again. Been there, sister.
loveslife Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Ya know, it's okay to have feelings for someone and to also know that you shouldn't get involved with them.
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