cognac Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Well to make a long story short I met a girl and we hit it off pretty good , but she finally dropped the bomb that she had a boyfriend she was living with. She offered to dump him for me, but I told her not to because I didn't want her to be homeless or have to move back in with her parents over me. Once in a while she hints that she is planning to move out of her boyfriends apartmentAfter this things have been rather hot and cold. She used to text message me every day , now she barely responds to mine. I offered to hang out with her on the weekend and she flaked on me. She totally ignores me on the weekends and only contacts me to talk about doing schoolwork together. into her own place. She says she "loves me" in a very nonchalant way, such as when I do nice things for her. We are pretty much two peas in a pod when I see her at school, and the other day I was deeply moved when she gently stroked my hair and gave me a kiss. I think I am starting to develop hard feelings for this girl. She has been a little nasty as of late though . Where is this going? Do you think it will happen once she moves into her own place? Very confused here.
Author cognac Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 bump. I have another girl i am interested in but much less so, should I wait for this one or go after the other one?
Devil Inside Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Do not put your life on hold for a woman that is attached. Why would you? Go date this other woman.
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 She has a bf and she's living with him. Move on. Don't wait around for "what ifs"
Mixitup123 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Think of the poor guy at home not knowing anything about you or the true her! I feel sorry for him..do you want that to be you in a few months time!
Author cognac Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Think of the poor guy at home not knowing anything about you or the true her! I feel sorry for him..do you want that to be you in a few months time! We haven't done anything intimate, not even kissing, because she told me it goes against her morals. I tried to convince her to cheat on him ( I know im a dirtbag) but she wouldn't budge, she is a solid person. I would date the other woman immediatly, if this girl wasn't pretty much perfect for me. She completes my sentences, reads my mind, and we get along TOO well, we are TOO similar. It's scary how perfect we get along. I just can't move on, and she confessed she was deeply into me too. Does anyone here have an argument for waiting, do you think she may be moving out of her boyfriends place to be with me?
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 We haven't done anything intimate, not even kissing, because she told me it goes against her morals. I tried to convince her to cheat on him ( I know im a dirtbag) but she wouldn't budge, she is a solid person. I would date the other woman immediatly, if this girl wasn't pretty much perfect for me. She completes my sentences, reads my mind, and we get along TOO well, we are TOO similar. It's scary how perfect we get along. I just can't move on, and she confessed she was deeply into me too. Does anyone here have an argument for waiting, do you think she may be moving out of her boyfriends place to be with me? Sorry, but she's not that solid to have the relationship with you that she does (regardless of lack of physical) while still dating someone else. Yes, I said it: she's a scumbag.
Author cognac Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Sorry, but she's not that solid to have the relationship with you that she does (regardless of lack of physical) while still dating someone else. Yes, I said it: she's a scumbag. Well she's been beating herself up over it and said she hadn't met a guy like me (who she claims likes to talk, has interesting things to say, etc) in 3 years. She said she got with her current boyfriend out of extreme loneliness but that he's not very intelligent and only cares about sports. This kind of thing happens. And seeing just how eerily similar we are, i don't blame her. If you could see how much in common we have, we are literally soulmates, you would understand my point of view. It isn't just some girl cheating on her boyfriend with a guy who is taller and more muscular, we actually have a real connection.
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Well she's been beating herself up over it and said she hadn't met a guy like me (who she claims likes to talk, has interesting things to say, etc) in 3 years. She said she got with her current boyfriend out of extreme loneliness but that he's not very intelligent and only cares about sports. This kind of thing happens. And seeing just how eerily similar we are, i don't blame her. If you could see how much in common we have, we are literally soulmates, you would understand my point of view. It isn't just some girl cheating on her boyfriend with a guy who is taller and more muscular, we actually have a real connection. I would see your point of view if she was actually doing something about this situation besides blabbing about it.
Author cognac Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I would see your point of view if she was actually doing something about this situation besides blabbing about it. It's hard to tell. I guess I'm going to just have to forget about her. What a shame. She has stopped responding to me and i haven't had any communication with her in 3 days. Guess that's it.
Mixitup123 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Tell her (if you will) you would like to get to know her more, when she has finished with her bf and moved out of their apartment, and when she is ready. Has it occurred to you she may not be happy in her relationship and is looking for an easy way out..and do you think it would be wise for her especially to jump in to another relationship straight after finishing, what sounds like a long term committed relationship? she would be confused, upset on the rebound and have emotions to deal with..unless she is made of stone! do you really want all that on your shoulders too?
Roxanna Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 It's hard to tell. I guess I'm going to just have to forget about her. What a shame. She has stopped responding to me and i haven't had any communication with her in 3 days. Guess that's it. If I were you, and I felt this strongly about her, realistically (since it's much easier to say forget her) what I would do is simply tell her: hey, I like you. If and when you break up with your bf and get yourself into a different living situation, give me a call. We'll go out on a date. And then leave her be. Date other people. And if you get that phone call, great, and maybe it was meant to be and she's your soulmate* *disclaimer: I don't believe in "meant to be" and "soulmates"
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 You are being used. I'd jet. Go date the other girl - you may decide she's a lot better, anyway.
Lucky_One Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 How is she going to "move into her own place"? You already said that she would be either homeless or live with her parents if she moved out of her BF's house. And she's a student. Where is the funding for her own place going to come from?
EricaH329 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Maybe you should try looking at this situation in a different light. You are saying how wonderful and great and perfect this girl is for you. How she finishes your sentances and whatnot. Do you honestly think that if she felt the same exact way about you, that she would continue to be with her boyfriend?? I know that if I met a man that was absolutely perfect for me in every way, nothing would hold me back. Just a thought.
Author cognac Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 How is she going to "move into her own place"? You already said that she would be either homeless or live with her parents if she moved out of her BF's house. And she's a student. Where is the funding for her own place going to come from? Well she has a few debts to pay off so I told her that her current living situation made the most sense. She has a pretty good job despite being a student (twice a week). You are being used. I'd jet. Go date the other girl - you may decide she's a lot better, anyway.[/Quote] How is she using me? I have no car, money ,or anything to take LOL.
boogieboy Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Maybe you should try looking at this situation in a different light. You are saying how wonderful and great and perfect this girl is for you. How she finishes your sentances and whatnot. Do you honestly think that if she felt the same exact way about you, that she would continue to be with her boyfriend?? I know that if I met a man that was absolutely perfect for me in every way, nothing would hold me back. Just a thought. You missed his first post where she told him shed move out and break up with her bf to be with him, but he told her not to. Cognac, she sounds like the married men who tell their mistresses that they will leave their wives, but never really do. I think this girl is doing that to you. Theres alot of women who heavily flirt like your girl does because their bf's arent giving them enough attention. So she is using you.
Author cognac Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 You missed his first post where she told him shed move out and break up with her bf to be with him, but he told her not to. Cognac, she sounds like the married men who tell their mistresses that they will leave their wives, but never really do. I think this girl is doing that to you. Theres alot of women who heavily flirt like your girl does because their bf's arent giving them enough attention. So she is using you. I've been playing it kind of cool thus far, I haven't asked her to do anything. Every step she has taken has not only been without my advice, but AGAINST it! At first I thought it would be too much trouble for a girl but now I am starting to like her a lot. I'm just going to go with the flow until our class is over then she's going to have to take it from there. I told her I was not ready for a relationship but I was open to being intimate with her when she told me how she felt about me. She told me she would not be intimate with me unless we were in a relationship together She has been hinting that in the next month she will be moving to her own apartment. She doesn't say it's for me, she claims she can't get any school work done in her boyfriends apartment but I Have a feeling it has maybe a little bit to do with her wanting to be with me (wishful thinking or does that make sense? ).
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 How is she using me? I have no car, money ,or anything to take LOL. Being used doesn't always involve material things. Look around for "emotional tampon." Carhill is good at explaining this phenomenon.
Author cognac Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 Being used doesn't always involve material things. Look around for "emotional tampon." Carhill is good at explaining this phenomenon. It's kind of hard to convey the reality of situation on the internet, but let me just state that I am about as far away from emotional tampon as possible. When she first confessed how she felt about me and that she had a boyfriend, I told her that I wasn't going to get into a relationship with her and that I was open to being "Friends with benefits" only if she could seperate emotions from sexual activity. I have made it pretty clear to her im nobody's b*tch and that I have enough friends.
tryagaintoday Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 wow, cognac. I was in the shoe of the "bf" in your situation. But at least I can see that you're not a total scumbag. So pls be even more selfless by telling her to be open and communicate with her bf. Get her to talk to her boyfriend and share the problems. Let them try to work it out themselves, then leave them be for a period of time and you don't wait around for her. Pls don't confuse her further or emotionally blackmail her. If she had done all these and she still come to you, then I think both you and her are meant for each other and I believe you can last. If she just up and run away with you, or cheat or do some other things that cowards do. And you accept these actions. Well, I believe the same thing will happen just with a new cast of characters now. (Disclaimer: As you can tell, I just came off on the receiving end of such situation so I may still be a little unstable. Take what I said with a pinch of salt)
Author cognac Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Update: The girl who I wanted to date as an alternative, you guessed, also has a boyfriend! Life is very funny, particularly women. And by funny, I mean incredibly angering and stupid. Seems like every single woman in america is either too picky to date me, or already had a boyfriend. And so I go on, 20 years old and never had a GF, the only thing life is teaching me is to be more and more bitter about women.
fatamus Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 Sorry, but she's not that solid to have the relationship with you that she does (regardless of lack of physical) while still dating someone else. Yes, I said it: she's a scumbag. Nailed it.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 This isn't a weird situation at all. It's commonplace, in fact. Girl is not getting enough love and affection from boy at home, so instead of buckling down and working on the relationship or having the strength to leave and be on her own, she seeks supplementary attention from an outside dude who will fill in the gaps, stringing him along with the hint of getting more from her. He hangs on until he finally wises up, and then she moves on to another guy. I would date the other woman immediatly, if this girl wasn't pretty much perfect for me. She completes my sentences, reads my mind, and we get along TOO well, we are TOO similar. It's scary how perfect we get along. I just can't move on, and she confessed she was deeply into me too. It's easy to say someone is perfect for you when she is out of reach, and it's easy for her to participate in this charade as well to get what she wants. If you were with her, you would see her weaknesses and foibles and realize that no one is perfect. She is somewhat sneaking around on her man, and she doesn't have the spine to do the right thing. She's not a catch. Definitely move on, immediately. And don't be surprised if her interest increases once you're unavailable. Keep her away. She's a waste of your time, no matter how this plays out.
Author cognac Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Thanks for the advice Ruby, that's probably the right way to go about it. She recently told me she was going to invite me to her apartment when her boyfriend is not home to drink and watch a movie. I know i shouldn't do it, but I will anyway because i am an idiot. I have just never had the experience of liking a girl a lot and her liking me back. It's usually one way or another, while it's not the right thing to do , i'm going to play along with caution. I don't know when I will meet a girl like this one ever again and she pretty much begged me with her heart and soul into sticking around when I threatened to cut off contact with her , so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts, que sera sera.
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