DoMiNo1 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 This is my first time posting on these forums, hello everyone. Last weekend I went out to the club with some friends, and started dancing with this girl (that I've known for a while). We were both completely wasted, and what started as an innocent dance ended up to the point where we both started kissing. And what are the chances that at that EXACT moment, my girlfriend and her friends walked into that very club and saw us (we were by the front door)... Needless to say she flipped out and broke up with me on the spot, but after sleeping on it she still wants to work it out. But... I'm not sure If I want to, and before I respond to her I want to make sure I'm acting on logic and reason - rather than emotion. I've been doing some deep introspection, and I've come to the following conclusions: 1. I don't "love" her as much as I thought I did - otherwise I wouldn't have cheated. 2. The relationship should never have been started. Her parents are Hindu and we both knew we would have to break up eventually or they'd disown her when they found out about me. But we had so much chemistry we just said **** it, lets just have fun, not get attached, and take it one day at a time. 3. It's REALLY really hard to stay faithful to someone you know you have a 0% chance of marrying. I care a lot about this girl, and I feel like **** for what I did... Seeing her break down and cry felt like someone stuck a knife in my chest and started twisting it Now I'm torn - I really want to stay and make her happy again - just to make up for all the pain I just caused her. But in the back of my mind I'm thinking that If I care about this girl, I need to end it all now. There's no use continuing a dead-end relationship I can't fully commit to - no matter how much we like each other. I don't know...
samsungxoxo Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Yes it seem like a dead relationship. You stated that you don't love her as much as you thought before so there's your answer. It's not gonna work out. Plus you want marriage in the future but you not feeling like that with her. My guess is that yes if there are too much differences then you shouldn't be with her. If you want to work it out with her, do it for the right reasons and not just because she wants to.
Dark-Farmer Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 i know you screwed up but ultimatum her. Say you a sorry to no end, but you felt trapped. That you will work things out but he have a feeling this is a dead end, that nothing can ever happen, see if she can change that.
New_Life08 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 i know you screwed up but ultimatum her. Say you a sorry to no end, but you felt trapped. That you will work things out but he have a feeling this is a dead end, that nothing can ever happen, see if she can change that. This is one way...but if you use it make 120% sure you are willing to let her go. Because chances are that is what she will do.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 This is my first time posting on these forums, hello everyone. Last weekend I went out to the club with some friends, and started dancing with this girl (that I've known for a while). We were both completely wasted, and what started as an innocent dance ended up to the point where we both started kissing. And what are the chances that at that EXACT moment, my girlfriend and her friends walked into that very club and saw us (we were by the front door)... Needless to say she flipped out and broke up with me on the spot, but after sleeping on it she still wants to work it out. she is being foolish. she is hurt and desperate to try to hold on to someone not worth holding on to. don't know why people do this. But... I'm not sure If I want to, and before I respond to her I want to make sure I'm acting on logic and reason - rather than emotion. You shouldn't want to either. You should want to break it off. Why? because she deserves better and you would end up in a relationship where one of you has cheated....and that someone is you. I wouldn't gather I could look someone in the face after cheating on them. I've been doing some deep introspection, and I've come to the following conclusions: 1. I don't "love" her as much as I thought I did - otherwise I wouldn't have cheated. case closed.... break up with her then. 2. The relationship should never have been started. Her parents are Hindu and we both knew we would have to break up eventually or they'd disown her when they found out about me. But we had so much chemistry we just said **** it, lets just have fun, not get attached, and take it one day at a time. so rather than break up with her, you cheat on her. nice. 3. It's REALLY really hard to stay faithful to someone you know you have a 0% chance of marrying. no, its really hard to stay faithful when its not in your character to stay faithful. Now I'm torn - I really want to stay and make her happy again - just to make up for all the pain I just caused her. you want to make up for the pain you caused her? then break up. better she starts her healing now rather than deal with you cheating again later.
stace79 Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 I vote for breaking it off. You will be doing her a favor in the long run, and lord knows you owe her after cheating on her.
tryagaintoday Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 OP, why do you say you don't know when you already know? Why are you asking for affirmation when you have already decided what to do? Just so that we can be the one to make the decision for you? And you can live in the comfort of not being the person whom made the choice? Well, if you trust us so much, then listen to us and break it off. Deep within you, you know it's true as well. Apologised if I come off as crude.
Author DoMiNo1 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 you want to make up for the pain you caused her? then break up. better she starts her healing now rather than deal with you cheating again later. It's not that easy when I KNOW she will completely break down if I break up with her. She will see it as I betrayed her trust, and then on top of that, tossed her to the side and went my separate way. She's already trashed my house as it is, I can't imagine what she'll do if I end it.
Author DoMiNo1 Posted September 30, 2009 Author Posted September 30, 2009 OP, why do you say you don't know when you already know? Why are you asking for affirmation when you have already decided what to do? Just so that we can be the one to make the decision for you? And you can live in the comfort of not being the person whom made the choice? I don't care about the effects of this decision on ME. I don't need any comforting, I'm willing to live with the guilt. I'm just worried about the effects of this decision on HER, I want to choose what's best for her at this point. And at this point she wants me to STAY and fix what I did. She even wants to go to the club and make me WATCH her make out with another guy so I can "feel her pain" Apologised if I come off as crude. It's cool
stace79 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I don't care about the effects of this decision on ME. I don't need any comforting, I'm willing to live with the guilt. I'm just worried about the effects of this decision on HER, I want to choose what's best for her at this point. And at this point she wants me to STAY and fix what I did. She even wants to go to the club and make me WATCH her make out with another guy so I can "feel her pain" It's cool Okay, that's just sick, on her part. You are not her caretaker... If you don't want to be with this girl anymore, you can't change that. You were wrong in cheating, but you shouldn't stay with someone because you're afraid of their mental capacity. You need to break it off with her and then let her figure out her emotions with friends or family or even a counselor. Besides, if you don't want to be with her anymore, watching her make out with another guy isn't going to make you feel anything.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 It's not that easy when I KNOW she will completely break down if I break up with her. well you cheated on her, so why do you really care? by staying with her all you are doing is prolonging her pain, putting a bigger heartache on layaway, and wasting more of her time. She will see it as I betrayed her trust, and then on top of that, tossed her to the side and went my separate way. you don't love her, you don't want to marry her, you want to have sex with other women/girls.....staying with her would be cruel. I think the real thing here is, you don't want to face the music. You don't want to be a man and face her, and do what needs to be done. Man up! You had the balls to cheat on her, have the balls to do right by her and break it off, NOW. She's already trashed my house as it is, I can't imagine what she'll do if I end it. you made this bed, now lie in it and grow a set. Be a man, if that is at all possible.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I don't care about the effects of this decision on ME. I don't need any comforting, I'm willing to live with the guilt. I'm just worried about the effects of this decision on HER and were you worried about the effects on her when you were ejaculating in, on, or with another woman? I want to choose what's best for her at this point. its breaking it off. what is best for her is you GONE. And at this point she wants me to STAY and fix what I did. She even wants to go to the club and make me WATCH her make out with another guy so I can "feel her pain" There is no fixing of what you did. you have NO INTENTION of staying with her, you said it yourself, there is 0% chance of marrying her. She is desperate, hurt, not thinking clearly, and she does NOT know what is best for her right now. You have mentally abused her by cheating on her. So what you gonna do? Stay with her, continue to cheat, waste her time that she could be finding someone decent, and then drop a huge bomb on her later after she THINKS things are ok? She needs to start healing now. And the way that is go happen is for you to be out of her life.
stace79 Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 and were you worried about the effects on her when you were ejaculating in, on, or with another woman? There is no fixing of what you did. you have NO INTENTION of staying with her, you said it yourself, there is 0% chance of marrying her. She is desperate, hurt, not thinking clearly, and she does NOT know what is best for her right now. You have mentally abused her by cheating on her. So what you gonna do? Stay with her, continue to cheat, waste her time that she could be finding someone decent, and then drop a huge bomb on her later after she THINKS things are ok? She needs to start healing now. And the way that is go happen is for you to be out of her life. I get that you're totally adamant and unforgiving about any kind of cheating, but your first statement is pretty harsh. He didn't sleep with someone else -- he got caught kissing a girl in a club. Yes, he cheated either way, but I think you're statement was a bit out of line.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 I get that you're totally adamant and unforgiving about any kind of cheating, but your first statement is pretty harsh. He didn't sleep with someone else -- he got caught kissing a girl in a club. Yes, he cheated either way, but I think you're statement was a bit out of line. yes, kissing, not sex. Thanks for the reminder. but what I said was in no way out of line with regards to the rest. He has no intention of staying with her, only wants to prolong her pain and as I said, put the d-day on layaway. he shouldn't be giving her a false hope by staying with her and wasting more of her time. She needs to heal now. He was man enough to cheat, he needs to be man enough to break it off.
Author DoMiNo1 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 I think the real thing here is, you don't want to face the music. You don't want to be a man and face her, and do what needs to be done. Man up! You had the balls to cheat on her, have the balls to do right by her and break it off, NOW. you made this bed, now lie in it and grow a set. Be a man, if that is at all possible. NO, sorry, but you are dead wrong. Ending it now would be the EASY way out. "Growing a set" would involve owning up to my mistake, accepting responsibility, facing the consequences, showing her im truly sorry, trying my best to make it up to her, putting up with her semi-violent outbreaks, and putting up with her friends harrassing me on a DAILY basis now. THAT... takes balls. Part of me would love to say who cares **** you all I'm gone, and take the easy way out... But I'm not. and were you worried about the effects on her when you were ejaculating in, on, or with another woman? Maybe you should read the post before you respond to it. I didn't have sex with another chick - never have never will. We kissed at a club.
Author DoMiNo1 Posted October 1, 2009 Author Posted October 1, 2009 Okay, that's just sick, on her part. You are not her caretaker... If you don't want to be with this girl anymore, you can't change that. You were wrong in cheating, but you shouldn't stay with someone because you're afraid of their mental capacity. You need to break it off with her and then let her figure out her emotions with friends or family or even a counselor. Besides, if you don't want to be with her anymore, watching her make out with another guy isn't going to make you feel anything. Maybe I should... She just made out with some random guy when she went out last night I think its best if I sleep on this a few more days, I think its too early and I might make a decision I'll regret
samsungxoxo Posted October 1, 2009 Posted October 1, 2009 If you don't want to be with her no more, then break up. It's clearly she's not mentally stable. What self-respecting person would keep going with the idea of letting their SO's watch them cheating or become co-dependant with the one who cheated? Sounds like this girl doesn't have self-esteem nor self-respect, little backbone if possible. Do you really want to settle for a girl like that who can't put you in your place???? Besides you said it yourself, that you only care and like her, not love her. So there's the answer, break up and if she goes crazy on you afterwards or gets emotional then it's not your fault. Let the therapist/psychologists deal with her. You're not her guardian.
Author DoMiNo1 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Posted October 2, 2009 btw how old are you guys? im 23 n shes 24
Dexter Morgan Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 NO, sorry, but you are dead wrong. Ending it now would be the EASY way out. for who? You? I know you think it is, but this isn't about you, its now about what is best for her. I am "dead wrong" because you don't want to be a man. "Growing a set" would involve owning up to my mistake, accepting responsibility, facing the consequences, showing her im truly sorry, trying my best to make it up to her MAKE WHAT UP TO HER??? You already said there is 0% chance of ever getting married and that she is the wrong person for you. You have NO intentions of being with her long term. So what is to make up? What??, you gonna make up knowing that you will end up dumping her later? putting up with her semi-violent outbreaks oh, YOU are the one putting up here...sorry, I didn't know YOU were the victim here. THAT... takes balls. no, what really takes balls is to do what REALLY needs to be done and that is to set her free. It doesn't take balls to sit there and take it. You have no choice about that. Part of me would love to say who cares **** you all I'm gone, and take the easy way out... But I'm not. Yes, you are. staying and not facing the real music is the easy way out. And I've got another one for you, if you no you have no intention of staying with her, and only want to "make it up to her" to get her off your back until the day comes YOU THINK she is strong enough to handle it, then you are mentally abusing her. You would be giving her false hope only to ditch her later. Maybe you should read the post before you respond to it. I didn't have sex with another chick - never have never will. We kissed at a club. yup, and if you would read, you'd see that I acknowledged that. but it doesn't matter...sex, kissing...whatever. Bottom line. you cheated on her, made excuses for it because there is "0% chance" of ever getting married, and are only staying with her because you are not man enough to do the right thing and set her free. Quit wasting this poor girl's time and let her move on and begin to heal.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Is it really that much harder to type the "a" and the "d" of and? I care a lot about this girl, and I feel like **** for what I did... Seeing her break down and cry felt like someone stuck a knife in my chest and started twisting it No one cares how you feel. You cheated. Your knife wound is like a chainsaw to her. Anyway, I think you should break up. You're more envovled with yourself then respecting someone else at this point in your life.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 What's best for her is you being honest with her. Yes, she'll cry, yes, it'll hurt, but heck, be a man and do what you have to do. You'll do it sooner or later. You don't want to be in this R, you've said as much. She wants to cling on to this dream of you both, maybe because she's desperate or got certain issues, and you're letting her. That's cruel. If I were her, I'd want to know the truth. I'd want you to be with me because you wanted to be, not because you feared I'd act irrational and whatnot. You're with her out of pity, at worst, out of fear, at best. It doesn't work in that you make amends by staying until she's happy, putting up with her crap (and her putting up with yours) then you can say 'oh look mission accomplished, forgiven, bye.' Is that right? Is that fair? How's that not easy for you? It's easier to bury your head in the sand, than it is to actually confess how you feel, and leave the R for the benefit of BOTH of you. You DON'T love her, so what's the point? People can make an R, an M work after infidelity, sure they can, if both parties want it enough, and love each other, but if only one party wants it, and the other stays out of guilt, then there's 0% chance of it working. You have the answers already, it's what you CHOOSE to do with them that counts.
Recommended Posts