bluewolf17 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]:love:[/FONT] I know these are rare. I know that IF a reconciliation works, most folk don't come back to LS to talk about it-so I thought I would share my story. In doing this, I know I run the risk of certain posters saying that I am giving false hope to people in doomed relationships. I am not trying to do that. I am just telling my story. My ex and I broke up in Feb/09. We were together 3.5 years. I am 26 and he is 27. I broke up with him due to lifestyle issues (his lack of drive, irresponsibility..et). But I regretted it soon after. I tried unsuccessfully to get him back for months and months. I did everything. I wrote letters, emails, cried, begged. Tried being friends. It was like he didn't want to hear it. He would tell me how much he cared for me, but that he wasn't ready. I spent a lot of time on LS trying to figure out what every text and call meant. He and I would try to be friends ,but I was so hurt over the break up, I would just act like a nut. We would go out and have a good time (as friends) and then I would call him a couple days later, asking why he didn't want me back, and then going NC to weeks at a time. It wasn't until I actually let him go, that things changed. I went to Europe. I stopped fretting over him. I stopped calling him. I stopped returning his calls. I wasn't "TRYING" to go NC, I just did. I was getting over him and realizing my life would go on as planned. Strange things happen. When you break up, you grow. You realize you will live, you make plans with friends, and you start enjoying your life. All of a sudden, he was calling me. Just to catch up. I didn't really think anything of it, and kept things pretty short and brief. Then he asked me out about 3 weeks ago. We went out, and had a good time, and I didn't think much of it. Then he asked me out again, and again. Soon enough he was calling me everyday. Last night we finally had the talk. He told me how hurt he was when I left, and the reason he kept me "stringing along" all this time, was because he wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted. He said he couldn't handle me leaving again. He corrected the issues we had and I corrected mine. He told me how much he missed me, and that he kept in contact with me, because he loved me and missed me. He said he just had to know that I felt the same, and this wasn't just me second guessing my reason to break up with him. He told me how it's always been me, that he wants to marry me, that the past 7 months have been hell. The weird thing is I saw this all coming. I knew about 2 weeks ago that he wanted me back. I could tell by how he acted. He started calling me nicknames, he kept asking me out, he started calling me at work. And I didn't rush it. I am excited, of course, but we are taking it slow. But so far, it's great! I will continue to post here on LS, because, well, I have a boring job and I like the distraction. So I hope folks will be happy for me, and I want to thank everyone that responded to my posts before. Bluewolf17
hoping2heal Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]:love:[/FONT] I know these are rare. I know that IF a reconciliation works, most folk don't come back to LS to talk about it-so I thought I would share my story. In doing this, I know I run the risk of certain posters saying that I am giving false hope to people in doomed relationships. I am not trying to do that. I am just telling my story. My ex and I broke up in Feb/09. We were together 3.5 years. I am 26 and he is 27. I broke up with him due to lifestyle issues (his lack of drive, irresponsibility..et). But I regretted it soon after. I tried unsuccessfully to get him back for months and months. I did everything. I wrote letters, emails, cried, begged. Tried being friends. It was like he didn't want to hear it. He would tell me how much he cared for me, but that he wasn't ready. I spent a lot of time on LS trying to figure out what every text and call meant. He and I would try to be friends ,but I was so hurt over the break up, I would just act like a nut. We would go out and have a good time (as friends) and then I would call him a couple days later, asking why he didn't want me back, and then going NC to weeks at a time. It wasn't until I actually let him go, that things changed. I went to Europe. I stopped fretting over him. I stopped calling him. I stopped returning his calls. I wasn't "TRYING" to go NC, I just did. I was getting over him and realizing my life would go on as planned. Strange things happen. When you break up, you grow. You realize you will live, you make plans with friends, and you start enjoying your life. All of a sudden, he was calling me. Just to catch up. I didn't really think anything of it, and kept things pretty short and brief. Then he asked me out about 3 weeks ago. We went out, and had a good time, and I didn't think much of it. Then he asked me out again, and again. Soon enough he was calling me everyday. Last night we finally had the talk. He told me how hurt he was when I left, and the reason he kept me "stringing along" all this time, was because he wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted. He said he couldn't handle me leaving again. He corrected the issues we had and I corrected mine. He told me how much he missed me, and that he kept in contact with me, because he loved me and missed me. He said he just had to know that I felt the same, and this wasn't just me second guessing my reason to break up with him. He told me how it's always been me, that he wants to marry me, that the past 7 months have been hell. The weird thing is I saw this all coming. I knew about 2 weeks ago that he wanted me back. I could tell by how he acted. He started calling me nicknames, he kept asking me out, he started calling me at work. And I didn't rush it. I am excited, of course, but we are taking it slow. But so far, it's great! I will continue to post here on LS, because, well, I have a boring job and I like the distraction. So I hope folks will be happy for me, and I want to thank everyone that responded to my posts before. Bluewolf17 Ty for sharing your story with us I am happy for you .
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I am SO happy for you. Yes reconciliation may be rare but not as rare as people think. People can't pre-meditate or make assumptions about life. Life just happens. You did the best thing by letting go. If you let go of something, only then can it come back to you. If you trap it or harrass it, it won't return. I am so happy you have learnt what you needed to and I truly hope it can work out for the best, and if it doesn't, at least you had that second shot! Congratulations
Author bluewolf17 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you Nikki & Hoping2heal!
mickleb Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Best of luck to you both, bluewolf. It's lovely to hear good news! Keep posting as and when you need to. x
Exit Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Congrats! Letting go seems to be the only way.
icyness Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 That is really great! Very happy for you bluewolf; best of luck to you. xo
hoping2heal Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 !!!! Just an after thought to address, I was thinking about it and you broke up with him right? Because of some behavior on his part? He should be made aware that the same behavior that drove you two apart the first time needs to be reconciled. I find it odd that he was in the wrong, and yet he made YOU suffer the consequences. I'd make sure to get that cleared up pronto, you don't want to re inforce the idea that HE can screw up, and make YOU pay for it. That just let's him shake off his responsibilities in the relationship, and you don't want that.
cabarc1 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Bluewolf i'm so happy for you! I was always intrigued by ur story because it was identical to mine! My ex came back a few months later but didn't feel right so i completely let him go. 3 months went by and i ended up at the hospital he works at for ten days. He came and saw me every night and was hugging and kissing on me. We went back to NC once i left but he told me that he loved me and that he keeps an open mind about us. I hurt him and i can understand that. I know it hurts being told its over but it is such torture leaving doors open cause u sit around hoping. Ah well, i'm doing my thing, and if we are meant to be, it will happen. Glad u got ur man back though!
Author bluewolf17 Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Hoping2heal, It's not as black and white as that. After we broke up, he did fix the things I had issues with. He went back to school full time right after we broke up. He got a job he LOVES, and he is handling a medical issue he has. I broke up with him without really letting him know how much I was bothered by it. I DIDN'T COMMUNICATE with him my unhappieness. This is what I had to work on. He had no idea how I felt until I ended it. He worked on it and now things are much better. And we both suffered
hoping2heal Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 Hoping2heal, It's not as black and white as that. After we broke up, he did fix the things I had issues with. He went back to school full time right after we broke up. He got a job he LOVES, and he is handling a medical issue he has. I broke up with him without really letting him know how much I was bothered by it. I DIDN'T COMMUNICATE with him my unhappieness. This is what I had to work on. He had no idea how I felt until I ended it. He worked on it and now things are much better. And we both suffered Well, it looks like the suffering wasn't for nothing if it brought you two back together . Okay, I'm glad you were both able to take some time to see what could be improved in the relationship and are doing that.
Author bluewolf17 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Thank you! I can't tell you how nice it is to have him back. The 7 months apart really made me realize what I had taken for granted. Today he sent me flowers at work...:love:
quarterlifecrisis Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Bluwolf17, First off, congratulations! Your story is inspiring. Now I have some questions because I'm hoping you can offer me some perspective: - how long did you guys engage in LC after the breakup? - how long did you engage in NC finally before he approached you? - did he date other girls in this period? did you date any guys? I'm in a situation where I initiated the split by not being ready to commit, and now regret the situation. She forced herself to move on and has found a new guy that is ready to give her what she wants. I'm afraid that my chances are really slim, but a part of me is still holding out that given enough time, that relationship will burn out and she will have had enough time to drop her bitterness for me. Then maybe, just maybe, I have a chance of gradual reconciliation. I'm currently less than a month in with NC and still a mess, so it's certainly too soon, but would love your insight.
Treasa Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 Blue, I KNEW IT! I've been reading all your posts for quite a while now, and I said to myself, "All she needs to do is let go completely and he's going to realize it and come back." Congratulations!! I knew yours would be a success story. Mine is too, but I don't post it often. Now make sure that that boy takes good care of you.
Author bluewolf17 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 Bluwolf17, First off, congratulations! Your story is inspiring. Now I have some questions because I'm hoping you can offer me some perspective: - how long did you guys engage in LC after the breakup? - how long did you engage in NC finally before he approached you? - did he date other girls in this period? did you date any guys? I'm in a situation where I initiated the split by not being ready to commit, and now regret the situation. She forced herself to move on and has found a new guy that is ready to give her what she wants. I'm afraid that my chances are really slim, but a part of me is still holding out that given enough time, that relationship will burn out and she will have had enough time to drop her bitterness for me. Then maybe, just maybe, I have a chance of gradual reconciliation. I'm currently less than a month in with NC and still a mess, so it's certainly too soon, but would love your insight. Hi there, I am sorry to see about your situation. I can say that you won't find insight into your situation, by looking at mine. You have to view each situation, unto itself. That being said, I went NC with him three times, in 7 months. 3-4 weeks at a time. He would only contact me first. Send me an email, or a text just saying hi. If I responded, he would want to see me and hang out, but nothing would have changed. He would still not want me back. It wasn't until I just let him go and gave up, did he start coming around. He didn't date anyone else. I went on a few dates. If you have already told her that you want to commit (and you truly do) then make sure she knows, and leave it at that. You can't force someone to come back to you. There was nothing I did that made my ex want me back. He had to make the decision himself. If she doesn't feel that way about you anymore, then nothing can be done. All you can do is make sure she knows how you feel, and then walk away. She WILL let you know if she changes her mind. Best of luck!
mimiminx Posted September 29, 2009 Posted September 29, 2009 very happy for you Bluewolf... your last post is exactly where I am at, I told him how I feel and what I want, and now I'm walking away because he can't commit to reconciling...now I am letting go. What is your original thread that gives the details? Curious to read your story. Congratulations!
Author bluewolf17 Posted September 29, 2009 Author Posted September 29, 2009 very happy for you Bluewolf... your last post is exactly where I am at, I told him how I feel and what I want, and now I'm walking away because he can't commit to reconciling...now I am letting go. What is your original thread that gives the details? Curious to read your story. Congratulations! Thanks Minimax! You can find my first few posts by clicking on my avater, and going to "threads started by Bluewolf17). The first few threads there are all about it.
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